Living at home during university

[Souvenir81]

Do you think kids miss out a lot by living at home during university?

DD wants to go to an university in London; we live in London; she thinks she will move out but I have asked her to check cost of living which she did. I said we can support with around 8k a year.

If she wants to move out I said she will need maintenance loan plus fees loan. If she stay at home we could put some of the 8k towards student fees. Less debt.

Perhaps she can try student accommodation for a year? She is already quite independent, cook her breakfast and lunches, do her laundry, help with shopping, very sensible with money and matured. Prefers socialising with a small group of friends than big parties.

It is worth noting that the minimum maintenance loan is £4,651 for outside London for household income of about £62k while rents in many uni towns are about £8k without factoring in food, travel etc. With rising living costs not all parents can afford to bridge the gap.

I would say:

1. Living at home is different in countries and locations where it’s the norm to those where it’s a bit more unusual. So ‘I did it and it was fine’ doesn’t always stack up.
2. That said, London is a bit of special case (though not quite so special that it’s the only place outside Oxbridge where you can get a decent education 🙄).
3. Absolutely, students can make friends outside of halls. DD was initially friendly with the girls in her flat but it didn’t last - she made friends on her course, from a society, and goodness knows where else).
4. Even if contact hours are low or lectures online (the first is true for DD, the second not) there can be value in being near campus. DD works far better in the library than at home.
5. DD and I would probably not be speaking by now if she lived at home. She’s practically nocturnal at the weekend and her hours are weird in the week as well. She is, somehow, getting the work done. Miles away, I can trust her. If she was at home, I’m far too burnt by her terrible work ethic at school to do that.
6. Being away has done genuine wonders for her independence. It’s no bad thing at all that she has to feed herself and manage a budget. She gets enough dinners made by me in the holidays. Last year was a bit rough food-wise but this year she’s developed a real keenness for cooking, figuring out what to do with leftovers etc. No amount of ‘your turn to cook on Tuesdays’ would have reproduced that. Likewise cleaning - I literally have a cleaner because I gave up ‘reminding’ both DD and DH that the house didn’t clean itself. Now DD has no choice (and gets to see the consequences when people don’t clean). She’ll be abroad next year - ironically with less independence (shared room and a dining hall) - but her independence in first and second year has given us all more confidence.

In conclusion even if it had been an option for DD (she’s actually three hours away, but we do have a local uni) it would have been disastrous. However London and high costs very much don’t feature. But I do think length of commute should always be a factor. I’m quietly horrified when someone talking about their child commuting 1.5 hours or more to uni. It’s one thing to do that as a working adult when you probably don’t have a work-based social life, and you’re not learning all day, it sounds dreadful as a student.

Both of mine have benefitted from living away from home. Both socially and gaining independent living skills. I guess it might depend on how independent and sociable your dd is anyway. Mine because they had an atypical route through education (special school for one and home tutors for the other) missed out on a lot of opportunities to develop these in secondary and sixth form so it is great they have had the chance to do so at university. I am not sure ds2 would have spoken to anyone if he had done what I wanted him to do and go to a commutable university so I am pleased he ignored me!

She’d miss on on a lot yes

If London is too expensive I think she has to go somehwere else - Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, Newcastle.. all would give her an experience of a different part of the county too, which can only be a good thing

Some cities are expensive and some unis are difficult to get into for some courses.

Point being?

@millie1341 London is not the only expensive city. London doesn’t have a monopoly of good unis. Thinking about careers, costs and quality of uni matter. Living at home works for some but doesn’t foster independence. Mum is still doing a lot! Away from home dC have to sort out more for themselves but it can be expensive. If you don’t live near a decent uni, don’t stay at home if you can do better.

My eldest has started home and my younger one will too. Their choice and is working well.
They commute into London and don't seem to miss out

Understood. Didn't mean to come across as snarky

Multiple DC here, also a London family. Told them they’d be mad to do undergrad in London when they have lived here all their lives but that masters need to be living at home in London unless they get sponsored. Of all the kids I know only 1 is doing undergrad in London and they’ve all come back for masters and PGCE’s

Mine lived at home. She was doing a medical degree so very full on. It wasn't a sociable course, the majority of students were religious and certainly weren't up for partying (neither was my daughter). She had her own friends at home and it meant she could knuckle down to work without being kept awake by noisy room mates etc.

The medics I knew at university certainly liked to party. They stuck together, worked hard but also partied hard. I guess you get partiers and quieter types on all courses though.

