Annnddd they're off! Uni Starters 2023 Thread.

[Titsywoo]

Hi all,

I thought I'd start a different thread as the Alevels and beyond one is more geared to remarks and clearing at this point so didn't want to start derailing that with chat off packing and freshers week.

How is everyone getting on with helping their DC prepare and the idea that soon they will be moving away?

My DD is off to Cardiff to read psychology so will be about 3.5 hours drive away. I'm both nervous and excited for her right now! Packing is going well - pretty much all stuff has been bought and the induction pan set should arrive today. There is a large pile on the landing which keeps growing as we think of extra bits.

Due to a very lucky spot by me when scrolling Tiktok DD has found and been added to the Cardiff Psychology year 1 snapchat group. From that she got chatting to some others who aren't massively into drinking or clubbing and they have another chat for people who want to do other things than clubbing. They are organising meeting for some of the SU 'Give it a go' events such as an escape room and Ikea trip! Dd has also persuaded a couple of people to join the Hookers society with her (for crocheting! 😄).

Dd had a terrible time with bullying and social isolation from year 5 till the end of sixth form so I am praying this is the new start where she finally finds her tribe 🤞🙏

Looking forward to hearing how everyone's DC is getting on and how the first few weeks are for them. Not long to go now! DD leaves in 20 days 😬

Feeling properly churned up now and not sleeping.... DD goes off on the train this morning. She's being met by one of the rugby players who she's going to stay with until Friday when I drive up with all her stuff to move her in to halls. Packing for essentially 2 moves has proved a challenge. It'll be good in that she'll have chance to get used to the city before all fresher's arrive and will have good contacts with the rugby team. There is training or a social every day this week so she should be kept busy.
Very aware of the potential lack of storage so will be bringing quite a bit of stuff as "maybes" & whether they stay or not depends on available space.

It sounds like she has a good structure for this week @northender so will be keeping busy and getting to know people - win-win. Rather odd for you to be setting off on Friday for uni without the actual student 😁

DD had a big chat with us yesterday. After much soul searching she thinks uni isn’t for her. I agree and I’m relieved as I wanted her to make the decision. Now for plan b! I’m exhausted by it as I could feel it coming and she’s so upset to finally realise and voice it. 😕

Well I think that shows real maturity @43ontherocksporfavor - She should be congratulated for that. And of course uni is always there if she decides in a few years that the time is right. Maybe let the decision rest for a few days before moving straight onto plan b?

Oh totally. Didn’t mean immediately. I think the gap year was a safety net and now push has come to shove.

Quite a few of my school friends eschewed university after school. Some went later in their 20s and sometimes that was paid for by an employer, some did professional exams in banking, law or accounting instead so still followed what is generally considered a graduate career. And many people I know who went to university finished then retrained into non graduate professions or trades. I think ‘university’ is often presented as the only choice for bright kids when it really isn’t.

Thanks for your positive posts.

DD2 is now in Cardiff with B/F until friday, then she comes back to notts and we will have a couple of days before she goes to Reading uni on Sunday. Shes very excited but I dont think she realises how much stuff she has and she may have to sacrifice a few bits for a few weeks until our next visit as it wont all fit in the car lol

@sammyjoanne similarly ds insists he is going on the train on his own. He is used to this kind of travel but I'm not sure he's twigged how much he has to carry. He's not taking kitchen stuff so it's mainly clothes and bedding but still.

sammyjoanne and stilldumdedumming you could do what a friend ended up doing - fill the car up with so much stuff that they went by car and their dc took the train as their wasn’t room in the car for them too!

Get him to make a pile of the stuff he needs using the packing list on wiwikau. He’ll soon realise that going on the train alone is impossible. I’m worried about how we will get everything into the car!

@IWillNoLie that's hilarious. He's in London so he will be able to get stuff there.

@WednesdaysPlaits I think he's going to do two trips over the weekend.

Then we'll bring stuff when we visit in a few weeks. He's not taking books or very much kitchen stuff. He does need to take all his bedding tho - cos we got it in the wilko sale.

