Annnddd they're off! Uni Starters 2023 Thread.

[Titsywoo]

Hi all,

I thought I'd start a different thread as the Alevels and beyond one is more geared to remarks and clearing at this point so didn't want to start derailing that with chat off packing and freshers week.

How is everyone getting on with helping their DC prepare and the idea that soon they will be moving away?

My DD is off to Cardiff to read psychology so will be about 3.5 hours drive away. I'm both nervous and excited for her right now! Packing is going well - pretty much all stuff has been bought and the induction pan set should arrive today. There is a large pile on the landing which keeps growing as we think of extra bits.

Due to a very lucky spot by me when scrolling Tiktok DD has found and been added to the Cardiff Psychology year 1 snapchat group. From that she got chatting to some others who aren't massively into drinking or clubbing and they have another chat for people who want to do other things than clubbing. They are organising meeting for some of the SU 'Give it a go' events such as an escape room and Ikea trip! Dd has also persuaded a couple of people to join the Hookers society with her (for crocheting! 😄).

Dd had a terrible time with bullying and social isolation from year 5 till the end of sixth form so I am praying this is the new start where she finally finds her tribe 🤞🙏

Looking forward to hearing how everyone's DC is getting on and how the first few weeks are for them. Not long to go now! DD leaves in 20 days 😬

@Era - totally agree - ensuite self contained rooms without common rooms can be isolating.

For those worrying about their freshers it is so tough watching from the sidelines isn't it. Please encourage them to hang in there. Moving to a different city with all your 'scaffolding' of home, school, established friendships stripped away is inevitably going to be tough for many ...and involves as @WednesdaysPlaits says requires a degree of reinvention ....

2 years ago DC1 had a challenging 1st term but it gradually improved and by the spring term he had a great group of friends - it did take time just plugging away with societies, sports etc. Now entering his third year he's really settled. One trouble is he dislikes electronic communication such as What's app and Messenger so that made it harder. Also he had had a year out and found going back into an institution challenging after living in a flat overseas with older people for a year. Plus it came to light he has pretty poor executive disfunction which had been masked by the structure of school and home and that made navigating unpredictable lecture timetables and seminars and social life much harder as he refuses to use an electronic diary - sigh...

Anyway I suppose the morale of this story is supporting them find their way is tough but for most worthwhile... well in our case it was!

Conversely DC2 has just started Uni and has shared bathroom and a tiny shared kitchen and is making friends much more easily but she is a very different character and really puts herself out there.

@AnneOfCleavage
Haven't heard much from dd since she burnt her finger getting something out of the oven. I had to give up on "first aid by WhatsApp" and sent her to find someone on campus to check it.

I did hear from her this evening. I asked what she's doing for the weekend, and she says tidying her room for the room inspection on Monday. I asked how she'd got it that bad in such a short time, but she's not answering that!

Just been at a gig DS was playing at with his band. Means he’s come back for the weekend which is nice 😊 have caught up with most things he’s been up to….feels like he is settling in fine and is enjoying the açademic side of things too, which was a slight concern of mine after he had a year out before starting university.

I think all freshers will have a bumpy first term in some way but sorry to hear about those who are really struggling.
DD is in Newcastle and is generally doing well. We've had all sorts of phonecalls, up and down, study too hard, too much, but she has ploughed on. She was determined from the start to not come home until the Christmas hol & I think that's a great plan. We are going up for 24 hours next week & she is very excited for that.
I sent a parcel a couple of weeks ago. It was a big shoe box & had all sorts in it, a couple of things we couldn't find when she was packing, a bag of wools & a crochet hook for the times she's on her own with time on her hands, command hooks, fairy lights & some food treats. It was perfect timing & was a real boost.
She is pushing herself to keep meeting people through different connections. It's hard but does pay off.

Dd's laptop has broken so she's off to the library for the first time (!!!) to consult IT support services.

Cue lots of annoying nostalgia from me about how my generation had no laptops, mobiles etc. but still managed to get through. No point being a parent if you can't bore your dc with this kind of thing .

Room inspections? Didn’t know they had those. Is that a safety thing?

DD has a bottomless brunch tomorrow. I think that could be messy.

DD said they're due one. I think they might be Pat testing equipment, plus checking for illegal substances etc.

DD apparently they check the rooms to see if it's tidy enough for the cleaner to put a hoover round without having to pick stuff up. She's taking it very seriously!
However they do fine them £5 a shot if they lock themselves out of the room more than three times, so maybe they fine them for untidiness too.

