I think this concern about ‘coming up against’ groups which are clearing causing concern suggests a lack of perspective from families - parents as well as students.
It is pretty common for teens to lack some self esteem and many feel worried about what everyone else thinks of them / other kids in their friendship group, other kids at their school, those in or their schools and then this extends to feelings that people from other towns or from different backgrounds are to be avoided - basically a desire to avoid anything unfamiliar.
Teens might naturally tend to this kind of thing, but it’s worrying when families and adults do too - when the expectation is that those who are different might be unpleasant or best avoided. It’s especially worrying when families exclude their kids from opportunities due to these concerns.
I’ve said it might be understandable from groups who have faced significant disadvantage, but it seems many of the relatively affluent middle class families have similar concerns and fears - and it can lead to kids limiting themselves to going to places where there are as few as possible if the group to be avoided. Of course we’d challenge this if about race or similar, but many think it’s best for young people to avoid ‘coming up against’ what will always be very small numbers, if we’re talking about the privately educated, who are also boarding school and also unpleasant to what must be the other 85% plus of student body.
As parents I think we need to help our kids broaden their horizons. They need to spend time with kids who aren’t at their school - scouts, sports teams, etc.
Perhaps as parents we need to model it too - or are we scared to mix with parents we perceive as different? Are we getting out there and showing it isn’t scary but okay?
And how do we respond to the odd situation which might not be ideal? If someone is a bit rude - do we go on about it and make it into a big thing? Do we show our kids that we dwell on it and get bitter, or that we might understand the reasons some people behave badly, that we shake it off and move on as a normal part of life?
I wonder if we are so keen to protect our beloved children that we don’t help them build resilience and help them get ready for the world, but try to keep them only in the familiar. I wonder if those concerned about their kids ‘coming up against’ what might be called the rahs, are also worried about making sure they avoid the ‘rough’ kids in the local area - or basically anyone who is a bit different to them.
I’m not denying that there will probably be some rather loud and insensitive rahs at top unis. Some will be unpleasant. Others might be perceived as such by those sensitive to them. Perhaps they lack confidence themselves? But are these institutions to be avoided by the great majority of state school applicants because of this? Should families encourage their kids away from these places and look only at places with the largest demographic ie themselves - because it feels like this is how some feel.
Uni is partly about branching out, trying new things and encountering new people and ideas. Of course some will be liked and embraced and others less so / it’s all part of it. Bullying is never acceptable and I’m sure it sometimes happens at uni. But are some students prejudiced against those who aren’t state educated and so perceive bad behaviour or bullying where it doesn’t always exist? Do some want to cling with those who aren’t state educated similar to themselves and avoid all others? It’s not good from any group.