Annnddd they're off! Uni Starters 2023 Thread.

[Titsywoo]

Hi all,

I thought I'd start a different thread as the Alevels and beyond one is more geared to remarks and clearing at this point so didn't want to start derailing that with chat off packing and freshers week.

How is everyone getting on with helping their DC prepare and the idea that soon they will be moving away?

My DD is off to Cardiff to read psychology so will be about 3.5 hours drive away. I'm both nervous and excited for her right now! Packing is going well - pretty much all stuff has been bought and the induction pan set should arrive today. There is a large pile on the landing which keeps growing as we think of extra bits.

Due to a very lucky spot by me when scrolling Tiktok DD has found and been added to the Cardiff Psychology year 1 snapchat group. From that she got chatting to some others who aren't massively into drinking or clubbing and they have another chat for people who want to do other things than clubbing. They are organising meeting for some of the SU 'Give it a go' events such as an escape room and Ikea trip! Dd has also persuaded a couple of people to join the Hookers society with her (for crocheting! 😄).

Dd had a terrible time with bullying and social isolation from year 5 till the end of sixth form so I am praying this is the new start where she finally finds her tribe 🤞🙏

Looking forward to hearing how everyone's DC is getting on and how the first few weeks are for them. Not long to go now! DD leaves in 20 days 😬

I second being very grateful for this chat. My DD is off tomorrow and I am helping her prepare for the ups and downs of freshers week based on the experiences shared on here.

Thirding being grateful for the chat. And definitely hope those with later starters can benefit from it, I'm saving up the advice as well for friends with slightly younger kids.

Fourthing the gratitude. This and the 'A Levels and Beyond' have genuinely been a lifeline for me over the past couple of months.

I hope we can keep checking in with each other. I'm really trying to step back so having this as a place to offload stops me manifesting it at home and onto DD.

Anyone else off to Chichester on Sunday?

Love this thread - dropped my third and last at Sheffield last weekend so my house is empty 😞. DD is having a fab time, had a nice face time on Wednesday (dip day I’m reliably informed!) she’s made lots of new friends and loving it. I wish she’d moderate the drinking but hopefully that ll come once lectures kick in.

for those with more introverted students, my second one is like that. He doesn’t drink and socialise much. I was so worried but he found his groove, joined sports clubs more than drinking clubs. His experience of uni is very different to DS1 (the ultimate social butterfly) and DD but his experience was a happy one and I hope your students settle and thrive once the routine kicks in.

Adding my voice to the chorus of gratitude for this thread. It has been so helpful to me on several levels (and I hope it will continue).

This thread has been so supportive!

DD is scheduled for drop off this Sunday - she's a fresher, will be in halls 5+ hours drive each way.

We've all managed to get struck down by flu (maybe Covid?) - DH was in bed Tues- Thurs and is staring to perk up. I felt dodgy yesterday and spent half the day in bed today. DD today says she has a sore throat and feeling rubbish. We are joking about her getting freshers flu before she's even got there....

So looking at options - would she miss out on a lot if we delay for a few days? It will be a right pain re. work but it would be miserable her being there I'll? She's very much a home bird as well.

Good luck to everyone moving in this weekend.

also very grateful for all the support and insights here! We are off with DS tomorrow to Nottingham. He’s definitely looking forward to it especially as most of his friends have already gone!

Thank you for the support upthread about my tearful DD. She’s much happier now and has realised that liking her flatmates is something not to take for granted. She asked if I could visit today. I’d offered when she was inconsolable but she’d said it would make it worse. But now she’s a bit happier she said it would be nice. We had a walk and lunch and did a food shop. I never thought I’d visit so soon but she was breezy and cheery when I left and I think it helped fill the yawning gap before her course starts. Her flatmates were all watching tv together in the kitchen when we dropped the shopping off. It felt a bit like visiting an old people’s home!! Sending positive thoughts to everyone struggling.

@FluWhenSupposedToDropOff could you see how she feels tomorrow and if she seems to feel worse delay it a couple of days, maybe until Tuesday? That will give her 2/3 days to hopefully shrug it off and she'll still be there for the rest of freshers week. How would she feel about possibly being the last to arrive in her accommodation? Does she have any welcome lectures next week for her course? My Dd is currently ill and she's feeling a bit miserable but she'd already been there a few days and met her flatmates who are now ill too so at least she has company!

Just dropped DS today, and he seems ok so far.

I made sure to tell him that flatmates in yr1 halls are often hit and miss. They may be friends forever, or you may hate them, but you do need to rub along together for the year.

I said to think of like your form / tutor group at school, you never know what the mix of people will be, just try and get along with everyone and see what happens.

My DD was a lot happier today. She had an interview for a coaching job at the main club in the city for her sport. She absolutely loved the club and the head coach, and she just needs to work out what hours will suit.

So I'm feeling happier too.

Dd has been dropped off! Went ok. Kitchen was a bit grim but since noone was in we had a quick blitz and bought a broom and mop as noone had bothered to get one (the others have all been in for a week and DD is the last to arrive).

