Annnddd they're off! Uni Starters 2023 Thread.

[Titsywoo]

Hi all,

I thought I'd start a different thread as the Alevels and beyond one is more geared to remarks and clearing at this point so didn't want to start derailing that with chat off packing and freshers week.

How is everyone getting on with helping their DC prepare and the idea that soon they will be moving away?

My DD is off to Cardiff to read psychology so will be about 3.5 hours drive away. I'm both nervous and excited for her right now! Packing is going well - pretty much all stuff has been bought and the induction pan set should arrive today. There is a large pile on the landing which keeps growing as we think of extra bits.

Due to a very lucky spot by me when scrolling Tiktok DD has found and been added to the Cardiff Psychology year 1 snapchat group. From that she got chatting to some others who aren't massively into drinking or clubbing and they have another chat for people who want to do other things than clubbing. They are organising meeting for some of the SU 'Give it a go' events such as an escape room and Ikea trip! Dd has also persuaded a couple of people to join the Hookers society with her (for crocheting! 😄).

Dd had a terrible time with bullying and social isolation from year 5 till the end of sixth form so I am praying this is the new start where she finally finds her tribe 🤞🙏

Looking forward to hearing how everyone's DC is getting on and how the first few weeks are for them. Not long to go now! DD leaves in 20 days 😬

@SlightlyJaded @NotDonna @IWillNoLie thanks for truly lovely suggestions. I woke up feeling gutted for her but putting something together for her will be a good distraction.

Well DD1 should be getting rest of her cases today as huge number we struggled up with wasn't enough. It's probably another good reason for her to be there early though not sure how packed next week would be for her.

DH says his students seem to be enjoying their fresher week sessions he hasn't lost any yet they are all still turning up while another course lead lost the majority of the group by yesterday.

Dd has been out so much over the past couple of weeks she's made herself ill and is stumbling round the house like a zombie. We are going first thing tomorrow and are not ready. We have to go and see my dad in hospital (I'm trying not to think about the fact that it might be the last time dd sees him) and she's going for dinner with her dad, so time is getting away from us. I can feel myself getting cross with her, but I'm trying not to ruin our last day!

Blimey @Tabbytabs she's gonna be glad of a rest when she gets to Freshers' Week! If it's any consolation, we were hyper-prepared before we left, had been packing for a fortnight. And I still had to do a mad dash to Tesco for a towel, do 3 or 4 Amazon orders and post a parcel from here as well. Not to mention we lost various things because they were too well packed (they have now turned up but I do wonder how long it might have taken for DS to discover we'd packed small electronics inside the cheese grater ... )

@tribpot She’s just found out who her final flatmate is and he’s a rugby lad, so at least she’ll have a drinking buddy!

I’ve been pretty organised and done all the things I need to do, it’s just the stuff she needs to do that is grating on me. Clothes and shoes and jewellery. She’ll get it done, but it’ll be lastminute.com.

She’s crying about saying goodbye to her car. It’ll be going off to my parents’ driveway until June when ds starts driving. She loves her shitty little Ka!

Crying about saying goodbye to her car! 🤣🤣🤣 love it! Have you packed a photo of it?

Haha! No, I should have though. I've just given her a nice framed photo of her cat and she burst into tears, picked him up and cried into his fur. We went and said goodbye to my parents and she cried. This is the girl who barely shows any emotional weakness. In the past 5 years I've seen dp (who is 6'8" and built like a brick shithouse) cry more times than her. I don't think I've got the emotional stability for this!

Dd has printed off 36 photos to put on her noticeboard.
I suspect her family doesn't feature in any. 🤣

Dd's noticeboard photos arrived a couple of days ago. Most of them are of her friends falling over or having fallen over or asleep with penises drawn on their faces! None of her family or pets.

DS took a photo of my sisters lovely old dog (who died many years ago) but was a good old doggy pal to him when he was a toddler. I suspect he pretends we don’t exist (unless there is laundry to be done).

Crisis number one: dd lost her bag containing her ID at an indie disco last night...

She still has phone and bank card so could be worse, but it's a good life lesson I suppose - don't leave your bag lying around when you're dancing. She's messaged the venue and waiting to hear back, if not I guess she'll be paying for a new one tomorrow.

I caught up with dd today. She is coping, and hasn't lost her temper yet, which is surprising as out of the 11 housemates, 1 is turning the house into party central.

So far the girls "guest's" have broken blinds, broken a door, put a hole in the wall and blocked the downstairs toilet.

Security have been shit, maintenance are refusing to come out for a non working hob and the rest of the house are having to work around them to get food etc. She is also refusing to clean up after them and is only cleaning her own stuff.

Aside from this, she is making friends, making plans and enjoying herself. The rest of the house are letting it go for this week as it's freshers but they will put a stop to it once classes start. She also gets on very well with the man who showed us around, so when I suggested she speak to him re maintenance not fixing the hob as he's the manager, she looked relieved and will ask him to have a word.

Living with people you love can be hard, living with people who appear to have totally different values is a sharp learning curve in tolerance and respect. She's doing well.

