My son wants to go to open days alone/with friends

[Mathsmother]

My son in year 12 wants to go to uni open days alone and not with me or my husband. He may go with friends to a couple where they also interested in applying.

We are totally fine about it and rather admire his initiative but when I posted such on Facebook I was told that most students take parents along with them to open days and I really should go. I just wondered why? Surely it is the student’s choice not the parent’s and it is much cheaper for one train ticket (on a young person’s railcard) than two or three tix? The only downside I can see of my son travelling alone at age 17 is that he won’t be able to book a hotel room for the one far-flung uni he had on his list (Edinburgh). Thoughts and experiences welcome xx

@thing47 DH said it was great watching DS take the initiative and ask questions. He was usually the quiet one, so was lovely to see him being one of the more confident ones. So didn't harm him having his dad in the background.

crumblingschools do you really expect to find out anything of value about pastoral support by attending an open day? I would expect to get the pc line trotted out. The reality in a crisis might well be very different. So much is veneer

DD4 went to the Classics open day at Oxford where a particularly pleased with himself dad took over the q&a session with a series of arsey questions. Meanwhile DD4 had been the last person allowed in to the lecture theatre while other potential applicants waited outside and adults like Clever Dad indulged themselves. Move over Clever Dad, for the young people

Look up “non-sequitur”.

DH was delighted when he accompanied DD to the Cambridge open day that parents were firmly excluded from the subject talk, to the apparent consternation of some.

wtf didnt whoever was running it insist on questions only from prospective students at least?

I felt awful about this my son went to a local uni open day I pulled up dropped him off and went shopping, when we met later he said mum there were parents!! Oppps

I actually had no clue that parents even went as I went alone to mine back in the 90s.

My now youngest is heading out to look at unis and he's said he's happy to go with friends. So I guess it really depends on the family dynamics?

This sort of situation drives us academics crazy. I've been spoken to very rudely (I don't look like an eminent professor, but I am, and my students would never dream of speaking to me the way this parent did) when I asked that some parents wait while we let the actual applicants into the room. We were pretty sure we could seat everyone, but the pupils/applicants had priority, of course.

Well indeed Errol. From what DD4 said I very much got the impression that the dad jumped in and then the lecturer couldn't get him to stfu politely. I'm not at all sure the lecturer was that assertive. Bottom line is the dad dominated the session. So not good. You're DH is absolutely right that parents should be excluded from all subject talks (this was a 'mini lecture' followed by q&a).

DD went to all except her first Uni visit either on her own on with friends. She found she got more attention / helpful answers from stall holders and lecturers as she was on her own

Exeter ejected parents when we went. The prospective students couldn’t get in the room. Even worse, whole families went in. Yes, DD1 reported overbearing parents too. At Oxford. Maybe some lecturers are just too nice to ask parents to be quiet? DD also said a few prospective students were showing off too - “I am doing 6 A levels - should I have done 7?” sort of rubbish. I think ticket readers and one per student would work!

Parents going to subject talks is ok if there's room and they STFU!

Well yes. However they are not studying the subject are they? I don’t see why dc cannot be trusted to go on their own. There’s a lot of info available on line so is anything startling or new going to crop up? Maybe the questions from the over-invested provide the “entertainment” that dc actually remember?

I went to a subject specific lecture at one of DD's offer holder days - there was plenty of space. It was an example of a lecture they might give a first year.

DD is going for a science subject and I thought I'd be bored but I found it fascinating. I gave up science after GCSEs a long long time ago! I had agreed with DD in advance I'd not ask any questions during the lecture. One parent kept putting his hand up to ask her to ask what he thought were clever questions and it was excruciatingly embarrassing to see though she was very patient though she said a few times "Really this is basic year 1 a level or even GCSE I expect you all know it come and see me afterwards if you don't"

There were a couple of things I really wanted to understand so I'm afraid I approached the lecturer afterwards apologised for my ignorance and asked her. She was brilliant, explained everything to me in really clear terms AND thanked me for not asking during the lecture itself as she wanted to hear from applicants not parents. I went away feeling that maybe I could be good at science.

@TizerorFizz DD said the same about Exeter when she went to the open day she nearly didnt get into the lecture room

@listsandbudgets Why did you need to know though? Isn’t it DD that needs to know? Offer holder days are not quite the same as frantic open days. My DD1 did MFLs. I’ve no idea what I would have asked. I’m illiterate in MFLs. DD was going to study them, not me, and she’s clued up enough to ask her own questions.

I'm 100% with you Tizer. it's completely beyond me why parents can't give their DC some space. If a parent wants to pursue a subject they dropped early and now think that's a thing of regret - buy a book. These events are for the applicants and for them alone.

@TizerorFizz Pure thirst for knowledge I suppose - I wanted to make sure I'd understood properly because I'd actually been captivated. I didn't NEED to know but I really WANTED to know and I was extremely grateful when she didn't brush me off - DD wasn't even with me when I asked she was the other side of the room.

However I suppose as @Karolinska says i could buy a book - perhaps I will!!

It's brilliant your son wants to go alone!

Ask him whether you can talk through the questions he wants to ask beforehand and suggest any he might not have thought of.

I went to secondary school in rural Aberdeenshire in the mid 90s and took myself off for an open day at Cardiff University. It wouldn't have crossed my parents minds to come and I doubt they could have taken time off work anyway. As lots of PP have pointed out - changed times.
OP - you know your DC best. I don't think you need to go.

I went to Leeds with one of mine today. Lots of parents and teens wandering around... We also bumped into kids we knew who had been dropped off and were getting the train home. I think either is fine. It's their decision ultimately on uni, where they want to live, signing upto the eye watering debt...

My dd booked a hotel in Cardiff for a uni interview when she was 17 and it was allowed.

He's right. Let him go by himself.

I work in higher education and the number of parents who show up to open days has massively increased over the years. They get in the way and when I'm talking to small groups in my room I ask them to leave. 'But I need to take notes!' 'But we have a lot of questions about the application process!'

I feel sorry for students with parents like this but also begin to wonder whether it's a sign that the student lacks ability or initiative.

@listsandbudgets
You made that all about you, it doesn't matter if you understand, you're not the student.
What an odd way to carry on.

As long as she isn’t stopping potential applicants from asking first, and spoke briefly in private after the talk, most lecturers would be delighted to have someone ask a polite genuinely interested question about their subject. Universities often have lectures and short courses open to the public as part of their offering and most faculties realise it is in their interest to raise public awareness and understanding of their subject. And who knows, if pp really does develop an interest in the subject she might yet be a student.

Some teens are very introverted and timid and would find approaching lecturers very daunting. That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t make excellent students. This is about personality not parenting. For them, having parents along and getting those parents to ask questions at the stalls could be what is required in order for them to make the most of the day.

I’d want to be at the first because parents ask the important questions (contact time, whether there is accommodation and the rules for getting it, etc)rather than being dazzled by ‚its Such an interesting course‘.

after I’d modelled it, I’d let them go alone on the understanding that all the ‚parent‘ question need answers and I’d expect them to be able to provide the answers when they got home!