Driving issue - but DD wants to go to uni 300 miles away!

[Netballer3]

I can’t drive on motorways or busy dual carriage ways any more - was getting huge anxiety so stopped about 5 years ago. DD is very keen on Newcastle uni though - which is 300 miles (6 hour drive) from us. If she gets a place, how would we get her stuff to and fro? She doesn’t drive either and we have no close family or friends to take her all that distance. Want to make it work but can’t see how…

Ditto here on the HRT front, but just out of interest, what was the glasses solution? Did you already have glasses or were these new/ different for driving?

I wear varifocals and I still find night driving exhausting and stressful with all the white light and brake light glare these days.

Are driving anxiety and the menopause really linked? Never heard of this. I am 52 btw

Yes, absolutely! I was just discussing this with my menopause consultant last week and she said it was very common!

I couriered a lot of stuff home when I was going the other way and realised over 3 years I'd acquired more than a car-full of stuff. It was fine. I think I used collect+

I got dedicated driving glasses (not varifocals) that have anti-glare on them and are for distance rather than reading. I have three prescriptions now, one for reading, one for driving, one for screens as all are different. I can’t get on with varifocals. I have stigmatism as in both eyes and one eye is short sighted and one long sighted so makes judging distance in the rain without glasses a challenge so I find the glasses essential and just leave them in the car. I get the prescription from my optometrist and then plug in the details to glassesdirect.

Anxiety in meno can be horrendous!
It seems to come out of nowhere and is one of the worst symptoms for me.

I went to uni 5hrs and 3 train changed away. I got a relative to drive me down initially and move me into halls then at the end of term I got a uni friend to move my stuff into the house share (someone will have a car) who I had agreed this with in advance. Then by the end of uni I had passed my own test and could drive my own car which my mum bought as a 21st present for me. Think it was £500! My mum never drove and I still remember the first time we bombed about it it together! Anyway it can definitely be done but I do remember the train rides being very tedious and expensive. Still absolutely loved my uni though and wouldn’t change a thing 😊

In Bath I have a hefty number of student HMO's nearby; many of the kids are currently moving into their yr2/3/4 houses. This is what I have observed over the past couple of weeks.

Over the summer they seem to be making use of a firm called something like "Student Store". Uniformed staff have been turning up with trolleys and vans and baggage packed to professional removal van standard.

Our local "Share & Repair" shop collected/repaired/PAC tested electrical stuff to sell on this semester. A charity collects unwanted clothing at the end of the summer term.

You can probably carry a fair bit of stuff on a train/coach if you both have a rucsac & suitcase.

Some rooms do not have space to store suitcases so if you take them up full you might have to bring them back empty

Yes. It might be better to take wheeled hold alls rather than large suitcases. DD was at Park View halls and there was definitely no room for large suitcases to be stored anywhere. She did pack one suitcase, but we had to bring it home.

@Netballer3 you have had loads of solutions on here, but I would still try and address your anxiety about driving. If you are menopausal could you try HRT? If this isn't the issue could you try some driving lessons?

For Christmas and Easter could your DD fly home? One of DD's best friends was from Bristol and she always flew home for breaks. It was quicker and cheaper than the train. Also, Newcastle airport is easy to get to on the Metro.

I went from SE England to Scotland 20 years ago; I rocked up with a rucksack and suitcases when everybody else had parents and cars full. It was difficult both practically and emotionally; but not insurmountable. My mum gave me some money and I bought pots, crockery, duvet etc.

I'm in Newcastle, willing to accept you to send bit by bit and store till she's up this way and able to collect........

This is my friend’s major symptom since turning fifty. She was and is a great driver. But seized with terror now.

You have a choice:
She gets a railcard and train.
You pay for driving lessons on motorways and get some miles in till you are comfortable.
She gets driving lessons and passes her test gets own car.

Train. Trunk. Large taxi prebooked at the other end. This is what all the overseas students do and I help and support loads of them from SE Asia.

I would work on the anxiety. If she's going to uni 6 hours away she will likely settle away, do you really want to be restricted seeing your daughter for the rest of her life? This is just the start of a reoccurring problem, I would also look at encouraging her to learn to drive.

I do empathise, I struggled to drive my first 10 years as I was so nervous (I'm talking 100+ mile dry runs with my mum for support!) then I had to do it for work and I just got on with it and will drive anywhere now- absolutely freeing.

And yes I have definitely noticed my mum is a more anxious driver now (50s) she still does it but I know she gets much more nervous and will go longer routes to go familiar routes.

I can't drive for medical reasons now and I just have to accept it and use buses, cabs and trains. Newcastle has great public transport, the train will be fine. Lots of students have to travel by public transport.
My dd had to go with her uncle on the train hundreds of miles away. Her brother had just died and I had had a major relapse and couldn't walk, never mind drive. She bought everything in the local Ikea.
It will be fine.

This ^

x 1000.

Also get your daughter to learn to drive. A couple of lessons for birthday and then practice practice practice in your car . Stand alone learner car insurance is very affordable. I have done this for my kids on a single income of £35k and £1000 rent. It's an invaluable life skill. Mine worked part time and bought second hand cars and took themselves back and forth to Uni.

In my experience (mother to a Uni student) most students take far, far too much 'stuff' with them. We loaded up our car when we first took our DS to Uni but most students happily share kitchen stuff and it's cheap enough to pick up a few basics in IKEA/charity shops etc (the Welcome Week often includes trips to IKEA!).
Train or coach will be fine.

Most Uni students won't have anywhere to park their own car ....

Not gone through menopause, but I went through a period of being anxious around driving. Conveniently stopped when I had my mirena taken out. Retrospectively realised it had started around when I had it put in.

So true! One year, I had an entire carfull for DC2 for the first year, then went to drop off older and wiser DC1 to start a year abroad, with one wheely suitcase and a backpack.

I doubt you will be able to park anywhere near the university anyway tbh. I got 2 parking tickets dropping DS off at University. The traffuc wardens were out in force ticketing all the parents' cars.
Overseas students get their trunks delivered to university storage and move their things bit by bit during freshers week. They ship it home again at the end of their course.

They give you timed slots so that you can. You get about 20 minutes to unload the car then you have to find somewhere else to park. It is very well organised.

Just to put the opposite case for blaming the menopause.
After 35 years of being nervous driving on motorways I cracked it age 54 and at the peak of menopausal symptoms when I started taking DC1 to uni.