Uni starters 2024

[radiator2]

The countdown is on. Uni move in has started for some unis and is right around the corner for others. How are we all feeling? Wishing the best of luck to all freshers!

Thank you so much, @radiator2, for starting this thread. It is doing me the world of good.

D-day for us is today. We're dropping off DD at her uni about 3 hours away. Like many of you, I had been doing fine, caught up in the practicalities (I love a list and ticking things off it😁), but last night it all hit me really hard and, not in front of her, I had a proper cry. She knows I'm sad, though. She's also the typical mix of excited and apprehensive. DH is more sanguine, and endlessly supportive and gentle, thankfully.

It's been so good to read that we are fairly typical, and of the relief that comes from seeing them settle in. I'm almost back to feeling excited for and proud of her!

The poster who mentioned that impossibly tiny Venn diagram of "healthy food they'll actually eat" made me laugh. Last night I was in such a funk that the thought of no longer having to factor that diagram into the weekly shop made me cry even more, but I feel better now.

I hope those of you who have dropped in the last couple of weeks, and your kids, are doing really well, and good luck and Godspeed to those of you who've got it coming. Please keep posting, cos reading your stories is so comforting.

It has been a godsend connecting with other parents going through the same thing for me too. I know exactly how you will be feeling today because its the same way I was feeling last Saturday when we dropped DD at LJMU. Honestly, for me personally, its been pretty brutal. This first week since leaving her has been an emotional one and I have felt a bit lost. Her empty room, the quietness, the sudden realisation that I may not see her until Christmas, not adding her favourite foods to my weekly shopping list. All things that have hit me like a ton of bricks this week. But on the plus side DD has been messaging often which has really helped and the fact she seems happy enough, has made friends, is socialising and is embracing the experience has made me feel much better on the whole about things. I think about her all the time and am constantly wondering if she is okay and wonder what she is doing but I know that will pass as I get used to her not being at home. We have a facetime call planned for later today but only after she has been out with her friend this afternoon.

I am so excited for my DD and I want her to adore uni and thrive but I already miss her and I feel sad at the moment. It is so tough waving our 'babies' off into the world and I do have to keep reminding herself she is not a 'baby' any more but an adult and she is so ready for this. It is just me that is not. But ultimately of course I will be okay but for now I am just allowing myself to feel what I feel.

I hope that everything goes smoothly today. One thing I will say is go with the flow. We planned to stay and take our DD to lunch after we had got all her things in but it became clear to us that she wanted to stay in her room and sort her space out and make it nice, and she wanted to do this by herself. So we had some subtle hints that she wanted us to go and leave her to it. Her flatmates were all already there and all sorting their things out too and I think she just wanted to be in the moment with them too.

Good Luck and take some tissues for the journey home xx

Thank you, @Lulubellamozarella. not adding her favourite foods to my weekly shopping list, urgh, I know. A friend keeps buying them (not the ones that go off, obviously), and puts them away for when her child comes home. I thought it was thoughtful and practical (the treats are usually expensive and this saves them money), but I now wonder if there's more to it.

I'm so pleased to hear your daughter is doing so well.

We are staying with friends in the city until Sunday. I know we will be summarily dismissed after drop-off, and tomorrow is Freshers Fair, so I'm not expecting to see her again until Sunday to do a big shop with her. The car is so full that we couldn't take more than a few food essentials to see her through until Sunday.

But your comment reminds me to stay open to even Sunday not happening, thank you.

In the midst of my tears yesterday I reminded myself that, if I want her to have the happy, fulfilled life I've always dreamed of for her, this is an essential step. That helped a bi.

As you say, we have to send them out into the world (it's like another, albeit much smaller, birth experience, I guess), and the fact that your daughter is adapting so well is testament to how you have raised her. Well done. X

Thank you.

Stay in touch and let us know how it goes and how she gets on. Will be keeping everything crossed that she settles well. It definitely makes it easier for us parents if they are settled and happy.

