Turning 18 during A Levels

[Bellini12]

I didn’t really know where to post this but figured there may be some in the same boat (in year 11).

DD is turning 18 right at the start of A Levels. She has already missed out on the social aspect of being slightly younger in the year (peers have been going to pubs/clubs for months now but she just stays in as knows she wouldn’t get in without ID - venues are strict around here).

Obviously no one wants to go out in May. I suggested the half term but still some won’t go out as will be hardcore revising. Besides, She says that is too far after her birthday. Everything I suggest (eg we pay for a meal out with a few mates/have people back here in half term) has been met with a big, fat no as it won’t feel like her bday as it’s so far afterwards. She says people won’t bother.

So she basically wants to do nothing.

I just feel so sad about it as I just can’t get my head around it all. Most of us remember what we did to celebrate our 18ths when looking back. I think she doesn’t want to risk organising anything in case she is knocked back. Times have changed apparently and despite me thinking kids need a break, she said many won’t even during half term.

She said she will go out for a meal with us a few days later but that’s it.

I am constantly berated for having my kids at an inconvenient time. We envy those autumn/winter born kids without the time pressures and the freedom to go out sooner! Apologies, I know this is a first world problem.

Are you sure she really wants to celebrate in a big way? My son is very sociable but he doesn’t really like the focus on his own birthday, he’d rather be out for someone else’s. Maybe your daughter is excited to legally buy drink but doesn’t mind if it’s not on her own birthday celebration?

Can she go out for a few drinks with a sibling, cousin, young aunt, anyone who wants to celebrate with her?

Year 11 ? Is that not GCSE as in a 15/16 year old.
my DF DS is in year 11 and turns 16 on his English GCSE day. He is having a party in the summer holidays.

@Highfivemum No, my mistake. I meant year 13. I’ve got GCSEs on the brain too!

I thought you were planning ahead for their big 18th by two years!! 😇

@sleekcat I agree, I don’t think she wants to do anything big anymore. However I said if it wasn’t exam season what would you like to do and she admitted pub /club or at least a meal out in a cool/lively restaurant. But realises most people won’t go out.

@Kalevala not really. I think she feels like she’s scraping around to see who is free, whereas her oldest friends have said they’re not going out. She has the bulk of her exams before half term so I don’t think her head will be in it either (but she would have taken a few hours out for a meal).

It’s ok, I won’t mention it again now as it just causes frustration and I don’t want to add to any stress.

Wait till after it will be so much more funn

Mine is 18 4 days before his first A level exam and similarly is a bit down that he can't do anything with his friends (and is the last to be 18). We've agreed on a plan of going out for a curry, a few beers, then a kebab (from a specific van which he had previously said we can only stop at when he's drunk). Then after exams he and some friends are going to have a 2 day blacksmithing extravaganza where they can camp and have fun.

I would do a family meal and then just tell her to wait until everyone’s finished exams. Mine are doing GCSEs and A levels and have just had quiet/quick birthdays - all their close friends came, but both just did a small, low key evening.

she can go out every night of the week afterwards!

I think she would have been happy with a low-key affair. But with her birthday right at the start of the actual exams it isn’t an option.
Yes, I doubt I will see her for dust afterwards! 😁

We have the double whammy of GCSEs and A Levels too. Fun and games in this house!

DS2 has an early June birthday and took maths A level on his 18th. I don't think it was a big deal.

My daughter has a very late August birthday. I feel really sorry for her. She won't even be able to go out to a pub / club on a level results day unless she gets fake id!

We also have GCSE’s and A levels. 18th June can’t come soon enough in our household! 😬😭

Why does she need to do something big/go out if she's not fussed? Some people aren't that bothered. You said she's going out for a meal with you a few days later so sounds fine to me.

You're overthinking it. I didn't want to do anything for my 18th and wouldn't have wanted to be pressured by my parents.

Just give her some treat money so she can decide if she wants to go out or not.

Suggest it’s ok to not get so drunk that your hangover ruins the next day? 😂

This was me - my 16th during my physics GCSE and my 18th during my English A Level! It was ok. We had a family meal on my birthday and a party at the end of exams!

Years and years later, I still remember how shit it felt to sit an exam on my birthday, but I don’t remember being upset about the celebrations being delayed at all.

I love the time of year that my birthday is at now! It’s always so nice and sunny!

Yes, DS hasn't had a proper hangover but has already learnt he doesn't like to be drunk, just to drink to maintain at happy/tipsy. He's also fussy about what he drinks, likes a proper dry cider. Close friends don't drink, some others drink to get drunk so he doesn't fit anywhere.

He might have lunch with friends but go out for drinks with his great uncle!

@Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky Exactly same for my other DD - she won’t even be 18 when it’s her A level results day. It will be torture if she can’t go out and celebrate (everywhere is very strict around here and they also scan the ID). Seems so unfair.

@belfastjun she was fussed and did want to do something with her mates but they have admitted they don’t want to go out at all. Then to celebrate weeks later (half term or even later) she said the moment has then passed. So if it was a different time then she would defo do something.

We can’t even do a nice family lunch/meal out on her actual bday (she’s between exams) as younger DD has 4 x GCSEs in a row so she needs to be home to revise.

I do accept it, just bemoaning the shit timing of a special bday and a stubborn teen who refuses to celebrate her day later!

@Bellini12 Mine is a May 22nd baby. She turned 16 during lockdown and the celebration was a daytime visit from 2 friends, making an illicit party of 3 in the back garden. She then turned 18 in the middle of her A levels. It's fine. Birthdays are no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Fwiw, my birthday is in the first weekend of January, which is also a pretty crap time to celebrate.

My son had his 18th last year during exams. He went out with friends but his birthday was on a Saturday. He studied during the day then partied that night as did his friends. I think they all needed that break. I remember my son saying he wouldn’t be doing anything but then it all got arranged last minute.
I would just wait and see what happens with your dd, something could be arranged closer to the time. Especially when all the kids have a better idea of how their revision is going.

I had a maths A'level on my 18th. I just waited until exams were over and then went out to celebrate with my friends. It wasn't any big deal.

If she’s mid exams I would stay at home and treat the family to a nice takeaway and a cake. She doesn’t need to go out unless she really wants to.

This could make it into MN classics as the ultimate 1st world problem!

May is a great time to have a birthday (I am mid May). I don’t even remember my 18th, don’t think I did anything special. You are making this into far more than it needs to be. She should be arranging stuff with her friends (of course, if you offer to help financially, that is very generous).

You have kindly offered her a family evening out and to invite a couple of close friends or a boyfriend. That is plenty!

The thing about turning 18 is that you have become an adult. If Mummy and Daddy are still making all your arrangements for you, it kind of dilutes the experience.

It is far worse to have your birthday on Christmas Day or many other days. She will be able to have long evening parties in the warmth for the rest of her life when she is done with taking exams.