Exeter: uni de jour ! Why ? Everyone we know wants it ?

[PaperTyger]

My DD is high achieving and has offers from all she wants but she's thinking of Exeter.,it was the most popular place at her school last year and everyone else I'm chatting to says their DC want it.
We didn't visit but I can see it's in a beautiful place. Any thoughts ?

I hope she goes somewhere she really wants not becsuee it's the fashion.

I was all over - in town and then drove to my friends house and out again.

According to DD’s friend it was full of kids who went to boarding school and were very posh, she didn’t mind it but openly says she wished she’d chosen Bristol which she also had an offer for. I like Exeter as a city, it’s hear my relatives, but it isn’t large and not sure if it has all shops, it’s popular among their friends to come up to Bristol shopping.

My daughter was desperate to get into Exeter. We did the offer visit and all was fine. She was over the moon when she got her A's and got in. She wobbled a bit when she moved into the flat and realized she had little in common with the rest of the students, who were very sporty posh, majority privately educated; the first freshers night they all went off to watch rugby... There was also an underlying homophobic vibe from a couple of her male flatmates. She's gay so it mattered.

I remember getting home after the mammoth drive back and saying to my husband "I didn't meet or see anyone like her." Now, there must have been people like her but not in her flat and she really struggled.

She hated it and transferred in second year. She is so much happier in her northern city uni now. She needed somewhere more diverse and in a city that had more of a music/club/alternative scene.

It works for some. I have friends with children there and they are thriving. My daughter needed a different vibe so make sure Exeter and the feel/culture of the place works for your child.

Not sure why PPs are referencing Reading as tho it is the centre of the universe.

And yes ofc if you want to go to Exeter, the distance from home will not be an issue. And yes students go from the S of England to Scotland and Durham.

I am just saying that Exeter (like St Andrews or Falmouth or Kent) is quite a long way from a lot of the country. That's fine but it’s worth bearing in mind. It depends on several factors, and as I say it should not be a decider perhaps, but a lot of parents choose to drop off and pick up from uni (I know not all).

And you may want to go there during term time – to visit your DC or to watch their concert or their sports match. And that's easier if the uni is (say) < two hours away.

Unis such as Brum or Leicester or Warwick or Sheffield are that kind of distance from a lot more of the UK population, is all I am saying. But if exeter is the one then that's all good.

@PaperTyger you can check out the details of the uni accommodation and what the process is on its website. It varies by uni – some guarantee accomm to firm only, some to firm and insurance, some to clearing; also when you can apply will vary (when firming, by xxx date in May or June, after the results are out in some cases) so check that out too.

I find it odd it’s so popular. I’m from the SW and we always thought Exeter was a mid place, marginally less concrete than Plymouth. It is definitely not beautiful in any way, plus it’s a bit dull.
’Tim nice but dim’ is how it’s see at DD’s old (grammar) school

I know a few state educated children who have struggled because its rich privately educated kid heaven.

I went to Exeter in the early 90s and loved it. One DS discounted it as his course was at Falmouth and that was too far. The other wanted Scotland. Older DS has visited friends and had a fab weekend in Exeter (but that goes for many different towns across the country!)

@Heatedrivalgenuinely curious - what/why have the kids struggled with re wealthier, privately educated students ?

@

But that's the same as many smaller university towns/cities - e.g. Warwick, Loughborough, Lancaster - great universities, but town centres not that aesthetically pleasing to us older generations.

What’s wrong with going to watch the rugby?

There was a poster on here a few months ago saying that she didn't think her daughter should go to uni because it was full of private school pupils and that might make her feel uncomfortable. The uni she was talking about had between 70-80% state school pupils so hardly a minority. Unless a university has a huge number of international students, the majority will always be from state schools. Imperial college which hasn't got a 'posh' reputation but probably has more private school pupils than most because it has so many international students and most of them will have gone to private schools.

Dd is there in first year. It was her insurance choice and on paper she should hate it. Inner London, comprehensive school. She doesn’t dress like the other students and she is not the posh vibe. Clubbing is rubbish and it really isn’t diverse. She is a big city girl. HOWEVER, she loves it! Other students are always saying how cool she is because she comes from London. She is an anxious girl, so this has really helped her. Being autistic, I suppose she has always felt like she has never really ‘fitted in’, so I guess she is used to that. She went without visiting and missed her inner London firm choice. She has a slight physical disability, she never would have chosen it if she knew about cardiac hill! Yet she has to climb it to get to university! She is ok with this!

I am more than surprised with how well it has gone. Her sixth form college was a very trendy inner London school with lots of celeb kids, so perhaps she feels some social pressure is off?

it was between Exeter and Bath for her insurance, and I really thought she should have taken Bath, but it’s a sign to sometimes trust my kid as she made the right decision for her.

