Uni starters 2024

[radiator2]

The countdown is on. Uni move in has started for some unis and is right around the corner for others. How are we all feeling? Wishing the best of luck to all freshers!

I’m so sorry to hear your DD’s been struggling. I feel for you. My DD is also autistic and again, on ‘the surface’ you wouldn’t know. My DD seems to be selling in well, but I know the anxiety you must be feeling from times in the past.

@TheNuthatch well done your DD - I’m glad she’s feeling angry and not (just) upset anymore.

I think the strength your daughter has shown after being treated like that is remarkable and I hope she knows that. To manage to bounce back she should be massively proud of herself x

Catching up after work, how amazing is your DD @TheNuthatch to have the resilience to get out there again after such an awful experience.I really hope she makes some lovely friends to restore her confidence.

@Stirmish if it helps, my DC has started this year at Exeter. Early days but so far so good. Everyone is very friendly and they are helping each other navigate freshers. She's in self catered accommodation.

@TheNuthatch well done to your DD. What shallow people to make such comments. Best wishes to her and to you.

Mine is struggling a bit too. I think it’s more perceived by her than actually happening if that makes sense. She had a hard time at school and is worried about a repeat. I feel sick though, thinking about all of us/them that are struggling.

@TheNuthatch well done your DD for being able to get back out there. What nasty little madams, I’m glad they’re not in her flat. Hopefully she will have bumped into the reclusive flatmates and found some kindred spirits. It’s really your worst fear, you just want them to be ok.

Thank you all for all your kind messages and DMs today. It means a lot! I'm really shocked at how common this is after reading some of my dm's. Also sorry for hijacking the thread today!

Just thought I'd update you all. Dd has has a good day today. She met her flatmates and they all seem lovely. She enjoyed the event this afternoon. When they got back, she ventured into the kitchen and ate some fruit. She then messaged her next door neighbour to see if she wanted to go and get some food. They walked to greggs bakery and ate it on dd's bed. She's now gone clubbing in York.

Tomorrow's another day, but I cannot tell you how relieved dh and I feel tonight! I just hope she doesn't encounter any more shit tonight whilst she's out!

So glad she’s had a better day today 😊 I live in York and when I read your first message wanted to go and tell the mean girls where to go!

Both my two are away now - DD in first year at Bristol and DS in second year at Newcastle. House feels rather empty…

Such a lovely update @TheNuthatch I sometimes wonder if the mothers of the mean girls are on here, oblivious that this is how their daughters are behaving.

Oh phew @TheNuthatch such a relief for you all.

My own daughter (also autistic) moved in on Saturday and seems to be settling in well - phew again!

She’s in a flat of 7 girls and says they’re all really nice. It was one of the girl’s 19th birthday today and DD baked her a chocolate ganache cake! She said that each of her other flatmates (bar the birthday girl) gave her one ingredient for the cake so she only had to buy chocolate and cream, and they all enjoyed it and the birthday girl said it was the best cake she’d ever had. Isn’t that all lovely?! I’m v proud of DD.

That's so lovely of your dd, you're right to be so proud of her! I'm glad she's settling well, her flat sounds great.

I think this is exactly what is happening with mine. She had no friends at school and now is so anxious about having friends she is paralysed with fear and therefore not managing to make any friends. I feel sick with stress, feel like I could have a full time job supporting her!

DD goes on Sunday! The closer it gets the more nervous I am. Glad to hear some of your DCs are doing well and that the DD in York has had a better day today. It’s hit me all of a sudden that in 6 short days I’ll be leaving DD and might not see her again until December. The thought of leaving her all alone in a new city is terrifying. We’re at the have everything but still need to pack and prepare stage. It feels so unnatural preparing for your child to leave when their whole life so far has been about me protecting her. But she’s old enough and she’s ready to go.

