Agonising between university offers

[Redhotchillipeppers]

DS had narrowed his university offers down to Warwick, Durham and Leeds. He has applied for maths and is predicted 4A stars. Warwick is ranked considerably higher for maths than the other 2, but not keen on the travel from leamington spa/coventry in years 2&3. It is 2.5 hour drive from us. Durham seems like a great student experience, but heard some stories about lack of student accommodation in years 2&3, coming with a very high price tag. Leeds is on the doorstep and several of DSs friends are planning on going there. Both he and us are struggling to decide on what would be best.

Given those options Warwick hands down. We live in Leeds, Ds is at Durham because he wanted small and fell in love with it but he did have offers from Warwick and Leeds.

In terms of Durham accommodation, there is always accommodation but sometimes it does come down to cost, ie closer is more expensive. In terms of house shares sometimes the friends have limited budgets so it dictates how far out they can live. In Durham "viaduct" is popular and it means rent is higher and landlords can let stuff slide because students will always want it. In terms of cost it is actually more expensive than private halls of residence with an en-suite. Ds's mates are a 35 minute walk away from Mount Joy (science site) but their house is newly refurbished. It is to the south rather than north of Mount Joy.

Just because you go to uni somewhere does not mean you have to work there. Ds will be working in Leeds because he can live at home rent free whilst saving for a house.

Warwick does have accommodation closer to campus than Lem but again this comes down to who you share with and cost. Don't write off a uni because accommodation might be slightly difficult. The main thing is look early ie October but also know that if you looked now I bet there are houses available or rooms in houses. Do not let him base his uni choice on where his girlfriend is. If it is meant to last it will.

I know @titchy. If this was about DD who is 3 years younger but was born independent and is not a home bird, this would be easy. I’ve always given the opinion when asked, that’s children should go away for university for all the reasons everyone has kindly taken the time to mention. And now when it comes to my own DS I’m questioning it. Whilst he’s more homely than DD, maybe I’m unnecessarily worrying that he won’t have the support he needs, when he will probably be fine. I’m painting him unfairly as being incapable of being independent, when in fact he is, just not compared to DD.

Have you checked out accommodation costs at Leeds? I’ve heard it’s actually very expensive.

His best bet is to go to the holders days and decide where he feels most comfortable.

Though if he had concerns about Leeds course already that to me says it’s bottom of the three.

I went to warwick, lived in Leamington in years 2 and3. Loved it. Travelling in to campus is a non issue. Always buses and lifts with friends. Had friends who studied maths. they were all inundated with job offers at the end.
I wouldn't turn it down, its a brilliant uni

Thank you for your post. It’s very helpful. I have actually said to DS that whilst I appreciate his girlfriend will be a factor for him, that can’t be the reason for turning down other offers. He agreed with me. His girlfriend has also said he’s staying out of it, as doesn’t want to influence his decision. DH thinks a girlfriend would have been a consideration for him at that age. Well I’m glad he didn’t have one - we met at university and continue to live here.

I'm going against the grain here but whilst I acknowledge Warwick is ranked highest, that's not the basis on which to make life choice IMO.

I'd let him choose based on where he thinks he'll feel happiest.

When faced with three good choices - which these are - as parents it is time to let them start working things out for themselves.

There are plenty of places to rent within walking distance of Warwick.

I think when you haven't experienced a child going to uni lots of things seem very difficult but in reality thousands of students deal with accommodation selection every year. Don't believe the sleeping outside of the rental agents crap you read online re Durham. Yes, there are students who feel that to get certain houses they have to be first, get their contract signed etc but this shows how many places are available from July onwards for this year.

https://sturents.com/student-accommodation/durham

Dh's girlfriend followed him to an incredible uni, so up not down in terms of rankings and they were over before Christmas, her decision. I am obviously pleased about their breakup because a few years later he met me.

As a parent that’s what my heart says. My head on the other hand…

Your last line made me smile. Thank you for the link.

@Redhotchillipeppers, sorry I don't have anything helpful to add on this but was wondering if you would mind sharing when your son applied and when his offer came through? My DS has also applied for maths at Warwick with same predicted grades as your DS but has still not heard anything and is slightly panicking. Thank you!

@Fringeundecided they all came in very early on. Before Christmas. DS has a friend who has applied for CS with 3 A stars and an A who hasn’t heard back yet. I know this is a cliche but no news is good news.

@Redhotchillipeppers, hopefully that is the case! Thank you.

Rankings fluctuate but Durham and Warwick will likely be seen as equally prestigious by employers IME. Durham is smaller and more student focused. Everything is within walking distance which does make a difference. The college system means your DS will have increased opportunities to take part in sports and clubs (ie. music) as each college will have an offering (rather than having to be uni standard to participate etc). Accommodation won’t be an issue if your DS is organised in first term and there is always the option to live back in college halls in the later years if necessary. From my experience of peers, friends and graduates, I think Durham alum look back at their university experience the most fondly out of the three choices. Leeds is very fun but very big and impersonal (with the city shared by three unis). Warwick is a bit isolated and heavily campus based so there’s quite a severe divide between work and play.

Does he want to work in his field afterwards? If I was recruiting for a more general job, I might not realise how high Warwick is rated for Maths, and be more impressed by Durham. I'd also suggest if he wasn't keen at the Leeds open day, then he isn't really following his heart to go there.

