My son wants to go to open days alone/with friends

[Mathsmother]

My son in year 12 wants to go to uni open days alone and not with me or my husband. He may go with friends to a couple where they also interested in applying.

We are totally fine about it and rather admire his initiative but when I posted such on Facebook I was told that most students take parents along with them to open days and I really should go. I just wondered why? Surely it is the student’s choice not the parent’s and it is much cheaper for one train ticket (on a young person’s railcard) than two or three tix? The only downside I can see of my son travelling alone at age 17 is that he won’t be able to book a hotel room for the one far-flung uni he had on his list (Edinburgh). Thoughts and experiences welcome xx

@Yourethebeerthief You are still doing the same thing, you are giving unsolicited advice! you are setting yourself up as an expert on how other parents should behave. Your post is full of assumptions and this is what is so annoying and what i find condescending ( the putting 'THEY' in bold etc). How do you know their dc hasn't asked their parent to come with them.
Why would I or anyone sensible for that matter, care what random posters on social media who claim to work in universities think? intelligent adults will do their own research as to what is expected or allowed at various universities. The universities that are setting up special sessions for universities are they doing it all wrong? It's always best to assume posters are intelligent than to undermine them and assume they are ill informed & foolish. This is why your post and the like are so offensive.

Yes, I have opinions about things not in my immediate daily experience.

And you obviously feel quite happy to share you uneducated opinions on random threads. It doesn’t reflect you in a good light.

Offensive? Setting myself up as an expert because I'm participating in an online discussion? What a lot of waffle. As for "unsolicited advice". I'll refer you to the OP

"Thoughts and experiences welcome xx"

You think the fact that universities now put on these sessions for parents means that they must be a good thing? That's some strange reasoning.

@Ginko

Uneducated?

What are you doing on this thread that's so different to every other poster here? What other "random" threads are you floating about on and sharing your opinions?

You seem quite keen on following me about on this particular random thread so at least I can reflect in your "good light" while you're right up my jacksie all the time.

I did go to a parent talk at one uni. They didn’t say anything I didn’t know. I guess some people might have needed it but with a bit of research I think you can get the gist of being an undergrad parent.

The much bigger issue is mapping everything out for dc and being involved in every minutae of the process. The OP did ask for opinions so we are responding. Experiences vary, as you would expect, but the change in society is the heavily invested parent. Some parental interest and being a sounding board is always helpful, plotting and checking every detail as a parent feels overbearing. If dc want the detail, they can find it. It’s what growing up means.

Your reasoning which is to listen and follow what 'people who work in universities on this thread', are saying BUT to question universities in rl that are putting on sessions for applicants & parents and openly welcoming them is a prime example of your own poor reasoning skills and poor advice on this thread.

There is no expert more confident that they are right than an armchair expert.

Parents of Sixth Form children, just Nod and Smile, thinking Wait Till it it Your Turn. As they do to parenting advice from people who have never had children of their own.

@LadeOde

I agree with a PP that it's a situation caused by pushy parents being pandered to by universities which has created a cycle of parents wanting to attend more every year.

I have no interest in what you think of my advice.

Frankly, I would not give much weight to what people who work in universities think. They want a quiet life and woe betide them that parents keep them on their toes.

They are citing extreme examples of pushy parents who dominate (that would annoy me too), whereas the majority of parents are there to support their child.

They put on uni sessions for parents because the parents go into talks not for them if they don’t! It’s a response to a problem. Many of us think parents shouldn’t cause the problem in the first place. The op wondered if her DS should go with mates or alone. Go with mates probably but obviously shortlist the best unis first. Don’t follow mates to unsuitable ones. That’s where parental guidance comes in. Not whether the lecturer giving a talk interested the parent or not. It’s irrelevant.

Why do you insist there is a problem with parents attending. I am quite mystified because the talks I recently attended with ds - yes, I was actually physically present so can speak with real life real time experience - were for the student and one guest (understood the guest is probably a parent) and nobody was dominating anything.

I am sure it happens but that is not a reason to discourage any parent from attending. Don't attend if you don't want to as a parent (your choice), but please don't think you can try and level the playing field for your own teen by discouraging other parents from attending under the guise of 'yoof of today are not allowed to be independent tsk tsk'.

@TizerorFizz I mentioned universities giving talks to parents in response to the poster who implied parents are not wanted which is not true, some do. Parents go with their dc to open days for various reasons which are no ones business and shouldn't have to justify to randoms. Depending on what the talk is about it's down to each parent to decide whether it is relevant or not. Just do what works for you and stop trying to control people.

A second hand car salesman wouldn’t be happy if a naive buyer bought their mechanic mate with them either.

My experience (having sat in a couple of sales pitches/talks with my DC, rather than relying on the hearsay of those doing the selling) was of parents asking pertinent questions that were often followed up by teens. And that the lecturers were not always keen to answer the questions which showed the course in a more realistic light. For example one lecturer made a huge thing about placements in third year and cited a particularly exciting example of a placement overseas as something the students could do. But when asked it turned out this was a single example from several years previous that had never been replicated. The suspicion was that student had particular connections that enabled it. Actual placements were much more mundane and far less appealing to a bunch of 18 year olds.

