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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Uni in home city but staying in accommodation

96 replies

ThisPerkySloth · 20/05/2024 11:13

Hello

somewhat Livid about this but thought I’d keep open mind…..

DD doing AS at present said they’re thinking of uni in home city but stay in accommodation not at home.

NB it is unlikely with grades that would get her into home city uni anyway

i don’t feel this would be beneficial DD craves independence and can’t wait to to get away (fine by me😂) but I guarantee I will be called up to fetch and carry / taxi service etc still as it’s only about 10 to 20 min drive away, I think it will be too easy to call on me when she needs to experience a lot more independence as she’s desperate for it. I think extended family will be too close too. I can truly see her dropping in home a lot - she wants independence but expects a lot from me too. I think part of it is not wanting to leave school / college friends. I don’t think it’s a fear of being too far from home. And I am NOT doing her washing. Or her coming home and raiding my cupboards!!!!!

I feel she will get a better uni experience if she moves further afield and it will take her out of her comfort zone. I think she will get a better taste of independence too. And see a wider world and meet different people.

And I’ll get some peace - just being honest will miss her terribly still. And it’s a more effective first step to leaving home if career or just desire means moving away.

I don’t mean to sound heartless I just know my daughter and having been to uni myself some miles away from home, I’d like her to experience the same.

anyone had this situation? - home city uni living in uni accommodation - pros’ and cons?

👍

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 20/05/2024 11:14

A friend of mine did this.

He didn't contact his parents any more than the rest of us.

EasilyDefined · 20/05/2024 11:18

I did this. 10 miles / half an hour drive / 45 mins bus journey. Only went home maybe once a term if that and didn't see home friends in term time. The only drawback was that I didn't get the experience of getting to know a totally new city but I was as independent as anyone else.

Original poster
ThisPerkySloth · 20/05/2024 11:19

Octavia64 · 20/05/2024 11:14

A friend of mine did this.

He didn't contact his parents any more than the rest of us.

@Octavia64 thanks that was quick, maybe she won’t too, only I think the accommodation for one uni that she might have a chance of getting into is a few minutes walk down the road from our house 🤪

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisPerkySloth · 20/05/2024 11:26

EasilyDefined · 20/05/2024 11:18

I did this. 10 miles / half an hour drive / 45 mins bus journey. Only went home maybe once a term if that and didn't see home friends in term time. The only drawback was that I didn't get the experience of getting to know a totally new city but I was as independent as anyone else.

Hi @EasilyDefined I guess everyone’s different, my thoughts are she will limit herself in experiencing a new place, new people and the experience of lots of people being in the same boat. Maybe once she does some open days that might help.

OP posts:
CCLCECSC · 20/05/2024 11:31

Not personally but fellow course mates who did. They went home more often as they kept part time jobs at weekends from pre University.

MuskerHounds · 20/05/2024 11:31

Why does she want to?

I think you are right that she will miss out on part of the experience. The exploring a new city and finding out where things are part is quite bonding.

My DD's flatmate is from the city they live in, he does home with his washing I think.

Meredusoleil · 20/05/2024 11:34

I would discourage my dd from doing that, as I think it sounds like the worst of both worlds.

Why pay accommodation costs if she could commute to Uni from home?

RoobarbAndMustard · 20/05/2024 11:38

@ThisPerkySloth
If your DD lives so close to home will this affect this size of student loan she is allowed?
It seems a 'waste' of money paying for accommodation when it so close to home. Could she consider living in halls for the first year and then at home once she's had a taste of independence and made friends?

GotOnHerCutOffs · 20/05/2024 11:40

My friends son is doing this as their nearest uni was one of the best for his course. It been fine. He comes home about one weekend a month so more often than most kids further away but still just gets on with things independently.

Singleandproud · 20/05/2024 11:42

Have you communicated this with her, it might not sink in straight away and she might says she's fine but you still have time. Have you visited other unis / uni towns so she can visualise herself there better? Has she signed up for any outreach summer schools?

GotOnHerCutOffs · 20/05/2024 11:42

RoobarbAndMustard · 20/05/2024 11:38

@ThisPerkySloth
If your DD lives so close to home will this affect this size of student loan she is allowed?
It seems a 'waste' of money paying for accommodation when it so close to home. Could she consider living in halls for the first year and then at home once she's had a taste of independence and made friends?

My friends son who goes to a uni local to where they live still gets the same loan he’d have got elsewhere, (other than London as they get more as far as I know.)

AliceMcK · 20/05/2024 11:47

My niece went to uni in our home town. Her parents were an hour away but she had 3 sets of grandparents, one about 5 min walk from her, uncles aunts & lots of extended family around, no one saw her. My parents invited her over once a week for dinner but she did it just to keep them happy, she was happy to not see anyone. She did enjoy bumping into family in pubs, especially when they bought her drinks, but that was it.

FlyingontheGround · 20/05/2024 11:52

I was a 15 minute train journey away from my
home City, I kept my part-time
job and went home at weekends to work. It worked for me and I felt I had the best of both worlds but I appreciate its not for everyone.