He is undecided on the field. DHs preference is Durham over Warwick - but he’s not the one going. Agree with your comment about Leeds. He thinks he’s being sensible by having a reduced debt when considering Leeds if there’s not much between prospects from the RGs.

I was torn like this, until I went on the Durham open weekend. I was walking around Warwick after with my mum this time, comparing (negatively) and she said to me if you had to study PE to go to Durham would you consider it, I said yes ( I hated PE) , she said why are we walking around here then and we went to get lunch and I firmed Durham.

An emotional decision, probably, but I don't regret it at all. I had an amazing time, a fantastic education and made friends for life. For a girl from a rough part of East London it was a culture shock, but it's given me a confidence I didn't have before that I can hold my own with anyone. It also got rid of some of my biases and prejudices around the middle/upper classes! (And confirmed a few 😁)

I’d encourage your DS to go to Warwick. The course offering is fantastic and it has a global reputation. I was a bit non-plussed by someone upthread saying that they wouldn’t rate it above Leeds in a job offer tbh. MY DD had the same dilemma as your DS, prioritising staying in her northern comfort zone rather than the quality of the course. DD went on an open day last year and didn’t like Warwick at all. Since then she’s been back to visit and totally changed her mind about the place. The real difference has come about because she’s been in contact with (older) school friends who’ve hosted her on campus and basically told her that if Warwick wants her, she’d be stupid to turn them down. She’s also realised that a campus rather than a city university is more to her liking, especially the demarcation it gives between a ‘quiet’ academic space which feels more purposeful and less overwhelming than being into a city.
Would it help your DS to get in touch with friends/acquaintances at Warwick (or his other options) and visit to get a proper idea of what it’s like living there? Or to point out that if he goes to Warwick or Durham and hates it he can always ask for a transfer to Leeds? It’s far more likely to happen if he’s transferring to a uni with lower entry criteria than trying to move up to a more prestigious course?

No many would pick Leeds over the other two. I think he should firm one of Durham or Warwick and have Leeds as back up - the back up should be the easier to get into one. Then if his A levels are not quite as good as hoped he probably still has Leeds and likes to stay local. I would not put how far to travel etc above a better university. By the way my father and uncle went to Durham (we are from the NE) but 3 of my children had Durham and Bristol offers and all 3 of them chose Bristol particularly because of being a bit closer to home in London. All 3 are now lawyers in London (1 of them who went to Bristol qualified earlier this year).

Whatever you decide, I would advise against putting too much weight on the rankings. So many things influence them and they do change quite a bit from year to year, you probably wouldn't be able to tell any real difference in student experience at all. I'd advise my son to visit each university and town and go with his gut feeling over anything else.

I agree with many others that Warwick is well rated for maths and should surely be top of his list, with his amazing PGs. Apparently there is a lot more accommodation choice than there was so that’s not such an issue. And it’s a lovely campus as I am sure you are aware.

Short story – I was an academic star at my (selective) secondary school and only when I got to uni did I realise what it meant to be challenged by the work and amazed at others’ ability and knowledge on a daily basis. And in fact uni is often the only time in your life, or at least the main time, you can really have such an experience (unless your working environments are very different from what mine have been!).

It was salutary for me – and you do need to be resilient – but having spent the summer before my first year working in a factory to earn money, I was staggered to go to Bristol to study German and discover that many of my peers had spent two months working in Germany, and were so much more fluent than I was. It was tough but it was a good thing for me to experience.

The fact that the Leeds offer is lower and doesn’t expect FM rings massive alarm bells for me on your DS’s behalf. Unless you know he is particularly fragile (for yes, the approach above would not have worked for, for example, my DD) he should go, other things being broadly equal, to the place that demands the most of him, in terms of A levels and in terms of the course. It will stand him in good stead.

BTW yy to offer holder days – DD’s offer-holder day for her final firm choice was what really encouraged her to put it first – the staff were so inspiring and she came out so enthused. (It was Warwick as it goes but she didn’t end up there!)

I think you should point out to your DS that his stated reasons for leaning towards Leeds don't really add up so he's not being honest. He's perfectly within his rights to lie to you, but he mustn't lie to himself about his reasoning as that's a recipe for a bad decision.

This is incredibly useful. We had positive vibes about both Warwick and Durham when we visited open days. I was more impressed by the Warwick maths department over Durhams - they were very slick. Also liked the campus bubble - will suit DS well. DH preferred Durham - he loves the outdoors and is very sociable. Collegiate system would suit DS too. Leeds is a great city, but not something DS is particularly bothered about (so not considering his offer from Manchester) - just the comfort Leeds provides.

I had wondered whether Leeds would accept him, in case it doesn’t work out elsewhere.

We have spoken to lots of different people and opinions have been varied and conflicting. Which is why I turned to Mumsnet - easier when you don’t know someone as don’t have to be guarded, especially when it’s anonymous 🙂

Warwick. No brainet at all. Then Durham. Not Leeds.

Offers are:
Warwick 2 A stars and an A (has a high TMUA score)
Durham A star and A (maths and FM in any order) C in either of the other two A-levels - they defo want him
Leeds - ABB as he is doing FM and has an A star in his EPQ

So Durham is a very good firm or insurance, which is why I’m going Warwick, Durham