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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Complete change of plan

106 replies

mrsconradfisher · 18/08/2023 15:27

Very long story but DS has wanted Loughborough Sports Science forever. Got rejected back in May. Was going to attempt to try again next year but got AAB yesterday so no chance now. He has a place at Birmingham but it’s never been what he wanted however has really tried being positive about it. We went out yesterday and bought some bits to take with him and he booked his accommodation this morning.

Then has suddenly broke down in tears and says he doesn’t think he actually wants to go now. He got a B in PE and is now doubting his ability to even do the subject let alone keep up at Birmingham. He is a real homebody who isn’t interested in drinking/partying. Our local Uni (UEA) has spaces in clearing for a similar course, PE, Sport and Health so he called and been offered a place.

He has until tomorrow at 4pm to decide what to do. It’s going to be a complete logistical nightmare to sort out everything with Birmingham and it also seems crazy turning down a RG uni for a very different course but I feel like I need to listen to what he is saying.

He’d simply commute in from where we live so could keep his job, his girlfriend (of 4 years) and continue with the football training that he does.

Any negatives?

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsconradfisher · 19/08/2023 12:07

BlissBlakeney · 19/08/2023 12:00

I know. I lost my mum and gran as a teen. Hence I don't think it's a good idea to catastrophise not getting on a uni course. I just don't think it will help the lad.

I don’t think it’s the sole reason but I think that plus Covid has played a huge part in it. He watched his friend slowly die from Cancer which has affected his entire cohort tbh.He is trying to live the best life he can for the both of them almost but is completely stuck on making a decision on how to do that.

OP posts:
clary · 19/08/2023 12:31

Great post there from @KittyMcKitty

I think he feels that he should have got an offer from Lboro - I know he hoped for Astar AA, so I think a PP referring to it as an outside chance is harsh.

And as for the mourning - sometimes it’s things like this that we feel saddest about. I think it’s quite reasonable for him to be sad at the loss of a dream. But there will be another way to reach it.

sendsummer · 19/08/2023 13:16

Freedom of choice is very hard and anxiety creating at that age, especially as he focussing all his hopes and responsibilities for living ‘his best life’ into that university choice.

Uncertainty can be helpful though in highlighting what does not feel right for him at the time. I guess he may have already had counselling due to the death of his friend but if not it would be worth thinking about. There are a lot of online counselling options.
If he is still most interested in sports science despite the disappointment of the grade then he should know that the academic setbacks he has had at school will make self directed learning at university much easier for him.

Perhaps it would be worth exploring possible gap year projects and adventures over the weekend, even if it only serves to confirm that he does want to go to university.

lanthanum · 19/08/2023 13:43

With regard to what to do with a gap year, the OU has sports science modules which can be studied as stand-alones, which might be of interest.

Original poster
mrsconradfisher · 19/08/2023 13:48

lanthanum · 19/08/2023 13:43

With regard to what to do with a gap year, the OU has sports science modules which can be studied as stand-alones, which might be of interest.

Oh that sounds promising. He found Sport Psychology course which looked really interesting as well.

OP posts:
BlissBlakeney · 19/08/2023 14:06

He is trying to live the best life he can for the both of them almost

He's putting himself under way too much pressure. God I'm glad I'm not young.

Best of luck to you both.

IWillNoLie · 19/08/2023 14:13

Just to say a bit about staying at home. In Scotland it is much more common to go to your local uni and live at home. I know quite a number of my friends kids have done this or are doing this. They are all having a great time. Some have ‘lived out’ for some of the time. Others have been pleased not to have to deal with student accommodation which can be pretty noisy and basic with annoying flatmates. Going away to university is not the be all and end all. I also remember a few students when I was a first year, and away from home, who couldn’t cope with being away and transferred to dropped out/reapplied to universities near home (which one of my friends kids did too). It is the right choice for many. UAE is a good uni too.

RosemaryDill · 19/08/2023 14:19

Tough one. On the topic of the mixed degree- sport and Geography.
I know a couple of DC who did sports science. One works in a gym and the other is a teacher. The teacher one always wanted to teach sport / PE. However she found there were multiple applicants for every job, it's the one subject that has no shortage. She now teaches Biology because there was a lot of biology in the sports science degree.

outofmydepth2 · 19/08/2023 16:36

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but my son did sports science at Surrey and was really worried about making friends he made a good group of friends in the first few weeks through his sport.
Does your sons sport help make a decision at all? My son has now moved to Birmingham for his masters and made lots of friends again through the sport. He has had a much better BUCS experience not being at Loughborough as he isn’t GB level in his sport and wouldn’t of made Loughborough teams
He “only” got BBB in alevels but came out with a 2:1 as he enjoyed the degree more.

Original poster
mrsconradfisher · 19/08/2023 16:51

outofmydepth2 · 19/08/2023 16:36

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but my son did sports science at Surrey and was really worried about making friends he made a good group of friends in the first few weeks through his sport.
Does your sons sport help make a decision at all? My son has now moved to Birmingham for his masters and made lots of friends again through the sport. He has had a much better BUCS experience not being at Loughborough as he isn’t GB level in his sport and wouldn’t of made Loughborough teams
He “only” got BBB in alevels but came out with a 2:1 as he enjoyed the degree more.

