Uni starters 2025/26 all welcome

[NCTDN]

Following on from a year 13 support thread, thought this might be nice to ease us into their new chapters. We had a lovely one for my older DC so created this to help us navigate everything!

My dad dropped out of Exeter in reading week after 5 weeks which was a tremendous shock and we didn’t see coming. Said she couldn’t stand the vibe and had chosen the wrong course. Also found the town very boring. Was desperate to find a band to play in but there didn’t seem to be much going on musically. I don’t think she gave it long enough but hey go. I hope your DS settles!

How is she feeling now she’s home @Delphigirl is she starting to think about future plans yet?

Thanks for asking @SockFluffInTheBath … I think she is but not particularly sharing her thoughts. Has gone back to her gap year job of working 12-14 hours a day 6 days a week in the local gastropub so I hardly see her…..

She still has plenty of time to make a plan if she returns to a uni next year. It’s good she has a job, the routine and social side will keep her going for now. Must be hard for you to watch, but she sounds very capable and will find a new path.

Im wondering if my DD will refuse to go back after Christmas. She loves the course but hates being away from home.

My DD dropped out after the first term at uni (this was 6 years ago) She worked the rest of the year, reapplied to a new course and a different uni and now has a very happy and successful career. It's horrid for us parents at the time, but sometimes they do know what's best for them. Hopefully, some space and a bit of time will do your DD the world of good.

Thank you so much, what a kind post and I’m so delighted to hear your daughter is doing so well. I do have faith that she will ultimately make the decisions that are right for her (it was just shaken for a while!)

I’m sorry to hear your dd is struggling with being away Sock. That must be tough, particularly when she enjoys the course so much. I hope the homesickness starts to improve a bit.

My oldest was similar. Hated being away and was far enough away that coming home for the weekend/visiting wasn't easy.
She struggled back the second term, but covid hit and they released them early, and then didn't go back the summer term.

They gave them the option of going back or not the next year as everything was online and I could see if she didn't go back then, she wouldn't go back at all, so I really encouraged her back. I won't say she loved it; she was quite relieved after Christmas when again they told them to stay at home, but the third year was a different matter.
She got into a society she loved, really enjoyed it and at the end of the year was sad it was over, which a year ago she wouldn't have thought she'd have felt anything but relief.

I found it hard knowing she wasn't enjoying it, and rather helpless not knowing what to do for the best, but she now looks back with pleasure rather than sadness.

It is hard for those who are a long distance from home. DC1 tells me that loads of students at her university are from London, which is less than an hour away, and lots of them seem to clear out all weekend every weekend for their own social circles back home, which can make it feel a bit weird for those left.

@Delphigirl I assume if your DD is working 6 days a week then she must be enjoying it at least to some degree! Glad she has settled back into her groove.

DC1 is home this weekend for the end of term, just when DC2 was telling me last night that she'd got used to her being away! In her absence DC2 has moved into the big bedroom and DC1 will be in the box room, which I'm sure will be a source of friction...

@Delphigirl we had a lovely young guy at my work (night shift supermarket) who'd had such a miserable time at university and it put him off anything career-related to his degree. He'd completed the course, but said it was a miserable 3 years and only stayed as his family life at home was worse(!)
After a year with us, he decided to do a masters at a different university, and by all accounts is loving it.

I do very much feel DS2 would be the same wherever he went. He is really enjoying the course and doing well in the tests so far. I guess I just feel really guilty I wasn't able to help DS2 with his severe social anxiety when he was younger and he's paying for it now. He's always been very avoidant and has never really coped with groups. We tried various counselling and therapy but they just made him worse.

Your dd knows her own mind @Delphigirl so I'm sure she'll come up with a plan, in time. Good that she's straight back into her old job!

Sorry to hear about others who are struggling; but they're doing amazingly to have got this far. Hopefully things will get easier for @SockFluffInTheBath dd in terms of being away from home and @PennywisePoundFoolish ds will start to talk to a few people. One of my brothers was quite 'behind' socially and struggled a lot in his teen years; he lived at home and commuted to uni. I think he had one friend there (who was quite unusual too), and he didn't really make the most of the course at all. But my brother really started to blossom from around age 22/23 onwards and made massive strides in terms of maturity and confidence. He's very socially confident now and has a people facing job, and he's married with kids etc! Sometimes boys, in particular, can be late developers.

