Missed offer- advice

[PinkChaires]

My DD missed her offer for the University of Manchester, which she was really hoping for, and she’s understandably very upset.
She does, however, have offers for Psychology at MMU, Leeds, Sheffield and Liverpool through clearing.
for many reasons she really wants to stay in Manchester and shes saying she will go to MMU. Its a tough pill to swallow given that she was a Law offer holder for UCL and UOM. Will it damage her career prospects? Any positives i can give her? Thanks

shes not exactly a young carer as i am the main one

Well I suppose there’s no other option than MMU then if living in Manchester is the only option. If she has a change of heart though I think Liverpool will be the best option because she can travel home easily at the weekends and it’s a fantastic university and course.

Liverpool is an easy commute. My son’s girlfriend read psychology there, standard was very high and competitive, it’s a very well respected setting. I may have misunderstood something but why did she apply for UCL if staying at home is the only option?

MMU has a strong Psychology department. Not sure why there is so much negativity here about it. She will thrive there.

If she’s regularly providing physical or emotional care for a sibling or parent then she definitely meets definition of young carer.
The fact you are saying she can’t leave home as you can’t manage without her she’s definitely a carer.
There is support for young carers through the local authority or charities like Bernardo’s and action for children.

You said the family would be on its knees without her so she is a young carer. Respectfully, this is not fair. You’re effectively tying her down for life - you need to do whatever it takes to let your daughter flourish and make her own way in the world. Keep calling social care for the help you need, but you’ll need to factor out your daughter in all this, she’s got her own life to live. There is support but it can be hard to get and even find, but your son needs a social worker and possibly you and your husband do too.

https://carers.org/about-caring/about-young-adult-carers

There are some links to support in Manchester on here.

She would still count as a young carer. TBH if a University doesn't even want to hear about special circumstances on the phone, I would not be confident at all that they would provide any kind of support for a student during their course. I thought MMU was fine too. She has so much to deal with, a ' lower ranked' uni with potentially better pastoral support in place is better than being in a pressured environment with no support.

And being accepted on ABC is a huge win - ordinarily i would be expecting Liverpool to require at least ABB

My son has a social worker, they dont do much. On paper shes not a young carer, as i am the recipient of carers allowance

University need to know she is a young carer, they can often be more lenient when applying, does she get PIP for her own problems as this would get her extra support & Disabled Students Allowance with a disability support worker. My ds is at Sheffield University & got accepted without A levels with a foundation year for Urban Studies & Planning, he was a young carer & is disabled.

She is supporting you, her father and her siblings. That's a young carer. You yourself have said the family would be on its knees without her. It's not a badge you have to earn given out by social services.

I don't mean to be harsh, but it does sound as though you are putting up barriers. Why would she have applied for universities outside of Manchester if she had no intention of going there?

But you said you are reliant on her - so much so she can’t leave home. So sounds to me like she’s caring for all of you, and you’re allowing it. You are not playing fair.

That doesn’t matter Op about her not claiming allowance. You can have more than one carer. It sounds like you’d really struggle if she came downstairs now and said good news Mum I’ve got a place in a city 3 hours away starting mid September. I’ll be home at Christmas.

It doesn’t matter, she lives in a home with a disabled person, she is a young carer. My two kids provide no practical help to me, I’m a wheelchair user with chronic pain and health issues, they’re not in receipt of any benefits etc but they’re still young carers. I’m fortunate enough to have funds for private care but I very much appreciate that their childhood has been different than it might have been.

@PinkChaires this is the saddest thread I have ever read on mumsnet. Your daughter has done fantastically well to achieve what she has so far, and you have to help her to forge her own life now. Her brother is not her responsibility, he is yours. You say you get carers allowance, ergo you have to do the caring. Also why on earth have you got a two year old when you are struggling with your son? You must see that all this is too much to put on an 18 year olds little shoulders.
Does your husband work? If not surely some of his benefits should be spent on help for the family.

As someone working in this area within a uni, she absolutely meets the criteria of young carer - shed get a bursary and extra support where I work

It doesnt matter in my eyes, it matters in the unis eyes though as she has no proof

A letter from your sons social worker outlining his issues would be fine for proof

I think mmu would give her more support anyway?

You seem to be set on ignoring a really key characteristic of your daughter’s life here. If MMU is what SHE wants then please do make them aware. She’d get ADDITIONAL support as a young carer. This could be vital to her success if she needs to continue to provide care.

Yes she shall be notifing them

This means that i rely on her for my two year old.
This means that i rely on her to help with care ith both her brother and mainly my two year old.
If she moves away though, the whole family would genuinely be on its knees.

As per your above words, of course she is a young carer. She doesn’t need to be a recipient of any benefits to be considered one. How old is she now? Has the local authority not done a young carers assessment? Has she ever had support from a charity in terms of managing the emotional and practical impact of carrying responsibilities that shouldn’t be hers to carry?

This isn't about you. This is about your DD having the opportunity to fulfil her potential. Presumably the pressure she is under at home would easily had an impact on her actual grades.

Does she have a teacher or tutor at school who could contact Manchester & make them aware of her circumstances?

Everything we've suggested, you've said "Yes, but..." Your home situation is a problem for you and your DH to deal with, not your 18 yo DD.

Would you show her this thread?

she herself has just said shes not moving.

if given a verbal offer on clearing are there any instances of it not being fufilled