I’ve done the research, drafted the PS - is this normal?

[Weddedtomywashingmachine]

DS in year 12 asked me to help him research universities to apply to as his school was nagging at him to get the ball rolling. He knows what he wants to study and as it is quite niche, that narrowed it down.

I got obsessed with rather into it and have now spent many, many, many hours sifting through unis and drilling down into modules. I’ve given him a VERY detailed paper setting out the pros and cons of each course, of each uni that offers it, accommodation options and costs, travel time, graduate prospects, student satisfaction ratings and the like. I’ve also done a first draft of his personal statement and booked open days for us to go to. DS is very grateful and is looking over the paper over the course of the next few weeks.

When I mentioned this to a friend, she was horrified and said she just left her DS to it. Another friend thinks it’s wonderful and has asked me to help her DD.

Did I do the right thing? Uni is expensive and I want my DS to have the info he needs to make the right choice for him. I emphasise that where he applies to will be up to him but at least he has all the info he needs now without having to ferret around in the interstices of uni websites.

So you wonder how widely UCAS consulted. They dropped just a few names during our webinar, so I have no idea quite how many unis were involved in deciding on the new format.

Me neither. I realise it's still in consultation stage though so hopefully more will have a chance to make their feelings known.

Yes, for the PS, it's still in consultation stages.

For the new reference format, it's approved and live for the very next cycle, for 2024 entry.

I think this level of parental support is the reason that UCAS is scrapping personal statements. When I tried to book open days for my first DC, they refused to go! I quickly learnt to leave all 3 of mine alone and left them to make their own choices.

I’ve lurked on the HE thread for almost a year. Am a sixth form tutor at elite private boarding school. Prompted to post to say OP did the uni research that we do for our students to narrow down the list (parents insist on it). She should not have written PS but if her DC doesn’t get much help at state school I get it - my students get the chance to submit 4-6 PS revisions and, by the time I’ve reviewed and added suggestions, their PS barely resembles original. This thread is depressing - the entitlement of posters! You (allegedly) don’t research unis for your DC (but of course you have your preconceptions) whereas the OP does. She leaves her DC to attend open days whereas you tag along. Narrowing down is is the most important thing. OP overstepped with PS but did her DC great favour sorting out wood from chaff and narrowing down to 10 choices. I do that for most of my sixth form students with their parents’ blessing/expectation.

This is depressing- that student university choices are narrowed by a stranger.

Jesus

@Callingyouout do you not encourage independent work and thinking in your students?

Personally, I'm really glad that my dd's state comprehensive equipped her with the skills and confidence to do her own research and sifting. As a parent, I would be shocked that an "elite private school" had produced so many students who were either not capable of doing it themselves or so entitled that they didn't think they should have to bother. I don't think the OP did her dc a favour at all, and I don't think you are doing any favours for the kids that you teach... regardless of what the parents think. It just underlines the fact that parents don't send their children to these schools to get them a decent education that actually develops them as individuals, they do it because they perceive that it buys them an advantage with regard to university admissions.

Ds did it all with guidance from his school. I’m not much help as I studied o/s

My Ds is at an ‘elite’ private boarding school and made his uni choices himself. At no point was he presented with a list of researched suggestions! We’ll have chatted about it at home and he’s had general presentations at school (only one or two). We visited two unis before he submitted his UCAS form. He’s also applying to the US and has done all of this research himself. He has spent hours every week on researching and writing uni applications and sitting the tests (including getting himself to the SATs). He’s had to prepare for 5 interviews so far. This is the point young adults come in to their own and learn about their drive and themselves. Such an important process. And, of course, he wrote his own PS. What we did do beforehand was have a quick chat about his achievements to date, sort of a jog the memory exercise. He knows that he’s done everything he can to earn his uni spot. He was pooled at Cambridge, but not offered, But, he knows that he put himself forward to the best of his ability at that time and has ownership of his outcomes.

You are doing your students a real disservice. There is so much wrong with your approach from a career guidance perspective.

Firstly, there is no way you are doing this in an impartial manner. YOU are putting together a list that YOU think is the best or most appropriate which will be influenced by your biases and opinions.
Secondly, the whole process of research allows a person to discover subjects, courses or universities they didn't know existed. You are removing that important aspect from them by narrowing their decision space and restricting their options.

It's really, really poor practice.

Admissions tutors can spot parental input a mile off as well as those that are professionally written.
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^^This. I'm an Admissions Tutor. Are you your son's personalised Chatgpt?

