Annnddd they're off! Uni Starters 2023 Thread.

[Titsywoo]

Hi all,

I thought I'd start a different thread as the Alevels and beyond one is more geared to remarks and clearing at this point so didn't want to start derailing that with chat off packing and freshers week.

How is everyone getting on with helping their DC prepare and the idea that soon they will be moving away?

My DD is off to Cardiff to read psychology so will be about 3.5 hours drive away. I'm both nervous and excited for her right now! Packing is going well - pretty much all stuff has been bought and the induction pan set should arrive today. There is a large pile on the landing which keeps growing as we think of extra bits.

Due to a very lucky spot by me when scrolling Tiktok DD has found and been added to the Cardiff Psychology year 1 snapchat group. From that she got chatting to some others who aren't massively into drinking or clubbing and they have another chat for people who want to do other things than clubbing. They are organising meeting for some of the SU 'Give it a go' events such as an escape room and Ikea trip! Dd has also persuaded a couple of people to join the Hookers society with her (for crocheting! 😄).

Dd had a terrible time with bullying and social isolation from year 5 till the end of sixth form so I am praying this is the new start where she finally finds her tribe 🤞🙏

Looking forward to hearing how everyone's DC is getting on and how the first few weeks are for them. Not long to go now! DD leaves in 20 days 😬

Oh dear. I'm definitely worried this will be my ds in a week's time. He's in a flat of 8 with no common room. I think he's hoping they will go out to explore the town on Saturday/Sunday but I guarantee he won't actually ask anyone if they want to do it. He's quite happy in his own company so he probably won't be very bothered.

He does have a list of societies he wants to join, though, but I can imagine Freshers' Week being quite difficult to start to make friends if you're not in a small-ish department like I was. Lots of large meetings but probably not much opportunity to chat to people until later in the week when they are off out on field work.

@Unmute hopefully in a couple of weeks when teaching has started properly (assuming the lecturers don't stay on strike for too long 🙄) he will be starting to settle in. I assume he didn't do what a lot of kids on the thread seem to be doing, and got a WhatsApp group going for the flat before even arriving? DS has refused to do anything of the sort, so I'm worried that everyone else in his flat already knows each other and will be off having a whale of a time without him. On the plus side, at least your DS doesn't seem upset, that would be far harder to cope with.

@tribpot my DS refused to engage in any of the WhatsApp groups before arriving. Again, I was stressing he was fine! He's not the most sociable and is a bit of a slow burner so I know he has to go at his own speed and find his tribe. He did play board games with some flat mates on Sunday and beat them into the ground (so not sure they will want to play with him again!). He also seems to have found a gym buddy (the halls have a small gym) so I am now feeling slightly more relaxed. But it is hard not to say something to them.

His university has also started lectures etc this week, whilst running freshers, so he is missing some of the events they are holding, but he is not one for big crowds so not sure he would be going anyway. Hoping, he might start to join some clubs, although his course is quite full on.

He has managed to upload the laundry app although not yet made it into the laundry room! Has done some food shopping, although a slight lack of vegetables and fruit at the moment but hopefully they will appear soon on his shopping list!

Ds was on the WhatsApp group for his building, but it wasn't very active. I don't think he would have missed anything if he hadn't engaged with it.

I'll join. Dropping DD2 off in Falmouth this weekend. We're staying over a couple of nights as it's a long drive. DD1 is going into 3rd year at Warwick, so it'll be very quiet with them both gone.
Looking forward to having less stuff about the house, and eating out will be cheaper when there are 2 of us instead of 4. I might have to find a new hobby though. Thinking of booking into a beginners sewing workshop.

Ds has just received his reading list. It’s enormous! He’s not leaving for another two weeks so apparently might get started to save more time for partying once he’s there!

Just dropped DS off for his last shift at a local pub before he leaves. He asked me if I could pick him up a meal deal and so I took it in where I saw he’d taken in a card and some Oreo’s for the other bar staff. As he and his band do quite a few gigs there I know some of the staff and one of the main ones was looking a bit sad that it’s his last shift. And she said he was a credit to me which made me 😊 and also nearly cry 😳

I think I’ll be at least tearful on the way back home on Friday.

@Pourmeanotherwine I don't envy you that trip to Falmouth, although it is absolutely beautiful. I'm very pleased DS decide that was just too far and too remote. I started dressmaking earlier in the year, there are a couple of good threads running on MN, like this one. I started off with the Tilly and the Buttons course called Make Friends With a Sewing Machine.

