They settle in and we miss them. Uni Starters 2023 - Thread 2

[spamm]

I wanted to get a news thread ready for everyone as you wake up in the Uk.

We are settling into a routine of talking to DS on FaceTime on Sunday mornings after our breakfast, which is early pm his time. It is so nice to see his smile and catch up on how he is doing. I know at some point he will have a bad day, but so far he seems to be doing so well, I am ridiculously proud.

Hope you all have a good week!

It’s exciting for him really. He found someone he liked from a sixth form of maybe 150ish kids. Think how many people he likes there will be at a university of 15,000 people

That's a lovely way of looking at it. DD is at uni with her sixth form boyfriend and I don't think she's getting the full university experience because of that. She agrees and is going to make more of an effort in January.

I hope I can manage to support him all right

It's tough watching our kids go through heartache, isn't it @MirandaWest but your DS has shown his mettle and sounds like he's got a good support system.

Thank you - they had actually met outside of school (she’s a year below in school terms but he had a gap year) but the overall principle is the same.

Good thing I had a reason for getting up this morning - parkrun where I’m meeting people - as otherwise would have been tempted to hide in bed for a while. For many reasons this has not been a good first term at university both for DS and for me. Roll on 2024

One thing the parenting books don't teach you is what happens when your dc split with partners.

Ds1 split with his girlfriend of 5 years a couple of weeks ago, I felt bereft. She is a lovely young lady, who I had formed my own relationship with which has now gone.

They obviously felt between them that it was the right thing though and I wouldn't want to interfere, but blimey, it's hard.

My heart goes out to your DS @MirandaWest . It will most likely turn out to be a good thing,bringing him so many more experiences. But a break up, especially at this time of year, is never easy.

My DS had his first relationship when he was 14, and the girlfriend was close to 16. They had been friends for a while, but we were still not comfortable with the relationship as it developed. In the end we banned him from going to his gf's house, as her mother turned out to be so very weird and was giving the kids alcohol and even encouraging him to lie to us about where he was. In the end, they broke up because we would not let him hang out at her home. He has had a few relationships since then, but nothing serious.

I could not sleep, and have been awake since 5.00am, sat by the Christmas tree. DS comes home tomorrow, his flight leaves Heathrow at 4.00pm and we pick him up at 8.00pm our time. I cannot wait to have him back, for about 3 weeks.

Thank you everyone. DS still seems OK today but I think he still may be in shock a bit tbh. One of his friends came round earlier and I think they are both now at the pub 😊

I’ve been hoping to see a catch up university thread, I haven’t posted on one since Ds left

He’s having the time of his life, joined clubs, made friends, signed a lease with them for next year

Taking a train back next week. He’s incredibly happy and it’s wonderful.

DD is back home for the next five weeks! It's no longer quiet at home, music it on whilst she's in the shower and for once we will not be shouting 'turn the noise down'. Had ups and downs but is finally settling down and made some good friends who she is hoping to live with next year. She has assignments to complete and hopefully pass her driving test early January.

Ah, I'm sorry for your ds @MirandaWest and others who are going through break-ups and rough times.

DD is back and has already been in tears over DH meddling in her room while she was away... It's tiredness and emotion as I think she's been picturing an idealised homecoming but I'm trying not to be annoyed at the pair of them. She's gone out to meet friends now, says she hopes they don't want to go out clubbing as she doesn't have the energy - in my experience this means she'll be home at about 4 am .

@MirandaWest My DD sobbed for about the first 24 hours after the break up, but then she seemed OK for a while and I thought she was handling it really well. BUT the reality of it all hit her about 2 weeks later, when his housemates organised a party and it dawned on her that she wouldn't be able to go. She realised it was well and truly over then. She was absolutely devastated, but it's a good month now since that happened and she does seem to be coming out the other side. Picked her up today and she's definitely a lot happier, definitely wants to go back and a lot more positive about her course. Such a relief.

The last month has been truly horrible for her though (and me!). She's been having counselling through the university to help her get through it, and I've supported her a lot (mainly listening to her sobbing on the phone and taking time off work twice to go see her). By far the most useful support she's had though has been from her housemates and other friends she's made and I am eternally grateful to them for helping her get through it. I think I'll need to buy them another bottle of whiskey when she goes back!

Awww that's sad to hear @MirandaWest esp so close to Christmas. So glad he's told you though so you can keep a mum eye on him.

How is your DS now @Bearcub101? Hope the GP appointment went well and he's feeling better.

I also have a DD who listens to music loudly in the shower @Lowther and also sings but I'll enjoy the month of this as January will soon come round and the new term will start and it'll be quiet here again.

She came home today and seems just like she's always been which I'm so happy to see. Wondered if she'd be out with friends but she wanted a Chinese takeaway and movie night with us.

@Lyxou -I hope my DS has good housemates like those. It sounds like they are incredibly supportive and that's just what your Dd needs.