I agree. The idea that parents would pay to have their nearly adult children infantilised and disempowered in this way just beggars belief.

Even with this I’d say it’s more important they take ownership

I agree. The idea that parents would pay to have their nearly adult children infantilised and disempowered in this way just beggars belief.

It's wrong on so many levels.
A perfect example of why young people need access to fully qualified, impartial careers advisers.

I think it's actually really disempowering for young people when their parents take over and do stuff like this
These type of discussions frame views from those who might be called ‘smug parents of independent mature teenagers versus those who have less mature and self motivated DCs. Worries about loss of future opportunities from HE, an increasingly costly investment, fuel the concerns of the latter and their ‘taking over’. Our parents mostly were very hands off so this is a relatively new generational problem and too soon to see the longer term consequences for many more young adults from being disempowered by well meaning parental intervention and micro management. I would guess that it will produce less proactive independent young adults and that will impact on their future life chances. However maybe it just delays development of maturity.
In any case the OP’s approach runs the risk of railroading a choice of degree that may be sensible but not personally right for the DS.

Well.
I find this utterly baffling.
Surely the admissions tutors will easily see an adult wrote the PS?
I had no input on that at all for ds1 other than checking it for spelling errors at his request (dyslexic)
I also went with him to 2 open days - again at his request.
I feel very sorry for university staff who have to deal with such infantilised adults

The OP produced a short list of universities and a draft of a PS .Booked open days .I'd hazard a guess she did this because she enjoyed it and because as a parent she's trying to give good advice ,not because she thought her son was incapable .

It doesn't seem like that = infantalising her offspring .No doubt he'll go off to Uni ,grow up and have a healthy independent life .

We all know that UNIVERSITY ISN'T COMPULSORY, right?

If he doesn't really want to go why is he going to waste tens of thousands of pounds and 3+ years of his life, doing something he isn't really bothered about??

Really? So you edit and advise and make suggestions for the students PS, but OP writing a draft is wrong??

@amberedover but why would you do it independently, if you are helping at least work with your DC.

DS did his own shortlisting, but then discussed his choices and reasoning with us. He organised open days, discussed with us to check whether one of was available to go with him.

I'd hazard a guess she did this because she enjoyed it and because as a parent she's trying to give good advice ,not because she thought her son was incapable .

But she isn't giving advice....she's directing him towards a shortlist of universities that SHE has chosen.

I honestly don't see how it is not infantilising her offspring. She has taken over and done stuff that her ds really ought to be doing for himself. It doesn't matter if she enjoyed doing it, I'm sure that she could find a hobby that she could enjoy just as much. The point is that she has taken the responsibility for doing this away from her son, and that is a significant disservice.

Well we all have our opinions - I don't see it as infantalising ,I see it as helping .
In my book the OP's enjoyment/obsessiveness doesn't detract from the usefulness of highlighting factors (course content ,cost of accommodation etc ) that should be considered.
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And why do posters assume that the OP's son relies completely on his mum's list ?Do you not think he's capable of looking at the list and using it as an aide ,not a prescriptive list of the only institutions he can consider ?You don't think he's capable of or willing to cross reference his own list ? Or saying I'm not going to those open days you've booked ,they're not on my list ?

Posters are either assuming that the OP's son is so lazy or disinterested that he just blindly goes along with his mum or they are ,in their own minds ,infantalising him.
My son was lazy at this age (aren't we all lazy at any age ? ) but he wasn't a piece of putty happy to be moulded .I did lots of research (because ,horror ,I enjoyed it and wanted to help) but he certainly wanted and did make his own decisions .I don't understand why so many can't credit the same degree of autonomy to this anonymous boy .

I'm not assuming anything about the son, other than what the OP has told us.

Highlighting factors to be considered is very different from presenting a detailed shortlist and a draft personal statement. Maybe the ds will ignore his mum and do his own thing..I hope he does. That doesn't change my view that the OP has massively overstepped here.

Of course, you're free to disagree, but I personally think it's really poor parenting to be so over-involved.

Help your dc to do the research by all mean. Discuss it with them, bounce ideas around etc. But don't just take over and do it for them. Let them be in the driving seat for their own lives.

There's a huge difference between helping and doing it all.

Of course we would expect parents to help and support their children with they university choices but he OP hasn't just helped, they've pretty much done it all. This approach is far from ideal and the reasons for this have been outlined by a number of people.

Going to university is a big decision and is a decision where the individual needs to take ownership. The OP has done her son a disservice by removing the opportunity to explore this himself, and who knows he may have come to some very different decisions had he completed the process himself......