Annnddd they're off! Uni Starters 2023 Thread.

[Titsywoo]

Hi all,

I thought I'd start a different thread as the Alevels and beyond one is more geared to remarks and clearing at this point so didn't want to start derailing that with chat off packing and freshers week.

How is everyone getting on with helping their DC prepare and the idea that soon they will be moving away?

My DD is off to Cardiff to read psychology so will be about 3.5 hours drive away. I'm both nervous and excited for her right now! Packing is going well - pretty much all stuff has been bought and the induction pan set should arrive today. There is a large pile on the landing which keeps growing as we think of extra bits.

Due to a very lucky spot by me when scrolling Tiktok DD has found and been added to the Cardiff Psychology year 1 snapchat group. From that she got chatting to some others who aren't massively into drinking or clubbing and they have another chat for people who want to do other things than clubbing. They are organising meeting for some of the SU 'Give it a go' events such as an escape room and Ikea trip! Dd has also persuaded a couple of people to join the Hookers society with her (for crocheting! 😄).

Dd had a terrible time with bullying and social isolation from year 5 till the end of sixth form so I am praying this is the new start where she finally finds her tribe 🤞🙏

Looking forward to hearing how everyone's DC is getting on and how the first few weeks are for them. Not long to go now! DD leaves in 20 days 😬

@MermaidEyes

I wonder if she's worried about rogue taxi drivers.

What I've always told my girls is that if they get in a taxi where they are going to be on their own (ie if they're going to be last dropped off etc) to very obviously take a picture of the taxi's licence plate and send the photo to me by WhatsApp.
That way they have checked the licence plate, but also the taxi driver knows there is now a record of them getting in the taxi.

But also I tell them if any taxi driver objects to that, then don't get in the taxi.

My sister was attacked by a taxi driver years ago. Luckily she is a scrappy bitch, kicked the twat in the face and ran to the nearest pub and raised the alarm. My brother’s friend was abducted and killed whilst walking home. Neither way is safe, but i would rather take my chances on the street than be stuck in a taxi with someone I don’t know. Dd always walks home by herself, why wouldn’t she? We live in a big city, it takes her 20 mins to walk home from town. Sometimes she has friends with her, sometimes she doesn’t. Now she is in halls a 10 min walk from the centre of Cardiff and walks home. I feel very uncomfortable with young women being told to be scared of walking home. Yes, bad things can happen, but it is so rare that you should be more worried about being hit by a car or falling down stairs. Also remember men are far more likely to be the victims of violent crime and we don’t tell them not to walk home by themselves.

@MargaretThursday yes that's most likely it. I've had a couple of dodgy taxi drivers in my youth so can understand it. I like the idea of snapping a photo of the license plate or cab number.
@Tabbytabs I agree with you somewhat. It's sad that there should even have to be a debate about which way is safer.

I live in York - I think that Ubers aren't licensed here but suspect this is more to do with York council than Uber per se. My DS gets Ubers happily when he's here and I'm pretty sure his girlfriend would too.

That’s good to know @MirandaWest thank you!

@HicIocusEst She had a bit of a breakdown over it yesterday and ended up sitting with the transition officer. And she'd already seen a well-being officer about it earlier in the week. I'm getting a bit pissed off with them though, because they keep telling her that may be she needs to leave York and go home. But she's already made friends there, likes the city, has got herself a job, likes her course apart from this one module. It's obvious there's some prior knowledge that they haven't been taught for this module, because it's normally taught in year 2. I feel like they just want shot of her because she's creating work for them.

My Mum went to visit her today, and my Mum said she seemed a lot calmer, and my DD didn't want go back with my Mum to her house, which I took to be a good sign.

@Lyxou I'm not sure if this is helpful but I have tiny bit of experience with uni pastoral care from my dd. I got the impression that they did not want to be accused of trying to persuade a student to stay if it was remotely not in the interests of their wellbeing. Like they'd be open to criticism. But I do see your point that your dd doesn't have a well being issue - she just needs some better teaching on this module!

3 weeks in for Dd. She’s found her feet really well in her new city. She’s got over the freshers flu that floored her for a few days.

Seems to have a lovely bunch of flatmates, sone other new friends that she’s out with tonight.

She didn’t realise so many of her 6th form are there as well and keeps bumping into people she knows.

A friends DD had similar in her first year of uni - a very maths heavy module on a non-maths course. Everyone struggled. Made worse by demands to hand in work each week (in exchange for points towards you final mark). In the end, after extra visits from mum to try and boost her, she got some extra tuition from her school maths teacher online.

Lyxou could your DD try and get in touch with a third year who did this course last year for a few tuition sessions? It might not take much to get her on track.

