Do you visit your d'c' when they're away at uni?

[AlwaysFreezing]

Ds is off to uni in September. To a new city a couple of hours away.

I've visited the city with him, had a fab time. Dh couldn't come and so we were discussing going to visit him once he'd settled in, maybe some early Christmas shopping type thing. The theoretical plan is that we'd stay in a hotel, take ds out for lunch, maybe a beer, maybe top up his groceries and then leave him to it while we did our own thing. Unless he wanted to do something specific, or show us around his new city etc.

Then I wondered how common this is? Are we weirdos for wanting to?

I'm not saying every weekend or anything totally overbearing, just a couple of times a year. I can't remember if anyone's parents visited when I was at uni, and I stayed in my home town for uni, so no personal experience.

Obviously we'd also ask ds! Not just turn up.

Interested to know whether others do this? Thanks.

That’s normal, we have three away at uni, two are happier to have visits than the other!!

Yes, totally normal to visit student offspring at uni.

We've been for day visits to DS for his birthday, but not to actually stay. I think because he started during COVID, and we couldn't go, it never really entered our heads to do so.
We have stayed once with DD as she asked us to. She was really struggling at uni.

Perfectly normal

DD is reasonably close and we visit a couple of times a term - usually once to go to some kind of performance she's doing, and then another time just to take her out for lunch. I think they love it as long as it's not too often and you don't hang around too long (and that you buy the drinks and lunch !)

Sounds normal to me as well. During DD's first year we still had late MIL's house fairly nearby, which we were selling, so we stayed there. Sometimes we just visited for the day.

Normal. My DPs would always visit me at uni if they were passing in the vicinity.

We visit DD occasionally, either as a day trip by train or a weekend minibreak en route to visiting relatives.

We'd probably do it less often if she was in Lancaster/Aberystwyth/Aberdeen rather than more central.

It’s normal; I loved getting a weekend of decent food!

Guided by preference of DC.

Totally normal... when my DD was at uni I actually expected not to see her much but most weekends either she came home or I went to see her!

Absolutely do it. Make sure you pay for everything.

We take our dogs as well and that always goes down very well.

My DSC are at uni a good 4/5 hours a way so we tend to go a couple of times a year but get an airbnb and stay for a few days.

Yes do it! Take bags of food and take them out for lunch.

It gives them a chance to clean up their room as well!

Normal in my experience! Met most of my flatmates families throughout the first year and onwards, most parents came once a term mid semester depending on distance.

I bloody loved it when my parents came, they'd treat me to all the meals out, a fully branded food shop + freezer stock up, bring some homemade food (often sneak a cheeky voucher to me as they left) and basically treated me like a child again before I have to go back to being an adult uni student. It was amazing!

Not there yet but I loved it when my mum came to visit me! I was at uni about an hour away so she came across once or twice a term. One overnight stay (in first year I was in dorms so she got a hotel, but after that we had space in the house) and one day out. My dad lived further away but if he was in the area with work, we’d meet for dinner.

OK, yay! Yes, we'd pay for everything! And I like the idea of sneaking a voucher!

Phew, glad to know we weren't on the wrong track with our thinking. Thanks everyone.

Sounds very normal and nice, obviously checking the weekend in advance with him and not being annoyed if he does want to go off and do other things!

We didn't. We just dropped him off on the first day and left him to it. BUT, that wasn't how we planned it. It was because it was 2020 covid year. My OH is ECV due to cancer, so we were isolating and couldn't risk being close to our son who was, obviously, mixing with other people, even if it was just his flat mates. That first year set the scene, and we didn't see him in person outside the university holidays when he came home (and isolated for a few days).

Ironically, now he's left Uni and moved away (further away than his Uni) and we see a lot more of him. He comes home at least once a month for a weekend, and we go over and stay near him for a few days two or three times a year!

Totally. Although it's probably more popular in cities like Cambridge, Bath and York than Bangor & Aberdeen.

Yes, our DD is in her first year at Uni 5 hours' from us. We drove her up and stayed overnight at the start of the year, paid for her to come home 1 weekend (her choice, we offered to come up). In her second term, we visited once for a couple of nights (stayed in a hotel, took her for days out and meals). She's just gone back for her final term, she's home again for an event near home next weekend, but I'm not sure if we'll do any other visits either way, as it will also be a short term for her. If she was closer, I would have offered to see her more frequently, to maybe take her out for lunch etc. Although I have to say, the 10 week terms fly by, and the holidays are long (Easter was 5 weeks), so we've not felt her absence too keenly.

Mine are at uni in another country so we pay for their flight back from time to time. They really miss home comforts and the assortment of animals that reside here. A few years ago, in France, parents decided to visit their student son who was at uni on the other side of the country from them. The son was obviously so underwhelmed by this that he called the airline and said there was a bomb on board and the flight was diverted to the nearest city. He was obviously found and fined.
My son wouldn’t go this far but he would not totally love a home visit I suspect.

I'd say it's very normal. We don't visit much, but I think other parents do visit a little more. In our case that's because DS is 4-5 hours away which is a long way for a quick trip and as a University academic I'm very busy during his term time. We visited for my/his birthday half way through his first term and also stayed with him in the nearby area for a few days before dropping him off for his third term. We've not visited during his second year so far, but will try to do so once during this term if possible, as I barely saw him during the spring vac. And DD is so close (same University as me) that "visiting" isn't really a thing. More just quick meets to lend her the car or give her something she's forgotten.

As long as you don't overcrowd I think it is absolutely fine. And a less disruptive way to see them than them coming home to you.

Depends. DC1 required regular visits to begin with but DC2 and DC3 seem perfectly content with one encounter with parents per term - either a reading week, when they come home, or if there is no reading week one weekend visiting them.

Relieved to see this is all completely normal. My university was 9 hours from home and my parents still turned up occasionally. More often at the beginning/end of term and then we'd all drive down together (similarly to a lot of my uni friends so often we'd land up at big get togethers with multiple families). But always always stay in a hotel. Do not stay with your child or expect to.

i usually time my visits for when DD is in a play, (not studying drama but she is just part of the AmDram scene at her university). I then stay overnight on a blow up mattress in her room (all permitted by her college). I then take her for brunch the next day and stock up on some shopping bits for her and leave Usually once a term. It is a nice interlude. It is completely driven by her suggestions.