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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Daughter has quit

55 replies

Alainlechat · 18/11/2023 13:03

My DD has decided to leave uni in her first year.

She wants to look at courses closer to home next year.

I'm gutted for her. Apart from now being in limbo for a year she has added a term of tuition fees and loans to her debt. And I am guarantor for the accommodation and potentially facing a 5k bill for the rest of the year.

She was swept up in going to the same uni as her friend which hasn't worked out for her at all.

OP posts:

Mischance · 18/11/2023 13:05

It is hard - but she has assessed what she can cope with and what is right for her and she needs commending for that. I am sorry it will come at a financial cost to you, but the bottom line is that you do not want her to struggle through a course that she is not enjoying.

verrymerryberry · 18/11/2023 13:12

Your poor DD I wished I'd quit in my first year

I suffered anxiety and depression of a result in staying miles away from home made no friends and was terribly homesick. I have no idea why I didn't fit in. I wasn't just a bit fed up I developed a mental health problem.

This has left me terrible scared 25 years on and has had a significant effect on my life.

She can come home and get a job. She can save and pay you back if it means that much to you. You may or may not have to pay the money back.

I stayed as I didn't want to be a problem for my parents.

Be happy, supportive and say let's see how it goes, we can work it out in time.

jlpth · 18/11/2023 13:12

This certainly sucks for you/her financially, but if she does not like/cannot do this degree or isn't happy at the particular location, it's better she quits now, rather than after a year and a half.

Also, leaving home is a hard thing and she has clearly struggled.

Lastly, she'll really need to get cracking on her UCAS form again - thousands are already submitted from this year's cohort.

mondaytosunday · 18/11/2023 13:13

I dropped out after my first year. It was the wrong course and I took a year off and started again with a new degree and much more maturity. Yes a years tuition and living fees were essentially lost, but I learned a lot about myself and my parents support was unconditional.

HewasH2O · 18/11/2023 13:14

Surely she needs to get a job for the next 8 months to pay the rent she owes. You are the guarantor not the tenant & are only liable if she defaults. If she's responsible enough to make the decision to leave after 2 months, she needs to deal with the consequences.

Original poster

Alainlechat · 18/11/2023 13:14

Yes of course I am supportive, there is no point staying there to be desperately unhappy.

We had encouraged her to stay a few more weeks as quite a few students take time to settle in reading on here but it just got worse for my dd.

OP posts:

HewasH2O · 18/11/2023 13:18

Is there scope to sub-let her room? She may be allowed to find a replacement

Original poster

Alainlechat · 18/11/2023 13:21

I hadn't really considered making her pay the rent. She doesn't have the money either but she does have the option to work extra hours getting her old part time role back.

At the moment she is just not dealing with it. I'm not sure if she has even officially told the accommodation she will not be returning so I have emailed today and hope they can speak to me as the guarantor.

I've said that she should apply again now to ucas as she'd likely get an unconditional offer now and at least have a firm option for next year.

OP posts:

Bunnyannesummers · 18/11/2023 13:31

Sorry it hasnt worked out for her, but she’s been brave to make this decision.

few immediate points:

ucas deadline is end of Jan so she doesn’t have loads of time to find a new course, and most open days have passed. She needs to think really carefully about the new course, because she can’t start again for a third time without having to find first year fees herself.
she needs to tell student finance she’s left
she needs to get a Christmas job and start working to pay you back the 5k. It’s okay she’s made this decision but she does need to understand it comes with consequences.
she might be able to get someone to take over her tenancy and save the bill - she needs to speak to accom asap to find her options

Flibbertigibbettytoes · 18/11/2023 13:36

If she finishes the year, she might be able to transfer into the second year of a course nearer home. If that's not an option, the sooner she contacts student finances the better.

THisbackwithavengeance · 18/11/2023 13:38

I disagree that's it's ok to quit safe in the knowledge that mum and dad will pick up the bill.

It depends on her reasons. If she's finding the work tough, misses her home comforts and has fallen out with her pal, that's insufficient IMO.

Being an adult involves sticking at things not just giving up.

Would she finish the first year where she is now and then use the credit to go into year 2 at another uni? It's only a few more months realistically taking into account the holidays and exam periods.

