Living at home during university

[Souvenir81]

Do you think kids miss out a lot by living at home during university?

DD wants to go to an university in London; we live in London; she thinks she will move out but I have asked her to check cost of living which she did. I said we can support with around 8k a year.

If she wants to move out I said she will need maintenance loan plus fees loan. If she stay at home we could put some of the 8k towards student fees. Less debt.

Perhaps she can try student accommodation for a year? She is already quite independent, cook her breakfast and lunches, do her laundry, help with shopping, very sensible with money and matured. Prefers socialising with a small group of friends than big parties.

Usually students stay in halls the first year then move out into "normal" rentals until their final year when they can often stay in halls for their final year.

Could she stay in halls for her first year, for the experience and opportunity to make friends then live at home for the rest, this is what DSD and friends DD did. Another two friends DS are living at home and commuting, one to save money and the other because they don't want to leave home yet.

It’s a hugely different experience. Even if you aren’t a partier, you tend to make your friends for life in the halls that first year. I was a total geek, ASD and quiet and that is still where I found my tribe.

I met my husband there. We didn’t even get into a serious relationship until years later, but that is where we formed the solid friendship that became the basis for our marriage.

you also get the built in support of being near other students on your course for study groups.

it’s not an experience that should be skipped lightly.

Not all Unis have solid social scenes, and I suspect the London ones in particular have a lot of commuting students.

I agree it would be a good idea to live in halls in the first year. She can still pop home to do laundry and get a nice home cooked meal when she wants. Then she can benefit from no rent in second and third years if she wants.

If my daughter picks a London uni I have said she can do halls for a year but then she commutes. I cannot see the point in paying a heap for her to live in a dump that's probably as far outside the centre as we are anyway

Not sure I’d choose London if I lived there already. Just have a uni experience elsewhere. Then enjoy London in the holidays. If you hand over £8,000 a year and DD gets loan, she will be well off elsewhere!

Commuting is not a good uni experience. For one thing you miss out on having that bonding experience of living together. For another, you miss out on impromptu goings out, if friends are all living nearby to each other and you're 45 mins away. And you have all the worry and expense of living far away from your friends and having to make your way home alone after a night out.
I want to uni in London and commuted, and have discouraged my own kids from doing it for the above reasons.

Thank you. I like the idea of living in halls for the first and maybe last year. I made my long life friends at uni but we all lived at home as it was the norm in my home country. It is a 4 years degree with a sixth month industry experience or 5 years degree with one year in industry depending of university.

I agree with @TizerorFizz, unless they’re a massive homebody (and even then people can change…) But I wouldn’t do a London uni in these circs, move out, have the full experience. Such a difference experience to commute from home.

I think moving out is vital. It's a big part of the university experience and how you make proper friends - I'm still in touch with all my uni friends, 40 years on.

My son is at uni away from home. The halls experience is fine but don't dismiss the value of renting a student house. I sometimes get the impression that on MN it is fine in the first year to live in an expensive, nice university flat but actually renting an often scruffy student house from year 2 is seen as a waste of time. It is at that point real friends are often made, you really learn to stand on your feet so I wouldn't bundle them back home at that point.

@Souvenir81 Whwre offers final year in halls? Virtually nowhere. 5 years (Scotland?) is long for an undergrad degree. Why not look out of London but England/Wales and 4 years? Surely just as good?

I grew up in Dublin, me and the majority of my friends lived at home through uni. I don't think it did us any harm and we came out with significantly less debt.

Give the housing crisis I think this is becoming more common especially somewhere like London where you have such a choice of unis.

I think the experience is important too, I went to a uni in commuting distance of home but lived in halls for the first year and shared houses for the rest (not London). I didn't make friends for life through it by any means, but it was a huge learning experience and really did help my social life at the time.

Another thing is you might assume you could maintain your home social life but if all your friends from college go off to other unis or get jobs that mean they have early starts and no longer want to go out so much that could be disappointing too. I liked that when I went home in the holidays I saw those friends but they weren't around in term time. Those were actually the ones that turned out to be the lifelong friends for me, not uni ones.

I think moving out is vital. It's a big part of the university experience and how you make proper friends - I'm still in touch with all my uni friends, 40 years on.

That’s an odd thing to say. I live in a country where it’s not usual to live in uni accommodation. The vast majority of people live at home with parents unless they come from rural/remote areas, or a different state and their parents have the money to finance it (no such loans here). That’s been the case since long before I went to uni several decades ago. Myself, and everyone I know made ‘proper friends’ that we are still in close touch with over 40 years later. I know people in the gen before me where they remain friends until death and are now attending each others funerals. The current gen are still making friends at uni despite not living with them!

