Uni is just over-sold and disappointing

[Greedybilly]

My lovely 19 year old has just finished Yr 1 of uni ( when did the courses end at Easter? What happened to term 3?)
She was unlucky with her flatmates who were awful to her and her course mates mostly commute.
Part time jobs are none existent and she's done umpteen trial cafe shifts only to be ghosted.
She had such high hopes and seems like a shadow of her former self. It does all feel like a massively over marketed business.
Anyone got any words of wisdom/happy endings??
Gutted for her and angry at all the hype and nonsense.

Title should probably be 'uni just feels over- hyped and disappointing ' but can't change it.

I think you’re probably right. For some it’s the time of their lives, for others it’s a hard time mentally. I think fewer and fewer kids will move away

It can be hit or miss.

what is she studying?

It can be very hard when on a course with students who are living at home and commuting as they often already have established friendship groups and aren’t looking to make new friends.

Wha uni is she at? It’s very common for people to move to a different uni after 1st year, or to a different course, or both, and it often is due to friendship issues or just the general vibe not working.

It depends on the university, course and student but I agree that for many students the experience is not good.

Term 3 for some universities is all about assessments and exams along with additional stuff like workshops and skills based stuff.

The first year is tough--it's a huge transition and having a horrible living space is exhausting. Has she arranged an alternative for next year?

What does she say about the course and teaching, and how hard has she been working?

Has she been able to get involved with any clubs and societies so that she can create her own network of friends outside of the accommodation and the course?

If it really becomes an issue she may consider an interruption, so that she has time to think about what she wants to do and whether to continue, or even to consider a transfer. Is there somewhere she could go where she could also be a commuting student?

Does she have good academic and pastoral support (her personal tutor)?

She needs to join loads of societies. Is it a Russell group uni?

That does feel like an early finish! DD won't finish her 2nd year until June. It's very much down to luck who you get put with for accommodation - I'm sorry to hear your DD has not got on so well there.
It might be worth her focusing on new friendships with others in her course come September. Or treating uni as a means to an end - getting the qualification she needs for her next plans.

Thanks all for your replies. She has joined a couple of societies etc. I think her flatmates in halls have just crushed her. Shocking levels of meaness though. She has found a new house and random flat mates for Yr 2- surely they can't be worse?
Just gutted and upsetting to see her so flat she's normally such a happy soul.
The course is going well and she's interested in it so I guess that's good.

That’s her experience so far. Hopefully it will get better. Our 2 consider their uni years to be the best of their lives so far, so much so they were both very sad for a few weeks when it was all over. For me, it was definitely the most amazing time of my young life.

Our youngest is going back to Nottingham this weekend for a meet up with his uni housemates. Our eldest still lives with 2 of his uni housemates and he graduated 3 years ago. I fully appreciate they have been incredibly lucky. Neither of them did frig all studying however 😂

Having said all of that, I know from friends’ experiences with their kids, if it’s bad at the end of yr1, it doesn’t get better. I totally took for granted that ours would love it and make amazing friends. They never came home at the ends of term, they were in their student houses for as long as they could possibly manage. I now realise that is not a given. Making great friends at the start is pure luck, unfortunately. Could she consider switching? Has she joined lots of societies? That really helps if friendships haven’t happened.

It’s great that she’s got different housemates for y2. It can only get better. My niece somehow got stuck with the same bunch of mean girls for the 3 years and she hated uni as a result.

What do you mean what happened to term 3?

Typically UG courses don’t have much formal teaching in term 3 and will have been made very clear. That’s nothing new.

The house mate issue, commuter students and part time work can’t be blamed on the university. That just an unlucky mix of the current climate and luck I’m afraid.

It's pretty individual. It was probably the single most important experience of my life, and completely transformed it. I'd fought so hard to get there -- first to stay in school past 15 in my family, parents vehemently opposed to it despite me winning a scholarship ('that's only for rich people'), and after a wobbly first three weeks, I realised I'd finally found my place in the world.

@AuntChippythanks. Glad yours had a great time.

The course is going well and she's interested in it so I guess that's good.

That’s more than good. That’s the most important bit!

Third term is usually revision and exams. No exams?

difficulty getting part time work isn’t the uni’s fault.

my dd also had a bad halls experience and in fact of the 8 people in her flat three moved at Christmas (including her). She had a much better year 2 and 3.

@HighLadyofTheNightCourt- Well yes in one sense but not if you're miserable/lonely when not in lectures .....

I see so many threads on here pushing for the best academic uni, but I feel that the whole package, course, city etc is massively important. I've got one at Liverpool and one at Manchester, and they are doing well. My youngest was pushed to apply for Oxford, but I'm really glad he didn't want it.

@Octavia64that's good to hear.
Obviously the job situation isn't the uni's fault just not helping with general life feeling crap for her right now.

But you can’t blame the university for that!
I’m sorry she’s had awful housemates and struggled to get a part time job but it sounds like you want to blame the university despite them clearly offering a course that your daughter is enjoying and doing well!

@LetMeGoogleThat- yes the whole package is needed really ....

@HighLadyofTheNightCourtlook we've had a shite couple of weeks and you're really not helping here. Do you just enjoy kicking people when they're down online. Read the room love or bugger off.

What did you want people to say?
You’re wrong to blame the university for the issues your daughter is struggling with.
Im really sorry to hear she’s had awful housemates and that she’s struggled to find a part time job but none of that is a result of university being mis-sold to her.
Hopefully year 2 will be an improvement and perhaps a trip to speak to the well being team or the careers service will help?

My son is just finishing first year after a rocky time and I couldn’t agree more. I hated it in the early 2000s so was really careful not to over sell it to ds - as a result he was prepared for it not being the be-all and end-all. Are you on the wiwik about university fb pages? You will find lots of similar and empathetic posts on there. I hope second year goes better for her but it really can just be a slog tbh.

I do think it's crazy how few hours they do and the cost of accommodation etc. DS1 graduated a few years ago and did have a good time although last year was severely disrupted by covid lockdown. He has a reasonable job not at all related to what his degree was.
DS3 is graduating this year and I worry hugely about him. i don't think he is going to find it easy at all to get a job, will have huge student debt ( did four years ) and really hasn't made the most of it.
DD will also have done four years as had to do a foundation year. The first two years were great but similar to your dd as soon as she moved in with close friends made in the first two years these girls have been horrible and not speaking to her. She constantly says how lonely she is. If it were not for her bf coming to her or her going to his at weekends she would be in a terrible place. She is already worrying about there being no jobs when she graduated next year and mounting debts. If we could turn back the clock I would not be encouraging them to go.
One good thing to come out of it for dd has been that overall she has grown in confidence. She did Camp America for four months last year and absolutely loved it. Would that be something your dd would consider over the summer. It was an amazing experience for my dd and something she will never regret even if Uni proves to be not the best.

I had an awful first year at uni. My flat was not good at all. It did get better after Y1 and I ended up meeting my longterm friends/DH. I will say a part of me still looks back and wish I'd left though, as it was such a hard journey. for you and your DD, OP.