@BusyMummy001 it's great your DC have plans and clear ideas about the path to get there.
Just a word of caution about how competitive post grad medicine and the clinical psychology doctorate are. I'm not sure I'd want to tie my DC to London courses as it just may not work out that way and that might be more pressure?

There are 30 clinical psychology courses but like medicine, some strategic applying helps and it can takes years to get a place. It’s also hard to get good assistant psychologist posts prior to training.

There are a few courses in London but it's best to be open to Plymouth, Exeter, Coventry, Cardiff, Newcastle, Sheffield, etc. There are 30 courses altogether organised by the clearing house but it's not a bit like UCAS clearing. Good luck.

https://www.clearing-house.org.uk/courses/courses-z

My DDs are your age and more young people were with parents than not, at the open days I went to with my DDs.

They each went to a couple with me and a couple with their friends. After one or two with me, they picked up on the things to look for and ask about when it came to going parent-free.

@blueshoes Because some parents take over and ask all the questions. The students just sit there and they don’t get much of a chance. Parents take up space in subject talks and have to be ejected because students are left outside. Parents can come with all their children who all crowd around subject stalls. Parents in some cases, are rude and overbearing in talks. Never mind making queues substantially longer for loos and food outlets. So my view is one parent max and not in subject talks. Go and look at accommodation which they will probably be spending money on.

As for hard sell - that’s a bums on seat uni tactic. Elite ones don’t do this as they can fill their places 5 times over. So, shortlisting is key. But if a bums on seats (recruiting) uni is the goal, then do your own research before you go. I’m not quite sure what hard sell would look like. Facts are facts by and large although I think some lecturers might embroider things occasionally. I would advocate asking the student helpers to get a balanced picture.

That sounds like the university has managed their open day very poorly.

Elite ones don’t do this as they can fill their places 5 times over.

That is a bit like saying magic circle law firms don’t need to consider a recruitment strategy because they can always get Jo who, following resits, managed to scrape a third from the university of Bolton (lowest ranked for law by the complete university guide)

I've agreed with my DD that she can attend with friends and then once she has a short list I'll go with her - she seems quite happy with that.

@Ginko Since when does a university sift on an open day. I’m talking about hard sell. Do you really think Oxford do this? They simply inform. Then dc apply knowing most won’t get in. These selective unis aren’t the same as Bolton are they? Completely different. Anyone can apply, as they can for a job but in the end, tests and exams sift out the final few who get the gig. Firms or selecting unis. It’s the same. The open day doesn’t determine who gets in and if you are a world wide brand, you know you will have thousands of amazing applicants. Bolton and others need the bums on seats and are recruiting unis.

If parents do the homework before any student visits, they would know virtually all work abroad isn’t found by a university! Students find their own. As I said, do the homework. Be savvy. My DD did MFL and uni didn’t supply any jobs abroad. Students or parents contacts found them. Look at careers attained after the course. What do students do?

I would always research courses and unis first, shortlist and then visit 3 or 4 max. Money and time should be considered. Get info from friends who are visiting other unis - as long as you trust them. Plus open days are a snapshot. They are a window that’s putting on a show for a day. You won’t meet every lecturer, see the full range of options, get to see all accommodation or second year living areas. So making a decision based on one short busy day with no other info is shortsighted.

As for hard sell - that’s a bums on seat uni tactic. Elite ones don’t do this as they can fill their places 5 times over.

I can assure you that elite ones do do this. The University of York (to pick one at random that sticks in my mind) must have had a huge marketing budget for their Open Day. There was an enormous number of people and resources involved; I imagine it takes the whole year to plan.

DD is disabled, and we've found that identifying the university's accessible routes is an interesting perspective beyond the hype. One university only realised when it was pointed out that not all students would be able to walk up the stairs to the main welcome talk. Another had an accessible route that involved a 5 minute detour through 2 buildings and in a back entrance to get to the library. Yet another involved a lift that smelt of wee that clearly we weren't meant to see as it was off the main "Open Day spectacle" track.

I'd also recommend offer holder days over open days (though clearly there is the conundrum of knowing which to shortlist in the first place). They are much smaller and less flashy, the information is more direct and focussed and there is plenty of opportunity to really ask difficult questions of the "right" people.

Of course Oxford, and other universities, ‘sift’ on open day, pre-application activities are their most important ‘sifts’ - they do this by selling themselves to the best applicants and discouraging likely unsuccessful applicants from applying by presenting the criteria needed to succeed. They also make big efforts to sell themselves to under-recruited sectors - widening access. Elite universities, like magic circle law firms, don’t want anyone to apply. They want the best candidates to apply. They want to attract the best, and they don’t want to waste time and money (their own and potential applicants) by having to screen through thousands of applicants that do not meet the grade.

So much hyperbole and misguided assumptions in this post. Quite the opposite of measured and considered.

Can you say which universities you attended which have this parent problem and when?