Page 8 | Uni starters 2024

radiator2 · 2024-09-09T11:04:45+00:00

The countdown is on. Uni move in has started for some unis and is right around the corner for others. How are we all feeling? Wishing the best of luck to all freshers!

TheNuthatch · 17/09/2024 08:18

@Stirmish

Thank you

worriedgal · 17/09/2024 08:39

Our dd is in a flat of 10 in London,she is dyslexic.
She has made a good friend in another girl in her flat who will have a massive workload but the others are international students who don't seem interested in socialising.
She's not a clubber or big drinker but was expecting a more social life I think.
They are very friendly but not interested in moving the conversation past "hi " etc in the kitchen.
Dd is not far from home and definitely struggling with homesickness but we have seen her often and she is really pushing herself out of her comfort zone and meeting a girl from her course today and then is really busy the rest of this week.
I just hope that she finds her tribe soon as she has a very secure friendship group from home and I think that she is not sure how to manage the quiet time and she is lonely.
She is only 3 days in but it feels like forever since she went.
She is planning on coming home this weekend if no plans are made as her friend from her flat is going home then too .
I just keep encouraging her but we are all really hoping that she can stay and have the experience she wants.

Stirmish · 17/09/2024 14:34

TheNuthatch · 17/09/2024 08:18

@Stirmish

Thank you

I also spoke to DD 17 about your DD and her horrific experience

DD mentioned she'd met a couple of people like those dreadful girls but others soon get wind of awful they are and tend to avoid them and not invite them to parties and stuff

DD was upset on your DDs behalf and would never dream of behaving like that and neither would any of her friends.

There are plenty of lovely people around and there's time for them all to discover each other

Once they go back after Christmas they'll all feel a bit more settled

aramox1 · 17/09/2024 14:52

So glad to hear this @TheNuthatch well done your girl.
I never would've expected such behaviour (was shocked by it at my own university 40 years ago)- I too am thinking I should have added some lessons in this kind of stuff to all the other things I said before ds left home. I hope it's not needed but we all know how crowds/anxiety/showing off can take people. It's important kids are aware of their privilege in universities - especially in places with big divides. Freshers week is not great for that, and I think it comes from student unions in fact rather than from the university.

Tortiemiaw · 17/09/2024 16:11

I've had a chat with my D and she is appalled too. She said there are definitely some of those types there but she is looking out for people who look as though they're being treated nastily (we're dead poor and rough and she has a strong sense of justice!).

Ugh. Just ugh

WriterOfWrongs · 17/09/2024 16:47

Stirmish · 17/09/2024 05:52

I slipped into conversation with DS not to take the piss out of strong accents, and that some students might act a bit weird at first because they might be homesick or scared to begin with on the back of this thread.

So whose DC on this thread were you thinking of when you told yours some “might act a bit weird”?

Joke. No need to answer.

But do bear in mind and feel free to tactfully pass on to your DC that some other students may be acting “a bit weird” (and I don’t know what that entails…) not because they’re homesick or scared but because they - like many DC on this thread - have ASD or an anxiety disorder.

SockFluffInTheBath · 17/09/2024 18:32

That’s fantastic @TheNuthatch onwards and upwards!

GetDownkeith · 17/09/2024 19:01

I had to tell someone. Ds is out with friends!!
don’t know how he met them he described it as I’ve been adopted by two people.
I actually felt my shoulders drop and realised just how tense I have been for the last couple of days.
Said I would disturb him and to have fun. I am just so relieved that even if he never sees these people again he is out and has spent an afternoon talking to people he doesn’t know and I know how hard that is for him!
@TheNuthatch I’m so glad your dd managed to put herself out there like that after such a horrible experience. It takes a lot of strength to do that and she is a better woman than me.

WriterOfWrongs · 17/09/2024 19:25

@GetDownkeith Great news!

TheNuthatch · 17/09/2024 19:31

GetDownkeith · 17/09/2024 19:01

I had to tell someone. Ds is out with friends!!
don’t know how he met them he described it as I’ve been adopted by two people.
I actually felt my shoulders drop and realised just how tense I have been for the last couple of days.
Said I would disturb him and to have fun. I am just so relieved that even if he never sees these people again he is out and has spent an afternoon talking to people he doesn’t know and I know how hard that is for him!
@TheNuthatch I’m so glad your dd managed to put herself out there like that after such a horrible experience. It takes a lot of strength to do that and she is a better woman than me.

