Uni starters 2024

[radiator2]

The countdown is on. Uni move in has started for some unis and is right around the corner for others. How are we all feeling? Wishing the best of luck to all freshers!

@HistoryMmam They have to set up things like a bin emptying rota etc, Ds2 is on the flat whatsapp but two international students are not on it. Everyone needs to be on it for any flat issues that need raising. Flat group chats are normal. Ds's is very neat and tidy and has never left a mess in the kitchen here. He hates mess and especially some random strangers cooking mess left all over the hob. I have told him start stacking it all together and leave it in one place in the kitchen. It is what Ds1 and his flatmates started to do in their halls. It means someone has to rifle through everybody else's dirty plates and pans to get to their own dirty stuff to wash it and reduces the number of times they just leave all their dirty things soaking in the sink. I could show you photos that would make you heave from that flat. No decent person wants to prepare food in a dirty kitchen.

He will be joining a few societies, he is very a sociable chap.

Hello @Comefromaway from one of your original buddies!

DD has started a postgraduate at a university which got a bit of a slating a few pages back. If anything DD has had the opposite experience, with quite a few "what on earth are you doing here?" comments which gave the impression they thought she was slumming it now. I suppose all I'm trying to say is that every university has the full caboodle of personalities and backgrounds. It's luck of the draw whether you encounter a future Boris Johnson or someone truly lovely in your first few days. Don't write off ANY university based on one or two bad initial experiences.

We're slipping back into old habits as she's had a year as home (like Comefromaway's DD) to save up. We tend to get a WhatsApp call every 1 to 2 weeks, but message about all kinds of rubbish throughout the day. It's worked for us for the last 4 years. Others will prefer to leave their YP to their own devices. A family WhatsApp group seems to work for most, along with pet pictures.

One thing DD does by mutual agreement is to share her location with us or her BF if she is walking alone at night. It gives her reassurance as well as us.

Yes, @PicklerOfCrochet They all need to be on board with these things and there is no excuse for people leaving a disgusting mess for others to deal with. Good to get these things sorted out in the early stages before they escalate.

Waves to H20! 👋

@PicklerOfCrochet sorry to hear about your DS' woes. It sounds very frustrating for him. One piece of advice I picked up from a recent thread on what to buy uni students, was to get them a washing up bowl where they can leave their own dirty plates and cutlery if they're not able to wash them right away, so that at least they're out of their flatmates' way. I know that doesn't help him because he's the tidy one. You do wonder about the selfishness and crust of some people, right?

@Karmaisagod He wants to wash up immediately, literally dish up the food and wash up which will take less than 2 minutes to wash and dry. If things get left they are harder to clean. I have given him rubber gloves and told him lift up anything left out and put it all in one pile in one area of the kitchen. They don't give a shit about you or anyone else paying an eye watering sum to share that space why should you care about what they think.

I had an email from DD to say she'd been out dancing for four hours with some girls doing her subject - said she was shattered but "it was such a fun evening" .

Doesn't sound like much but DD is very low key so when she expresses enthusiasm you know it's pretty good!

Had an entertaining exchange of texts today with DS today. He’s not impressed by food shopping using the very extensive bus service. He wants to take his car down, because it’s only £24 a month for a parking pass. I explained to him, for the millionth time, than I am no longer funding everything and pointed out that there would be a massive increase in insurance and he hadn’t factored fuel. He has a massively subsidised bus pass (£100 for the year) so is sticking with that.

Apparently he is “thriving” which is good to hear, although I suspect the profits in the SU bar and nightclubs are also thriving.

He has managed to complete the administrative “to do” list I left him, which has surprised me, but has so far missed the introduction sessions to his course. His hall is 100yds from the teaching block so I’ve given him some grief. However, he arrived with some form of lurgy which both DH and I have succumbed to and I tested positive for Covid on Monday ( I work in a clinical field so still have access to tests) so it’s probably a good thing he didn’t go to the early sessions, although his flatmates may not be so lucky.

Dd has her car with her. She has paid for her own parking pass and it's meant to be so she can find work outside of the area but she apparently used it to go to Lidl because it was raining. Lidl is a 3 minute walk!

But it's her money and when it's gone, it's gone.

DD is now a little downtrodden. She’s studying a very male dominated subject and had her induction earlier today. Going into it she knew it would be predominantly boys but she said it was worse than she imagined. Apparently the boys were speaking lowly of women and when DD and another girl in her lecture were talking about how male dominated it was they received very dirty looks and heard others surrounding them scoffing etc. She thinks only around 10% of her course mates are girls, she has no problem being friends with men but she said a few awful things were said and all the boys seemed to be cheering along with it while all the girls just sat there. There’s a high chance In seminars etc she will be the only girl. She said it was a very hostile environment to be a girl in and it seemed as though the boys simply didn’t want to interact with any of the girls point blank. Now she’s very nervous about having to attend lectures

Unfortunately a very laddish culture has already emerged and it was only the intro lecture.

