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Higher education

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Original poster

Do you visit your d'c' when they're away at uni?

105 replies

AlwaysFreezing · 22/04/2024 08:47

Ds is off to uni in September. To a new city a couple of hours away.

I've visited the city with him, had a fab time. Dh couldn't come and so we were discussing going to visit him once he'd settled in, maybe some early Christmas shopping type thing. The theoretical plan is that we'd stay in a hotel, take ds out for lunch, maybe a beer, maybe top up his groceries and then leave him to it while we did our own thing. Unless he wanted to do something specific, or show us around his new city etc.

Then I wondered how common this is? Are we weirdos for wanting to?

I'm not saying every weekend or anything totally overbearing, just a couple of times a year. I can't remember if anyone's parents visited when I was at uni, and I stayed in my home town for uni, so no personal experience.

Obviously we'd also ask ds! Not just turn up.

Interested to know whether others do this? Thanks.

OP posts:
13Bastards · 22/04/2024 17:15

Very normal! My parents would come up, take me food shopping, take my housemates and I all out for lunch and head back home again (close enough to not need to stay) I loved it!

fortyfifty · 22/04/2024 17:18

My DD is at Bath so it's lucky we live quite far away otherwise I'd be there more often. I visited twice in year 1 and once in year 2, plus stayed a night when we picked her up in June Y1 and Y2. There was no obligation for her to see me much but she has always enjoyed showing me/us her life and the city she's come to know.

She's been living nearer during placement year so I've got used to seeing her more frequently as she comes home some weekends. I'm sure I'll make a trip to see her outside of dropping her off and graduation during her final year.

I'm sure my parents visited me once a year at uni and took me out for lunch and bought me some shopping.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/04/2024 17:20

No I didn't visit because DD was in halls in a part of London that had very little to do. She preferred to come home for a visit. However, lots of my friends with uni age children go and visit them. It's not weird at all!

Moveoverdarlin · 22/04/2024 17:21

That’s what everyone does yes. When I was at Uni we’d look forward to parent’s coming to visit even if it wasn’t our own. One girl I lived with, was called Natasha, her Mum always brought with her a bumper pack of loo roll, we were always delighted!!

peppermintsforall · 22/04/2024 17:22

Yes of course you do. You treat them to come lovely meals out and you do a big shop for them too Smile

Oblomov24 · 22/04/2024 17:57

The rule is that anything goes. My mum never visited me once, not did anyone's parents I knew, back in the day. I visited ds1 once for a ceremony, Dh visited him for a football match. Year 2 we haven't gone at all. Some parents go all the time!

TheMuskratOfDestiny · 22/04/2024 17:59

Very normal. Pay for all meals and activities and do then a big shop before you leave and they will be asking you back lol

TheChosenTwo · 22/04/2024 18:01

Dd is in her second year. We went twice in her first year, once for the Christmas market and we stayed in a premier inn, the second we went for an Easter break in an Air BnB for a few days. This year we went down for the Christmas market but she came back home with us for the Christmas break and then we went down again at Easter for a few days again.

Rocknrollstar · 22/04/2024 18:01

Visited both of our’s probably once a term. They appreciated the food box and a square meal in a decent restaurant.

PandaG · 22/04/2024 18:17

DS - needed lifts at the beginning and end of each term, so sometimes we booked a hotel to see a bit of the city or go punting or to church with him before coming home. Also did a couple of weekend visits - had an invitation to formal hall for all first year parents so made a weekend of that. But generally his terms were short and very very busy, so mid term visits were rare.

DD started in 2020, so we weren't really allowed to visit in her first year. Second and third we made up for it and went for a weekend 2 or 3 times a year, taking her for meals, a food shop, going to her church, and staying into the Sunday evening to join her regular pub quiz team - a lovely way to get to know her mates.

Both DC have had uni friends come and stay with us too

SparklestheUnicorn · 24/04/2024 16:32

My DD isn’t far so I pop over often and we go for lunch or whatever. My Dsis lives in the same city as her so they meet every other week or so. Last weekend I went to stay with DD overnight and we went out out with her mates.
I am far too old for such antics and the night on an airbed played havoc with my back but we had an absolute blast. Total joy from start to finish.
She’s heading to Paris next year so I don’t think I’ll visit quite as frequently! But I’ll take my 2 DS out for a long weekend a couple of times.

AgaKhant · 24/04/2024 16:55

Absolutely not weird. DD is at uni about 1.45hours away. I've fallen a little bit in love with the city! Have found an excellent cheap hotel (ex student halls, really funky, £40 per night). I stay over and do my own thing, meet up with DD for lunch and shopping, take her for a big shop. Sometimes we have dinner. Do this once or twice a year. Now DS has put same city down as his first choice!

DD plans to stay there after graduating and wants me to move there too!!!

DecoratingDiva · 24/04/2024 17:14

Totally depends on your DC I would say.

Mine is very much “out of sight, out of mind” and would be mortified if I visited him, however, the father of one of his flat mates visits at least once per term and takes them all out to the pub and all of them are fine with that.