@MirandaWest I hope he is doing better. Hopefully the Christmas break will do him good and give him the chance to get used to the change.

My DS is home - we picked him up from the airport about 2 hours ago and I cannot stop hugging him. It's strange how he seems to just fit back in - I was expecting it to feel very different. Let's see how the next few days go, but it is just so nice to see his beautiful face. He is home for 3 weeks, I will make the most of it!

I’ve hardly stopped cuddling ds. It’s wonderful to have him home. It was funny though, he walked into a tidy house on Saturday evening (admittedly somewhat tidier than usual due to Christmas) after eleven weeks away and the penny suddenly dropped that he might have been responsible for a sizeable proportion of the mess!

Hello all. Just catching up. Oh @MirandaWest heartbreak is real! How crap. And when he is trying to recover too.

@Bearcub101 hope your dc is getting better.

My ds is not coming home til 22nd. He has one flatmate still there with him (who actually lives locally but has a complicated home life).

I think he's going back before NYE. And he'll be at his dad's so our time together will be limited but we pack a lot in. Luckily he's chatty and we still pretty much talk every day.

Thank you for all the kind words for DS. This term has been a bit of a rubbish start to university for him tbh. He seems OK - has seen his friends quite and talked to one who is at nearby university which shares some accommodation with his (the one where his ex lives). She is/was good friends with his ex and was able to let him know that she too has been “dumped” - it seems the new people at university have been rather more fun… This has helped DS who has at least felt it’s not just him!

I think if they’d been at different universities it would have seemed more likely to happen but he hadn’t realised it would happen like this. He also said he's sort of glad it happened at the beginning of the holidays as they’d probably have been OK for the next month (as the new friends wouldn’t have been here I suppose) but the break up would probably have still happened.

He also said he’s going to make an effort to get to know other people more and feels that he’s more likely to do that without needing to consider ex, which overall is good.

He's currently making amendments to an essay to be submitted by noon tomorrow - is one they submitted earlier in the term (he was delayed due to being in hospital) and were given feedback on how to improve. Will look at him in a bit and see how he’s doing.

Sorry to hear about the heartbreak and health problems etc. It’s such a big deal at any age. But it’s especially traumatic during such a time of upheaval. I honestly think the lucky kids are the ones with parents posting on here. Our children know they have our love and support.

My daughter is struggling with changes amongst her friendship group at home. A couple of her good friends have paired off and she is feeling sad.

On the other hand she had a Christmas drinks and snacks party at the weekend with 15-20 new university friends who came to ours (and seem lovely). We ordered so much food and drink and it all disappeared! My child has such a negative mindset though and focuses on the loss of her school friends rather than seeing how incredible it is that so many new friends trekked to our home for a party with her.

Ups and downs ahead for all of us.

Your child is being so resilient and being so strong in the face of adversity. He sounds much more mature than many of his age. With your support he will come through this. I hope he has the lovely Christmas he deserves.

Thank you - he is pretty mature in some ways - he is a bit older as had a year out so is 20 now but I also think his experiences with being diagnosed with IBD have made a difference too.

Anyone else's been sent back broken?? Doesn't recognise a hoover or dishwasher anymore! So nice having him back - and like so many keeps asking for hugs!

Ds just rang he's still not coming back. He thought he might come today but he's just off out. And perhaps not tomorrow- so it's looking like Saturday now. And he thinks he will go back to uni before NYE. It's ok but I have a disability which makes it hard for me to get to him at uni and the cost of course!

Eurgh, DS was super organised getting a house for next year at York but someone has just dropped out so they need to find another sharer. Need to check the contract but hopefully the one who dropped out is still liable for the rent as we had to sign a guarantor form. Can’t afford to cover an empty room.

@TooManyTrips they’ve got 6 months or so to find a new person - best they dropped out now rather than a few months down the line even though it’s a pain in the bum!

Just been to visit my parents for a couple of days with DS. The 3 hour trip each way has given me the chance to interrogate him on friends, course, nightclubs...etc... We went to a "grown up" Chili and Cookies at friends of my parents last night and I was so proud of him. He was so well spoken and interesting and I could see everyone just liking the young man he has become. They have all seen him grow up from toddler, so the transformation is wonderful. We also went through all his house stuff for next year - I have to pay over 6000 pounds in advance, as we live outside the UK. Ouch!

Ds is allegedly getting a train home today. Tho it's all gone quiet. If he doesn't come today I am not sure he'll get back for Christmas. He plans to be back at uni for new years as well. (Which is fair enough). Part of me is pleased he likes where he is and who he's with enough and obviously part of me is a bit sad.

And @spamm - that's completely lovely!

@stilldumdedumming oh I do hope he makes it home! And learns to communicate better too - teens!!!
ahhh @spamm becoming young adults! 😊