Thank you! That was my concern with Loughborough all along, that he wouldn’t even get on a team. He is very sporty but more generally. He plays football but only grassroots standard.
I think in his opinion that there is no point going to Surrey if he can go to UEA and save a huge amount of money. We both really liked Surrey though when we went to the open day, the tutors were lovely.

OP posts:
KittyMcKitty · 19/08/2023 17:56

Just to throw a spanner in the works Durham is Sports University of the year (they mentioned this sooooooo many times at the open day) and their standard offer for Sport and Exercise Science is AAB. They offer a lot of sport at both college and University levels.

RosemaryDill · 19/08/2023 17:58

That was my concern with Loughborough all along, that he wouldn’t even get on a team. He is very sporty but more generally. He plays football but only grassroots standard.
My DS went to Warwick, he's very sporty and hoped to be able to play his sport and learn something new. He got nowhere near a team in his own sport or any other. He found that despite saying beginners welcome they really weren't. They all took their sports so seriously there wasn't any scope for fun / grassroots players. I imagine Loughborough even worse.

IWillNoLie · 19/08/2023 18:12

RosemaryDill · 19/08/2023 17:58

That was my concern with Loughborough all along, that he wouldn’t even get on a team. He is very sporty but more generally. He plays football but only grassroots standard.
My DS went to Warwick, he's very sporty and hoped to be able to play his sport and learn something new. He got nowhere near a team in his own sport or any other. He found that despite saying beginners welcome they really weren't. They all took their sports so seriously there wasn't any scope for fun / grassroots players. I imagine Loughborough even worse.

Would it not be worth looking to start your own ‘fun’ sports club? I am sure there would be a load of other students in a similar boat who would like to continue to play their sport at a non-competitive level.

londonmummy1966 · 19/08/2023 19:20

Could he pull out now oraskBirmingham for a deferral think about his options without time pressure/panic and reapply nest year grades in hand - possibly resitting and possibly finding a job that would support his application. It can feel a bit all or nothing after the results but a gap year might suit him and help him build up his confidence. Perhaps his school would let him do an epq on sports science topic in the gap year.

DD missed her offer last year - needed a gap year anyway for medical reasons but has really enjoyed doing an epq this year in the subject with the dropped grade and it gave her the time to really think about what she wanted and was able to devote more time to researching her options and is now going to a course which is better slanted to her actual interests at a uni she didn't apply to last time.

TizerorFizz · 19/08/2023 19:23

If you can get a pitch when the students are available snd arrange matches when pitches are available.

He has only looked at one RG uni. Birmingham.

Original poster
mrsconradfisher · 19/08/2023 19:31

londonmummy1966 · 19/08/2023 19:20

Could he pull out now oraskBirmingham for a deferral think about his options without time pressure/panic and reapply nest year grades in hand - possibly resitting and possibly finding a job that would support his application. It can feel a bit all or nothing after the results but a gap year might suit him and help him build up his confidence. Perhaps his school would let him do an epq on sports science topic in the gap year.

DD missed her offer last year - needed a gap year anyway for medical reasons but has really enjoyed doing an epq this year in the subject with the dropped grade and it gave her the time to really think about what she wanted and was able to devote more time to researching her options and is now going to a course which is better slanted to her actual interests at a uni she didn't apply to last time.

Ohh an EPQ is actually a brilliant idea. He was going to do one originally but decided he wanted to concentrate on his actual a levels to try to get 3 A’s, look how that turned out!

We’ve had progress this afternoon. PE teacher agrees there is something strange about his paper, he’s meeting him at school next week to look at it and discuss. He has narrowed it down to either having a Gap year or going to UEA and staying on campus. Whilst the course isn’t perfect, with a bit of careful module choosing it’s not massively different to the SS course. Plus he’s just found out that one of the lecturers has basically done what he wants to do, degree at UEA then masters at Loughborough. He has extended his offer and has until 4pm on Monday to make a decision.

OP posts:
Mischance · 19/08/2023 19:46

Respect his decision. It has taken courage for him to backtrack like this, so he has clearly thought this through.

My DD did exactly the same thing - broke down in tears on the way back from an interview. I listened to what she had to say and told her that I respected her decision and would help her in every way to achieve the new option. She went on to get a slightly different degree from a different uni and it has all been fine.

In the end we have to trust their judgement.

He got a B in PE and is now doubting his ability to even do the subject let alone keep up at Birmingham. He is a real homebody who isn’t interested in drinking/partying. Our local Uni (UEA) has spaces in clearing for a similar course, PE, Sport and Health so he called and been offered a place. It sounds as though he is self-aware, knows that he might struggle to keep up at this time and wants to take on something that he feels will suit him better and see how that goes. Lots of young people would not have the insight to make this judgement.