Peonies12 · 20/05/2024 11:57

Seems an enormous waste of money to do this. I'd encourage her to go to another city, or live at home. I think you need to be pushing her to be more independent anyway, why are you giving lifts to a 17/18 year old when you live in a city, I'd just refuse. if she does go locally and live in halls, you need to set very strict boundaries, like take her key away, no unannounced visits, no lifts.

PiHanLot · 20/05/2024 12:08

Will she get into university halls in first year if she lives so close? Our local universities. in a very popular city, won't let you book a halls place until all the others are allocated if you have local postcode.
She may need to be in private halls or rental.

Original poster
ThisPerkySloth · 20/05/2024 12:11

MuskerHounds · 20/05/2024 11:31

Why does she want to?

I think you are right that she will miss out on part of the experience. The exploring a new city and finding out where things are part is quite bonding.

My DD's flatmate is from the city they live in, he does home with his washing I think.

@MuskerHounds I’m not entirely sure most conversations are through away comments over her shoulder as she leaves 🤨 it’s hard to pin down, but I suspect it’s a desire to stay near “home” friends. I think the temptation to keep getting me to do stuff will be too great - knowing my daughter. 😊

she hasn’t started looking at unis yet so maybe a few open days might help open her eyes.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisPerkySloth · 20/05/2024 12:15

@Meredusoleil I think she’ll regret it, and yes I agree why pay if your only a short bus ride away. As I have decided to pay the full maintenance loan instead of DD taking loan I want my moneys worth too!!!!!! 😊

OP posts:
RitzyMcFee · 20/05/2024 12:18

Why would you not want her to have a loan? I can understand perhaps paying it off for her once she's finished her degree but her not having me in the first place is going to take that feeling of independence from her.

Original poster
ThisPerkySloth · 20/05/2024 12:19

RoobarbAndMustard · 20/05/2024 11:38

@ThisPerkySloth
If your DD lives so close to home will this affect this size of student loan she is allowed?
It seems a 'waste' of money paying for accommodation when it so close to home. Could she consider living in halls for the first year and then at home once she's had a taste of independence and made friends?

She’s unlikely to want to come home after first year, yes I thought it does but another post said they still get away from home amount.

Yes i don’t want to waste money on this option. As I’m going to pay the full maintenance equivalent maybe that might be my bargaining ploy - go elsewhere and I’ll pay, stay here and you get a loan and I only top up. 😈😂

OP posts:
Seeline · 20/05/2024 12:23

ThisPerkySloth · 20/05/2024 12:15

@Meredusoleil I think she’ll regret it, and yes I agree why pay if your only a short bus ride away. As I have decided to pay the full maintenance loan instead of DD taking loan I want my moneys worth too!!!!!! 😊

I would strongly advise your DD to be taking the loan with that attitude. It's her life, and you financing it should not feature in her decision making.

I'm surprised she hasn't started going to open days though if she's doing AS levels at the moment. Most schools/colleges will start wanting UCAS applications to be ready October onwards, and usually by Christmas to ensure they are ready for the January deadline.

Original poster
ThisPerkySloth · 20/05/2024 12:25

Peonies12 · 20/05/2024 11:57

Seems an enormous waste of money to do this. I'd encourage her to go to another city, or live at home. I think you need to be pushing her to be more independent anyway, why are you giving lifts to a 17/18 year old when you live in a city, I'd just refuse. if she does go locally and live in halls, you need to set very strict boundaries, like take her key away, no unannounced visits, no lifts.

Edited

@Peonies12 at present she wouldn’t get to college on time or to her AS exams, I don’t give her a key as she’s not too responsible. This is why I feel she needs to be taken out her comfort zone and “kicked” further away from the nest!!! And yes feels like a waste of money.

OP posts:
DoorPath · 20/05/2024 12:26

Jesus, you sound quite heartless, OP. I like my kids, they will always be welcome with me.

Seeline · 20/05/2024 12:30

She hasn't got a key? At 17/18?
Mine had keys as soon as they started walking home from school on their own at 10!

Is there going to be massive drip feed about special needs or something - she does sound very cossetted. I'm not sure the sink-or-swim approach at a uni 100s of miles away is necessarily always the right approach.

VanCleefArpels · 20/05/2024 12:30

Some uni’s do not allow “locals” to take a place in Halls due to lack of accommodation for those that really need it. Worth looking at what your Uni policy is on this

Original poster
ThisPerkySloth · 20/05/2024 12:34

RitzyMcFee · 20/05/2024 12:18

Why would you not want her to have a loan? I can understand perhaps paying it off for her once she's finished her degree but her not having me in the first place is going to take that feeling of independence from her.

Because I’m in a position to pay for it / save for it and I want to, I’d pay the student fees too if I could but that’s pushing it. Paying off once finished is an option certainly. If she Goes further afield she will get more than enough opportunities to learn independence.

OP posts: