Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

This is an adult I suggest you support but only by practical advice. If she wants unaffordable accommodation let her do the maths and solution if she cannot afford it don’t offer to pay. You are doing her no favours by continuing to fund her.

A lot of people here don't know what an architecture qualification entails.

You need to do the degree, followed by a year out in practice, then the masters (which is 2 years, not the standard 1), followed by another year which is in practice with exams, and it is a VERY heavy workload for the uni course part. The RIBA advises ~16 hours a week max (I think) and tbh if you can avoid that, it's best to, particularly if there are health issues involved. It's very hard to understand the intensity of the course unless you are either doing it, or live with someone who is, so although it sounds like OP's DD is being spoilt, for this part, she is not.

However, expecting someone else to pay for top end and refusing to house share is ridiculous. I don't know of anyone who didn't house share in their masters.

Has she done her year out? Did she put any money to the side to plan for her masters?

I think people are commenting without reading the whole thread. If dd has lived at home till now it is not unreasonable to help her out with accommodation costs. Also she is not just deciding to do another degree it is more a continuation of the first. If DD is just living away from home for one year and wants to be in a luxury hall that is fine as long as she doesn’t expect you to contribute more towards it. Ie if there is reasonable accommodation for say £180 a week and she wants accommodation that’s £220 a week she will have to fund the difference.

Just seen your updates (hadn't realised I hadn't RTFT before posting).

wow, just wow.

Hmmm I lived with DH while he did his part 2. As I stated above he worked a day a week for a pratice. His workload was similar to mine as clinical medical student ( I also worked for pay ) these aren't 18yos but adults in their early 20's. There is actually evidence that student who work a bit do better than those who don't.

She’s a spoiled brat that’s more than most mortgages.

for that money why don’t you rent an entire house and then sublet the rooms out to other students to help pay for it?

Jesus what an entitled madam. If she has said she’s cutting you off after her masters, she clearly just sees you as a bank to fund the lifestyle she feels entitled to. I’d let her cut you off now.

We have two studying in Manchester currently. They pay £460 and £500 a month in house shares. The post-grad students I know prefer living in West Didsbury area. Feels very safe there to me. £13,000 is ridiculous for rent in Manchester, and your DD is old enough to know better than to put pressure on you like that.

She’s not really got a choice then. If it’s too expensive it’s too expensive.

If she’s doing a Masters she’s not a child and screaming at you is just bratty behaviour quite frankly.

Masters aren’t usually funded by parents!

If she can’t juggle work and a degree how is she going to actually work full time after all of her qualifications? Does she need a masters to work in an architecture practice? Hasn’t she already got enough qualifications to start full time work? My questions aren’t so much about the costs but more the need and how she will cope when she’s completed her studies.

she also sounds a bit spoilt I don’t think I’d be backing down and finding 8k for her, I’d be meeting half way at the most, she can borrow more as she will be able to earn a decent salary moving forward.

That seems ridiculously high to me. Both DCs are at uni currently. One in an expensive city and his rent is about £8K per year in a shared house, but we paid about £7000 for halls last year in the city centre . They weren't en suite, but top whack was about £10K (I put my fuot down on tha one).

We pay both their rents but thankfully one graduates this year and even though they want o stay in their uni city, we have closed the bank of mum and dad once they finish. So they've had to get a job, currently firming one up but not a graduate job as that will take a bit of time to sort.

I did say to the youngest we would fund rent for an extra year if he wants to change to an integrated masters, but I wouldn't expect him to want to live in such high-cost accommodation.He'll be housesharing with others on his course who have chosen that path.

I understand your DD is doing an architecture masters, but she has worked and she's got 20K to her name. Well for me that would be - if you want to use that for travelling, then fine, but we're not funding an expensive halls flat for you in September - you can flatshare or be in a less salubrious halls. Or you can not travel (or cut back on it) and use the £10K for rent, plus what we generously offer on top of that.

She is wanting her cake and eating it I'm afraid.

As for the 'rape' statement, that is emotional blackmail.Rape can happen anywhere to any woman.

Well if you don’t pay for her to go on holiday and don’t pay for her accommodation what exactly is going to happen? You just say “no” and she works out how to do the things she wants. Mine worked for a couple of years to fund their Masters.

I think this is a warning about how living at home can backfire. It’s cosy with no responsibilities. Other dc are maturing and not flouncing off. Many dc who do not agree with their parents cannot wait to leave home. It’s not always possible for dc to have the most expensive accommodation. She needs to understand this.

i know what architects need to do to get qualified. It’s a slog but most manage it without this drama. I also know many don’t get jobs. What then?

When you have this discussion you need to tell her to knock off the, 'if I get raped, it's your fault' crap.

I would lose respect for her when she starts up with this sort of thing. It makes her sound immature.

How can she be too unwell to work, but fit enough to travel? And Manchester is unsafe but happy to go to unknown cities overseas? Lots of inconsistencies there

I'd suggest drop the rope a bit. Tell her what you can afford. Let her decide how to spend that money

And look at "Let them" by Mel Robbins. She chooses to spend her house deposit on travelling, that's on her

I wouldn’t pay, it’s important for young adults to be able to see these things for themselves and understand you cannot have what you cannot fund just because you want it.

You did in effect pay for her if she lived at home and didn’t contribute any living expenses. Did she get the minimum loan then too?

I’m sure she won’t cut contact for long once the money runs out, unless her boyfriend will takeover financing her lifestyle

This.
If she’s got £20k (that you very generously saved up for house deposit) I think you can say you expect some of that to be allocated towards the masters funding, if she wants the expensive option.
But you need to make it really clear that by her choosing to spend these funds on other things, ie Masters / travelling, is her choice, and you won’t be topping it up.
She’s an adult now and you need to be firm with her.

If the uni does put post grads together (as the seem to on Fallow Field as pp said) she will need to adk where the specific blocks are, no point looking at the ones that will be full of first years and then whinging - tbh I ring the college myself and find out that info and the costs

True that. Could buy a cheap 3 bed for 180k in North Manchester near a tram line and rent it out!

Point out that the cost of getting a taxi every day/night would be significantly cheaper than the closer overpriced accommodation. If you can’t afford it the answer has to be no. Cheaper accommodation and taxi allowance. She can’t argue with that.

You too are a random on the internet.

The criteria for DASS are quite strict (one of my DCs qualified) and getting stricter.

Presumably her health issues weren't an issue when she was doing her undergrad degree.

Hard to see that she can do long haul travel without a care in the world yet may need support getting through uni (into the luxurious accommodation she wants.)

This. My sons both did undergrad which we funded. Eldest son decided to do a masters. We lent him £3,000 ( about 10 years ago) to top up the £10,000 he got as a student loan. He worked to fund the rest . He paid back the £3,000 once he got a masters-worthy job. If your daughter wants to do a further degree age needs to fund it herself. She's well into being an adult . Time she funds herself

Can she not get more student loan she needs to take the maximum offered. As a parent I would be encouraging her to take responsibility for her choices. Presumably you have checked the student loan eligibility against your income? I would be highly wounded if I had raised such an adult however young to emotionally black mail me like this. If she threatens to cut you off again what’s the worse that could happen she learns a hard lesson in life that just because she wants something you shouldn’t have to fund it. Be firm work out just what exactly you are prepared to do and stick to it.

@Avidreader12 the student loan is based on parent income, if parents earn over a certain amount the student will only get minimum amount and parents are expected to contribute