Uni starters 2024

[radiator2]

The countdown is on. Uni move in has started for some unis and is right around the corner for others. How are we all feeling? Wishing the best of luck to all freshers!

@mrsconradfisher Has your DS met anyone in the neighbouring flats? He could try setting up a movie night as an ice breaker? Hopefully the 2nd years will be much more welcoming.

Hi everyone, our DD moved into uni last Saturday, she was so excited and is struggling. None of the people in her halls ( 7 of them) are socialising, everyone has been respectful kitchen is clean etc but they don't seem interested in any nights out, or even nights in together.
She's joined clubs, and lectures start next week but she's feeling like she's the only one there with no friendship groups 😭. It's so hard.

We are going to see her for lunch on Saturday just to break up the weekend. But it hasn't been the freshers she was hoping for. I just hope she finds some friends soon.

It's so hard to see her a little sad. She's been very matter if fact about it but 😭

It's a tough start waiting for lectures to begin if instant friendships don't happen in your flat. In fact many of those early groups don't last but it's hard to see them busy and looking like they are having fun.

Only 1 of my 3 DC made good friends in their first year flat. The other had a polite flat but nothing in common really and the middle one had someone stealing food and it was awful.

They all went on to have friends through societies or course and gradually building up groups. Good luck to your DD.

Hi, @fussygalore118, this is probably just a very early days hitch. I have no previous experience of this, but I've read people on this thread say that the friendships hastily made during Freshers don't always last, and that in fact some people struggle to ditch them afterwards. Hopefully once your DD starts her course she'll start meeting her people.

It must be worrying for you, and it's lovely that you can go to see her. Good luck to her.

I do wish there wasn't all the hype over freshers week, as it either leaves YP feeling they have failed if they don't want to leap into every activity or equally failed if they haven't met their people in the first few days. It's frightening the number of posts on another well known SM site where YP want to move halls or come home within the first few days. I'm sure the universities themselves are partly to blame by having such a delay before courses start. I know some YP have been in situ for a fortnight without as much as a whiff of a lecture or seminar.

Wise words from @ButIsItArt . The first few weeks are hard for some, but friendships made in the first few days may be fleeting (discourage your DC from oversharing with their new buddies) and they will quickly settle into the rhythm of structured work, library, sport, music, gaming or afternoon tea soc.

Freshers week is most enjoyable as a 2nd year

One thing some DC may find helpful is to schedule a WhatsApp call with their friends from school, or even a meet up in each other's new town if they are close enough. That often gives them the chance to be themselves again for a while, without having to try too hard. They can compare notes and moan about the loud/quiet/weird people they've met with others going through exactly the same thing.

At the same time, discourage the BF/GF coming to stay every weekend in the early days.

I really can't remember my freshers' week (which probably speaks for itself!) but can agree that while I loosely hung out with people in my block as an enormous group, I didn't really have much in common with them and made proper friends once the course started. The large group stayed friends throughout the first year, but I didn't keep in touch after. The first person I clicked with I met in the queue outside the lecture theatre; we're still friends now. It's still very early days for new starters.

Yes, having dropped DC off last weekend, I agree that freshers week is a long wait for the real thing to start. The induction sessions are sparsely spread out over the week and could be covered in a morning or day at most, which one day someone will hopefully implement. Some days there is nothing planned at all by the department. I guess they assume students are drinking all night and sleeping all day, but most students aren't like this any more and it's very challenging for a less extroverted type to spend a week mostly in their room wondering why very little is happening. Even the majority of the societies haven't started running regular sessions yet, I think because they are run by older students who don't need to be there in freshers week.
Fingers crossed things pick up when lectures start next week, just an empty weekend to navigate first...

Thank you all so much, it's really reassuring to hear other experience and sensibly I know she's not alone, and she is not horribly miserable, but it's trying to manage expectations.

Thank you again.