I assume my ds is still loving it, but he never responds to my texts 😫 - dd is at the same uni and sees him at church every Sunday, so I get titbits from her! He did come back for a day a couple of weeks ago, but I was away and dh wasn't able to recall anything interesting to pass on.. Actually I did have a very brief five minute conversation with him about something last week - he will reply if I call him and he's free, but he's barely ever free. He had to rush away as he was seeing his new girlfriend - which I think it also one of the reasons he's never free! I'm seeing both him and dd at a family event on Sunday though, which will be lovely.

So sorry to hear about the struggles and i hope they all find the right path for them. DS found then1st term hard when he went but then flew. Dd who I was more worried about has absolutly flown at lancaster, has found her tribe in her house and sent me pics from the winter ball looking so happy! Cant wait to see her next weekend. Shes been home once in 11 weeks and we are 45 mins away. For her the collage system and campus unu have really worked⁸

How common is it for someone to initiate a flat transfer at this stage? DD is really unhappy in her shared accommodation. She has not bonded with the other 9 who have gelled as a group through partying and clubbing, but DD struggles with that. So it's no one's fault, just not a good match for my DD and it's really hard for her to feel the odd one out and feels really embarrassed and like there's something wrong with her.

My son went to uni in September and is doing OK, but hasn't really gelled with the students he is living with - I've told him it will be better in the second year when he gets to choose his flatmates.
I myself left uni after the first term to begin with as I was missing my boyfriend terribly (I was only 19 but we'd been inseparable 2 years at that point). I then went back the following year but living with boyf - he got himself a part job/part uni student set-up.
Seems a bit crazy looking back but actually, no regrets. We did split up amicably after uni (so together about 6 years in total) and moved on, but have remained friends until this day, almost 25 years on!
Things don't always work out when you go away first time from home, but life has a way of sorting things out 😀

@QuietCorneraccomodations usually state if they are more / less sociable eg you stay in X if you like to party and Y if you prefer something quieter. What did she select? Because that does seem unfortunate.

I posted a couple of weeks ago (in response to @PennywisePoundFoolish) about my DS with social anxiety and at the time I was feeling positive that things were very slowly going in the right direction. Well he's decided that he's had enough - that spending nearly all your time in your room other than going to some lectures and living off sandwiches and McDonalds, whilst not really enjoying the course, is not the way to spend the next three years. So he's coming home for good next week, though uni likely to hold the place open for him for next year if he can make enough progress with his anxiety for that to be a good idea. He's looking at Open University - possibly first just trying out some modules rather than committing immediately to a particular degree - and I'm trying to persuade him to get some counselling - have tried before but maybe t his has been enough of a wake-up call for him to realise he can't live the rest of his life with this level of anxiety. It's no huge surprise as we always knew he was likely to struggle, but it's unnerving not knowing what even the near future looks like for him.

@AliMonkey I'm expecting DS2 to make a similar decision soon. It's a real positive your DS is looking at alternatives and the door is open to a possible return to the university next year. I hope you can find counselling/therapy DS is able to engage with. It's unsettling but he's made a huge step forward and I'm sure he'll find the right path for him, with your support.

My daughter has mentioned there are a lot of flat transfers as rooms have become available as some kids have now decided uni not for them and left

Anyone else still waiting for their young person to come home .?

Yes, Ds is back on Friday!

Why is he so late ? Working?

Yes! DD is popping back today (yay) but then returns for lectures on Weds / Thurs of next week. Midwifery has long terms and lots of her friends have left already. Uni of Southampton is reeling and sombre after the stabbing of a Fresher last Weds (night of 3 Dec) who was walking back to halls after his football society's Christmas party. Shockingly sad news and I feel desperately for his family whilst also (selfishly) fearing for our children. DH has asked DD to find someone to go running with on the Common now and not go alone.

Oh gosh! A boy was stabbed in Sheffield too on the same road as the Halls of residence. He was 16! It’s worrying!

Oh gosh, I bet heard about that in Southampton 😮what the hell! I heard about Sheffield and about the Leicester belt incident

what the heck is wrong with people

Southampton was our insurance choice so my YP could have gone there quite easily
I can imagine that common is A bit scary at night 😰

Courts and police need to go harder in stabbings
longer sentences