That sounds bad. Is there a female tutor she could speak to, or someone in the admin office to try to get in a seminar group that's more balanced re male and female?

Oh that's crap! She should have a personal tutor, suggest she discusses it with them- staff hate this sort of thing and will be keen to shift the atmosphere

That isn't good. My dd is also doing a male dominated subject and she spent some of the open days we attended evaluating whether it was all football lads or a mixture.

However she has found that at her uni everyone is mixing and it is fine. Being a mature student she probably would be a bit more bolshy/forward than an 18 year old fresher if anything untoward did happen.

Your dd definitely needs to speak to the course tutor/leader about the unacceptable comments.

Not sure the term “football lads” is a fair one. Some of the worst sexism I’ve seen doesn’t come from “football lads”.

The culture that is being created sounds far from ideal. It’s difficult enough to navigate that sort of misogyny without being away from everything and everyone you know for the first time. Would the students union get involved I wonder?

@radiator2 your poor Dd. I agree that she should raise it with a tutor.

if the boys are being overtly sexist they need to be pulled up over it and it needs to be nipped in the bud.

I would undoubtedly raise it with a tutor. I work in a similar environment and I had a bunch of disrespectful students last week. As soon as I became aware of the issue I addressed it with the whole class and followed through on the action I said I would take. The tutor should be more than capable of dealing with it immediately.

SooperOuting in the specific case described, it is probably an apt description. I know what she is studying and where!

Thanks for the replies. Spoken to DD it appears that the issue arose when some sort of google quiz thing was taking place. The lecturer would ask certain questions like ‘what are you most excited about?’ And the replies would appear on the screen. Some sort of question was asked about ‘what are you anxious about or don’t want to do/ deal with’ type thing DD didn’t give me the exact question and multiple replies said ‘women’. Apparently there was a lot of laughing when those replies (among other questionable ones) appeared on the screen. The lecturer didn’t mention it at all and just moved on to the next question. As for the immature boys that sat near her, they were making comments and scoffs when her and another girl were talking about the number difference between boys/girls, turning around specifically to give them dirty looks. There were a few small other things like the boys being a bit more aggressive/shoving the girls when leaving the lecture hall and being more patient with the boys. (This one might just be an impatient few individuals DD was nearby/ her overthinking). DD is quite shy and I really don’t want this to put her off. I do think it will be helpful to mention this to her academic tutor but I don’t really know what can be done about it. Unfortunately even jobs in her degree area are heavily male dominated and I think it will follow her if she eventually decides to work in this area. My biggest concern is that there were multiple lecturers in the room as this all took place and they didn’t shut anything down (the only thing they could’ve shut down was the questionable replies). Unfortunately I think she is just going to have to try and ignore them, but already she feels quite intimidated.

So DS’s start at Loughborough hasn’t been what he had hoped for. They released the flat details the night before he moved in (so on Tuesday night) and he was the only 1 in his flat. Told him to stay positive, moved in yesterday and he is with 1 other Fresher who has basically told my DS that he will only be using the flat to sleep in as he has mates there in other halls. The other 4 rooms are empty and he’s been told they are for second years.
He’s been out today to lectures (on his first day!) and went out last night with the flat next door but it’s very lonely in his flat as he’s completely on his own. I’m hoping the second years are lovely and that he’ll be fine. It’s just a really random mix though…4 second years plus 2 freshers (one of which won’t even be there)

@radiator2 If I'm doing a Kahoot quiz or using a Padlet (interactive whiteboard type thing) I deliberately ignore the first silly response without as much as a comment. On the second or third attempt there would be stern words from me. In fact the feedback I received last week described me as "stern" "strict" and "you know exactly where you stand". They'll discover I'm an absolute soft touch if they follow my rules.

I think the girls should hang back in their next lecture and speak to their lecturer at the end of the session if they are still being made to feel uncomfortable. It won't just be your DD feeling uncomfortable, there will be boys who also think it's wrong.

@mrsconradfisher it sounds as though the other fresher is putting on an air of bravado. Friendship groups very quickly evolve and the second years will be a great way of broadening your DS's own circle.

Absolutely, he’s not bothered about being with second years as such…he took a gap year so same age anyway. Just a completely different experience to a whole flat of 6 freshers bonding over new experiences. It’s been a huge journey to get him there and I just wanted 1 thing to go right for him.
I don’t think it’s bravado…he was very clear that he won’t be in the flat at all. He didn’t want that hall and had friends already who he will be with.
DS has been out and about today and going out tonight so at the moment all is good…just not quite the start he wanted.

He'll find his way. He sounds lovely.

I used the term football lads as there is a football based degree which is popular at dds uni with ex academy boys. As she’s on foundation she’s in classes with those on this degree.

it’s in a very football focused city!