State school kids at Edinburgh university- how bad is it for them?

[StartingAgainFGS]

I keep hearing reports of state school kids not fitting in at Edinburgh uni (at best) and at worst some real bullying going on. Heard it described on here as "pony club bullying". We are very far away from the private school demographic and I wonder how my DD would cope. We would be scraping by to send her there in the first place and I would not like her to feel so out of place that she's uncomfortable/unhappy.
Are these reports exaggerated? Does anyone have a state school DC there?
Thanks!

I’m talking about the young people, not the parents.

I say way further up the thread this was exactly my dc’s experience at Edin. They avoided those people but were upset they were judged for living in a hall that was seen as ‘rah’ and having a fairly neutral southern accent . They got through it because most people aren’t idiots and treat people of whatever background as humans, not stereotypes

Many of these parents were the young people in question as they’ve said, and some have said the same continues today.

Sorry I missed that, will scroll back.

update - I’ve found your post thanks. Sorry they experienced that, it sounds like there are definitely tribes there.

Although you do say in your original post “everyone laughs at the rahs” so I guess it’s horses for courses.

I have no time for those that are so bitter and twisted that they are quite unable to see different forms of prejudice.

So we go full circle and now know the southern accents (or well off dc from everywhere!) are laughed at by others. So maybe the question should be turned on its head as they are the minority. How bad is it for them? Tongue in cheek but it just shows how tribal the uk is and at the same time bullying is rife. I blame the parents!

Agreed, me too!

Bullying is usually because the bully is damaged themselves. Often, but not always, by parents.

But yes as you say gentle ribbing and group bullying are two ends of the spectrum.

I know quite a few English students at Scottish unis that generally mix with other English students as many of the Scottish students write them off as posh and don’t want anything to do with them. None of them would call this bullying though.

Have you considered therapy?

Trying to convince yourself that you are a good guy and that your bullying was just ‘gentle ribbing’ and doesn’t count?

People behave unpleasantly and we all encounter it. Sometimes it’s intentional and is bullying. Often it’s herd behaviour and insensitive. We all experience it and our young people will too.

My view is that I want to teach my teen to cope with it and to be resilient: their identity and self esteem isn’t determined by what kind of school they went to nor by encountering a few rude people through different aspects of life. I encounter rude people and I generally notice it, shake my head and move on….having forgotten it in most cases pretty quickly; I hope my DC can be similar and not over-think or dwell on it. I certainly don’t want to be a pre-determined ‘victim’ - sure that I will encounter bullying in a particular environment before I get there!

Sorry not sure I understand this? Are you suggesting I have bullied or are you talking about bullies in general?

Perhaps this is an example of bullying?

‘Which School?’ Is asked as a question in the first few weeks at uni as a short-hand for ‘do we share anything in our backgrounds that we can use to build a relationship in the absence of any shared experiences?’ And for boarding school pupils school is where they have shared experiences with other young people so may make more sense than asking ‘where are you from?’. A working class student from Balwearie is as likely to discount an upper middle class student from Eton as having much in common as a student from Eton is them. Going to university can be very isolating in the first few weeks so finding ‘similar others’ can be reassuring, But one would hope after the first couple of weeks the shared experience of university would mean they all start to look out from those tribes.

Or ‘gentle ribbing’? Though I guess bullying is what happens to you and ‘gentle ribbing’ is what you do to others?

@WombatChocolateI entirely agree. However it’s quite clear from the title of the thread that parents are seeking to warn dc about other dc. Resilient people don’t give much thought to any bad situation arising for state school dc. They do indeed note it and forget about it. Positioning yourself as a victim is probably a recipe for unhappiness and should be avoided.

If dc don’t like “gentle ribbing” they need the confidence to say so but not do the same themselves.

I’m not sure why you are making this personal and attacking me. How have I upset you with what I have posted?

I hear this a lot, and have experienced it. I’m not sure it’s always made in judgement though. People try to find connections, especially in a new situation like uni. It’s a way of finding out if you have any mutual friends or connections.

There’s a lot of negative assumptions on both sides in this discussion.

@TheSixQuarks I don’t think @ViolasandViolets was saying it was judgemental. More ice breaking. It’s natural for 18 year olds to do this when away from home. It’s what they have in common- going to school. They go on to establish friendship groups based on subjects and interests. Like older people who move to a new area, they just want to establish who they might gel with by having a chat.

Maybe not but I can promise you that that question really gets people’s backs up. I agree with what you’re saying about why the question is asked.

Do you really think though that two working class state school new students having established between them that they both come from Dundee, wouldn’t then ask ‘which school?’

No, I never said they wouldn’t. They probably would, as anyone would.

What I’m saying is there is a longstanding perception that in Edinburgh, people ask what school you went to as a way to judge whether you are the “right sort”. I’m saying they may ask the question, but it might not be to judge but to make connections. Just the same as the Dundee kids. Not sure what I’ve said that you object to?

Where did your dd decide to firm? @StartingAgainFGS

This reminds me of a conversation with a Dutch friend. He saw no issue with asking ‘how much do you earn?’ which most British people would consider rude. He pointed out we essentially do the same but just that instead of asking outright about salary, we ask about where someone lives, what job they do, where they have been on holiday and what car they drive.