Uni is just over-sold and disappointing

[Greedybilly]

My lovely 19 year old has just finished Yr 1 of uni ( when did the courses end at Easter? What happened to term 3?)
She was unlucky with her flatmates who were awful to her and her course mates mostly commute.
Part time jobs are none existent and she's done umpteen trial cafe shifts only to be ghosted.
She had such high hopes and seems like a shadow of her former self. It does all feel like a massively over marketed business.
Anyone got any words of wisdom/happy endings??
Gutted for her and angry at all the hype and nonsense.

I don't think OP is blaming the university itself, more the fact that university gets hyped as the best time of our life and that's not always the case for everyone. We don't talk as much about the bad experiences though.

I think that's a bit unreasonable. It's a shame your daughter had unpleasant housemates, and wasn't able to find PT work, but that's not the institution's fault. It's understandable you're disappointed for her, though.

I think people can just be really unlucky with who they share with in first year and it's so important; it can really make or break the whole experience. Fingers crossed she'll end up sharing with people she likes next year. Are they on her course or just random?

Well @HighLadyofTheNightCourtI guess I hoped people would say ' poor her - things will get better.'Which people have.
Not start a bloody argument.
I'm very cynical about higher education has turned into such a money making business too. Shite state of affairs and lots of money even if you're enjoying urself.

@PastWarwickexactly! It's just rampant capitalism and I think it's all about money and rather sad.

Gosh, I think everyone was and is quite upfront about the nervous breakdowns, the exam hysteria, the loneliness, crisis pregnancies, messy breakups with someone in your tutorial, the miserable flatshare, the 'silent' drop out who just stops going to classes, tells his family he's fine and realises just before exams there's no way he can cover this up indefinitely etc etc. As well as loving your course, finding friends, possibly for the first time, the escape of being away from your 'home' self etc etc.

(I'm an academic, and I've seen all this and more annually. )

Dreadful halls experience here too. Parties all nigh4+days a week, incl before exams, and strangers in the ‘flat’ drinking and smoking. Several others who just went home and commuted because they aggro was not worth it so couldn’t even form an alliance with them. Residents team were shockingly ineffectual despite seeing what was going on. We ended up moving her out and into a family flat but she is devastated. We have heard of others having similar experiences and almost choosing not to go back and transferring to a local uni instead.

However, she has heard from lots of friends who are a year or so ahead of her (she is a little older at 20 starting) that the second year is much better. It seems to be when people actually make friends - perhaps because the rose tinted glasses are off and they return feeling older and more pragmatic.

The job situation is very much an issue - can she apply to M&S, tesco etc as they tend to be willing to take you on as you can work both at home and at the uni town? If money is not the motivation and it is about getting work experience for her CV/get out of her room and make friends, then can she volunteer at a charity instead (which may then help get a paid job down the line). This can be useful because they make local non-union friends which can be really healthy.

The second year is also when, having done all the intro modules, they begin to specialise and chose according to interests that have formed in y1 - which is why I think they tend to start forming more friends on the course because they have more in common.

My DD had such high hopes of Uni and London. Is beginning to rebound now that she is doing assignments and prepping for exams from home. She feels guilty that we were locked into a full years rent and that we are out of pocket. Add into that the weight of the student debt when it has been a less than stellar experience is not helping. We are focusing on reassuring her that the money doesn’t matter [may choke on that a bit] and that it’s all part of transitioning to independence.

Sorry, that may not help you at all though!!

I don’t think that’s how her OP came across. The comment about what happened to term 3 and describing it as an overly marketed business very much read like the start of a university bashing thread.

I absolutely have sympathy for her daughter and spend a lot time supporting students who are struggling but quite often (like in this case) the issues are out of a universities control.

@UnlikelyIntimacieswhere do you mean? On mumsnet? Or in life in general?

Who do you think is making money?

Hated my degree. They changed the modules after I started and so I couldn't go into my graduate career path with it anymore but it was too late - course had been paid for by student finance and that was that!

I even asked for a partial refund and they laughed at me. I heard the course manager call me "fucking pathetic"

sad times. Back in 2006

I'm in a position now where I help with recruitment and degree apprentices are always better candidates!

But I do think students learn more about living independently and who they are. And that's worthy in itself!

University is not an AI cruise. They are there to enable students to gain skills, knowledge and experience to support their future careers.

I think actual university marketing departments have largely done away with messaging about having the Best. Time. Ever. But the rest of the world hasn’t caught up.

I agree. I think university is actually painted in quite a negative light at the moment.

@HighLadyofTheNightCourttoo bloody right I'm bashing the university! I think the system is so wrong and very money orientated.
You're really not helping and have the empathy of a dead cat.
Please go now and do something else with your evening.

@Pickledonion1999hope things improve. It's bloody stressful.

I am a mature student on a supposedly full time course. We have six hours of lectures a week, all on one day. There are no seminars and no tutorials, unless you specifically request to meet with your tutor.

The lectures basically consist of reading the PowerPoints we have already seen online, with a small amount of (rushed) group discussion. Nothing is ever explored in greater depth.

I understand that there should be a lot of reading to do, but since Easter we have had one day of lectures, then one placement preparation session to come. That’s it. We will be all finished at the beginning of May and start the placement in mid September - which I am really looking forward to.

You can’t dictate who responds I’m afraid. If you’re going to bash universities unfairly then you’ll get people responding.
If by money orientated you mean you’re under the misapprehension that universities are making money then you’re completely wrong.
Universities are completely skint. They have no money.

If it was a money oriented system where fees covered the actual costs then that would be a different story but that’s not the case.

I’ve sympathised with your daughter and suggested a couple teams who could support her.

In general, but I suppose on here, too. If only in the sense that the parents of undergraduates having problems are more likely to post, just as no one is posting much about their lovely mother-in-laws or blissful workplaces.

@HighLadyofTheNightCourt- WHO DO I THINK MAKES MONEY??
Where to start ???- foreign investors, builders, over paid chancellors, landlords, the uni itself to spend on stupid crap etc.

DS2 moved halls in the middle of first year as he didn't like the first one. Lots of overseas students who stayed in their rooms and a weird guy who took over the kitchen and sat in there morning noon and night making anyone who went in feel uncomfortable.
He was lucky to be in a big city and that he found a spot in the cheaper "party" halls which he loved.
Hopefully 2nd year will be better for your DD socially, at least she likes the course and it will be less of a shock to the system.

@UnlikelyIntimacies- oh I see. I haven't seen much of that on MN - but yes I guess we only post when upset/asking for support as opposed to when things are peachy.

@Shimmyshimmycocobop glad it got better that's heartening to hear.

DD had a very tough first year but moved into a much smaller place outside of the Uni in more of a young professional type of accommodation with fewer flatmates and did really, really well.

I was much more worried about DS who is far less social and quite badly impacted by Covid - and he has blossomed! I think it is just luck and she's done so well to cope so far.

Which foreign investors?
Builders- being paid to erm build?
Vice Chancellors - in many cases the salary is commensurate with similar level posts in the private sector.
Landlords have nothing to do with the university
What ‘stupid crap’ are universities spending money on? We’re skint! Hundreds of staff are being made redundant.

But both of you work in universities and you know the challenging side and how things can go wrong for students. Some people genuinely don't. I was the first person in my family to go to university and it would never have occurred to me that I would end up in a hall full of overseas students who had already formed groups of friends with people from their home country and that I'd have to navigate another student having a nervous breakdown and becoming a bit fixated on me. All you hear is 'best time of your life', 'make lifelong friends', 'be with people who are as passionate about your subject as you are'. I now realise that's very one sided, but that's genuinely all I heard before I went.