Uni starters 2024

[radiator2]

The countdown is on. Uni move in has started for some unis and is right around the corner for others. How are we all feeling? Wishing the best of luck to all freshers!

Well it didn't take long for this thread to turn into a shit show sadly. 🙁

The only part that's a shit show is @Stirmish 's viciously personal and totally uncalled for attacks, and I hope like me you've reported them.

How DARE you call @WriterOfWrongs a bully @Stirmish because she pointed out, pretty respectfully actually, some ableist phrasing. It's not at all pedantic to say there's a difference between "are SEN" and "have SEN". There IS a difference, however small it may seem to you, but that's the thing, you probably have the luxury of it not mattering to you. WriterOfWrongs even acknowledged that you hadn't meant it with bad intent. But that wasn't good enough.

I joined this thread because my DS is about to restart year 1 at a new university after having a bad time last year at a different university where he experienced ableism by the students. He's a wheelchair user. It's really depressing to see someone lash out because someone with SEN themselves (!!!) asked them to use more respectful language for people with special educational needs. It's even more depressing that no other posters called them out on it, when there was a rightful outcry at how another poster's kid got treated because of her Northern accent.

It breaks my heart that ableism is so rife and I'm really worried about how my son will fare. I hope you're OK WriterofWrongs. You didn't deserve that at all.

So happy for you and your son! What a relief, long may that ‘adoption’ continue!

Same! I am loving these snippets of happiness going on.

DS’s flatmates have also emerged from their rooms and they all are getting on very well.

Remember Bananaman, when Eric ate a banana, an amazing transformation occurred…? Well some amazing transformations have happens to DS:

• it seems he can get himself up and out of bed thanks to the alarm clock he claims he hasn’t heard for years
• he recognised that he will need to do laundry soon! Laundry! (Faints!)
• he found out they have to pay to use the laundry. Well, yes! It costs money.
• He (ASD, not used to friends) took himself off to a volleyball event today to try it on his own, and enjoyed it.
• He has cooked reheated a frozen jacket potato and added coleslaw to make a meal using a strange microwave, and he washed up and put his stuff away immediately!
• He has made some contacts through volleyball with some second and third years who said he must try x tomorrow and y on Friday.

So pleased!

wishing your son a great start at uni. My friend’s daughter is a wheelchair user, and had a fantastic experience at Worcester Uni and stayed on for post grad.

Thank you How great your own son is doing so well and happily getting out of his comfort zone. You sound so proud and rightfully so!

I still feel sad though that I'm the only one here who has stood up for @WriterOfWrongs She repeatedly supported others on this thread but because she audacity <sarcasm> to ask for consideration for students with ASD and preferred and proper wording for people like her with disabilities or additional needs, she got slammed and no one else has had the courage to say anything. THAT is how people with ableist views are allowed to get away with it.

Maybe you don't care if your son gets referred to as "is SEN", but if he were to care about it and to every say so, I really hope you'd support him in that!

I haven’t commented because I am very tired, and haven’t actually read those posts in detail. I may go back and comment in the morning when I have read and processed things. I was skim reading through to look to see how others were doing.

Some people may not comment on things they see here but choose to report to let HQ decide, or they may read and come back to comment later and that is ok too. Ot they might send a DM, disagree with you, or all of you, or might not comment at all because they don’t want to for a variety of reasons, including people who may disagree with you. It is not necessarily about courage.

Hi I hope this works as it’s my first post. I’m so sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling in the flat. My son has just started and as it was a sudden decision to go this year we have only just sorted accommodation. I spoke with the university accommodation office expecting them to say there was nothing available but it turns out that they were holding back some studios for students who need a more quiet environment. I was worried that he would miss out by not being in halls with others but they said their experience is that the noise and mess of halls can be too overwhelming for some students with ASD. They said they can’t police the halls and stop residents having numerous friends around every night if they wish. It would be worth contacting the accommodation office to see if they have any studios left or even look in the private sector - I read somewhere that DSA may help with the cost. Wishing her (and you) all the best.

DD seems to be settling in very well - had a trip to IKEA with flatmates yesterday and bought a few things for her room. She's also had a couple of pub trips and done a shop at the local Lidl. No mention of laundry yet though...

We did have a 3am phonecall this morning because she had broken her headphones, which she uses to help with misophonia. She was also very drunk.

She has BPD and this is the first real wobble that she has had since she moved away. She has been coping very well and I think just having had a couple of very drunken nights out, tiredness, and homesickness combined to cause an episode. We'll chat later today when she surfaces and her headache has sorted!

She has her best friend going up to stay tonight which she is looking forward to.

Thanks @WittySnake for the info about changing rooms if necessary, I'll keep an eye on how DD is coping and explore that if we need to.

Hi all, just catching up on what I missed overnight. I started this thread as I felt like many people would be in the same boat, nervous about sending DC off etc and needing some support so we could all share if we wanted to and people could just read for advice/information if they didn’t want to share anything. I’m disappointed to see that comments have had to be deleted by mumsnet and I ask that we all stay respectful and not bicker as I would hate for this thread to be deleted or turn sour. 🙏

Hi all. My eldest starts uni next week, we are doing the big drop off at the weekend. It's been a very busy period of getting stuff together, getting vaccinations and sorting out everything but it's now really starting to dawn on me that they are going. I'm both really sad and very anxious about it all (though obviously don't let on to eldest how anxious I am). I just want them to settle and find a group of friends, and enjoy uni life. They are not going too far and I will be able to catch up with them regularly but they just won't be at home. It's my first one to fly the nest and I knew I'd be emotional but I didn't think I would be this emotional.

