Driving issue - but DD wants to go to uni 300 miles away!

[Netballer3]

I can’t drive on motorways or busy dual carriage ways any more - was getting huge anxiety so stopped about 5 years ago. DD is very keen on Newcastle uni though - which is 300 miles (6 hour drive) from us. If she gets a place, how would we get her stuff to and fro? She doesn’t drive either and we have no close family or friends to take her all that distance. Want to make it work but can’t see how…

I flew/ trained to uni.
Clothes and IT stuff in a suitcase, reserved homewares at the Argos in town and picked up on arrival.

Bought whatever else I needed there which wasn't much. Inbetween years the Halls of Residence had a couple of rooms students could leave non-valubles like duvets etc at their own risk and pick up again the next September.

I don't drive long distances due to a medical condition. I deposited my DC (all a similar distance) at university by train. We took two huge wheeled suitcase each - it's a faff but it's perfectly do-able. I stayed overnight then caught the train back with two empty cases. One of my DC spent a year in Singapore and took a monster case and a backpack. They just have to be realistic about what's possible.

Hire a man with a van??

personally though if I were you I’d speak to a driving instructor and see if they could work with you to get your confidence back.

Thank you for all the replies! Sounds like both of us on the train and then buying stuff in Ikea/Dunelm when there is the way to go. Plus storage over the summer. DD will learn to drive but we are struggling to find an instructor with weekend availability (not feasible on weekdays due to after school activities and homework), let alone get a test. In any event, I won’t be able to fund a car, insurance etc

Just take a couple of suitcases with clothes,
personal effects on the train. Get a taxi to the ikea which is just outside Newcastle city centre to get bedding/kitchen bits, etc. Although if your daughter is planning to live in halls of residence they will likely end up with multiple pan sets, cutlery sets, etc so she can probably borrow from house mates.

Options:

1. You suck it up and have some motorway lessons and drive her.
2. You get someone else to take her, pay them to do it.
3. She gets the train with her essentials and buys the rest when she gets there.
4. Courier service and public transport.

I'd encourage you to have some motorway lessons anyway even if you pick another option. If she has any issues and you want to get to her you want to be able to drive to go get or see her in an emergency.

Man and van/ removal company. Some are insured to take a passenger some aren’t. In which case she’s need to get on a train. Thousand of young people do this. Do you think a family in Northumberland drive to Exeter with a loaded car just to drop kid off and head back , I sure as hell wouldn’t. Anyvan.com is great for part loads, why not fill in a form and get some quotes to see what your cost would be?

Some rooms do not have space to store suitcases so if you take them up full you might have to bring them back empty. Also for the whole just buy it from Ikea/Dunelm etc sometimes they are out of stuff because lots of people try to do this. Someone was on here who worked in a university town and worked in Dunelm I think and said click and collect it to guarantee it is there but again, no car so you will have to sort out buses or taxis.

There are lots of student move and storage services but this is just adding to the stress of it all when you could drive it.

I agree with PP your anxiety could be linked to being peri-menopausal if you are above 40. Do you think this is a time to try to conquer your fear and regain some of that freedom?

Loads of people flew into my dds uni (Scotland) and pre paid for the bedding package and just decorated their rooms when they got there. Not unusual at all.

My dc is at a uni 400 miles away, didn't even cross my mind we'd drive - use a service like anyvan, we sent up two huge suitcases for £50 - then go on the train. If they're in catered halls they don't need anything cooking wise if not they can easily buy stuff as they go along, charity shops will have most of the cooking stuff for peanuts

I'd do it by train. Plenty of students still do. There are also international students who fly in from other countries so are much more limited in what they can have. Two of my DDs had to spend a year abroad as part of their courses and definitely didn't have the luxury of us driving them then. We saw one of them off on the Eurostar as she was going to Paris and the other at the airport as she was doing a stint in South America.

It's a case of being realistic, and of buying some of the necessary stuff once there and putting it in storage when not in use.

What about both of you on the train with a couple of large suitcases (perhaps each).