Just tried some car jenga to work out which cases/ boxes will fit so she can finish packing. It's going to be a tight squeeze but I think it will all fit. Feeling emotional now.

@tribpot the Tilly course looks like the sort of thing, but I think I'll do a local in person one rather than on line, there seem to be a few near me.
I do lots of knitting but haven't done sewing since school. I watched the sewing bee with DD2 and we both fancied having a go.

I can’t believe it is nearly a week since DS started at his university. Already full on lectures.

Still having my emotional moments but calmer than I was leading up to him going

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/sep/13/kids-leaving-uni-parenthood-goodbye-normal?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

We're packed for the morning. All shell shocked about what's to come, I think.

Same @tribpot - feels a bit surreal and yet all too real at the same time.

I hope this is me in a week's time. Think this must be the worst bit - the waiting for them to go.

I don't feel as bad when I'm busy actually doing something, although I did nearly lose the plot doing the Ocado order for next week and taking things out of the order (much like the Guardian article above). I'm worried about getting to sleep for sure, but otherwise think it may not hit me now until I say goodbye on Saturday morning.

I've started randomly crying. In the supermarket the other day it kind of just hit me. Managed to just about hold it together til I got in the car.

We did the big ikea trip today with her older brother and when they said goodbye I went.
He said anything at all call me and I will be there. Although if it's some random shit like my flatmate has salmonella I'm not interested.... sometimes think my kids aren't normal 

But @tribpot and @YellowWindmill you're both so right it definitely feels very surreal.

Dd is going in exactly a week. Tbh I've hardly seen her for a couple of weeks. She has fallen in the door at 4am the last 3 nights and has just gone out again. Most of her friends are going this weekend, so they are making the most of their last few nights out together. Hopefully I'll get her to myself for a few days now!

I went and got some pictures of her cat printed earlier so we can put them in frames for her to take. I think she's going to miss that shabby tabby more than me!

Ds goes tomorrow but will be back Saturday to do another trip.

It's all a bit complicated. He lives with his dad. Who is moving. But last time spent years sofa surfing between houses. So ds won't have a 'home' to come back to as such. He seems to think this is ok. And he won't need to come home to decompress. I don't know. But we will just have to see how it goes.

I can't go into it. But ds and I are very close and he will still call me often. But my goodbye is a weird one. Having said that I will be meeting him and his dad this weekend briefly between ds' train trips.

(He's not some secret love child or anything weird it was just a tricky family breakdown that we are all still healing from).

I’m finding myself having little cries almost daily. I have a 14 year old daughter at home too so not totally empty nest but I think it’s partly to do with the realisation that I have done all I can to raise a hopefully kind, self aware, genuine and decent young man who will really embrace this next chapter to the full. That’s all we can hope for really isn’t it?

DS left today. His uni is only 45 mins away but he’s not the type to come home or call.
I miss him so much already. We always had a natter at bedtime or played a board game.
Today was awful, all we did was argue about getting stuff packed, cleaning out his room out. We were both stressed and it’s was awful.
I just want him home. I look at other parents whose kids aren’t going to uni and wish I’d never pushed him so much academically. I know it’ll pass and he’ll do fab but the selfish me can’t help but want him home. I want to go back 18 years and do it again.

@Loomy I understand but even if he wasn’t going to uni he is 18 and they need to find the next chapter for themselves. Uni is so much more than the academic side and if it really isn’t for your DS he is not obliged to stay there. I hope you manage to sleep and wake up feeling more positive about the whole situation x

Thanks @Allloveisbeautiful you’re right I do need to just let go and enjoy watching him mature.

Even just finding there is a bar in the middle of the halls was a surprise! Offering free welcome drinks. I hope he is sensible enough not to get wrecked every night.

@Loomy it’s my turn next week so I’ll no doubt be a wreck then too. Not looking forward to the car journey back 😬

One week until DD goes and I'm suddenly feeling very emotional. We've been so busy the last 2 weeks that we haven't stopped to think about it. It's getting way too real now. Hugs to all of you - it's a mixture of emotions right now for sure!

Funnily enough as I was typing that dd messaged me to say it is hitting her now she is leaving and she thinks she will be really homesick 😔