I'm so happy for you! Best feeling ever!
I hope your ds has a good time and gets a boost of self confidence.
I hope you can enjoy a bit of R&R this evening knowing that he's OK 💐

TheNuthatch · 17/09/2024 19:38

@worriedgal I hope your dd finds her feet. It's very early days so she's got plenty of time to meet like minded people.

TheNuthatch · 17/09/2024 19:52

Dd has had another fabulous day today. I honestly thought she'd be home by now but she's smashing it! Her fortitude never ceases to amaze me.
She has struck gold with her flatmates. Now that they have all finally emerged from their rooms, they're all really lovely people. Dd rarely feels comfortable with people until she's known them for a while, but she said she feels completely at ease with them all. There's a mix of boys and girls, all from the south, all with completely different backgrounds, and no snobbery.

She went out clubbing last night, had a great time and is back out tonight. She has even cooked and eaten with her flatmates! Hooray!!! She's far too busy to talk to me today, which is music to my ears! It's so nice too feel relaxed.

She hasn't had any more trouble, but people keep asking her where she's from out of genuine interest. It turns out that our home city is pretty cool when you're 18 thanks to the Gallagher brothers. Dd said she felt like a minor celeb telling them all which clubs she's frequented 😂

I hope others who are struggling get some good news soon.

HPFA · 17/09/2024 19:54

DD actually came for a cuddle tonight saying "I've just realised I'd better pile these up!!".

She says she just wants to get there and get going now, the past few days she feels she's just been hanging around waiting!

TheNuthatch · 17/09/2024 19:57

HPFA · 17/09/2024 19:54

DD actually came for a cuddle tonight saying "I've just realised I'd better pile these up!!".

She says she just wants to get there and get going now, the past few days she feels she's just been hanging around waiting!

Oh my! I'm not crying, you're crying

When does she go? Weekend I'm assuming?

HPFA · 17/09/2024 20:16

TheNuthatch · 17/09/2024 19:57

Oh my! I'm not crying, you're crying

When does she go? Weekend I'm assuming?

Show quote history

We're driving up on Friday, staying in a hotel overnight and then picking up keys on Saturday. It's a four hour drive each way so I definitely wasn't going to try doing that in one day!

She always comes over as very calm and quite self-contained so the odd times when she does just come for a hug are quite special.

TheNuthatch · 17/09/2024 20:22

HPFA · 17/09/2024 20:16

We're driving up on Friday, staying in a hotel overnight and then picking up keys on Saturday. It's a four hour drive each way so I definitely wasn't going to try doing that in one day!

She always comes over as very calm and quite self-contained so the odd times when she does just come for a hug are quite special.

Show quote history

Bless her, it's lovely when they do this out of the blue. Good luck x

GetDownkeith · 17/09/2024 20:27

@TheNuthatch I honestly feel as much emotion for your dd as I do for my ds reading that. So glad she has had a good day.
Ds just video called me. He looks shattered but he is was in good spirits. He’s not made firm plans with his new friends but have exchanged numbers and are all heading to the same freshers event tomorrow so he’s going to WhatsApp them.
@HPFA enjoy those hugs.

DonInDisguise · 17/09/2024 21:02

TheNuthatch · 16/09/2024 09:36

Sorry to write a negative post, but my dd isn't coping well. We dropped her off at Uni of York on Saturday. She has autism, but it's very mild. She struggles socially sometimes, but she's an absolute master at masking which gets her through most things.
She knew it would be a battle so she signed up for all the freshers events. She's fully aware that she needs to put herself out there to make friends, despite her instinct to hide in her room!

She went to an event with one girl from her flat. They got on a bus and met 5 others from her college. As they were travelling, 4 of them started talking about my dd's accent and putting her down, but they did is as if she wasn't sat there in front of them. She was mortified and didn't feel like she could defend herself, so she just froze. They were awful to her. She was on the phone in tears for two hours. She has quite a thick skin normally, but it really upset her. She said every single person she has met has a really posh accent and shes now paranoid about speaking. She was supposed to go clubbing later but she couldn't face it. She decided to go to the pre drinks instead, rather than hide away. It would have taken a lot of courage to walk into that room. Dd said as soon as she got there, a very posh girl told her to go back to her room if she wasn't joining them on the night out. She then heard the group taking the piss out of her accent as she walked away.
Dd hasn't left her room since. She is on the phone crying most of the time, and she hasn't eaten anything since we left on Saturday because she can't face going to the kitchen. She has crisps and biscuits in her room but nothing else.
I'm so angry! I have reminded her that she is a northerner, studying at a northern university, and she has every feckin right to speak how she does. How dare they 😡. Every person outside the university walls will speak in exactly the same accent as my dd!
I've messaged her this morning trying to get her to go and get some breakfast. I told her that I would chat to her whilst she was in the kitchen but she won't go. I'm obviously really upset, but I'm not letting her see or hear it. I just want to jump in the car and rescue her 😩.
I'm really worried about her. She has already booked a train to come home on Friday for the weekend, and I'm worried that she won't be able to go back on Sunday.
My older son is at uni abroad so this isn't my first rodeo. He never experienced anything like this!
Any ideas or advice?

