Uni in home city but staying in accommodation

[ThisPerkySloth]

Hello

somewhat Livid about this but thought I’d keep open mind…..

DD doing AS at present said they’re thinking of uni in home city but stay in accommodation not at home.

NB it is unlikely with grades that would get her into home city uni anyway

i don’t feel this would be beneficial DD craves independence and can’t wait to to get away (fine by me😂) but I guarantee I will be called up to fetch and carry / taxi service etc still as it’s only about 10 to 20 min drive away, I think it will be too easy to call on me when she needs to experience a lot more independence as she’s desperate for it. I think extended family will be too close too. I can truly see her dropping in home a lot - she wants independence but expects a lot from me too. I think part of it is not wanting to leave school / college friends. I don’t think it’s a fear of being too far from home. And I am NOT doing her washing. Or her coming home and raiding my cupboards!!!!!

I feel she will get a better uni experience if she moves further afield and it will take her out of her comfort zone. I think she will get a better taste of independence too. And see a wider world and meet different people.

And I’ll get some peace - just being honest will miss her terribly still. And it’s a more effective first step to leaving home if career or just desire means moving away.

I don’t mean to sound heartless I just know my daughter and having been to uni myself some miles away from home, I’d like her to experience the same.

anyone had this situation? - home city uni living in uni accommodation - pros’ and cons?

👍

Yes It needs more discussion but I think showing her what’s out there may be easier. not visited any yet so that might open her eyes / mind. I don’t know about outreach summer schools (will google) but she’s hoping to apply for a summer internship. 👍 I have a suspicion going to local one seems like easier option , the thought of finding out about new places is daunting.

I didn’t know that, I’ll use it as a con 😉

She could always move into halls for first year, then still gets the first year 'experience'. If she doesn't like it she can live at home for second and third year.

You can often stay in university accommodation over the summer, DD and I have done this in various cities over the years and she's year 9 now and already talks about what uni she might like to go to and the pros and cons of the places we've stayed.

@DoorPath 😂I thought someone would think that.

as you’ve made several assumptions and failed to pick up on DD wanting to be more independent and strike out on her own (and my desire to support her in doing that in the best way possible) I’m leaving it there.

👍

@Singleandproud thanks for explaining of internship doesn’t work out maybe something to look into.

We’re all different, your way is not my way. Thanks for your input

Just say, ok, if you decide to move out to this uni (though goodness does she really want that much more loan?) I'm not going to be at your beck and call. If you leave something at home you must come get it. If you bring your laundry home you are doing it. I am not stocking the fridge for you to raid.

One year in halls, rest at home is what my child did.

There is no way I'd be paying for halls within 1hr commute from home. Fees yes, but if you choose to go to a uni within shouting distance of free accommodation you can fund that yourself, or the odd hotel etc.

No house key at 17 though? Maybe a gap year and a bit of travelling to grow up a bit?

No wonder she "craves independence" if she's not even allowed a door key! Perhaps she's not actually craving it as much as you think, but would like to be treated less like a child?

Geez-sounds like you don’t like her much.

DD is at a uni 20mins away. The first year was really hard for her and she needed support, so I went up mid week and she came home for weekends. This year she’s doing better and tends to come home for her Sunday dinner and to raid the fridge. I love seeing her though so am happy with this.

Let your DD do what she wants-it’s not about you.

We didn't end up in this situation but did talk about it, as we live within half an hour of 4 unis. We wanted our children to have the full uni experience, and that included halls in 1st year where they would be able to make friends etc. Plus, being brutally honest, we would rather they didn't come home at 3am from the union!
They ended up at uni in the next city and we probably did just as much running around and support as if they'd been in a local uni.

@ThisPerkySloth

An internship doing what and where? After 6th form? That's unusual.

I think she sounds like a young person that's not really mature enough to go away to uni. If she's not bothered to find anything out about any other uni, does that not concern you? She wants a loan to see how she gets on away from home knowing her bed is just a short distance away. I'm with others who think a gap year would enable her to grow up.

Where is the best place for her subject? Get on the internet and sign up for open days. Get a bit protective and try and enable her to grow up. I'd be ashamed if my DDs could not get up and go to school. That's hardly showing anyone she is ready for uni.

This is pretty standard for London based students at London Universities.

A year away from home with a chance to live your own life. Then as your peers scatter to private rented flats you save lots of money by living at home, albeit with a social life based on campus. DS tended to study in the library so perhaps he could be accused of using our house as a hotel, but we did not mind. He once had a large group of his friends round for a BBQ which was fun…though shocking that the girls got stuck in the kitchen prepping the food.

When in halls, we saw as much of DS as we would have done if he were further away, except it was more frequent but for shorter periods. So he would pop home to pick up an Amazon parcel and stay for Sunday lunch, or a coffee together if I was passing his campus. Occasionally DH and I would join him for a public lecture.

Just because something is unusual doesn’t mean it’s not possible. 👍

@Newnameshoos Thanks for sharing this, I too want her to have full experience like I did years ago and yes me too the “unsocial” hours I’m not keen on. We don’t live in a safe area I’d rather she was miles away in a campus with lots of other students she’s made friends with. Also I have a DS at home and he’ll be doing his A levels while DS starts uni so there’s him to think about. I want her to get out there and enjoy as well as get an education and the less I know what she’s up to the better!!!!!

I have health issues and in fact being closer would be easier but I’m not putting any limitations or perceived limitations on her, it must be her decision at the end of the day though.
👍

Because I’m in a position to pay for it / save for it and I want to, I’d pay the student fees too if I could but that’s pushing it. Paying off once finished is an option certainly. If she Goes further afield she will get more than enough opportunities to learn independence

That's not really the sort of independence I meant. I meant that every time she wants to spend some money it's literally your money, not her money.

@MrsElijahMikaelson1 as you’ve made so many assumptions I don't think there is any point in saying anything in response to your comments as your mind is made up about us. 👍

@ThisPerkySloth
So what does she want to do? This is someone who sounds very cosy at home. So what has she applied for in terms of internship? The vast majority of which go to 2nd year university students.

What's with the passive aggressive 👍 If you're not going to take on board what others are saying what's the point in even posting.

@RitzyMcFee once she gets a job after uni she’ll have a life time to use her own money. 😊 besides since last year she uses what she earns at present for her extras like makeup / hair products, eating out and going out, sometimes clothes.
👍

My DS is just finishing his 1st year in halls, he's about a 35min tube ride away. Rarely see him, he does his own washing, shopping, cooking etc.
It's a great opportunity to learn independence living out, but I think it's up to you to set boundaries.
He didn't want to come back home for his 2nd year but realised renting digs didn't make sense, however Ive told him that I expect him to continue cooking, washing, etc for himself!

I wouldn’t be happy paying to support dc1 at uni if they were within half an hour of where we live now, she gets the minimum loan and we are paying around £1,000 a month to keep her at uni and send her some money to live on! Her rent is astonishingly high (Bristol), but she’s getting so much out of living away from home and fending for herself. It’s a couple of hours for her to come home so not too far but far enough that it feels like the money spent isn’t a total sham!

A lot of what's worth it depends totally on uni and course and employability afterwards. University of Bristol is very different to a uni at the bottom of league tables and DD wants a subject that's not in demand. Posters still don't know what that is yet there's a possibility of an internship as a teenager. It's extremely difficult to know what value for money would look like as we don't have info.