The poster who mentioned that impossibly tiny Venn diagram of "healthy food they'll actually eat" made me laugh. Last night I was in such a funk that the thought of no longer having to factor that diagram into the weekly shop made me cry even more, but I feel better now.

That was me. DD lived in a shared house last year (about five miles away) and I have to admit the one thing DP and I did thoroughly enjoy about that was being able to eat whatever we liked and try new recipes.

Ds moved into Warwick yesterday. If anyone is moving into Warwick their check in procedure is fantastic. How it worked for us, Ds is in the Lakeside/Heronbank/Sherborne area for accommodation. We drove into their multi-storey car park (Kirby Corner) you are greeted and told which bay to reverse into, there are cones in every other space so loads of room. A person comes over with a clipboard, goes to the window of the student, checks their ID and writes your reg plate down on a form. They then put a Check In in Progress A4 sheet on your windscreen so they can see who has been processed. Another person comes to the car with the room key and a map. They give you 30 minutes from that point and you follow the colour coded symbols for your accommodation. All that info is on the map they give you, the route is also marked out so you can see where you are going.

Honestly, the best check in process. Plus when Ds got to his room there was a door hanger on the desk along with other stuff so you can fill in your name, course, where you are from and a bit about yourself and then hang that on the outside of your door so people can see what rooms are occupied (Ds was first in) and a bit about your flat mates without actually having to do the face to face meeting and asking those same questions. A good visual for when others move in so they know how many rooms are occupied.

Ds was out exploring the campus, made himself a lovely dinner, was impressed with the internet speed and slept well. It is all I could ask for. He is our second to go to uni and I am confident he will do well but knows we will travel in the dead of night to get to him for whatever he needs.

Best of luck for anyone moving their children in from this point on. The beauty of today is the instant connection, whether a phone call, face-timing or messaging, you are able to contact them and they are able to contact you. Unlike me trekking to a phone box to call my parents.

I guess our primary role as parents is to gradually teach, encourage, promote safe, age appropriate levels of independence and eventually (hopefully) produce a decent, capable, fully functioning adult.....but there's also the instinct to nurture, look after and try to protect them as well .....and sending then off to uni is literally like a clash of all these things!

Lol, about the more interesting/exciting food, that's a big plus in our house too....although I was quite outraged that I spent the same as usual, in Tesco even without all DDs expensive preferences. I usually blame the cats but I didn't even get anything for them because we had stocked up

@Fizbosshoes oh my god your first paragraph sums it up exactly. The mixed emotions are crazy and its been a bit of a struggle to be honest.

Yes, why is the middle of the diagram always the expensive options?! DD has been increasingly adventurous in food in the past year or so, part of her new adventures in adulthood I think.

This is a lovely thread. Unlike many online interactions, people are mostly here for good, not sniping. If we met irl we'd no doubt find deeply held differences of opinion and might come away with totally different impressions of one another. But here, we're all here for mutual support on a big thing we have in common. It gives me hope in humanity. Best wishes to you all.

Yes! Always expensive options DH and I joked that DD needed to stock up on steak, prawns, and Monster energy drinks before she left.

She's been reduced to eating Mussels and drinking cheap energy drinks, along with other things she'd never touch at home (beans on toast).... Funny how she hasn't splashed out on a steak yet . Suspect she'll put an order in for the expensive stuff before she arrives back at Christmas.

Yesterday she asked for a student cook book, which has just been delivered. She has never voluntarily cooked if someone else will do it for her.

@TenSheds I know, MN was set up to be a supportive place where parents could openly talk about issues and there would hopefully be others who had been through who could impart knowledge. I tend to stay off aibu board which is a shit show. Specific threads like these usually go well, everyone is in the same boat dropping off children to uni and the reason I posted about the Warwick move in process so someone either this year or maybe next year when looking for info can see how it is done. I like knowing this.

As this is my second child it was a more streamlined packing process, ie Ds had already put his covers on his pillow and duvet, less faffing in the room if you have already done this. We vacu packed all bed stuff into a suitcase and any bags/storage boxes he would use in his room where used to transport his stuff meaning we could bring the suitcases back and anything else lives in his room with a purpose. So under bed plastic tubs and some old Ikea storage things from home that fit precisely into a blue Ikea bag that helps hold its shape, the blue bags came home and the other stuff is under his bed.