He’d simply commute in from where we live so could keep his job, his girlfriend (of 4 years) and continue with the football training that he does. He clearly has a good grasp of the things that matter to him, which is good. At the same time he still has an eye to his future career.

One thing to remember is that none of these things are irrevocable. There is no reason why he should not pursue some other route when he is older if that is what he needs to do. There is no rush. I changed career at the age of 50!

I am sure you wouldn't, but it is important that he does not feel that you are disappointed in him. It is also important for him to know that you respect him for having the courage to change his mind and that you trust his judgment. He sounds like a young man to be proud of.

Original poster
mrsconradfisher · 19/08/2023 20:12

Mischance · 19/08/2023 19:46

Respect his decision. It has taken courage for him to backtrack like this, so he has clearly thought this through.

My DD did exactly the same thing - broke down in tears on the way back from an interview. I listened to what she had to say and told her that I respected her decision and would help her in every way to achieve the new option. She went on to get a slightly different degree from a different uni and it has all been fine.

In the end we have to trust their judgement.

He got a B in PE and is now doubting his ability to even do the subject let alone keep up at Birmingham. He is a real homebody who isn’t interested in drinking/partying. Our local Uni (UEA) has spaces in clearing for a similar course, PE, Sport and Health so he called and been offered a place. It sounds as though he is self-aware, knows that he might struggle to keep up at this time and wants to take on something that he feels will suit him better and see how that goes. Lots of young people would not have the insight to make this judgement.

He’d simply commute in from where we live so could keep his job, his girlfriend (of 4 years) and continue with the football training that he does. He clearly has a good grasp of the things that matter to him, which is good. At the same time he still has an eye to his future career.

One thing to remember is that none of these things are irrevocable. There is no reason why he should not pursue some other route when he is older if that is what he needs to do. There is no rush. I changed career at the age of 50!

I am sure you wouldn't, but it is important that he does not feel that you are disappointed in him. It is also important for him to know that you respect him for having the courage to change his mind and that you trust his judgment. He sounds like a young man to be proud of.

Thank you for the lovely message, made me very emotional. He is an amazing, very thoughtful and perceptive young man and I’m so proud of him. I’m disappointed for him as I know how hard he worked (he didn’t leave the house virtually since Christmas) but not disappointed in him if that makes sense?

OP posts:
clary · 19/08/2023 20:21

Sounds like a positive bit of progress there @mrsconradfisher

Just to defend (sort of) Lboro sport and indeed uni sport in general:

So DS2 is at Lboro, failed to make any of the footy teams (club player when at school but no higher) He was upset tbh but decided to play footy for his hall (intra-mural is v big there) and focus instead on another sport he loves, US footy which has been a massive success. Yes he says the athletes (he used to do a lot of athletics) are a bit exclusive and not very keen to party (!) but at Lboro there genuinely is an opportunity for everyone to take part - Athletic Union is the big one but there is also intra-mural and social sport, all more than valid and worth doing.

I very much agree that it is probably easier to get on the team at other unis - I mean Alex Haydock Wilson is an Olympic 400m runner who also happens to run for Lboro - but there genuinely is a sport opportunity for all. I would hope that was true at any uni tbh. If this is a key aspect for your DS OP you can look up which unis excel in BUCS at his chosen sport. I know about athletics (Brum actually beat Lboro in the BUCS indoors this year!) but not other sports so much.

TizerorFizz · 19/08/2023 23:53

The DC can still play for his existing team if he goes to uea. So it won’t matter about uni teams.

Original poster
mrsconradfisher · 22/08/2023 13:09

Just thought I’d update for anyone interested. DS has declined Birmingham and accepted UEA. The course director called him yesterday morning and went through all the aspects of the course and whilst it’s not entirely what he wanted he can get it close enough by choosing specific modules. There are many advantages for him choosing it and I honestly think with a smaller cohort and without the stress for him of living hundreds of miles away he will absolutely fly. I’m so impressed that they took the time to call and speak with him about it because it’s made his decision slightly easier.

6th form have also requested the scripts for Psychology and PE as the PE in particular was marked very strangely so if by some miracle they go up to the grades needed then we will rethink.

Im so incredibly proud of him as he’s made some really tough decisions this week.

OP posts:
UEAStaff · 22/08/2023 13:39

That's cool. Thanks for update. x

Original poster
mrsconradfisher · 22/08/2023 13:52

UEAStaff · 22/08/2023 13:39

That's cool. Thanks for update. x

Honestly your staff have been utterly amazing all week, cannot give them enough praise!

OP posts:
Juja · 22/08/2023 15:28

@mrsconradfisher Bravo - a decision - you must be delighted... like many I've been following your son's decision making process and your amazing support to him as well as feeling your angst over such a challenging fe days.

I've only been to UEA once but it seems like a fantastic university. I'm sure he ill be well looked after anode lots of benefits to being a slightly larger fish in a smaller pool. As others have said lots of options for masters at a later stage.

PandaPacer · 22/08/2023 15:32

Wow, I love that the course director phoned him! Hope he enjoys his time there