DS has joined 2 more societies - the South African society and the Ski Club. I come from an African background so I think he feels comfortable, but I also think he met a SA girl in Freshers Week, so it could be that.

He seems to be doing well but struggling to find somewhere he feels safe going for a haircut. He is very precious about his hair and beard, but is starting to look like an Amish preacher at this rate, so needs to figure it out.

I must ask him about room inspections, because I know they said they would happen.

@NotDonna mine had a bottomless brunch today. She is currently having a nap!
DD has room and flat and fridge inspection every fortnight.

Dd has had her first bump today with some of her flatmates, they annoyed her with guests staying over uninvited in the communal area.

She’d have probably come home if she hadn’t made plans herself with friends this weekend including her friends that she has known since she was 4 who by chance studying in the same city.

Both tidiness and safety. Afaik every uni does them (which is good!)

No room inspections in the 80s! (I was messy as well. Still am!)
My ds better watch out when he starts at Bath next September!

Dd has had her first bump today with some of her flatmates, they annoyed her with guests staying over uninvited in the communal area

Do you mean they didn't check with her beforehand?

We're currently visiting DD and she seems to have calmed herself down about the module she was struggling on. She realised she was doing too much, now that she's starting to get to know people on her course. She is still thinking about moving sideways to engineering, which I think might suit her.

Her big issue now is her boyfriend. They've been together about 18 months, and all through the relationship he's texted her non-stop, to the point she thought about dumping him over it (he can be a bit controlling, I think). But since they've started uni, he's not texting her at all and she's having to instigate all contact with him. And he keeps lying about whether he's been out with flat mates, which DD can't understand because she's not bothered who he socialises with. Personally I think she needs to just dump him because he's treating her like shit, but she started crying when I said that yesterday and I didn't know what to say after that. I think deep down she knows they need to split up, but she'll find it really hard and she'll be very sad/lonely for a good few months. I can see she'll be so much happier in the long-term and she'll be able to enjoy uni life so much more.

If anyone's got any advice on helping their children navigate a break up then I'm all ears!

@Yoloohno did the guests sleep in the kitchen or something overnight? I wonder if it wasn’t planned and a last minute decision. Was your DD around to be asked? Hopefully they apologised and there’ll be no awkwardness.

Morning! Loving the cat chat.
@Yoloohno hope it sorts it self out. Dds flat have a WhatsApp and they've all agreed to either ask or inform (if it's last minute) if there are other people staying over.
They are all really comfy with each other already but they might not necessarily wander round in pjs if strangers are there so I think it's good to respect each others living space.

I was having dinner last night when the front door opened and little voice said "hello...." surprise visit from dd! It was so lovely to see her.
Obviously she went out with her mates last night but it's so nice having alll the chicks in the nest!

@Lyxou - I've got the opposite problem with DD's boyfriend. He's at the neighbouring uni and spending way too much time (in my unsolicited opinion!) at DD's flat - at his instigation.

I think we just have to let them get on with it (hard, I know!) and be there when it ends. Luckily DD has made friends so her social life isn't revolving around bf (nice lad that he is).

@MargaretThursday yes we now know about the three times now as DD locked herself out yesterday. Didn't know it was £5 after the 3rd time. DD wasn't the first in her flat of 6 to do it though 😆

Re room inspections, DD had one last week and the inspection lady asked if she opened her curtains and window so i guess they check for ventilation as well as no food lying around to attract vermin etc. she also made sure her laundry was put away as they are funny about airers in the rooms but she can't tumble dry her wool sweaters so has to room dry some stuff.

@Lyxou we have a different but also somewhat challenging issue with DC1 and his GF. I asked some open questions but concluded I wasn't the best person to probe further. Fortunately DC2 has taken him in hand. He seems to listen more to his bossy little sister. He's 21 and aside from asking questions and being supportive not much more we as parents can or should do...

Dd hasn’t had an inspection yet, not surprised. What are they gonna do, tell her it looks nicer? TBH she could vomit on the floor and set the place on fire and it wouldn’t look worse!

@AnneOfCleavage

Thanks for that. Will remind dd about her airer as I doubt she's thought of that.

One of her flat (or maybe the flat above) locked themselves out 3 times in the first couple of days.

Cat cushion idea is genius! Haven’t heard anything about room inspections. DS2 not that communicative except to check he’s had chicken pox because a poor fresher in his flat caught it (horrible timing!) but I know he’s ok because I’ve seen a photo of him with friends, smiling and with his hair cut(great improvement).

Room inspections are also for illicit products like kettles and posters. When I was at uni there were an awful lot of pets that were also hidden from inspectors (fish and small mammals mostly)