Fabulous update, thrilled for you and your daughter x

I dropped my DD at LJMU on Saturday and I agree, leaving her all alone in a strange city felt terrifying. It goes against every instinct I had as a Mum. We live in a semi rural area so city life is not something she is used to. As we drove away I just kept thinking how I was getting further and further away from her. It was really hard. One of the things that helped was my DD had been able to find her flatmates online and they had all been chatting in a group chat for some time before they all met each other which helped massively. They have been each others support system in these first few days and have got on very well. It has helped me so much to know she is not alone and that they are all in the same boat. Luckily she has been okay and messaged me on the first night to say they were all going out to McDonalds and then to the local Wetherspoons. Sunday they all went out for Sunday lunch and then round some bars and tonight they are off out again. She seems happy enough and seems to be embracing uni life so far.

The hardest thing I have found is not knowing what she is doing every day. I have found myself thinking about her all the time, wondering what she is doing and hoping she is okay. Then I get a message where she tells me what she has been up to and then I feel okay again for a while. I know that will get better as time goes on and I will get to a point where she doesn't occupy every thought.

Good Luck for the weekend. I hope your DD settles quickly. It certainly does make it much easier on us parents if they do xx

That’s exactly it. Mine did join in with drinks in their flat last night and I think is doing something tonight but it’s very small steps.

I think/hope when lectures start, things will be easier.

I hope all our children keep going until things improve.

Mine started a week ago. Went to lots of stuff last week, burnt herself out and hasn't seen anyone for the past 4 days. Just seems to be getting worse and worse. Started classes today and that didn't go well either as she has just got herself into a state. It is incredibly hard to see it happening and I feel like it might not be salvageable for her now.

Oh I’m sorry. Mine only started on Saturday.

Has she said she wants to come home?

I felt sick reading that. I think my dd would have been a lot happier without a freshers week. It's really hard for kids with autism. I understand what you mean when you say that you don't think it's salvageable too. We call it the death spiral in our house, when we know that our dd has reached the point of no return.
I know exactly how you are feeling right now, sending you a huge virtual hug 💐

This is ds as well. He spoke to people at school but no real friends. Now he’s scared.
I can’t stop worrying but at the same time giving myself a shake telling myself in a few months this will all be a distant memory.
I’m literally exhausted tonight after the weekend and now all the worrying I’m doing. I’ve given myself a headache now.

@TheNuthatch Solidarity with you. Your DD sounds wonderful, and just the sort of person I hope makes friends with my DS.

Waves to all the other mums of autistic freshers. What incredible young people we have who go out of their comfort zone, I hope some are at the same uni and cross paths.

DS went to a talk today, then a student food thing. So he has been out. His flatmates have been very reclusive, he has hardly seen them which is a huge worry, but also perhaps they are sitting in their rooms worried about going out?! He has made some other connections though. Hoping tomorrow is better for all.

Autistic Dd is really struggling with the noise. I’m starting to wonder if halls was a bad idea. She cannot sleep due to the partying and shrieking. Someone rapped on her window earlier and really frightened her. Her flatmates have all been cooking together and going out together. She has declined to go out clubbing and she’s a veggie - they all cooked steak for dinner. She told me she had to clean all the mess off the stove. She said they didn’t acknowledge her this evening when she came into the kitchen. It’s a flat of 4! I’m worried like hell and just hope that things improve for her when freshers week properly begins next week.
I am also wondering why she filled in a questionnaire sent by the uni accommodation staff to try and match her with like minded people! I hope everyone else’s dc settle in and find their tribes.

@42isthemeaning look into moving rooms asap. Is there a way to report online for help?
when I was in halls, people moved as they found they didn’t gel with others. She deserves happiness.
Where DS is, there are quiet halls and there is a way to report problems, unhappiness and things like people banging on windows. I hope tomorrow is a better day for her

I slipped into conversation with DS not to take the piss out of strong accents, and that some students might act a bit weird at first because they might be homesick or scared to begin with on the back of this thread.