Annnddd they're off! Uni Starters 2023 Thread.

[Titsywoo]

Hi all,

I thought I'd start a different thread as the Alevels and beyond one is more geared to remarks and clearing at this point so didn't want to start derailing that with chat off packing and freshers week.

How is everyone getting on with helping their DC prepare and the idea that soon they will be moving away?

My DD is off to Cardiff to read psychology so will be about 3.5 hours drive away. I'm both nervous and excited for her right now! Packing is going well - pretty much all stuff has been bought and the induction pan set should arrive today. There is a large pile on the landing which keeps growing as we think of extra bits.

Due to a very lucky spot by me when scrolling Tiktok DD has found and been added to the Cardiff Psychology year 1 snapchat group. From that she got chatting to some others who aren't massively into drinking or clubbing and they have another chat for people who want to do other things than clubbing. They are organising meeting for some of the SU 'Give it a go' events such as an escape room and Ikea trip! Dd has also persuaded a couple of people to join the Hookers society with her (for crocheting! 😄).

Dd had a terrible time with bullying and social isolation from year 5 till the end of sixth form so I am praying this is the new start where she finally finds her tribe 🤞🙏

Looking forward to hearing how everyone's DC is getting on and how the first few weeks are for them. Not long to go now! DD leaves in 20 days 😬

@tribpot that's really shit I'm sorry. Is he on any WhatsApp's or face book groups? So times it's easier to suggest a meet up on one of those than actually face to face....
It's a horrible feeling knowing they're not happy and far away.

@SlightlyJaded oh no that's sounds rubbish but good that maintenance are sorting the carpet quickly. There is definitely a lot of pressure on them. Has she been out a lot? Sometimes if my dd has had a few heavy nights she gets down and feels like the world is against her.

I'm quite fortunate as I'm getting a morning call when she wakes up to fill me in on the previous nights antics. She's loving it and has settled well. But I'm sure next week when lectures start properly everything may feel harder.

I filled up the other day when she text me to say "I'm glad I didn't get into Leeds and came to Sheffield it's actually better than Manchester (hometown) things happen for a reason don't they?" Yes Dd that's what I've been saying since results day!

He feels as if he's regressed right back into his introverted ways at sixth form.

If he is naturally an introvert then he will struggle to be anything else. Not everyone is a social butterfly and that is fine. Introverts are brilliant too. The trick is to find other introverts, which will be extra hard at the moment as they will all be forcing themselves to behave like extraverts. Give it a month or so and people’s true characters will start to become apparent.

@troppibambini6 he doesn't do WhatsApp or Facebook. He has joined the flat WhatsApp but that's all. There is a uni app and I'm going to suggest he try to connect on that.

Thanks @IWillNoLie - speed the day.

Had a fucking awful day. Was at a&e with dd until 2.30 this morning. She’s had an bad pain in her stomach for a few days and it’s not getting better. After calling 111 we ended up in hospital. Doctor said it could be a few things, but has written a discharge letter to give to the gp in Cardiff to send her for tests.

Got to Cardiff about lunchtime. Dd is still in pain. I didn’t want to leave her, but she can’t have mummy staying with her on the first night. Fucking bawled all the way home.

The flat is a dump. The kitchen is dirty and the bathroom is disgusting. There is pigeon shit and feathers everywhere on the outside landing bit outside the front door. Caked in it. Her room is ok though. I’ve told her to report it all and make sure the pigeon shit especially is dealt with. I’m not happy tbh. I knew it would be shit, but I wasn’t prepared for how shit it was. It’s not that it’s just run down and old, it is unkempt and dirty. They are paying a lot to stay there and it just seems like a horrible money grab.

Just spoke to her and she’s fine, managed to eat some soup with one of the girls she’s living with and is going to make a hot choc and watch Netflix in bed. Still in pain, but she’s feeling quite positive she can do everything she needs to do to get it sorted. I was in two minds about taking her today, but I think we’ve made the right choice. I hope.

DS sent me a picture of a plate of pasta and said “Evidence of me eating an actual meal”. Am glad to see he is eating.

I think he’s doing all right. Today I am less all right as I am missing him again but hopefully will feel better tomorrow. Is taking me by surprise a bit but I think the build up with him being ill made it hard to prepare myself mentally for it.

Dd seems to be ok, although she is an introvert and has stayed in the last 2 nights after a social start to freshers.

Hopefully she’s out tomorrow with her flatmates and seeing her bestie from home. If not I’ll be concerned that she’s slipping back into just sitting in her bed and watching everyone having fun.

@tribpot and @SlightlyJaded I know it's not nice for your DC either, but it did make me feel better that other DC are having a shit day. It's making me wonder if this is normal - get through the first few days on the excitement and newness of it, but then the reality starts to sink in and they realise they have actually left home, and start to miss it.

In fact, I remember similar emotions after I gave birth to her! - utter elation for the first 12 hours, then sobbed uncontrollably for the next 24 when the reality of it all sank in, but then I snapped out of it and was fairly happy after that.

Let's hope the same thing happens to them, and they'll bounce back, after a low day of realising the shitty side of life (like repairs, losing stuff) still has to be dealt with.

@Lyxou not at all, I know what you mean. I'd like everyone's DCs to be having an easy first week but since they aren't, it's good we're not alone in it. This video from a student reflecting on moving away from home sort of helped and sort of didn't -

I'd imagine her parents are gutted now finding out she was crying on the phone with them but didn't want them to know!

When my son started last year, days 3-5 of Freshers’ week were the low point. ‘Everybody’ was in tight groups and he had ‘nobody’ to talk to. He couldn’t see it improving.