We live in central London and have four DC. We strongly encouraged them to go to unis in other cities (and all have/will be) - not least because we hoped they might fall in love with another city/area where, one day, they might actually be able to afford to get on the housing ladder! DC1 (graduated three years ago) has stayed in Cardiff and is buying her first flat there at the moment :-)

Our DS will almost certainly stay at home, he has Asperger's and OCD traits and I personally feel that living away from home would be a bridge too far. Having said that I have breezily suggested he could live away from home but he has been firm in not wanting to- things may change which would be fine and based on his emotional health/wellbeing. The cost is a major issue, we have the space at home and he has lots of extra-curricular interests- history, Warhammer, Dungeons and Dragons and we would expect him to be involved in clubs and make friends there. Our local university is RG has a very good reputation and if we can avoid saddling him with debt that would be even better.

Yes you do.have a completely different experience if you live away from.home. glad I did.

Good point about personality clashes @DontCallMeBaby. My daughter and I get on brilliantly. My son however ... I think we would really get on each others nerves.
Anyway DD will must likely live away, and is doing a month in Lisbon from tomorrow which will certainly be a good dry run for both of us!

In answer to your question yes I think they miss out by living at home.

However, putting £8k toward fees that you'll have to borrow the bulk of, is totally pointless. The interest that accrues on what you borrow over the years means that 8k contribution will just disappear into a hole.

The 8k (or possibly multiples of it) could be useful for a house deposit though, and that’s assuming the parents can afford it in the first place. It’s not to be sniffed at.
That said I’m so glad I got away from my own family with the help of mostly grants and a small loan. So worth it.

DH stayed at home as did all of his school
mates (Scotland) it seems to have been the norm there.
Some of his friends got a flat one year and they went there a lot, but then they all moved home for final years.
He came out with no debt etc though because of it, in fact they all had lots of money (when everyone got grants) so they all went travelling in the summer holidays.

We have a family member who has paid for 3 years accommodation for their child, in their own town, during covid. I’m sure that money would have been more useful for a house.

a lot of variables here I think. Some courses and subjects are more intense teaching hours than others. Given what you’ve said it sounds like maybe engineering? If the teaching load is very heavy I think she’ll be likely to make friends within her subject so living at home would be totally fine. But in an arts degree with a lot less teaching and more independent work then living at home could mean a lot of hanging about campus between lectures or a lot of time at home isolated. The particular university maters too in terms of where they have first year halls. If they’re close to lectures then you may be the odd one out commuting back and forth.
finally, if there’s a reason she may want a wider pool of friends then halls are very good for that. I studied a 90% male subject so halls friends were important to me. I also didn’t have a sport or arts/politics passion which could have filled that gap.

It’s hard for people to look at this objectively. Here, it is deeply embedded culturally to go away for uni. Parents of those applying at the moment will have gone away if they went to uni and those experiences deeply influence what we advise our kids to do.

But the HE environment has completely changed. People forget this and just think about their own experience and the benefits of that. Most parents currently sending kids to uni had grants or the early small loans. These days, you’re looking at £60k to cover fees and living and most students will bear much if that in debt. That debt starts being paid when they earn £25k and middle graduate earners will find they are paying it for most of the 40 years it runs for.

So it shouldn’t be assumed that going away is best. Without doubt there are different experiences from living away….but it must be considered if the merits of them outweigh the costs and if some of the benefits of living away can’t be gained in other ways. For a growing number, this will increasingly be the case.

Yes, those of us who went away, and young adults who did it recently, generally had a great time. Yes, we had fun, grew up and became independent and it’s a very memorable phase. But it’s also true that in most places in the world people stay at home and get educated, make friends, have fun and grow up. These things can happen in different ways and it is right to give really serious thought to the debt and if it’s. Worth it. Yes, yes, lots don’t pay it all off but with the new terms, many more will.

Families who know they won’t be able to financially help their kids get in the housing ladder and who have decent unis nearby are absolutely right to consider if living at home might be better long term. I think increasingly going away will become the preserve of the wealthy. We think staying at home is unusual and second rate. It will increasingly become more widespread. Many if those who do it will go into have great careers and the lower debt will benefit them in all kinds of ways.

So yes, it will be a different experience, but don’t automatically discount it. For lots it orobabnlynis the best option these days.

OP - something like 35% of London students live at home now; it is increasingly the norm and is much more like the pattern of univs in some parts of mainland Europe. Also many Halls are mixed between colleges - the bonding and having friends from your course on tap experience is nothing like it is on a campus. I think one year in halls and the rest at home is a very good option

Thank you. Lots of different opinions. It is engineering. Let’s see what offers she gets and what she decides. I think definitely halls for the first year; so much time save on commuting and a good experience too.

a bit confused as not sure how the loans work

How the loans work is you pay a percentage of your salary once you earn above a certain threshold. Most never pay the whole loan back so it just an extra tax. That’s why it might not be beneficial to take smaller loans, unless you afford to not take any.