Dropped DD2 back at uni for her second year yesterday.

It was just as hard.

I came home and couldn't even speak to DH. Went straight up to her room and cuddled with her cats and cried for two hours before I was ready to come down again.

DH is not an outwardly emotional person, unlike me!

But he was sitting at the kitchen table sobbing 😢

I will say the tears were quicker to stop than last year, hours rather than days.

We're now getting used to the new normal again, which certainly has its merits 😝

@drivinmecrazy the dropping off and coming back to an empty house sucks! We dropped our DD at LJMU on Saturday for her first year and I just can't cope with how quiet the house is. Her absence is so obvious. We are used to her not being home as she had an active social life and was often away for days at a time at her boyfriends or a festival but we knew she was coming home. This time it seems more final. She will unlikely be home now before Christmas unless she has a reading week that she comes back for, although we will go up there to see her.

I cried a lot in the first couple of days and now I just feel a bit down and sad. I know it will get better as I have been here before when my eldest DD left home 4 years ago. So for now I am just trying to be kind to myself and allowing myself to feel what I feel. But its so tough!

That sounds awesome, @PicklerOfCrochet. We also get a parking spot for 30 minutes (it doesn't seem long enough, but I'm sure the briskness is deliberate), but the process sounds a bit less planned than yours.

Yes, lulubella (won't let me tag you), DH tried to console me reminding me that she's been away for extended periods before, but the finality of the moving out for uni feels new and raw.

Have you thought of going to see her? I've seen recommendations that they shouldn't come back home in the first few weeks, as if they are homesick there's the risk they won't want to leave again (I've also seen something similar mentioned on this thread). But going over to them seems fine? We've got a day planned in 2 weeks so I can take down anything else that's needed and bring back anything that's not. And I'm already counting down to Reading Week on the assumption she'll get it. I must admit, if this first stint was longer than 6 weeks I would be in much worse shape.

Him can I join? My youngest is going into 2nd year (though it's really 3rd year as he did a foundation year) but my oldest has started this week as a mature student (at the ripe old age of 22!)

@Karmaisagod yes seeing them at their uni shows you support them, are willing to travel to them and hopefully reassures them. If they come home then there is a risk they just think it is easier not to go back. Inaction is easier, to not do something. It gets better when freshers is finished especially in smaller places where the student population is a large part of the overall place. Freshers is just first years with a small number of 2nd, 3rd and 4th years who are usually involved with the uni in some role or helping freshers capacity. The weekend before uni starts is when the rest arrive, in terms of numbers think of 1st years as a 3rd of the student population. It starts to feel more alive and bustling, people walking to lectures, off to the library to study, it feels more real than this sort of playing at uni that freshers feels. Ds1 agrees with what I have written, he felt like that.

When they talk about unloading the car it is literally that, just removing the stuff and taking it to the room, then move the car, then sort the room. So all 4 of us took the first load, I had a door stop in my bag so propped the door, I stayed in the room moving around the cases/bags that has just been dropped in the corridor and Dh, Ds1 and Ds2 returned to the car for the next load. Dh then moved the car whilst Ds1 and I unpacked Ds2's kitchen stuff after Ds2 had chosen a cupboard. I also rearranged all the shelves in the fridges and freezers so everyone had the same amount of space.

We had organised the bags into different parts of the room, all bathroom stuff together, kitchen equipment together, the desk top so all the cables, stands, keyboard, mouse all together, desk drawer stuff - stationery, pads etc again all together. They are also in matching bags/storage per area to make it easy to see what is what. I know I have ocd and yes it shows but I use it to my advantage and it helps keep my mind tidy. It also makes unpacking easy and all the bags etc fit into the suitcases that can be wheeled back to wherever the car now is.

@Comefromaway how lovely, you are never too old for uni. Having two at uni at the same time can be problematic in terms of start and end of term dates for being able to collect them with their stuff for Christmas etc so I hope that works well for you.

