Living at home during university

[Souvenir81]

Do you think kids miss out a lot by living at home during university?

DD wants to go to an university in London; we live in London; she thinks she will move out but I have asked her to check cost of living which she did. I said we can support with around 8k a year.

If she wants to move out I said she will need maintenance loan plus fees loan. If she stay at home we could put some of the 8k towards student fees. Less debt.

Perhaps she can try student accommodation for a year? She is already quite independent, cook her breakfast and lunches, do her laundry, help with shopping, very sensible with money and matured. Prefers socialising with a small group of friends than big parties.

@TizerorFizz you misunderstand what the scheme is and my point. It's not university, it's an Art Foundation course, it's not a language course, and it's a month work experience- as so many pre or even university students do a week here or there at different places to gain some experience it is valuable. It takes no money away from anyone - it's the funding aimed at FE colleges for short term, if the money didn't go to this college it would go to another (or no one at all if they didn't apply). It's a fabulous opportunity - I can't understand how you don't see the benefit of people working in their industry for a month, that it's abroad allows them to also explore a new culture too. They are learning some basic Portuguese but that's not the point. It's about the creative industries. And of course it's nothing like three years of independent living! I never said that - I said it was a taster. And I wondered if the experience of living away, even for the short term, might inform her eventual decision.
Have we not seen kids within these threads who, a couple of weeks into their university career, leave their courses or have serious doubts and worries? Who feel they have made the wrong decision? Some time away, even a month, will surely allow a child to experience navigating the world outside their comfort zone, and help prepare them for doing it for real.
I don't think university living is actually anything like the 'real world' anyway. But it's a stepping stone. As is this program. To call it 'dire' is outrageous. Some of these kids will never have another chance to do anything like this.

I think it will be a long while, but eventually going away to university might well become like going away to boarding school - not the norm, and just for the very well off……that is, unless costs stop rising and government funding somehow changes.

Our system isn’t typical in the world. We are very attached to it, and those with more high paying jobs are often very attached to the idea because if their happy memories if it. But things have changed in terms of funding and cost of accommodation, which means the system that the last few generations have known isn’t there anymore and although we are slow to catch-up in our thinking and will be reluctant to have our kids miss the experience we had, I think by the time our own children are sending their own kids to uni, our grandchildren will be much more likely to stay at home.

Going away I think, will become a luxury product. It will be for international students (more and more places taken by them) and the affluent. In some university cities already, the cost of private accommodation is so high, that the population of live-in students is made up of affluent families and others have to go elsewhere or study from home.

My head says it doesn’t make sense when you live near excellent universities. My heart wants my DC to have the experiences we had and so they will be going away. I’m lucky in that we can afford to support them for much of it, so the concerns about major financial impact on ourselves or major debt for them into the future aren’t there. In a different position, I think I would be thinking twice about it.

@mondaytosunday Turing is means tested for university students who must go abroad as part of the course. They don’t get the Erasmus money they used to. I’m not sure any FE art student should take Turing money over a MFL degree student. It’s an odd use of a very finite resource. In my view.

@WombatChocolate If students don’t go away, London based students might be fine, but what about a very bright student who lives in West Wales? Or even Derby? Do they just pop off to the local uni and hope for the best but could have aspired to so much more? What if they wanted a top rated law or maths course? What if they wanted to be a doctor? It’s just consigning people to not rise above their station. It’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity to move away!

As Wombat says universities will become increasingly like boarding schools. Some pupils have to board for various reasons, but almost everyone else goes to day school. And indeed very very few schools are now exclusively boarding.

So yes. There will always be a good number who have to go away to University, but, like France or Ireland and many other countries, part of the decision making will be to consider opportunities nearby. If you want to live away from home take a gap year or live in halls for the first year.

The 'uni experience' seems to be UK thing. In my (European) home country students go their local University. They go there mainly to study and learn.

@Musicsoundsbetteronvinyl reassuring post, thanks! I do think the university landscape has changed since I went in the early '90s, with increasing costs there is much more of an incentive, especially if you DS has additional needs, to consider staying at home. At secondary he has made friends through clubs and special interests do seem like a good way to build friendship groups for those with Asperger's etc.

My dd has gone away for uni and honestly I don’t think it’s necessarily been worth it. She’s had a good time and made friends - but she would do that anyway, her two best friends are from her course. Some people would say it broadens their horizons, but she’s found herself mixing with a much narrower spectrum of society at her RG uni (mainly white middle class) than she’d previously experienced in her state and private schools and the churches, youth groups and camps she’s been part of. She’s got experience of living with friends but I’m not sure what specifically she’s learned from that. She was already used to living in a big city and going out at night.