You do have my sympathy about the anxiety over driving. I am the same - I'm fine on my own patch but the mere thought of driving long distances now terrifies me. That's why I would do it by train. I'd pay for the tickets and I would have an overnight hotel room for myself if necessary so that I could travel home the next day.

Actually this might work best. My nephew says most student rooms don’t have space to store suitcases (his certainly didn’t - he took everything in blue Ikea bags as a result) so shipping clothes etc in cardboard boxes might be better?

Train. My family didn't have a car when I went to uni 200 miles away (4 hours, 3 trains, 2 changes). It is a faff but you get around it, once it's done, it's done. Someone in my hall came from Ireland and had a lot of her stuff couriered in advance so that's another option.

The IKEA in Gateshead is fairly straightforward to get to by public transport - would just need a taxi back. All the universities and John Lewis do new term promotions of basics, too.

I moved from Newcastle to London on national express I had a rucksack and two of those big tartan bags you get in the market. It was fine. She'll work it out.

Just to say we are in the South (nearly 500 miles away) and DS went to Newcastle Uni (and stayed) and we are going up to visit soon and found flying much cheaper (and quicker) than the train.

He learned to drive and took a car second year which helped immensely.

I would look at what she can take/ship and also the amazon/ikea delivery options once there.

It's a great Uni experience and I highly recommend.

All 3 of my DC at different Uni's had a wardrobe that you could put a case on top of-just remember if she is coming home by train/bus/plane/dogsled she will need at least a wheely bag

I know this isn't what you asked but one of my DC went to Warwick which is a long way from us and I loathed driving and was terrified. I actually got used to it after trailing up and down there multiple times over 3 years. So even though I'd been driving since age 17 I was 54 and got the hang of motorways.

I think your information is a little outdated. I agree that students take far too much these days (my daughter included), but most accommodation is self catered with nothing other than a kettle and toaster provided. Bedding is not provided, and very few universities ask you to clear out at Christmas and Easter. I think it is mainly Oxbridge and some halls in Nottingham, but I'm happy to be corrrected.

My dc is at Newcastle. Her flatmate is from Brighton. He flew from Southampton with a suitcase.

To be honest I would be pointing out the potential issues and challenges to her and getting her to come up with solutions. If she wants to go this will then be on the understanding of the benefits and challenges that brings.

Its her decision as to the uni she applies for/attends and that needs to be an informed, adult decision.
I don't think I'd be quick to travel with her in your position, and I'd be asking for her suggestions as to how to fund the increased costs of travel there (in fairness these might well be offset by lower costs of living and Newcastle is a great uni).

I think I might be in a minority of one though!

I went to and from uni by train 3 round trips a year with a 6 hour journey. You have to be ruthless about not acquiring stuff but I was able to leave a box of things I didn't want to take home in storage each holiday. So long as she understands that's the deal, it's her choice. Buy her a big expedition-size rucksack and a wheely suitcase or two and she can manage a surprising quantity of luggage on a train.

Just to add to the driving solutions ideas, if you are put off by glare or driving at night etc as part of your dislike of motorway driving then do see an optometrist. I was finding I was avoiding driving at night except on familiar roads and I mentioned it at my eye appointment and a set of glasses later plus HRT and all is much easier.

Car is loaded up to take DD to Uni tomorrow. She has to move out at end of each term and there is limited storage to keep anything during the short holidays so driving is most practical for us.

We've sort of fallen into your situation by accident. We're fine with driving but dd seems to have managed to unerringly pick accommodation with no parking nearby. It works fine with the baggage services that have been linked to here plus sending Amazon deliveries, carting stuff around by hand etc. A lot of student accommodation goes over the summer so she managed to store her stuff at mates flats over the summer.

Just to add to the driving solutions ideas, if you are put off by glare or driving at night etc as part of your dislike of motorway driving then do see an optometrist. I was finding I was avoiding driving at night except on familiar roads and I mentioned it at my eye appointment and a set of glasses later plus HRT and all is much easier.

Car is loaded up to take DD to Uni tomorrow. She has to move out at end of each term and there is limited storage to keep anything during the short holidays so driving is most practical for us.