That might be an idea actually, if she can find any 3rd years who've already done it. There is one guy on the course who does actually understand it, but everyone else on the course is constantly asking him for help, so it's difficult to pin him down. She did go to a tutorial with a Ph.D. student but he struggled to help them as well.

I think my DD actually just needed a good night's sleep. She'd been pulling all nighters this week, to try to get her head round the lectures for this module she doesn't understand, then trying to do the assignments for it. She's definitely a lot calmer/happier today.

@MirandaWest The uni will have practice rooms he can book to go and play the piano. That's what my daughter has been doing.

My DD was looking at the Help Me Angela app and is pondering whether to subscribe, aka heavily hinting for me to subscribe for her. I have to say it does look quite good.

https://helpmeangela.com/the-app/

Just a heads up for anyone with children at York - next Sunday is the York marathon (and also 10 mile race which I’m doing) and it starts and ends at the university. There will be a lot of road closures so if you are planning on visiting them it will be impossible to drive onto campus for instance.

(it may also be a bit of a shock for the students to find it so busy on a Sunday - I was just running through campus and thinking how quiet it was!)

Ds is at Cardiff. We’ve spoken probably twice and FaceTimes once since he went. However he texts most days. I’ve been stalking him on find my friend- turns out he’s in Bristol tonight. Probably visiting a friend who went. I text to see how we was and he replied great (one word answers is his thing). Glad he’s having a good time, and has settled well, but he really needs to start looking for a job…

How can I persuade him without sounding like I’m nagging? He knew the deal when he signed up for halls, that he had to get a job to supplement his loan. Unfortunately I’m a single parent so can’t do it all (wish I could!)

Happy that he’s settled, made friends and so far is enjoying lectures 😀

@MirandaWest That's good to know, we are planning on visiting this weekend.

I’m getting a bit hacked off with DS because he is just ghosting us!

He only gets in contact to ask for something (how do I cook this, where can I get that, I have a sore throat, can I was trainers in the washing machine…) and never a ‘just calling to see how you are?’

I have seen him twice (bith times when he wanted things dropped off) and it was a grab and ‘bye then’. I’m not one of those ‘Sweetie Dahling mwah mwah’ mums for goodness sake!

To be honest - this is costing a flipping fortune, so a call even once a week would be nice. Or even a ‘meet for a coffee?’ since he is near my office!

I’m just smiling and nodding now, but I’m tempted to just ignore him for a while and let him get on with it…

I’m glad he is enjoying it and working (I hope).

Grrrr. Kids, eh?

@BabyStopCryin my DD is exactly the same. Ignores all texts unless she’s asking for practical help with something. She’s a 7 hour round trip away yet I’m dropping her bike off this week and there’s not even an iota of appreciation for it. I know that I’ll get there and be expected to turn around and leaves as soon as the bike is out of the car.

That app looks interesting @SunflowersAndSmellyTrainers , I might mention it to dd, who got freaked out by a guy on a night out recently - she managed to attach herself to another student she vaguely recognised and got away from him but it's made me think about how to improve her personal safety.

It looks interesting doesn't it? I've told DD we will do a trial and see how it goes.

Hi, not sure if anyone can help. DD18 started uni 4 weeks ago.

It's come to light she is really unhappy. Mainly with the location. It's around 3 hours away and in a large city. She feels quite intimidated there.

Up until now it looked like she had been doing ok.

She wants to go to a uni she can commute to instead and live at home.

She will speak to the uni tomorrow. Does anyone know if she could still transfer to another uni at this stage, I can see some unis are still offering her course through clearing.

@Amberfromcamber you may be better asking in ‘higher education’ in general as ppl with 2nd & 3rd years may have much more knowledge. I only know that she definitely needs to speak to her current uni first. I recall a thread where a student had pursued another course at a new uni, hadn’t mentioned it to current uni and then wasn’t accepted onto his next year at current uni, despite him changing his mind. Sounded like a total mess because he’d not communicated any of his intentions to current uni. Good luck to her and it’s probably a really good time/stage to make a move.

I think she might be able to switch until then end of this week. She really needs to move quickly if she’s wanting to find another place through clearing. She might however find that it’s too late to back out of the accommodation contract

Let us know how she gets on @Amberfromcamber . I looked at DS' accommodation contract as @WednesdaysPlaits suggests and I do think we are on the hook for the full year of costs unless another student wants to take the room (and there is already a spare room in the flat). I'm still not completely sure DS has decided to stay but he knows that from a tuition fee point of view it's the same amount whether he leaves today or at Xmas.

My dd dropped out at xmas last year. She was in unite run accommodation. They let her out of her contract as she was able to send a note from the doctor saying it was damaging her mental health.