How can I help my son feel better after graduating?

[Theworld0]

DS is graduating from Oxbridge this year. He had a rough final year and messed up one paper, so although he has ended up with a 2:1, he feels as if he has failed somehow.
He has a decent grad job lined up in London in a finance sort of area. It should be a good career and well paid once he gets through the professional exams, though not banking/consulting money.
He just seems really flat about everything. He’ll probably live at home at first to save money, but he’s worried he’ll feel isolated from his uni friends. A few friends might flatshare not too far from us, but if he joined them he’d barely save anything for the first year or two. And tbh may be too late for him to join in anyways.
He is also constantly rethinking everything. He had a consulting offer too, but knows really that it probably wasn’t the right fit for him — he gets anxious, doesn’t love self-promotion, and I don’t think brutal hours would suit him. But he still has that “what if?” feeling, especially as lots of friends are going into consulting, banking, etc.
He did economics and is going into a finance-type job, but his real interests have always been history, politics and international relations. He keeps wondering whether he should throw it all in and do a politics master’s or try to get into something more in that world.
I’m not sure what to say to him really. I don’t want to dismiss it, but I also think he’s tired and disappointed after finals and maybe not in the best frame of mind to make big life decisions. How do I help him feel a bit more positive and less like he’s already made the wrong choices?

I don’t know how long he has off u til he starts work. However, I think he should get outside and do something and get away from home completely. And by that I mean his uni mates who, if you say he has studied with the same cohort for ten years, are his childhood mates.

So, my suggestion is to buy an old banger of a camper van and go and get a job harvesting fruit and veges for a month or so. Activity, using his hands, sunshine, rain, independence, learning to make new friends, being paid piece rate means no work no pay so not a bad lesson to learn. It would be good for him. And he has the cushion of a bloody good job waiting for him.

He will come home a new man hopefully with respect for a part of his society he wouldn’t otherwise see.

He has suggested doing something a bit different. He’s had a lot of part time jobs/ internships but all office based. Not sure he’d cope with something quite that adventurous, not physically in shape at all nor done much practically. Maybe he may try find a summer job doing something practical though, will suggest it.

Plenty of young things who have never used a muscle before travelling around Australia using them.

https://hallhunter.com/fruit-picking-jobs-uk/#:~:text=Pay%20%26%20Hours%20of%20Work&text=In%202025%2C%20the%20average%20weekly,15.89%20(after%20April%202026).

I work with a lot of young people who have been told that finance is the career for them. You can instantly see how badly suited some of them are for it. But they've been told that's where the money is so they persist. It's a bit soul destroying to realise that these very privileged people who have the most ability to choose a really interesting career just opt for something so mundane.

My advice would be take the job and get the work experience under his belt, that will be invaluable. He can always then pivot to a different career or do his masters later. Since when has a 2:1 been seen to be a failure? My ex got a 3rd from Imperial and is top of his field. Young people seem to put themselves under ridiculous pressure these days.

He’s on a great position however it sounds like he’s gone down the path if what he thinks he should do in life rather than what he truly wants to do in life.

Im a sucker for the opinion of I’d rather earn less and live a simpler life and enjoy life and be happy with what I do rather than be in a job and lifestyle I hate just because it earns me more money.

How old is he? 20-21? He seems to be trying to have everything figured out by the time he's graduated. I didn't consider some of the things hes planned until I was early 30s. It's a lot of pressure to put on himself.

Encourage him to make the most of his summer before work starts. Not necessarily a job just enjoyment and meeting new people.

From my experience with friends/relatives Oxbridge is a pressure cooker and only a very select type of person leaves feeling good about themselves.

Reassure him that he doesn't have to have everything figured out. He's got a good 50 years ahead of him for trial and error in his career, it's a process. He's done fantastically well securing a job out of uni, give it a go. If it's not right then have a rethink.

Sounds like he just needs headspace, a bit of escapism from the pressure he's putting on himself and some fun!

My daugher is doing accountancy at Big 4. It’ is intense and the transformation from degree to Big 4 is tough. However you get seasoned to it. She is very artistic as well has having a largely Science background so not using any of her skills sets except the Maths background. She is now fully aware that the ACA plus other qualifications opens many doors to a huge variety of jobs. Initially she was not sure that she wanted to do tax but now she is mostly loving it and has no real desire to love once she is qualified. She got a first from a well regarded red brick but frankly, no one cares what you got or where you went once you are in. Many Big 4 partners have 2:1 some went to less prestigious universities. Ultimately like all professional relationships, it’s to do with how well you generate, cultivate ams maintain customer's relationships not whether you managed to write a slightly better essay at university. If you bring in the money - you are good) People realise the reality of university grades and they are only used at entry point not for future career progression. Once he has Big 4 experience he can go into eg M and A work etc

He should move in with friends and not worry about saving money at this point. Moving back home can feel very regressive and a bit depressing after uni years. He should be out there having fun and gaining independence.