It's a private halls so room is pretty nice with a small double and a big tv. Got everything in and then her boyfriend turned up so we left them to it and went to check in to our hotel. Have just taken them both out for dinner and just got back to the hotel. Dd was quiet at dinner and just messaged to say she was feeling homesick already but has just met up with a girl from her course who lives in her building. They are all playing pool then going to the pub with some others. Fingers crossed she finds some friends soon 🤞

I've had a long video call with DS this afternoon (admittedly because he was struggling with some programming and I eventually convinced him to do a screenshare). Anyway, I think both his and my mood was much improved by the end of it. We talked through the unfortunate field trip situation on Thursday and how it came about. He's read the instructions for this week's field trip and it says they have to be in groups of 4-6, so that gives him a reason to ask to join another group, he hasn't got any choice. He's started to realise as well that maybe the others felt just as awkward about starting up a convo with someone who maybe just wanted to be left on his own, and it's up to him to make the first move.

We've started talking about coming home for reading week (he'd got it into his head that he'd have to stay there as it was too far to come home) and I reminded him that we'd said we'd come over on Weekend 3 to bring him anything he realised he'd forgotten, but he felt that he didn't really need us to do that.

I've been feeling very, very down - I was nearly crying on a call with a colleague yesterday when she was asking me about how things were going. Definitely feeling better now but I know I will be beside myself whilst this field trip is going on in case his group ditch him or something.

@tribpot that sounds really positive. I hope the field trip goes ok.
My DD has come home this weekend, she said it's nice not to be constantly trying to make such an effort & can just be herself. Several of her flat mates went to the freshers fair together but didn't invite her, she said she went but I'm not sure.
She's looking forward to starting lectures this week and said she's enjoyed being more independent but the cooking in the shared kitchen is still causing her massive anxiety. So we've bought some ready meals for this week so that should help a bit and she can add some veg to them to make them a bit healthier.
I wasn't sure coming home was a good idea but it's given us a chance to chat through the problems and the achievements of the week and she'll go back tomorrow recharged.

Dd has been a bit quiet in the family chat the last few days - I was constantly wondering if it was because she was busy (fine!) or sitting moping in her room. Turns out it was the former . We just had a whole-family video call and she seemed really happy and relaxed. So relieved!

That sounds positive @Neversaygoodbye . I know conventional wisdom says coming home the first weekend may be counter-productive but it sounds like it was what she needed to reinvigorate and come up with some solutions. For the cooking, as well as the ready meals could she maybe plan to cook during the day and then heat up at dinner time? I assume there will be times when the kitchen is less busy.

I forgot to mention Flat Wanker excelled himself and didn't get in til 6am. This is fine for my DS as he is awake by then. FW and his girlfriend proceeded to make themselves a pizza whilst hammered, but to give them credit did not create a massive mess in the kitchen, or take anyone else's stuff. After pizza they went outside to have a smoke, so that shows some awareness of what's allowed despite being pissed. No better advert for not drinking - my DS was in the launderette at 7 looking at them and thinking you absolute pair of idiots.

Dd got woken up at 4am by one of her flatmates and loads of her mates. I just laughed. It’s karma for all the times she’s fallen in at 4am and woken us up!

I think the pissed up wankers come with the territory really. If you can’t be a pissed up wanker when you’re at uni then when can you? They will all settle down once lectures start and/or the loan/overdraft dries up.

She is feeling better today and has gone for an explore in town. I don’t think she’s going to be bffs with any of her flatmates, but she’s not too fussed. I’m still friends with people I worked with at a bar job I had when I was 18, so I’ve encouraged her to start looking for bar work. It’s the best way to meet people and it’s so much fun!

DS2 seems to be loving Sheffield. I’m delighted for him, he’s only just 18 but loves going out! He’s been to his first sport social and starts training tomorrow. He has however used his sick bowl for the first time 🤨

Just reading through the messages and sending hugs! We just dropped DS2 at Southampton. His room is small and definitely not showy but I think it will be quite cosy once he’s put all his things up. He has taken his plant that was a tiny one he got in Reception class! He wanted to settle in and meet his flatmates so I left him to it. He left his glasses behind grrr. He can manage without them but I shall post them to him.

I think the pissed up wankers come with the territory really.
Agreed @Tabbytabs although it is one of the reasons DS opted for an official quiet flat. I kind of wonder now if we should have gone for one of the alcohol-free ones on the floor below. Flat Wanker would be much happier elsewhere, pref with other Flat Wankers, and we can but hope that he's on a waiting list somewhere.

Dropped dd to Cardiff yesterday.
She went out last night I think with her flatmates. Details are a bit scant.
She didn't drink a huge amount. And they all got thrown out of the SU because someone took their own wine in 😳
Again scant details. No clue if it was her or a flatmate or someone else entirely.

DD has packed 12 pairs of shoes. granted 4 are dance shoes for her course, but even so!
I think dd1 took 3 pairs of shoes.

I also said to her that if she wanted to take her teddy, then lots of people did when I was there, and not to worry that people will laugh. She looked relieved, went upstairs... and came down with 5 large ones. So that's another bag full 🤣

Her things are pretty much packed. I think she's a bit nervous-she's certainly been more cuddly than she's been for several years!

A pair of flip flops/sliders/crocs (one of these, not all!) is also useful for nipping to the kitchen/fire alarms/shared showers.

@MargaretThursday this was DD’s pile of shoes. We couldn’t fit her record player or records in the car because of all the shoes!

@tribpot fw will probably calm down in a few weeks. I’m guessing that he went through clearing and it was the only room he could get and will probs be on a waiting list for somewhere else.