Uni is just over-sold and disappointing

[Greedybilly]

My lovely 19 year old has just finished Yr 1 of uni ( when did the courses end at Easter? What happened to term 3?)
She was unlucky with her flatmates who were awful to her and her course mates mostly commute.
Part time jobs are none existent and she's done umpteen trial cafe shifts only to be ghosted.
She had such high hopes and seems like a shadow of her former self. It does all feel like a massively over marketed business.
Anyone got any words of wisdom/happy endings??
Gutted for her and angry at all the hype and nonsense.

@HighLadyofTheNightCourtsorry but you're talking absolute bollocks and we will agree to disagree as u have nothing better to do.
I really didn't come on here for a political argument not this evening with daughter sat here in tears.
Thanks to the majority of u for being kind/helpful - it's good to know things can improve in Yr 2.
Over n out.x

@HighLadyofTheNightCourt just let it go, you sound like you lack empathy.

Mine is not loving it either and this is his second go too. Hard to face up to the fact that despite being mega clever he might not be cut out for getting a degree :(

I really struggled in lots of ways during first year. The course wasn’t right for me but I got a qualification that got me into the next thing which is now my career. I made friends for life by the final year.
It can be a harsh reality after the security of school. I hope things improve for her 💐

I’m not talking bollocks.
I’m a senior academic at a university and have worked in the sector for over 20 years.

As I’ve says previously, I’d recommend she engages with the well being team and with the university careers service. It would also be worth having a conversation with her personal academic tutor if they’ve got a good a good relationship.

Your anger is misplaced but I understand that emotions are heightened. Your daughter’s issues are not the universities fault but they can support her if she reaches out.

Well its not as a universal fact, but isn't always for everyone. I honestly think the vast majority should try it if possible though, unless it is very obviously beyond them in some way (whether academically or just obviously something they would hate for some reason).

Luck and other factors also play a role. If you could go on the same "dream" holiday twice without memories of the other, one time could be plagued by bad luck, bad people, bad experiences, travel issue, lose things etc and that experiences will be horrific and "overhyped" just from that alone. The other time it could be the greatest experience of your life.

I also think you have to do a lot of research to try and match the best place to get the best chance. I wouldn’t have gone to a place that doesnt' offer guaranteed first year halls on campus with my first time, with a university with an actual campus. Visit to get a general "vibe" and things like that. Some people prefer and want a more real city living experience with a spread campus during this time, and there are universities like that.

Worst case, get your head down, complete your first year, get the most you can in general even if it looks like it isnt for you, and leave with a qualification that is still good - passing the first year of a course gives you a certificate of higher education. With merit for above 60%, and distinction above 70%. And from just an ok course, and ok university, this is looked on reasonably favourably above having only a levels in your field.

Yes, but I was the first person in my family to stay in education past 15, and my parents were vehemently anti-university and said it was only for rich people and not for the likes of us and I’d never fit in or pass an exam. It just made me more determined to make it work. I mean, I had the same attacks of loneliness, hellish housemates, crises of confidence etc as anyone else, but I had to figure it out. I had no fallback. I’d left home. My sisters had moved into my room, any stuff I’d left was in the loft, and when I came home st Christmas I was on the sofa. Any complaints would have been met with ‘Told you so!’ So the idea it was supposed to be the best time of my life hadn’t even occurred to me, tbh. I was there to learn and get out.

My dd is also soon to finish year 1 but has had a good experience. She did so much research to help her decide what uni to go to. Like a pp she decided not to apply to Oxford despite school suggesting it because she knew it wouldn’t suit her. Do you think your dc had unrealistic expectations? I think currently the media is actually quite negative about university. Because of the costs

I agree with OP. Unis' today seem to over-promise and under-deliver. My DS went in 2020, so suffered two years of Covid disruption (most of it unnecessary!). In Summer 2020, the Uni website promised "blended learning" to encourage students to sign up for campus accommodation. Literally as soon as the accommodation deadline passed, they changed their website to "mostly online". Such an obvious con-job just to get money for the campus accommodation!! In the event, there wasn't a single bit on "in person" contact with the teaching staff - every lecture online as were tutorials and seminars. The teaching staff weren't even on campus for the entire year! Second year wasn't much better - still over half of the lectures, seminars and tutorials were online with lots of staff still not setting foot on campus. Clubs & societies mostly closed down or online only. Student union bar closed for the full year, library only open a few hours per day by prior appointment for borrowing books only, with all the desks barriered off. Didn't get on with his flat mates and couldn't socialise with anyone else either as the campus security gestapo challenged anyone leaving their accommodation blocks.

Even his third year which was largely unaffected by lockdowns was no better. Little opportunity to make new friends, all student union and Uni efforts were directed at new students as if they'd just given up on the ones who started in 2020.

He never had a single meeting or "live" conversation with his "personal tutor" - just one email when DS needed to ask him a question was curtly answered with a "talk to your lecturer".

It was basically nothing like it's portrayed in TV programs, films, Uni websites, etc - you're basically left on your own to fend for yourself, socially and academically. When he asked for health/support he was just told to go to speak to the chaplain - that was their default response.

Most now seem to be little more than degree churning out establishments alongside money making for the financers who finance the accommodation blocks.

I’ve offered advice on how she can find support.
I don’t lack empathy but I’ll admit I get frustrated when people slag of a sector I’ve dedicated my entire career to.
I apologise @Greedybillyif that’s come across as lacking in empathy.
Being angry at the university isn’t going to help her daughter. It’s misplaced anger.
She’d be far better leaning into what support the university CAN offer rather than being angry at the things that they can’t control.