@TrixieFatell Hope things go well. It’s a strange feeling for sure.
Keep us posted.

Hi, this time last week I was in the same position you are in now and feeling the same way you are. We dropped our DD at LJMU last Saturday and I have to say the anxiety about whether she would be okay and would settle, make friends, enjoy herself etc has been pretty horrible. I think its just all the 'unknowns' that just leave you feeling a bit helpless and worried. Driving away and leaving her in a strange city where she didn't know anyone was pretty awful to be honest and I shed some tears on the way home. But when we got 2 hours into our journey home she messaged me photos of her room all finished and made up and it looked lovely. She has seemingly settled well and has made friends with her flat mates and so far embraced the experience. The daily contact has helped us both I think. So far so good but I know this could change at any minute so I feel like I am on tenterhooks waiting for 'the wobble'

It is a really emotional time for both us and them as its a big step for them. All of us on this thread feel pretty similar about dropping our DC's and leaving them to their new lives. The support on here (for the most part) has been pretty good and we are all in the same boat so know how you are feeling.

Good Luck for your drop off. I hope it goes well and your DC settles well. It certainly makes it easier for us parents if they do. x

Thank you @Lulubellamozarella and @BoreOffAboutYerChickensEmma it helps to know it's not just me. I couldn't sleep last night for worrying about how she is will get on, will she like her flat mates, will people be nice to her etc. she's quiet, but sociable and usually makes friends easily enough so I'm hoping it all goes well. I know if the worst happens she can come home as she could commute, it would be a pain but it is doable but I just want her to have a great experience.

I never worried at all about myself starting uni, it's easier when you do it yourself

My DD is homesick so wants to come home this weekend 😔

I think she should stay to try and make friends

I spent the hell of A Level weeks looking forward to her going so we could all calm down.

Two days left and I'm quite heartbroken.

Can't wait to clean my house though, there's bags everywhere!

I hear you! I had a good few sleepless nights worrying about that sort of thing before we took my DD too. Since she has been there I find myself thinking about her constantly. I'm obsessed! 😂I am constantly checking my phone in case she has messaged me. It's awful! I am sure I will eventually chill out a bit more but its not even been a week yet so things are still a bit tense.

Does she want to just come home for the weekend or for good? I assume its just for the weekend? If its just for the weekend I think I would be okay with it but maybe just encourage her to stay and see if there is anything social going on that she can join in. Coming home might make it worse at this stage and make her feel like she doesn't want to go back at all. That would be my fear. Whereas if she stays she might find the homesickness subsides a little. Its a tough call that one. 😕

@Lulubellamozarella she says come back Friday and the go back to uni on Sunday.....but I'm afraid she won't want to go back!

No one else has moved in her flat so I think she's lonely too

That would be my fear too. That once she comes home she will then decide she doesn't want to go back. She will probably have flat mates move in this weekend though won't she? So it would be better for her to maybe stay and greet them as they arrive. They will be feeling anxious and a bit homesick too so they can help each other through it as they are all in the same boat. As your daughter is there already they may look to her a little to help them settle and show them the ropes. It could be better for her if she stays and she will feel less lonely with others around. You could compromise and ask her to give it another week and if she still wants to come home she could come the weekend after? Hopefully by then she will be more settled and then actually not want to and will chose to stay.

I hope you manage to talk her into staying. The mom instinct is to protect them and let them come home so you can take away all her negative feelings but the best thing would be for her to stay. I feel for you, its definitely a tough one.

@Blushingm can you go to her instead of her coming home? It is helpful if they don't come home for the first few weeks especially if you feel it can give them an out when they haven't even tried it. This is my second time with a child going to uni (Warwick today) and honestly it is completely normal to feel homesick and it just shows how much they are loved at home and how lovely it feels to be home.

We went up to Ds1 after 2 weeks to tweak a few things in his room and with Ds2 we will be back down in a week with a few more things he can live without for a week because there is only so much we can fit in the car.

If you can go to her, help her to feel more comfortable in the flat. Once actual lectures and things start then they are a lot more occupied and her flat should then be full too as everyone is there to start uni. Ds1 hated freshers week and just wanted to get going with actual uni work. She needs to give it time but she needs you now.

We are planning to visit DD next w/e when she has been there just over 2 weeks. It has felt like an eternity this week and yday when she spoke to me she said she felt like she was getting on with the things, but it all felt temporary, and she had in her head "but when can I go home" , but she herself said she thought it was better if we visited rather than coming home. We are fortunate that it's close enough to do that quite easily.
I'm pleased she has been telling me about some of the free meals she got during freshers week and showed me what she had cooked. One of my biggest worries was that her anxiety would be so bad she wouldn't eat. She was complaining about the fact that the supermarket had no fresh berries and she ended up buying some in M and S. 😃That isn't the most student friendly places to shop but I'm OK with it for now, that she's eating (and it doesn't sound like she's been out a lot to pubs or clubs, so wont have spent a fortune on freshers week which I was dreading!)
And she's made friends with some girls on her course , more do than flatmates who all seem to stay in their rooms.

DD asked me for advice on comforting other students who are homesick on the grounds of "I haven't been homesick since a sleepover in Year 1 so don't know how it feels."

Not sure whether to be pleased she's feeling confident or worried that she's being complacent!!!

I advised her that if in doubt the best thing you can do to help anyone is to listen properly. It might not always help but it will never make things worse.