He's done most of his shopping from home - ie his dad's stuff. Due to a series of unfortunate events (his df's mental health/OCD) he was down to one pair of jeans and 2 hoodies. And a pair of shoes that don't fit him. So kitting him out has been expensive!

There's an hilarious uni haul tiktok with a young lad doing his uni 'shopping' taking stuff surreptitiously from home

I'm struggling a bit today and need some reassurance!

I dropped ds off on Friday, and I don't think he's had much social interaction since then. He's in a flat of 5, in a building with no common room, and he doesn't seem to be getting to know anyone. He hasn't been out anywhere with his flatmates, and he seems to be spending a lot of time alone in his room.

I've spoken to him a few times (just a quick, how's your day going sort of chat - I don't think I've let him know that I'm worrying), and I don't think he's particularly concerned about anything. He's very sensible and realises that it's early days and they're still all settling in.

He's right isn't he? I should just leave him alone shouldn't I?

It's hard. I want him to have a great time and I don't think he is right now. He's having an ok time.

That's a bit worrying for you @Unmute. When is his Freshers week? Has he signed up for any kind of meet ups or activities? You may find he never really makes friends with his flat mates but he might with people he actually meets through Uni activities or in his course.

It's freshers week just now. He has signed up for a couple of things tomorrow, and he's planning on joining the gym today, but that's it. It just seems very different from my experience of freshers week (20 years ago), and I don't think it's what ds was expecting. I hate feeling that there's nothing I can do to help. But I'm not actually sure he needs any help. He might be absolutely fine.

unmute Flatmates are a bit random so they might become lifelong friends, people you just nod at when you pass in the communal areas, or people you can’t wait to escape from at the end of the year. Thinking back to my first year in halls. There were ten on my corridor. Most were ‘nodding acquaintances’, one I was quite chummy with for the first few weeks then we drifted to people we had more in common with. One I became firm friends with but it took a term to ‘find each other’. Mostly I became friends with people on my course - they had the immediate advantage of being interested in the same subject that I was. But of course that didn’t happen until lectures started. There were a few whose lack of kitchen hygiene I was pleased to escape from!

Activities in freshers week are a bit ‘forced’ - everyone is looking for companionship and there is an element of people trying to be their ‘new best self’. Your DS may not find that so comfortable; it is not for everyone. He may be happier to let friendships grow more naturally. I would encourage him to go to the freshers fair though, as there may be clubs there with others who share his interests.

Which university is it? Perhaps someone else on here has a dc there?

Edinburgh. I don't think he'd appreciate me interfering though!

I think this might be a me problem, rather than a ds problem.

@Unmute sounds a bit like my DS. We were messaging on Saturday evening, he was the only one in on his floor, everyone else had gone out. He was quite happy watching the rugby, I was upset that he was on his own! He is slowly getting to know people and I know that I have to let him do it in his own time, but it is hard when you are so far away.

I think it’s much harder for them than in my day 30 years ago. Social media means that people can easily just stay in their rooms with their doors closed.

My best advice to my DC is to put their name on their door, to keep their door open and to hang around in the kitchen and introduce themself to everyone who comes in. It is tough, particularly if they go in with expectations of it being amazing from day one.

Harder also for us, as probably wouldn’t have known about DS sitting on his own on a Saturday night in the days of having to queue at a pay phone to make your weekly phone call to parents

Absolutely! My parents got ten minutes from the pay phone on a Sunday afternoon.

When I went to uni you really did have to get out and meet people or you'd go mad alone in your room. I got my first mobile phone for free when I opened my student bank account, but it did nothing other than calls and texts. Now they're all quite happy chatting online and they don't have the same need to socialise in real life.

Anyway, ds has messaged to say he's heading out for the day to get away from the construction noise - They're just finishing building a common room! Good news that the noise is forcing him to go out, and also good that he'll soon have somewhere other than the flat kitchen to meet people.

I remember the pay phone! My parents gave me a phone card and then had to take it away when I spent all their money phoning my boyfriend.