The majority of students at Exeter are actually from state schools.

@anotheranonanonWhy have we produced such intolerant dc? Why can they not embrace something new? Isn’t that part of university? Meeting different people and embracing new things?

Exeter is 30% from private school. Edinburgh and Imperisl have more. There is no way the majority are privately educated but some halls might have an imbalance but it’s about time young people were willing to be friends with everyone. I think half the time the student doesn’t know if others come from private schools or not, they just take against people who aren’t the same as them, and it’s very immature.

Well nothing if you’re into rugby, quite a lot if you aren’t interested.

@Barnsleybonuz My DD wasn’t that interested but she went with friends. She enjoyed a day out with them. It’s what you do when you are invited! Being friendly and joining in has advantages. Being dogmatic means you are not trying very hard to make friends and keep them. Going to rugby is hardly a massive deal.

The homophobia was the killer though.

And I don't think anyone should be tolerant of that, whatever your age.

I think I read somewhere that it is one of the universities that it is easiest to get an offer from [but obviously this does not mean easiest to get into, per sé]. That said my DS and DH went to an open day and the vibe there was great - the students were lovely and staff really engaged. City is lovely and safe. Pastoral care is apparently good and accommodation and facilities are well above average, especially if you are sporty. Apparently you can get 3 shots for a fiver in the student union bar… Sadly it didn’t specialise in the type of physics my DS wanted so it was ruled out.

It was at the Rugby she first found out two of her male flatmates were bigoted arseholes though so that probably colored her first ever experience of a sporting event she had zero interest in. And that was on the first night with the whole flat. Homophobia is just not something that is tolerated within her friend group/our family and having people be blatant about it really got to her.

As I said, I have friends with children there who are thriving. And despite people giving state school percentages, our own experience was that kids/parents were significantly more wealthy and posh than we were expecting. It was evident from drop off - the really expensive cars, even the standard of pots and plates etc in the shared kitchen (there were empty cardboard boxes everywhere and I don't even have the budget to spend that amount on glassware and bowls, let alone for my kids who are guaranteed to break at least half of them in the first year!)

Maybe it was her building. I would be interested in the percentage of pupils there who come from disadvantaged backgrounds, not just state schools. I wonder if a lot of the state schools are like my daughter's solidly middle class high achieving one.

But this is the issue - my friend's child said that the private school kids didn't mix with the 70% otherwise educated. Some private schools have a sixth form of say 100 students, and 10 or 20 of them are going to Exeter. That means that those 10 or 20 already have a long-established friendship group in situ. And there are quite a few private schools in the south east and west where this is happening. All you need to do is look at their websites and view the sixth form destinations.

@Wisperley- that's not my son's experience at all at Exeter. He has a friend group with kids from all sorts of backgrounds and educations.

You're always going to get the extremes - private school kids who don't integrate with state school kids, and vice-versa - they will be in the minority though. Most kids don't judge each other based on background.

This has been playing out for decades though - was exactly the same when I was at Durham in the 90s: small cliques of state school kids who wouldn't mix with private school kids and vice/versa, whilst most of us just got on absolutely fine with each other/used other criteria to make our friend groups

DD is in her 2nd year at Exeter. She loves it but sees the privilege on a massive scale day in day out. Of the 8 friends she lives with she is the only one that has the maintenance loan. All have been privately educated. We live in Surrey, DD went to a very high achieving state school and financially we are comfortable. But DD does sometimes feel like the poor relative.

Despite the above she is having an amazing time and has made lifelong friends. She got a free holiday in her friends holiday farmhouse in Tuscany last summer so she’s not complaining!

But I know DD finds the privileged attitudes quite grating at times.

It’s fine but I honestly don’t understand the fuss. It’s a small West Country city and a bit dull.

I don’t understand these threads, they come across a bit private school bashing. Given all unis have a higher state intake, what is it that some state school pupils struggle with here? When you move through life you meet lots of different people from different backgrounds if you struggle with someone because they went to a different type of school to you or that they (in your perception) have more money than you and are (in your perception) posh then frankly you need to look at yourself.

As regards things like being bigoted it homophonic, these are not restricted nor necessarily more prevalent amongst private school kids - if you think they are then where’s the stats?

It all sounds a bit immature.

I agree. DS is hoping for an offer from Exeter but hasn’t heard yet. I think it’s a bit of a shame that so many adults have preconceived negative opinions about all private school children that they presumably then pass on to their children. If DS goes to Exeter then I can guarantee there will be plenty of state school students there who live in far bigger houses and have fancier lives than we do. The blanket judgement is bizarre.