I think I would put in a complaint about the guests causing damage too or you might find the whole flat is held liable for it.

They have, and I'll be following it up. Dd asked for time to get things sorted before I jump in, I'm happy for her to manage it with guidance for now. It's part of learning to adult, if I do it for her, she won't have the opportunity to learn.

Has anyone else barely heard from their child?? DS2 went on Tuesday and the only communication I’ve had has been a reply if I’ve texted him! His sister tells me was going out last night because he put it on be real!
I’m assuming no news is good news 🤨

I am hearing but only requests for information - how to do the laundry, cooking, etc. Nothing about how he is getting on so if he didn’t have domestic queries I suspect I would be in the same position. I can only presume it is going well and be grateful for questions over which laundry setting to use.

Me too - how do I turn up the temp on the fridge, where is the spare crockery, what’s a good set of Tupperware to get… and one word replies to texts.

Sigh. He has spoken to his dad a couple of times but I am obviously just the logistics-man. wait till he needs his rent and fees paid…

Have to say DS has messaged everyday so far on family WhatsApp although sometimes only get a ‘ye’ in response!

And we are trying to do a FaceTime call every weekend (although again responses can only be one word but better than nothing!)

We are two weeks in now

DS and I have had a few text conversations and he also facetimed yesterday when DD was opening birthday presents which was all nice. He seems to be getting along OK and a health problem he was recently diagnosed with seems to be reacting well to the medication he's on which is also good.

I rang her - had some texts wanting info about cases being sent up distributed between DH and I- my texts with a bit of an attitude - and she replying to sister posting pics. She did find time to ring DGP which they told us.

So not really - I'm taking it as she is settling well.

My OH thinks I'm OTT sometimes with the parenting but DD packed all her own stuff - we just provided the boxes. Not sure I would be putting up with nightly partying and expecting me to pack everything! And we won't be stepping in to deal with issues now she's away unless absolutely necessary. How will she ever learn to fend for herself? Bristol don't accept complaints (where housing is concerned anyway) from parents. So we are learning to step back.
She Facetimed us of her own volition last night for an hour and went through everything she's done since we dropped her off on Saturday and that was wonderful and helped our achy hearts hurt a bit less.

The saga of the lost ID continues... The DVLA were worse than useless, their system seems to think dd's passport has expired...it hasn't...

So she's applied for one of these Citizen's Card things instead, should take a day or two to arrive but in the meantime she'll just have to keep out of the nightclubs. Tragic .

I know it's right to let them sort this kind of thing out themselves but quite honestly dealing with any government agency at the moment is frustrating enough for people who are used to doing it, so I didn't mind helping out with the lost ID.

It's a learning experience for her anyway - she'll be checking she's got her ID on her compulsively from now on.

My DD is at York, seemed really happy yesterday, but today she's got herself worked up into a complete state because she's lost the key card she needs to get into her building. She has it in her head that she's the worst person for losing things and gets so mad and upset with herself. I don't think she loses stuff any more than I do or her Dad TBH.

She's now seeing the worst of everything, says it's chaos and she can't sleep.

She's particularly moaning about the stuff that's going on - there's a list of stuff, on a board in their kitchen,but no times, and no indication of where these activities are being held.

I'm hoping things will settle down for her after fresher's week, and she has a proper timetable to follow with fixed things like lectures.

My DS is struggling now as well. He says no-one wants to make friends. He went to the societies' fair on Wednesday and that seems to have completely knocked him back, it was too busy and loud and now he doesn't want to join any clubs. Today I had high hopes of a field trip he was doing with his course but he travelled separately to the site and when they got there and were told to form groups to do the activity they all ignored him. 😰I think they were confused about whether he was with the group who went before them, as he was there when they arrived, but I'm so pissed off.

They have another field trip next week, which he will be travelling with them to. I'm going to tell him he has to ask to join a group - any of them will say yes, but if he doesn't they'll assume he wants to be on his own. He thinks they all already know each other, but how could that possibly be?

He feels as if he's regressed right back into his introverted ways at sixth form. And from experience he may never come back out of them. Sigh. Surely they will start having to socialise (or at least talk) on the course soon, in the tutor group or labs.

DD isn't having a great day either. She was texting me today because her shower has been leaking under the floor and making her carpet wet. Accom were great and got both a plumber and new carpet organised for today so that was all good, but then one of the maintenance men mentioned a broken window catch in the kitchen (which was nothing to do with the new tenants) and told her it would cost them £50. I got a long ranting text about it being a shithole (it's not even a bit of a shithole) how everyone is scamming her (they aren't) and that there is not one person in her accomodation to be friends with (there will be) and that she basically wants to come home

I called her to tell her I would deal with maintenance and she wouldn't have to pay for a broken window and she started off ranting and shouting and saying she was coming home then eventually burst into tears just said she is lonely.

I think the expectation to have fun and make new friends s putting so much pressure on the students who have gone alone rather than with a friend or in a group.

BUT I expected a bit of this. Just hoping it doesn't spiral.