Cost of student accommodation, I could cry

[ElbowsUpRising]

So Dd has found out today she’s been accepted into Manchester and is looking at accommodation, of course all the stuff she likes is £260 a week. 51 week contract as well! It’s all the fancy, swish stuff though she is adamant the reason she wants the expensive stuff is because she’s prioritising her safety as she wants something close as she’s “terrified of getting raped” if she has to walk back to her digs late at night.

she won’t consider a house share, she won’t consider cheaper halls a bit further out.

so accommodation is looking at 13k a year! She will get minimum student loan so think that’s 5k.

she won’t be able to work partly due to her health- she has fibromyalgia but nowhere near bad enough for PIP. Also she will be doing architecture Masters which if anything like her undergraduate degree will be too full on to be able to work as well.

so we will need to find another 8k a year plus however much she will need per week for food, etc. I’m guessing over £50 a week. Nearer £100 a week? So another 5k. How the fuck do people find 13k a year?

im trying to impress on her the difference that cheaper accommodation will make on her (us) and she’s just going nuts and accusing me of risking her safety and putting her at risk of being raped!

Is £260 a week normal?

She sounds horrific, you are being shot total mug. What a piece of work!!

She’s a brat!! She’s travelling and staying in hostels on money you saved for her but expects you to pay a fortune for her postgrad because it’s not safe? Make it make sense.
My son worked through his undergrad, has worked full time since while studying on the side, keeping himself and his girlfriend (don’t get me started on that) as he moved away from home for his career. Talking about getting a weekend job too to help with money but I talked him out of it.
He also hasn’t used the money I saved for him as a child, though I would be fine if he had as he really wants to make it count.

Living in a shithole, using buses and eating pea curry / beans on toast as you’ve got no money is the whole point of university. Seriously, being a student is supposed to be the big shift in understanding that life is expensive.

she does not get to dictate all this to you - set a budget then she works the rest out herself

She'll need to find the funds, then. You really do need to make it that simple.

You don’t have an accommodation problem
you have a dd problem.
you gave her £20k and she’s wasted it,

close bank of mum. Immediately
end of

and my son is doing his masters for architecture.
so I get that the course needs to be completed.

tell her to get a loan,

My son did his masters in Manchester. I paid half his rent for a flat share in Castlefield and he funded the rest from savings he’d made in his student job. Manchester is as safe as any big city. My daughter lives in Salford in a flat share and walks into town. My son and his wife are just moving from their rental in the Northern Quarter into their first house-flat around the corner from Arndale 1200 pm between 2. I would tell my daughter that I didn’t have unlimited money and you have to cut your cloth. Tell her the budget and let her find somewhere to accommodate. She’s an adult nowand time for her to grow up-throwing a hissy and accusing you of exposing her to rape is shocking and not something I’d tolerate.

I’m just really baffled by the ‘of course all the stuff she likes’ framing. Why is that the starting point? The starting point should be - this is how much money we can give you to help (and frankly there are many postgrad students who get none at all), what decision are you going to make from there?

I went to Manchester in the noughties and as previous posters have said, it’s as safe as any other big city (and much fancier now than when I was there!) The Oxford Road corridor is a fantastically busy bus route.

But yeah - stop enabling your daughter with your framing.

Haven't read tft but you've done your job as parent. She's got a primary degree. At a masters level she should fund it herself or get funding (not easy). As a former academic, this sounds like many people I knew who were a bit teaching assistant and a bit benefits but primarily supported by mum and dad. It can last until their late thirties if you don't nip it. Go and get a job for a year and save up then if you're demanding over a grand a month for accommodation.

Oh and is she suggesting she’s going to do all of her socialising within walking distance of her uni buildings? Because on the assumption that she’s planning to go out in Manchester she’ll be up and down the Oxford Road night buses anyway!

@Phunkychicken

She can only work as an Architectural assistant with just the undergrad
She can’t actually work as an architect even after her postgrad ( I’m sure you know this already OP ) She needs to then get herPart 3 professional qualifications a year or so after the postgrad. Only then is she an architect. Up until completion of part 3 she’s an Architectural Assistant

Student loans support postgrads in architecture

Buses are almost nose to nose in that direction, all day and night. There's the tram too. It's not the safest place in the world, but where is?

Sorry OP but she is behaving like a spoilt brat stamping her feet.

Either she seriously scales down her travel plans or she misses out on studying to be an architect quite simple.

Also she decides you are not being nasty and you are not a door mat for her to wipe her feet on. Until you stand up to her and she realises this she will never change her attitude or behaviour towards you.