I appreciate that for some young people, they need to go away to find the right course. Others who are quite sheltered might also benefit from the experience. But it’s hugely expensive..

Are there parents who charge their kids to live at home during university?

Accidentally resent message

Inevitably some will, but most should be relieved that they are not being asked to contribute as much.

Dd has a few students from the highlands on her course at uni. They are obviously living away from home as some of the highlands are very rural and the closest cities are Aberdeen then Edinburgh and Glasgow. Most of them have full SAAS and then parents help top up aswell as working part time jobs.

We pay our DCs rent and £500 for expenses
No fees as in Scotland
They were all very keen to go away

F

@Motheranddaughter £500 per year?

@HoppingPavlova

These things vary by country/ culture. When I went to uni 100% of my friends were in the same halls as me -however that's an extreme example!

500 a month

@sunflowerpinks What if the local uni doesn’t offer medicine or vet science or is bottom of the league tables for law? Add you consigned to doing another course? Or do you agree to do a poor course when you could do better? Great if all unis are equal, but where is that the case? We had 18 unis in 1950 so we have a culture of moving to uni. It’s only in the last 30 years there’s been a huge choice but they are not all equal by any means . It’s an agenda if dc do not reach their potential by taking an inferior local option. What should dc in Oxford do if they don’t get into Oxford? Take Oxford Brookes and look no further?

And what if in the situation Tizer describes, Oxford Brookes simply don't offer the subject of interest. You can't just 'decide' to go to Oxford (and anyway they expect you to live within a small radius).

My DD is staying at home;we can't afford to help her financially to live in halls so would end up running up debts to live outside of home.

She also has ASD and I don't think she'd cope living with other people in halls especially if they are noisy or messy and she can't stand it if anyone touches her food;plus you can't guarantee you'll like who you live with as I've seen that happen to people.

It's really does have pro's and con's.

It definitely needs to be part of the decision, but for many staying at home won't be an option. We live in SE England there are about 8 universities within an hour's drive but the public transport is poor to non-existent especially at night so that really limits you to the nearest two. One is tiny, mainly vocational courses. The other is bigger with a better range of subjects but still no history for example and you need two (unreliable) trains to get there plus from our end of town 20 mins walk to the station. I don't know any DC from our town who have stayed at home.

If the student wants to do a course/only gets in somewhere away from home then IMO that’s different to just going away for the “experience”.

I agree that many people don’t live near a uni or near one that does their course or one of the standing they are capable of. For the best, most suited course, lots of people need to go away.

But the point is, that ‘the best’ comes at a huge price for families and students. Equally, many children don’t get to go to the best school for them. There isn’t one nearby or one they can get into or one they can afford.

I think we are in the realms of talking about practicalities and what’s possible, not just what’s ideal. Of course, ideally, there should be no barriers to students going to the best uni for them, wherever it is. But there are huge financial barriers which impact decision making and people woukd be mad not to even look at the financial implications for their families at the point of going, in the years before and into the future,

The reality is that students from more affluent backgrounds have the financial support and confidence in the future to go away and access the best courses. The maintenance loan is increasing 2.5% from Sept, when housing costs in some cities are rising by 10% or more.

Those with commutable access to good universities at least have that option. Others who aren’t commutable, are faced with possibly an inferior local option, or only going away and whatever the financial implications of that are. Not surprisingly more are choosing nit to go, including those very suited to a top academic degree. The problem is that some dimply don’t have the choices available to them. Even with government loans, it’s not a system which is accessible to all.

I think this is very true. We live somewhere with a great choice of Unis from RG to former poly covering pretty much every course you can think of between them. My son has top grades and unconditional offers already so will be going to a good one to study his chosen subjects and not having to settle for an institution/course. He does a hobby that he’s met people already at Uni through and one guy he knows is slightly older, from UAE, doing a course at Edinburgh, parents are minted and bought him a flat, doesn’t have to work. My son would be having to study alongside people in that situation, having to work long hours to help fund his living costs thereby taking time away from his studies. So at a disadvantage to the rich kids again.

if he could be guaranteed halls for the 4 years it’d be different but not to get into debt to line the pockets of a private landlord. We could help a bit but not to basically fund 2 households

This is also very true. My son is very bright but he’s had to go to an OK school not a brilliant one as we can’t afford either private school fees or catchment for a top one. Thankfully it’s all worked out for him and he’s got the top grades anyway but real life means we can’t always get “the best”. I’ve not had “the best” career I could have due to having kids but it is what it is.

I lived at home through my full four year degree. Loved uni. Don’t feel I missed out at all.