DD was dropped off on Saturday. I was ok until yesterday (well, I may have decided to spring clean the cupboards which was a big distracting job) when it suddenly hit me.

I was messaging DD about how she was getting on when she suddenly said "you're asking a lot of questions". I (of course) instantly stopped and instead told her a not very interesting anecdote about something that happened at work, but now I am overthinking that maybe I am messaging her too much and annoying her. But I don't want to not message and her to think I don't care (told you I was overthinking!).

I think Fresher's week is very difficult (and probably too long). DD is quite sociable, but she's nervous about drinking without friends around her and, although she's going out to the evening events, she's sitting around in her room for most of the day unless there's an official subject/university induction meeting. She also said that although she's met lots of people it's all very short superficial conversations and most she'll never see again. I suspect most people don't meet their "proper" friends in Freshers' week.

I think we hear a lot about the mad party animals at Freshers week and also about the introvert/neurodivergent students who find it all a bit overwhelming, so thought it might be interesting to share an insight from a student who's somewhere in the middle of these two opposites.

@redskydarknight that is exactly how I am at the moment!! I am messaging DD every day and we are exchanging one of two messages but I feel I am asking her lots of questions but its just because I want to know everything and I am excited for her. But I think it has been annoying her a bit. Yesterday I held off messaging her until the evening and even contemplated not messaging at all but then I was thinking what if she is waiting for me to message and is wondering why mum hasn't bothered messaging today. I am overthinking it all. If I don't message enough will she be disappointed but then again am I messaging too much!!?? We have a facetime call planned for later so I will just talk to her about it when we chat because its slowly stressing me out!! 😂This is my first DC going to uni so I have no idea how to play this as a parent.

I've been the same - wanting to message so DD knows I'm thinking about her....but then not wanting to be suffocating etc!
We messaged a lot the first 2 days, then it tapered off a bit.
Then on Wednesday I knew she was going to a gig on the train on her own (meeting a friend there) so requested she messaged when she got home (she messaged lots on the train and then failed to let me know she was home....until i asked and she said shed been in 10 min!) Although obviously that's something I'm going to need to let go of because I won't know when/where she's going, or who with.

Yesterday she called because she wanted to know how delay repay worked and because she was miffed she got a leaflet about getting a free drink from a smoothie bar but when she got there the offer was closed!

When I don't hear from her I assume/hope it's because she's got better things to do with more intersting people than mum! 😊

DD was determined to give it a good go and not run home on the first weekend and we talked about it before she went. We both said it wouldn't be a good idea to come home for a least the first few weeks so she can give herself chance to settle properly and get the full experience. However I have said to her that I am happy to go up to her after that for the weekend if she wants me to. At the moment we are playing it by ear and she will let me know if she wants me. I am currently just letting her call the shots. I am hoping she gets a reading week and wants to come home for that but she may decide to stay there? Who knows? I just want her to do what she wants to do and not feel pressured to come back for me. When she comes back I want it to be because she wants to.

This stint for us though is longer than 6 weeks as she doesn't get an official holiday from uni until she breaks up for Christmas on 13th December so unless she pops back for a long weekend or comes home during reading week (providing she even gets one) then she won't be home until then. Part of me thinks she will come back at some point though. Mainly to see her dogs!! 😂

Are they both living out? Will you be an empty nester for the first time?

But I don't want to not message and her to think I don't care (told you I was overthinking!).

When DD was living away from home I sent her a short Email every Sunday just giving any news and deliberately not asking any questions. No pressure on her to reply - although if she did I responded of course.

Let her know I was thinking of her.

Yes, they are both living out. I was an empty nester two years ago when ds left for uni but he kept coming back to visit at weekends as he had music commitments in our home town.

Then dd came back home just over a year ago when she decided on a career change and so she could start saving for uni.

We actually got graced with a video call yesterday. She looked and sounded really happy and was full of gossip about other houses and her new friends and all she'd done. It was lovely and heart rending all at the same time.

On a positive note, her room here is almost redecorated !!