Living some distance from the campus does not automatically end in getting raped! You are being manipulated here.
I'd tell DD how much you can afford to give her for accommodation and explain that she'll have to budget with that or take a year out to save some money and do the course the following year.
If she decides to live further out, she'll need to plan how to get home safely. Students can travel in groups for safety, or she might be able to sleep on a friend's floor or share a taxi. And she'll only be able to go as often as she can afford.
Frankly, I have no patience with adult children who feel they can instruct their parents to pay for everything to be exactly as they want because they 'need' it.

Your dd sounds like an absolute brat. No way should you fund a masters. She needs a wake up call.

I live in Manchester and no I wouldn't walk around late at night on my own but that's life. It's the same anywhere. I've lived here since 21. I get taxis at night or stick with friends. Daytime and evening is fine. She needs a reality check. My 14yo ds can get himself around in the evening after dark. There is no way she should be living right by lectures to avoid being raped. It's a disgusting guilt trip and you need to be firm.

I think she should be working to fund her own second degree. Architecture is a difficult career to get into and not well paid unless you are lucky so she's going to need to start living on a budget now.

Seriously give her a wake up call now. She sounds horrible.

If she can’t afford to fund herself, then she can’t stay in those halls. That seems pretty normal to me. Why are you worried? This is for her to sort out.

And if she can’t afford to study then she can’t go. I couldn’t go into the career I wanted as I couldn’t afford it in the end. It’s just how it is.

So Manchester is too dangerous for her and she needs top flight accommodation there . . . but she's fine to bum around Asia and hostel through Europe? (Presumably the bumming and hosteling will also be financed by you.)

Yeah, I think it's time to give her head a wobble

Wow, your daughter’s behaviour and attitude sound disgusting, so sorry OP, I would recommend stepping back from providing her financial support (even if it means her cutting you off etc) so that she can grow up, take responsibility for herself, learn some independence, and hopefully become a more decent person who isn’t so selfish and entitled.

When I read your post I immediately thought of Hulme Hall OP. One of my children stayed there, it's right on the bus route out of the city so really safe at night and just a short walk off the main road. Nearly opposite The Whitworth Gallery. It's busy all the time. DC didn't want to stay in Fallowfield as was considered more of a party area but Hulme was known to be quieter. It was catered too and my DC was recommended to move back there for the 4th year (think they reserve part purely for Masters students). Must admit this was a few years ago, it was reasonable but the minute DC left it was refurbished (literally - we were taking boxes to the car while scaffolders were passing the other way!) DC then went slightly further south to Withington, also just off the main road. It's a great city, my DC spent nine years there and is returning.

What's your income if she's only eligible for the minimum loan?

Even so, your dd needs a short lesson in finance. She wants £13000 for digs plus spends? She needs to manage her expectations and get a job over the summer.

I think she needs to change the attitude about city living. Manchester is no more dangerous than anywhere and I've always found cities safer as so many people about. I know Manchester and it's lively day and night people busy on buses at all hours.

Op people are giving you a hard time here. Obviously we don’t know your history or why your daughter may be behaving like this.

first things first. Sit her down tomorrow and explain clearly that your cannot and will not be paying 13k. She can use the 20k if there is anything left or she can find a job.

if she has a tantrum and runs away then let her. It’s time she grew up. She will soon be back

Everything you posted says you need to cut the puse strings. She's going to get what she can out of you then leave and not look back. I am sorry. That's so hard.

You won't have to find anything and she's bloody lucky you're helping. She can find the extra money herself or live somewhere affordable. And if she cuts you off because she doesn't get it. So be it.

I would say to her you'll give her an amount you can afford (say £500 a month) to top up her loan - and she can do what she wants with that. She's being ridiculous and she surely knows it, but if she doesn't, you're doing her a favour by teaching her now. Having to share a house won't kill her - it's what most people do. To be honest I've felt less safe in the city centre than in a lot of suburbs, and living in shared accommodation where people will notice it she doesn't come home is far better for safety anyway. Don't let her manipulate you.

My daughter goes to Manchester uni and stayed at the cheapest halls she could get which was 410 a month in fallow field. This is a big student area, lots of buses, lots of students so they all go about together in packs, so I've never worried about my daughter's safety there.
Having to rough it is part of the student experience and living to a budget is an important life skill. You're not obliged to pay 13k a year, plus you can't afford to. Don't do it.
My daughter now has a house share, there are lots of agencies dealing with that. She also has a part time job at the weekend. I gave her 12k upfront for the whole 3 years and thought I was being generous!

She sounds like a total spoiled brat and very immature, assuming she must be around 22. Why do you let her behave like this @ElbowsUpRising? She's emotionally blackmailing you. It should have been nipped in the bud years ago. Architecture isn't exactly known for being an easy job. I can't see how someone with this sort of attitude would be able to work in this field. From your description of her behaviour, she would quit or be fired within a year. For goodness sakes, lay down some boundaries now and if she refuses to see you, so be it. It's very likely that she would come back in the future anyway.