Char65 · 18/11/2023 13:38

Our youngest DS also quit in his first year and it now living at home and after some coaxing (he had a period of not doing anything) he is doing a college course locally so he can still live at home (rent free!). He is a lot, lot happier. I think too many young people are "pushed" into going to university by schools and peer influence when its not always the right fit. Our eldest DS was totally against Uni and went to college instead and now has his own business. Higher education has become a bit of a gravy train and I don't think its right the way young people are treated with tuition fees and rent etc so I feel for your daughter. University is not the be all and end all that its made out to be.

Char65 · 18/11/2023 13:39

Flibbertigibbettytoes · 18/11/2023 13:36

If she finishes the year, she might be able to transfer into the second year of a course nearer home. If that's not an option, the sooner she contacts student finances the better.

This is a good point.

TheresaWa · 18/11/2023 13:40

I wanted to quit so many times during my first year of uni. Some times students have the wrong idea of some subjects.. could she try few more months just in case ? I don't believe each student will like 100% of the subjects and first year could be a bit basic and after it gets more interesting..

ScarboroughHair · 18/11/2023 13:43

I agree you're being a bit soft on her. Yes you should be supportive and kind. But she needs a solid plan in place for next year quickly and she also owes you £5k, and at the very least she needs to understand that's a one-off. I'd be asking her to pay it back if only to reduce the risk of a repeat occurance next year.

Original poster

Alainlechat · 18/11/2023 13:45

Good idea about student finance, I have no idea if she has contacted them.

She did really like the course, she would look for the same one. It was a combination of the accommodation area being further away and in a much worse area than she saw at the open day and feeling suffocated by her friend. Unfortunately she chose the nuclear option to leave as couldn't face moving accommodation and falling out with her friend because of it.

OP posts:

MrsMoastyToasty · 18/11/2023 13:46

Can she get a full time job and still live at the rental property?

Ninastibbefan · 18/11/2023 13:52

I quit my nursing degree in the first week as I realised it was totally the wrong course for me. My mum & dad weren’t best pleased but did eventually accept it. I moved in with old school friends in London & got a job. I then started a degree the following year that I loved & have absolutely no regrets.

Original poster

Alainlechat · 18/11/2023 13:53

I have said to her that the options at 18 were full time education or full time job.

She really liked the course but hated the area so staying there was not an option.

I'm giving her some leeway to Christmas to get her head together but she needs to wrap up the loose ends with the uni/finance/accommodation.

I don't have the money to pay the 5k, I would need to borrow it. I know this shouldn't be my focus and it's isn't to her but I am worried about it. Just had a significant mortgage increase and my firm has put 20% at risk of redundancy. Now I have this additional worry. I know it will get sorted just getting it off my chest here.

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Nicole1111 · 18/11/2023 13:54

I quit uni after my first year but when I was tied in to accommodation. I stayed, got a full time job and paid my rent without fail. I went back to uni years later and got a degree in a field I now work in. Quitting could well be a great thing for her and it’s likely taken confidence to do so, but I’d be looking to try and get her to take some responsibility for the financial implications of her decision.

DragonFly98 · 18/11/2023 14:17

Your dd needs to pay the £5k it's not your responsibility. Secondly she is highly unlikely to ever pay off her student loan so adding another year to it is irrelevant.

InSpainTheRain · 18/11/2023 14:50

I actually thinks that's a good thing. She incurred 1 term of debt but now wants to reconsider. Better that than muck around for 3 years have 40k of debt and no degree! Yes, that happened to one of my DCs.

burnoutbabe · 18/11/2023 15:02

It sounds like moving accommodation may help if she liked the course.

Is friend also in same course as well as same accommodation?

Let her commute to the course until Xmas maybe? Depending on lecture schedule she may only need to be there 2-3 days a week and can do a hotel/b&b one night

TheresaWa · 18/11/2023 15:12

So the problem is the location? Could she continue but online and just coming to uni for exam ?
The thing with her friend did t work, but there are more people in that city I guess..
could she make an effort ?

Original poster

Alainlechat · 18/11/2023 15:12

Friend is in the same course and same accommodation. Actually in the same flat. My daughter had hoped they would have some space to make other friends but found out the friend had requested to be close to my daughter. (Actually I didn't think the accommodation would do that unless they both requested it).

It's a 3 hour commute, she could have come home every Friday even and go back Monday evening as she had no lectures on the Monday. I pointed out that next year she would be able to find other accommodation and live in a different area but she couldn't face living with the friend and couldn't even face telling her she wanted to move accommodation and face the fall out.

OP posts:

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