Do you visit your d'c' when they're away at uni?

[AlwaysFreezing]

Ds is off to uni in September. To a new city a couple of hours away.

I've visited the city with him, had a fab time. Dh couldn't come and so we were discussing going to visit him once he'd settled in, maybe some early Christmas shopping type thing. The theoretical plan is that we'd stay in a hotel, take ds out for lunch, maybe a beer, maybe top up his groceries and then leave him to it while we did our own thing. Unless he wanted to do something specific, or show us around his new city etc.

Then I wondered how common this is? Are we weirdos for wanting to?

I'm not saying every weekend or anything totally overbearing, just a couple of times a year. I can't remember if anyone's parents visited when I was at uni, and I stayed in my home town for uni, so no personal experience.

Obviously we'd also ask ds! Not just turn up.

Interested to know whether others do this? Thanks.

I did. The first time I asked her to show me around the town she was in and hearing her describe the area and the places she went to with confidence somehow made me feel easier about her being such a long way away (well 3 hours, but it seemed further). Seeing for myself that she was happy and settled in her new life made the "empty nest syndrome" just disappear and that the guilt I had felt for getting on with my life was misplaced. Other times I would meet up with her and we'd go into London ( about a 20 minute train ride from where she was), for the day and mooch about.
I always took a "food parcel" of stuff she loved but couldn't afford to buy herself ...mostly good quality cheeses and wine which would be shared with her 2 very lovely housemates.

Haven't visited other than drop off and pick up. However, DS is usually home for the weekend a couple of times per term for social/sports things. Been to watch a few matches when he is playing close to our home (uni is 2 hours away).

DS is going to be starting Uni in London this Sept so we'll just get a train up now and again to shop and take him out for a meal

I definitely won't be taking up any homemade food although I do make amazing cookies 🍪 and brownies so I could do that maybe.

I see myself visiting DD more wherever she'll end up in a couple of years only because she'll let me

Ive not visited any of mine but they were all substantially more than 2 hours away. Dh has visited a couple when he was in that city for work. Took them out for a meal iirc.

That said, I do remember visiting my own siblings and my parents visiting them and me. Just the once, in my case. I do think it is quite normal.

DS 7.5 hour drive away so only visited once in Y1 for a weekend. He came home x 3 - once reading week, then Xmas and Easter . Just holidays in Y2.

Hoping DD is a bit closer - 2-3 hours away as think she will want more contact. Will be led by her, as we are by DS.

We pay for travel home so it’s not an obstacle.

Well done for visiting. my husbands parents never visited us at university (only 150 miles up the motorway) and it has had a lasting impact especially since DH was seriously unwell and hospitalised in his 3rd year.

Even as adults they expect us to visit them and they’ll never come to us (and whine about it)

It has made me smile to see so many parents visits their kids at Uni!

My parents visited occasionally, I was studying overseas though so maybe twice throughout my degree? I enjoyed showing them around.

I saw a great idea at a Cambridge college - they had a "parents dinner", I think on one of the weekends of the October half-term. It meant parents could visit, experience a formal hall, and not feel they were getting in the way.

This literally made me shudder! Horses for courses. It’s the YPs experience, not the parents. I’m all for visiting my DC but not trying to be part of the experience. It’s their turn.

I used to take our dog to visit dds while they were at university. They absolutely loved it.

I normally visit my DD once a term. Sometimes I stay for a couple of days. If she is busy with work then I'm happy to amuse myself during the day, it's a lovely part of the UK, and then we catch up over brunch and dinner.

There were a noticeable number of parents with their uni DC in Oxford on Friday - seemed to be checking in on them ahead of finals.

Have absolutely loved our uni visits to three different parts of the country over the past few years.

All our dcs really enjoyed being taken out for meals and so on and were particularly happy when we brought the dogs along.

I think it’s normal. Having said that, we’ve not visited our son once 😂 and we only visited the elder one once.

Parents visiting once a term to take you out to dinner somewhere you couldn't possibly afford on a student budget is perfectly normal yes

The eldest came home Xma and Easter we visited October, February and may .

The youngest was closer so came home more I probably still visited 2/3 times a year.

Plus drop off and pick up at start and end of year and at Xmas

Sounds normal. My parents were only an hour and a half away and use to come perhaps once a term to take me for dinner. But parents further away most definitely would come for weekends etc

All the time! She's only an hour away and I go a few times a term for lunch and usually an Aldi run too.

yes,
dd did art and was not too far away, so that was a good excuse to visit, for her art show
youngest dd too far away for a day visit, did go down for her degree show and i am sure i went down another weekend as well.

My parents never visited me and certainly didn't pay for any groceries but my roommates parents came... and took them out and spent a fortune on them. I was very confused. My parents had told me that when I went to uni that was it... on your own... no going back...

Now you're all saying it's normal too... I guess my parents weren't normal then?

Perhaps it wasnt normal then

We went to see my son at his Cambridge college yesterday - he invited us. We went to evensong and then had candlelit formal hall dinner. We've been once each year he's been....and it's been a really special experience. He's always really pleased that we've been as we take him some home comforts and give him a break from the books or rowing - I don't see it as muscling in on it being 'his turn' - just enjoying seeing him so happy and sharing a few hours with him during term time.

My parents never visited me - but they lived abroad and I'd been at boarding school since I was 11, so it didn't seem odd to me. I haven't yet visited DD, but she's over 4 hours away and has been home for Christmas (5 weeks) and Easter (5 weeks) so I feel we've seen a fair amount of her! We are planning to go up once her exams are over in early June.

Entirely agree. It's lovely to see DC and provided they're clearly keen on a visit/ supper out then it's a very skewed take to represent seeing your own DC as 'muscling in'. Can't relate at all - although think visits should be fairly infrequent. Once a term max type of thing but I've probably been nearer once or twice a year.

I did say horses for courses. I love visiting my DC at uni and taking them out to eat but I wouldn’t feel comfortable eating supper with other parents in their halls.

Each to their own, we are allowed different viewpoints.