Do you visit your d'c' when they're away at uni?

[AlwaysFreezing]

Ds is off to uni in September. To a new city a couple of hours away.

I've visited the city with him, had a fab time. Dh couldn't come and so we were discussing going to visit him once he'd settled in, maybe some early Christmas shopping type thing. The theoretical plan is that we'd stay in a hotel, take ds out for lunch, maybe a beer, maybe top up his groceries and then leave him to it while we did our own thing. Unless he wanted to do something specific, or show us around his new city etc.

Then I wondered how common this is? Are we weirdos for wanting to?

I'm not saying every weekend or anything totally overbearing, just a couple of times a year. I can't remember if anyone's parents visited when I was at uni, and I stayed in my home town for uni, so no personal experience.

Obviously we'd also ask ds! Not just turn up.

Interested to know whether others do this? Thanks.

I only visited mine at their invitation, mostly dd1 to watch something she was it. Dd2 wasn't involved in this sort of thing but I did watch a few away sports matches near where I live

Depends on the kid. If they want you to visit go! I only wanted my mom to come so she could take me home and I could use her washer! 🫣🤭

Perfectly normal. We’ve actually fallen in love with the part of the country DS is at Uni in and joke that he wouldn’t see us nearly as much if he’d gone to a large city Uni
It’s not non- stop visiting though, we go off and do our own thing most days of the weeks we are there and he joins us if he fancies it / isn’t busy. His flat and housemates’ parents also seem to visit, from what he’s said, unless they are overseas.
He explores walks in the area and takes us on them when we go, it’s lovely.

When DS1 was at Uni, I went past the City when driving to see my dad. Sometimes I would pop in for coffee or take him shopping or for a meal.
DS2 was at University in a city that I visited for work. Saw him if I was on an overnight trip but knew we could do a return visit in a day if needed.

I like visiting my dd at uni. I get a real sense of how settled she is, she’s in charge and is tour guide, I just pay! I don’t go often, maybe once a term, she comes home in the holidays, there isn’t really time to go any more often.
When she first started she decided she definitely wasn’t coming home until Christmas to give herself chance to settle but ds and I went to visit in October half term by which stage all of her flatmates had already been home or had parents visit.

I would totally expect to do this.

Visit once or twice a term. Great pub lunch & walks with dog. Let DC show us something they want us to see in the city. Do a supermarket shop with them and leave them with a takeaway for their flatmates tea 🥇

I visited all three a couple of times a year over their time at Uni.All miles away so stayed at hotel and just hung out over a couple of days. Absolutely lovely and they were happy to see meIthink.

No pets to take, so he'll have to make do with me, his dad and his brother!

Pleased to hear that my plans seems to be roughly on a par with what everyone else did/does.

I'm looking forward to seeing him in his new place, knowing his way around a new city. So much to look forward to.

Thanks everyone.

Depends on the kid, and distances involved. Kid in Plymouth, haven’t been since I dropped him off at beginning of the year, although am feeling a bit guilty about that. Might try and squeeze in a visit end of May although his term finishes then. Kid at uni an hour away - have been up once this year. Same kid in California last year - I really wanted to visit, he said no!
some parents can’t keep away. Watch every rugby match like school. Whatever suits you I guess.

My brother visits his DS about once a month.

Dh did the open day and drop off, so I went up after a few weeks, once he had settled in, so DS could show me round and I could treat him to meals and grocery shop. I stayed in a hotel, and treated DS to a hotel breakfast. This term he visited us for a weekend

We go once or twice each year. DS2 is in York, just waiting for some nice weather now and to squeeze in another little visit.

We live in a place with a well known university, and if you banned parents visiting students from the nice restaurants, they’d be halving the footfall I’d guess! He will be looking forward to a nice dinner i bet OP!

Absolutely! Mine is at York so any excuse for a weekend away!

Not normal for us. My husband drops our son off and picks him up. I haven’t seen him since Christmas. I’ve never even seen his campus.

Is there a particular reason for this? You sound a bit sad (but reading emotions into typed text is never easy, so sorry if I'm wide of the mark).

DS is about an hour away and I visit about once a term, take him out for lunch, do something touristy in the area with him, top up his shopping, then take him for coffee and cake before my train back. I love it - it feels like visiting an adult and having adult conversations whereas when he's home he seems to regress into childhood habits again! I assume DS enjoys it too - I always give him the chance to say he's busy and would rather not, but he doesn't.

@AlwaysFreezing I would like to see the campus but it’s a LONG way from home. We have dogs and cats and a younger daughter too. Plus I am disabled and can’t drive there and back.
My son has a full and busy time at Uni. It’s his last year. So deadlines and exams and applying for jobs. Plus really involved in sports scene too!

I didn't but it was too far away and I was working one weekend day. It wasn't possible. There were a couple of times I went, for one birthday and to help with moving. I would have liked to have visited more, but my son generally seemed busy anyway!

Oh, I'm sorry it's never worked out that you got to go.

It sounds like you've raised a capable young man there though!

We did that ...did a weekend
Took them for lunch on the Saturday ...then left them to it
Sunday we met for brunch ...did a food shop for them
Other times we saw them Friday eve for dinner ...then bit of shopping / showing us around Saturday.
Our daughter liked spending time with us though ha ha 😂❤️

My kids aren't at University yet but I absolutely intend to visit them when they are at University. I grew up on a Scottish island and went to University in Glasgow. My parents came to see me whenever they left the island, they both had regular meetings in Edinburgh and so would delay their return flights and pop across for a night, take me out for a meal and to the supermarket so similar to what you are planning.

@JaninaDuszejko the visit must only happen if DC want it. Some like parents visiting, others don’t

I was in halls in pre-mobile phone days. My father and grandmother turned up unannounced and knocked on my bedroom door one morning. I was not alone and I’m not sure who was most embarrassed. My grandmother had a very disapproving manner at the best of times, and her face conveyed she felt about her grandaughter in bed with a man!

I made sure I visited mine a few weeks in to their first term - twin purpose of actually seeing them face to face, and checking (as far as is possible) that they're OK; also second part of the "kitting them out" shopping (I send them with a little stuff as possible, then add what they think they need - or just want - after a few weeks of looking after themselves and knowing what flatmates have and will/won't lend). Plus of course lunch and trip to the supermarket and possibly other shops (one suddenly wanted a small mountain of sports kit after being distinctly unsporty at school).

After that, not much - they were coming home each vacation so we saw plenty of them then, and we just left them to university life in termtime. One liked a birthday visit, so we did that. Another was near PILs, so we'd say if we were visiting and perhaps we'd see them during the trip if we could be fitted in to their social life