Dd stayed at home. She made plenty of friends on her course and from societies.

I live in London and actively discouraged them from staying in London for uni. No way was I going to pay for them to live out when they have a perfectly good home in easy access to uni. They have gone up north. I also think it’s good for them to have experience of another city as they’ll almost certainly come home afterwards

The whole idea of paying £8k a year for 'the full university experience' is a concept that is more prevalent in the UK. In other countries this is not the case and their young people manage to achieve their experiences through travel and other means without being saddled with 40 years of debt. Granted if you live rurally or far from a university that offers your chosen degree then you will have to move away but it must become more feasible to study locally or a whole lot of young adults will never afford to go.

20 years ago I was a post grad at Imperial. Of the undergrads in my tutorial group (admittedly only four of them!) three moved back home in second year. As their friends were scattered across London anyway it made no difference. Other places are very different, I suspect.

It really depends. My eldest is at a local university and is at home, he has not felt he has missed out, especially as his first year in 2021-22 was entirely online anyway because of the university's ridiculously cautious approach to Covid. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and dyspraxia and to be honest I'm glad he's at home where I can make sure he's eating and a wearing clean clothes as I think on top of the uni work he'd struggle with shopping and cooking.

My next child is in halls in a uni about an hour's drive from home, she'll probably stay in halls for second year too if she can get a place but the 3rd and 4th year of her course involve lengthy placements which will be near where we live so she may commute.

There is no one right answer here, everyone's uni experience is different and not everyone wants the student life of partying and living away from home.

Also since Covid universities have moved towards some of their lectures online, meaning students spend less time in person on campus and more time holed up alone in their rooms on a laptop which is not much of an experience. DD shared halls with students who barely left their rooms, spent hours gaming or online and rarely ventured out. They might as well just be at home.

I did both. Lived out my first year, didn't like the uni or the course, so then dropped out and travelled then lived at home while I started a different course then moved out to NY for my second (technically third) year (transfer student) then to another country for my final year! Shared a room first year, made one friend I'm FB friends with still, No real friends second and third year, and finally enjoyed my last year abroad most, mainly as I finally found 'my tribe'.
I think the 'uni experience' can be great but is also overrated. My own DD is hoping to move away but has put a London uni down as a wild card. She would live in halls first year if she goes there, but I'd say London is a different experience than say living in Bristol and going to Bristol University. But it is what you make it, and living at home just means they might need to put extra effort in to joining societies and getting involved with university outside the classroom.

Both mine stayed at home, ds missed out socially due to covid, dd has an amazing social life, nights out, societies, parties at the halls and flats of her friends. 25 minutes on the bus to uni and a regular bus service means she can be with her friends in no time.

Ds has left uni with no debt and dd plans to do the same. Way less than friends who lived away from home and had to pay for rent, food, etc.

We are from London. With multiple DC. In probability all went/will go to London unis. Only thing we'd consider for undergraduate is if they got Oxbridge (we'd happily bring money together to support that). For a master's we'd scrape money to fund accomodation for them (and would probably work out cheaper just because of how much the London unis charge for a master's degree)

So many great, prestigious universities in London where my DC will get a fab education.

Eldest DC did halls year 1 and lived with us year 2&3. DC made friends in halls and in societies and fully contributed to student life in all his 3 years. Did their master's outside of London (because grades weren't good enough to stay) and just hated being away from home and being in a less academic environment where the people were more focused on "having a good time" instead of accomplishing things. DC missed their London uni a lot and wish they had stayed.

DC missed home a lot and would have preferred to have just stayed with us. Powered through the masters and now works now in the city and loves being with us. We never charged rent, and we provide healthy hot meals. DC is saving a lot and will only move out when they get a mortgage or if works takes them elsewhere. DC even WFHs occasionally at his old university and just loves going back.

Other DC will probably live with us. It will cost a fortune even if we chose non London unis. DH and I will save this money instead. With the money saved we've gone away for our anniversary and also taken DC on lots of fun exciting trips. Why spend a fortune on a small scrubby private flat when they can live in a nice warm home with hot meals?

You can make friends if you stay at home even in year 1. Yes it's a bit harder. But there are things available. DC's uni has a whole thing for 1st year's who aren't in halls. Helps them bond and make friends. You make friends on your course, in societies, at social events hosted by the SU.

When my DC wanted to go out out in his final year he often slept round a friend's.