I think DD is ready for freshers week to end. She’s surface level friends with most of her flatmates but they’re all very different. She’s definitely the more introverted one of them all, while she’s been out clubbing a little bit in freshers it’s not really her scene. She’s comfortable where she is but I’m hoping she finds some long term connections. I just hope she finds her tribe sooner rather than later. People are already talking about second year houses, which seems a bit hasty to me. Told her not to sign herself up for anything like that yet

I think freshers week can be over hyped. Luckily for dd her induction week was very full on, she was in every day although she did say her flatmates barely had any sessions. Sports science must be an anomaly. !

I haven't found out what DD1's flatmates are like yet, but yesterday she sent us photos of an organised hiking trip she went on. Very wholesome!

I did a 5yr course and enjoyed Freshers every year. Our course had a 42wk year so we were back studying from the beginning of Sept, freshers was a nice distraction. We had a very active student society that organised a number of social events for freshers on our course. I remember in my 5th year being talked into driving one of the mini buses for the “pub crawl & intro to the Birm curry triangle”. We ended to evening mopping out the minibus at 2am.

I agree that Freshers Week is over hyped. Also the build up on social media is not helpful for some. DD was overwhelmed by all the group chats and didn't join any until the last minute. I think checking in with people before going can be really useful in some ways but a huge pressure in others. I have seen some of the social media with flatmates saying how great they all are and I wonder how long that will last. No wonder some people feel left out.

DD has lost 2 key cards in a many weeks and is only getting in touch when she wants something. I am telling myself this is a good thing but I miss her so much and I am desperate for a bit of news.

DD didn't really do freshers. Her cohort is only 60 and a lot are international and didn't seem bothered

She's meant to have 5 sharing but so far only 3. One boy who doesn't speak, eats eggs at every meal, leaves dishes and empties the bin but never takes it down. And a girl who's very quiet but they've chatted briefly about herbal tea and shared DD kettle

DD has come home 4 times already.......I'm afraid she will start being a bit lonely

DD feels a bit the same. She has 2 days a week in uni and 1 online and has only really spoken to 2 others on her course

Make use of the library & coffee shops, say hi to people in them, get to lectures early and linger afterwards. Ask if anyone wants to do the online stuff together

I think there is so much pressure on them to find friends and be out socialising all the time and if they are not doing that then it's seen as there's something wrong. I have worried about my yp as they haven't been out much because I compare her experience to mine where going out was the thing to be doing.

But I've got to go by her and the first week has gone well. We have messaged every day and spoken three times and she seems really happy. She loves her flat, her flat mates seem really nice and they chat during meal times in the kitchen. They don't seem to be the going out type either. She's been on one night out with one of her flat mates. She met her best friend in the city (they are in a different uni in the same city) and is meeting two college friends on Sunday. She's met three people on her course, and I think when the lectures start she will meet more people. She's a bit under the weather today but I packed her a big medicine box so she's sorted for lemsip 🤣🤣 She has been homesick a few times but is dealing with it.

I have found this last week tough. I cried a lot the first few days but am getting there. I really miss her but I've been busy with work and arranging to meet with friends which has helped. We told her not to come home the first two weeks unless she really needs to but she's visiting the week after and I'm excited about that. Hope the second week goes ok.

It would be better if there was a way they could express preferences before accommodation allocation.
Mine deliberately picked 12 share flat/cheaper accommodation (no ensuite) to maximise chances of a social flat and it has paid off but pure luck of draw.
It’s hit me harder at 2 week mark but seeing her next weekend as she’s coming home for a concert.

@Angrymum22

Did they do the Mick’s cafe race in your day?

We were able to do this, she chose single sex, quieter accomodation as her preferences.

My daughter had the choice of 6 females or 2 male/4 female and she had no preference but is in an all girls flat. And we chose the most expensive nicest accomodation. Virtually all was ensuite.
On one of the open days the guy doing the accomodation presentation was quite rude shirty when asked about quiet accomodation or alcohol free flats.i was quite amazed (I know I wasn't the only one who was a bit taken aback)

DD took the only accommodation she could get - her uni doesn't have its own halls and she didn't feel confident going straight to a house share so has an en-suite room with a shared kitchen in a student halls type place

Of course another idea is to step away from the uni environment & do something in the community. Local rugby, football & running clubs all welcome new members. If a choir, dance or church is their thing, there will always be things they can join.