That's shit. What nasty bullying. Your poor DD. (I know things have moved on since your post and I hope your DD is feeling better.)

I have a very strong accent and have had many similar comments over the years (but went to a uni with an even stronger, different local one which people are very proud of), so yes - a certain group of southern English people do think that someone with a northern accent is stupid by default. It pays to be thick skinned but I know that this might not work with the social anxiety and it was crushing in freshers' week to be rejected by people for that reason. I quickly realised that they weren't worth it and met much nicer people (and they quickly realised that they were outnumbered and generally laughed at, but that might not be true in York uni). Just as they think she's rough though, they will also (probably) be scared of her because she's 'ard (another ridiculous stereotype). I found that adopting a 'don't fuck with me' persona was very helpful.

Officially, your DD could request a move. Does she have a mentor or contact in student services? Are they on her course (do you happen to know)?

DonInDisguise · 17/09/2024 21:05

TheNuthatch · 17/09/2024 19:52

Dd has had another fabulous day today. I honestly thought she'd be home by now but she's smashing it! Her fortitude never ceases to amaze me.
She has struck gold with her flatmates. Now that they have all finally emerged from their rooms, they're all really lovely people. Dd rarely feels comfortable with people until she's known them for a while, but she said she feels completely at ease with them all. There's a mix of boys and girls, all from the south, all with completely different backgrounds, and no snobbery.

She went out clubbing last night, had a great time and is back out tonight. She has even cooked and eaten with her flatmates! Hooray!!! She's far too busy to talk to me today, which is music to my ears! It's so nice too feel relaxed.

She hasn't had any more trouble, but people keep asking her where she's from out of genuine interest. It turns out that our home city is pretty cool when you're 18 thanks to the Gallagher brothers. Dd said she felt like a minor celeb telling them all which clubs she's frequented 😂

I hope others who are struggling get some good news soon.

I'm so glad to hear this! Good luck to her.

My DD has autism and is about to go, so I'm nervous too.

Pleasealexa · 17/09/2024 21:28

Ds moved in on Sunday and has had 2 very late nights. He's met lots of people but doesn't think he has met his tribe yet.

He's also had welcome sessions with his academic tutors and seemed really impressed with them so optimistic for his studies..with the focus on getting them settled and happy in Uni accomodation it's easy to forget they are there to study!

I felt very sad after leaving him but it is getting easier. It has helped that he has called a few times and we've had lots of text updates so I still feel connected.

Stirmish · 17/09/2024 21:33

@WriterOfWrongs DS is on the spectrum himself so I was also letting him know it's ok feel out of sorts himself

It's MN and I don't want to write an essay to justify every comment I make

But I'm aware MNetters love to nit pick and pull apart every sentence they can if possible to twist and turn to their satisfaction

Stirmish · 17/09/2024 21:36

Also my DC don't live in a bubble

They have plenty of friends who are SEN and from diverse backgrounds

But thanks @WriterOfWrongs for your passive aggressive insight

But you've got it all wrong

Stirmish · 17/09/2024 21:39

@TheNuthatch that's lovely news. So happy it's worked out well so soon

WriterOfWrongs · 17/09/2024 22:49

Stirmish · 17/09/2024 21:36

Also my DC don't live in a bubble

They have plenty of friends who are SEN and from diverse backgrounds

But thanks @WriterOfWrongs for your passive aggressive insight

But you've got it all wrong

Wasn’t passive aggressive, I was openly taking the piss.

I was bemused by the arguable tactlessness of you saying you’d been inspired by this thread to tell your DS that some may ‘act a bit weird at first’.

WriterOfWrongs · 17/09/2024 22:56

They have plenty of friends who are SEN

Also @Stirmish and this is a bugbear of mine as someone with SEN, fyi people are not SEN, they have SEN. It’s an important but respectful difference, even though done with no ill intent. It’s not too far off from verbally saying - as I’ve heard several people do - that someone “is special needs”.