I’m so sorry OP. I hope your DD’s time at uni improves. I had the worst time of my life at uni - I was bullied horrifically for 3 years straight by a senior student welfare volunteer and his girlfriend, who is now his wife. Because of his role nobody believed me. I wish I’d got away from them but I didn’t. Your DD has made a huge positive step by finding new accommodation away from this year’s flatmates. I wish her luck for a positive new start.

I don’t think her not landing a job is university issue. Some of my daughter’s friends have and some haven’t. My daughter has lovely flatmates, you can’t use one example to write of all uni experiences.

I think gradually people in Britain will start to follow what other countries do - go to uni near home and commute. The reason it hasn't quite taken off just yet is because the parents of the current uni-age cohort all went to unis away from home, so they think this is how it should be and don't advise their children of any other way.

But over the coming years, there will be a gradual shift until we are more like Europe and Australia.

The rich kids might still go, as a kind of extended boarding school experience, but other students won't so much.

Re the lack of third term thing, I know some UK universities have moved to a two semester system like the US.

My ds does 2 half days & a full day, Tuesday Wedneday & Thursday, he's on his first year proper after doing a foundation year, he finishes in 4 weeks for the summer except for going in for 1 exam & doesn't return until last week in September.

I also think less people will value degrees. There's been a lot of bad press lately!

As an employer we have noticed a "change"

The whole experience can be very hit and miss depending on who students meet or live with in the first few weeks. I think your daughter has done amazingly well to sort out accommodation for 2nd year with new people. She just needs to persevere with joining clubs, asking for support, talking to people on her course she should also be away from the horrible flatmates which will be 100 times better. Good thing is she likes the course. She has the summer to recover and should treat year 2 as a new start. Good luck to her. Job wise, she is back early so should be able to get in quick for summer jobs as they come up.

I can totally relate. My son has really not enjoyed his first year of uni. Didn’t get on with his flat mates in halls, didn’t go to many lectures, not sure what he was expecting but it wasn’t this. He’s not going back for year 2 but will try and look for a job / apprenticeship.

I hope not. Living away has been the absolute making of my kids

I can tell you my DD had a miserable first 2 terms despite nice enough flat mates. Suddenly it clicked in term 3 and I can say hand on heart she had loved every moment of her 2nd year. She has brilliant friends, has got herself on the committee of her sports club and loves her course. I never thought I would see the day after all the hysterical phone calls I had in the first 2 terms.

I’ve been highly impressed with the university. She has lots of work, plenty of contact time and really interesting lectures.

Yes, I tend to agree. Now that we have more universities than ever (due to the conversion of Polys etc), more and more people "could" live at home and commute as required to their local Uni. Just needs more Unis to offer the broadest possible subject/option range so that the "average" student can find a suitable course at their closest University. Leaving a minority with special interests/requirements to travel further and live on campus a lot further away where there is good reason to.

I think the more and more awareness of "unhappy" and disillusioned students with the accommodation, flat mates, etc., more and more students will decide living at home (and saving £9k per year), not getting into so much debt, etc., will be a preferable option and may start to become the norm.

When accommodation costs were much lower, it wasn't so much of a problem, but the massive increase in costs, together with the increase in course fees, and growing awareness of the expensive student loan system, students will start to make more informed decisions about whether it's right for them or whether there's a cheaper/better option (i.e. live cheaper at home!).

I also think the trend towards more and more students not drinking and not partying will also swing things away from living on campus as if they're not out getting drunk and partying, what's the point of living on campus? My son's Uni had several on-campus bars and around half of them have closed down over the past couple of years citing being not viable due to grave reduction in number of students using them.

I didn’t like uni. If I could go back in time, knowing what I do now, I’d get a job and study in the eve at Birkbeck or the OU. It was part bad luck with halls, partly the subject, partly the actual uni and area - plus I found it hard to organise myself. I hope it gets a bit more manageable for her.

@BabyCat2020z

The whole experience can be very hit and miss depending on who students meet or live with in the first few weeks.

Nail on the head there. Those first few weeks (in fact first few days) are pivotal when it comes to making friends etc, especially for the quieter students who aren't "out there". First impressions really matter in everything really, but when you're immersed in a close environment like Uni it's even more important. After the first few days, connections have been made, friendships have been made, and if you didn't "get in there" you can easily find yourself excluded and isolated.

I think Unis (and the student unions) need to start making Freshers Week more inclusive to those who don't drink and aren't party animals. It's still aimed at the "out there" students with lots of drinking games, lots of parties, etc., which aren't of interest to the increasing number of "introverted" students nor those who don't drink alcohol (nor take drugs!).

Of course it is but if they didn't sell it to you like they do, you wouldn't bother. It's like a pyramid scheme haha.

So many adults encourages teens to go there like it's amazing when frankly it's often shite and I can't stress enough, incredibly awful value for money.

@Badbadbunny We cannot afford more mediocre courses at mediocre universities though. We need to convert more degrees to HND type study. The number of degrees is way too broad as it is. My DD went to a university in Italy. 90,000 students! Guess what, we don’t like that either! We could have that size with amalgamations but, we don’t like that either.

As for op, I think it’s virtually impossible to know who flat mates will be but dc can ask to move! No one has to stick it out. Then dc need to be proactive. Take a lead in something next year. Start asking if people want to go for a coffee. Join something that’s actually fun.

There’s no point stressing about work. There’s no point blaming the university. Parents and dc could look at alternatives and not follow the herd - which is only 37%. Take much more notice of who goes to what uni and who is attracted to certain halls. Be discerning and don’t get swept along. Be clear about goals at uni and be glad the course is going well. It’s not the only thing but she’s now got to work out what her social life can look like. Make a plan of action!