Manthide · 24/04/2024 17:17

Visited both my daughters once or twice a term ( at same university one year apart). One was more into it than the other. I'd often stay the night in one of their bedrooms.
Ds is at university atm but it's quite awkward to get to so I only go once or twice a year. He does have a small spare room this year and I stayed a couple of nights in October. The previous year dd3 and I stayed at his new (old) house during the summer holidays and stayed a week seeing the sights. Dd1 lives near him and sees him every couple of weeks for dinner.

Manthide · 24/04/2024 17:23

Oblomov24 · 22/04/2024 17:57

The rule is that anything goes. My mum never visited me once, not did anyone's parents I knew, back in the day. I visited ds1 once for a ceremony, Dh visited him for a football match. Year 2 we haven't gone at all. Some parents go all the time!

I was at university in the 80s and loved it when my dad used to pop by ( it was about 250 miles from home but occasionally he'd have a meeting nearby). Used to get a Chinese lunch special until pizza hut opened - that was very exotic back then!!

Mum2three63 · 24/04/2024 17:23

AlwaysFreezing · 22/04/2024 08:47

Ds is off to uni in September. To a new city a couple of hours away.

I've visited the city with him, had a fab time. Dh couldn't come and so we were discussing going to visit him once he'd settled in, maybe some early Christmas shopping type thing. The theoretical plan is that we'd stay in a hotel, take ds out for lunch, maybe a beer, maybe top up his groceries and then leave him to it while we did our own thing. Unless he wanted to do something specific, or show us around his new city etc.

Then I wondered how common this is? Are we weirdos for wanting to?

I'm not saying every weekend or anything totally overbearing, just a couple of times a year. I can't remember if anyone's parents visited when I was at uni, and I stayed in my home town for uni, so no personal experience.

Obviously we'd also ask ds! Not just turn up.

Interested to know whether others do this? Thanks.

My daughter is a 2 hour drive away at uni, I vist about 3 times a year, she comes home a couple of times. I tend to go there just for the day, get there mid morning, we go out somewhere, maybe shopping, we then go out for a meal and then I drive home. When she comes home she brings her bf too, they stay for a few days

HelenHywater · 24/04/2024 17:24

I have 2 daughters in northern universities. I generally visit each for their birthday (one in the autumn term and one in the spring term) and the other one comes over from their university. We have a lovely time! I went to a conference in one of the dds cities also last year and took her out for dinner then too. As pp say - take them out for a lovely meal and buy lots of groceries for them (I take them food from M&S when I go). We also do something - usually bowling or an escape room too.

I also pay for their train tickets whenever they want to come home.

Hoppinggreen · 24/04/2024 17:30

When DD starts in September I will be led by her but I am hoping that if she comes home every couple of months (probably to see the animals rather than us) and I go to visit every couple of months we will see her at least once a month.
Its not enough but its as it should be I suppose 😪

Vlov · 24/04/2024 18:06

AlwaysFreezing · 22/04/2024 08:47

Ds is off to uni in September. To a new city a couple of hours away.

I've visited the city with him, had a fab time. Dh couldn't come and so we were discussing going to visit him once he'd settled in, maybe some early Christmas shopping type thing. The theoretical plan is that we'd stay in a hotel, take ds out for lunch, maybe a beer, maybe top up his groceries and then leave him to it while we did our own thing. Unless he wanted to do something specific, or show us around his new city etc.

Then I wondered how common this is? Are we weirdos for wanting to?

I'm not saying every weekend or anything totally overbearing, just a couple of times a year. I can't remember if anyone's parents visited when I was at uni, and I stayed in my home town for uni, so no personal experience.

Obviously we'd also ask ds! Not just turn up.

Interested to know whether others do this? Thanks.

I remember when I was in house shares, one parent would come fairly regularly- her daughter travelled home every weekend for work, she’d sometimes bring goodies, another’s mum and dad (divorced) both visited once or twice, and took us out for dinner, one had her mum come and stay for a few days with her niece. Me and the other girl didn’t have family visit.
I’d say go for it as long as ds is happy, and let’s be honest a free lunch and groceries are always welcome 😂

BlossomOfOrange · 24/04/2024 18:48

I’d have loved my parents to have visited me whilst I was at university. They came with me on day 1, left pretty smartish, and didn’t come back until my graduation.

Thirstysue · 24/04/2024 19:39

Um, it's April. Don't over think it

Screamingabdabz · 24/04/2024 19:45

Yes - uni 3 hours away. Lunch, mooch around the city, groceries, kiss goodbye. A nice day out for me and DH.

amiahoarder · 27/04/2024 07:16

My parents and younger sibling used to come and visit often. I loved showing them round. They used to take me out for lunch in places I couldn't normally afford. I was at uni near a lovely shopping city so it was a nice setting for a visit. This was 20 years ago

Inyourwildestdreams · 27/04/2024 07:29

@AlwaysFreezing Please do 😊 I was the only one I knew at uni whos parents never came to visit. All my flatmate had parents there at least once or twice a term. Mine couldn’t even have told you where I lived for the 4 years 🙃

Bonus points if you take some homemade food/home baking to leave in the flat too 😊 You’ll be an instant hit with the flat mates lol

user09876543 · 27/04/2024 07:34

DS1 is almost three hours away. We see him once in the middle of term. First term we went up to him, second term he came home for the weekend. He’s having too much fun to be home more although he has been really pleased to get home for the holidays each time. I’m so pleased he’s settled so well.

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