She's much better off, as a woman, in tax than any other service line. In other lines she will be shunted along the non-equity partner route.

Firstly, this is only my perspective, and I realise many will find what I am about to say reckless and crazy.....

But I would say he is very young to be settling for a job purely because it makes sense financially.

You spend a horrendous number of hours working in your lifetime - surely it needs to be something you love and consider worthwhile.

I graduated from Oxford and was unusual among my peers as I went into teaching, rather than a job which paid particularly well.

I've never once regretted it. I'm not rich, but I have a career I am hugely proud of and that I have enjoyed almost every minute of .....

If your son is interested in politics and so on, surely now is the time to follow that dream, when he has no dependants etc, is still living at home?

I also think he needs time and a rest

I was also an Oxbridge graduate, although didn't have the lofty ambitions of your son, and by the time I left I was tired and drained from all the stress and pressure of constant deadlines and exams an Oxbridge degree involves.

Unless he's going into a very high pressure job environment (like Big4 or something where they crank up the pressure on grads to see who breaks), he'll probably find work a welcome change of pace. I loved the fact I turned up at 8ish, left at 5ish with the job done and a free evening. At uni, i was in lectures all day and doing tute work most evenings and weekends.

My dd has just graduated in Economics and has a finance role in one of the Investment banks and she is definitely had a bit of a wobble this week. So your ds is not alone
She is happy to be home but is just concerned about having to work at a grown up job .
Your ds is in an extremely fortunate position , not because of his Oxbridge degree but because he has a job to go to .
Dd has friends who have firsts in Economics/ Maths and they don’t have a job
Your ds is 21/22 as others said he can start the job give it a year and if he doesn’t like it he can do something else .
I don’t think he should rush to do a ‘Panic’ Masters which so many graduates are doing this year as he will just incur more debt on top of the debt for the degree .

Could he take a gap year. It sounds like he has worked and studied hard and maybe needs some adventure and fun in his life. Could he work somewhere (not office based) for 6 months and then travel for 6 months. Worth considering if his graduate job could defer him starting for a year.

@Busybeemumm There’s a huge risk of not getting another job if he does not take this one! He will get paid holidays and presumably isn’t starting next week!

Plus many young people do see a need to earn money! Getting a home costs money! Just having a rest and turning down a good job for a less demanding one seems very misguided in 2026. Times have changed since the last century when most walzed into a job. The best thing to do is engage with this job and gain experience to move on if that seems right at the time. Thinking there’s jobs out there for the choosing is just not the case now. Most dc studying economics will be ambitious. That’s why they chose that subject and beat off lots of competition.

Having said that, Oxford doesn’t offer Economics. It’s in with other subjects.

This is a really bad suggestion.

If he can flat share with friends that might be better for him mentally than going back home, saving money is only part of the equation.

What is his problem - he has a decent job to go which is probably fairly decently paid and further study is funded.
There are so many equally talented graduates who are still job hunting, having to do the panic masters or doing shifts in Macdonalds. Of course he well feel down after three years of a life of privilege at Oxford - partying and living with friends and studying a subject he is passionate about. Unfortunately being a proper grown up kicks in eventually.
He may get his gap year chance once the grad scheme is over and there is no job offer at the end.

He should do a couple years of the work, save, and then do the masters, he will find it a lot easier to get a job after the masters having done a couple of years work, than doing the masters now and then trying to find a job. Also, do not underestimate the advantage of having a bit of savings under your belt.

Finishing your degree can feel really depressing and anticlimactic. And from my experience, people who go to Oxbridge put insane pressure on themselves.

Your son is young, he’s done well. If he continues feeling anxious you should look into getting some support (ie therapy).

No wonder he’s down. He’s very young for filling up the ISA. Give him a motherly boot up the arse and send him off to live with his mates, and have some fun while he’s at it.

I think your son has done brilliantly. I would offer to underwrite his rent so he can live with his friends. Moving back home to your childhood bedroom after graduating is a backward step in my view, especially for those that have their mums ironing their clothes, taking their suits to the dry cleaner, cooking dinner, paying bills etc. OK for a few months after graduating while you find a job and get a flat, but not long term.

The best thing you can do for him is stop acting like he has problems. If you act like he can't do something and need protecting, he'll take that on board.
Tell him he's capable, and that he has great achievements under his belt and that he will find other people also feeling a bit flat.

Also, don’t waste your money on a Masters, so many opportunities to be sponsored in full by your employer if you are good.

I’d encourage him to take the job. It’s not a lifetime commitment and it’s common for people to switch career paths in their 20’s ( and there are people doing it in their 50’s)

its ok to think over options, but doing it in a well paid job which is giving him graduate experience will only help.

one thing I’ve learned in my almost 30 year career is that nothing is wasted. I’ve called on my experience from all manner of unrelated roles.

I did the type of post grad he wants to do. It’s fun, but isn’t necessary for most of the roles that are related to it.