It did and he flourished and is loving the start of Y2 with his good friends. Not sure how much cooking and healthy eating has gone on so far but hey! But goodness it was painful for us as parents. Feeling powerless.

With the youngest leaving next week, I need to bear this in mind if it happens to her too. The first weeks are no reflection of the year ahead.

Thanks @MouseCatchingCats glad things turned around for your DS. I know DS will find his groove in the end but god I wish his course mates could be a bit friendlier. I have nothing to compare it to because I was on a small course with less than 20 people, so it was just natural that we all palled up.

I did a lecture-heavy course so I was with students 9-5 every day so easier to bond. My son had far fewer lectures so little hope of course friends. In the end he bonded with hall mates. Despite telling me over the first two weeks that nobody was friendly or ‘normal’ and he was in his room alone 💔 What a difference five weeks made.

My DD also an introvert and suffers with social anxiety. Not really bonded with her flat mates which is such a shame, although I know it's early days. A few had been chatting before they went and getting on well so I think she thought they'd make more effort but a couple already have friends at the same Uni which hasn't helped.

She had a couple of welcome talks at the beginning of the week which got her out of her room but has also been in for the last couple of days. She says she's ok but I too worry she'll just end up spending too much time in her room and struggle to force herself out to meet people. It's freshers fair today, really hoping she pushes herself to go and explore the event and hopefully sign up to at least one club.

Fingers crossed @Neversaygoodbye . It was the Freshers' Fair that knocked my DS' confidence for six, but maybe that was more about the timing - day 3 so the start of the slump that @MouseCatchingCats refers to.

@tribpot to be honest, I'm not sure she'll go, which of course is fine.

Based on what DS told me, all the fair really consists of now is them telling you how to sign up for the club online, so actually you can skip it quite easily!

My DD went last weekend and settled brilliantly, made friends in both her flat and class and has had a few nights out. Now she's been in bed for 2 days feeling terrible with either Freshers flu or Covid, who knows which. Feels so hard being so far away and not being able to help her. Apparently half her flat are ill too. I'm just really hoping she can sleep it off over the weekend and recover enough to start her lectures properly next week. You know she's feeling sad when she's asking for cat pictures 😞

My DS seems happy at Plymouth - nice sociable flat, lots of course related things his first week - various talks and meet the tutor things, and today is on a course field trip (well, icebreaker really) to Newquay in Cornwall so that’s good. Teaching starts on Monday - no mention of strikes. Fingers crossed all good so far.

For those who are introverted and struggling to make friends, encourage them to try a few societies, which is often where better friends can be found.

If they don't think there are any they're interested in suggest doing something like volunteering to do backstage work for a theatre company-they're usually desperate for volunteers and it's a good way to get to know people while doing things.

There will be people like them around-it's just harder to find them.

I remember when I went to uni promising myself beforehand that I was going to be outgoing, and get stuck in and be right in the middle of everything... reality was that I behaved as my normal introverted self and put my head down and hoped. It took me three weeks to go to one society I was interested in because I didn't know where they place was and didn't dare ask anyone.
But once I'd joined some groups I did make good friends-and met dh too.

Thanks @MargaretThursday I think DS had high hopes of the societies and had 4 he planned to join. But he was just so overwhelmed by the Freshers' Fair that he zoned out completely and doesn't want to do any of them. Sadly the Freshers' Fair offers a quiet hour first thing for exactly this reason, so people who don't like noise and crowds can still go along, but he refused to do that either (actually I think was in induction sessions during the quiet hour anyway).

I'm hoping he might be persuaded to give one or two a try later on, but will no doubt be intimidated that everyone will already know each other by then. One of the things he wanted to do was scuba diving (he took the course earlier this year but the firm went bust before he finished it) so at least he could join a course they offer, which would be less intimidating.

I think there's an element of needing to pull back and just let DD work it all out, which is hard to do when you've pretty much micromanaged their life for so many years, lol. I also have a tendency to project how I know I would feel onto my DD which doesn't help...I'm a mixture of introvert/extravert and definitely need multiple friendships in my life whereas she's definitely more introverted and happier in her own company.

DD has gone from not really liking her flatmates and being adamant she doesn't want to go out on day one and two, to being out clubbing with them for the past two nights. She's also very socially anxious and has only had a couple of friends at school and i was worried she'd want to just sit in her room alone (she did on for the first two days), but in her words 'I've met so many people and it's so fun'. Very relieved!

Ah, I'm so sorry to hear that dc are going through a rough patch (latter end of Freshers' Week really does seem to hit a lot of kids hard). Honestly, the people I met in my first week barely feature in my memories now - all the 'real' friends were made organically over the course of the year, mostly in the departmental common room and through societies and chaplaincy. Freshers' Week is a hyper, try-hard nightmare for many, I think.

Dd is still grouchy about having no ID (and no prospect of getting one until mid next week) but she went to her departmental welcome meeting and says everyone was 'very cool', so that's good.

Also really feel for you @Tabbytabs and your dd. Illness plus a shitty flat is an awful combo. Just your description of the flat is making me feel a bit queasy. Hope she gets it sorted asap!

Thanks @ZittiEBuoni she was supposed to ring gp at 8am and I still haven’t heard from her with any news! I’m doing my own head in! Dd puts her ID in the back of her phone case, that way she never loses it (until she loses her phone, but that is less likely that losing her bag). She looks about 12, so she needs it everywhere!

I just want to say how grateful I am for this chat. I think for most of our children, it is quite a rollercoaster and will take some time to settle down (if ever)). It's good to hear the ups of others and at least we can have some solidarity in the downs.

My Ds is in halls with mature and international students, which I think suits him. It sounds pretty chilled out. Their culinary skills are much better than his – that is for sure!!!!