I’ve done the research, drafted the PS - is this normal?

[Weddedtomywashingmachine]

DS in year 12 asked me to help him research universities to apply to as his school was nagging at him to get the ball rolling. He knows what he wants to study and as it is quite niche, that narrowed it down.

I got obsessed with rather into it and have now spent many, many, many hours sifting through unis and drilling down into modules. I’ve given him a VERY detailed paper setting out the pros and cons of each course, of each uni that offers it, accommodation options and costs, travel time, graduate prospects, student satisfaction ratings and the like. I’ve also done a first draft of his personal statement and booked open days for us to go to. DS is very grateful and is looking over the paper over the course of the next few weeks.

When I mentioned this to a friend, she was horrified and said she just left her DS to it. Another friend thinks it’s wonderful and has asked me to help her DD.

Did I do the right thing? Uni is expensive and I want my DS to have the info he needs to make the right choice for him. I emphasise that where he applies to will be up to him but at least he has all the info he needs now without having to ferret around in the interstices of uni websites.

I think it's too much but you know that yourself, you said you got obsessed with it.

I don't really think this is about Uni but about something lacking in your own life. You sound bored and unchallenged, i would focus on addressing that in your own life rather than living vicariously through your son.

Wedded, I get what you were doing with the research on unis and courses. It’s a good way of jump starting the student’s own research. I would have stopped at providing a long list of ten good matches with perhaps a snapshot of different modules but then he needs to drill right down until he has his final five - a mixture of reach, match and safety in line with his level of ambition.

i would not have touched the PS for many reasons, some of which others have already outlined. On top of these I also feel it’s a bit early for him to begin his PS before he’s done work experience or enrichment course related to his subject and done his reading and reflections. That can’t be rushed.

Finally, unis are likely to read the PS more closely this next cycle thanks to quite drastic changes in the references. So don’t rely on the notion that it won’t be read! This was never the case except for some isolated examples - certain courses at certain universities, and always subject to change of policy from one year to another.

Without dropping the issue entirely, maybe you should try and step back a bit now. Ask him to sit down and read through the information you’ve given him, and ask him to decide which unis he is most interested in ( can change this over time if needed ).
The visits on open days etc are a really important part of the process but maybe your DS should go on his own?
All of my DC actually changed degree subject choice as they went through the open day process.
You need to find the right balance between support and encouragement for your DS and him gaining confidence and independence. It’s fine to be involved in what he’s doing and share in it if you’re interested, but you don’t want to take over as that would be bad for DS

Gosh it's a bit sad really. His own mother doesn't think him able to research his own future.

Not exactly confidence-building.

As it appears you have enough time to do in-depth research, write it up and write the PS, you'd surely have had time to let him look and then be around to discuss his findings with you and then maybe go into it further with him?

Yes, involved, educated parents tend to have more academically successful children.

There is being supportive and then there is this level of bizarreness.

does your son really want to go to uni? Mine did and did all the research etc with the help of his guidance teacher at school.

how is he going to cope away at uni if you are micromanaging all this before he has even left school.

I think you need to take a step back and have faith in your sons abilities .

Obviously with support and some assistance from us too but ultimately, if your child wants to go to uni they need to research the course and uni to see what one suits.

Yes, involved, educated parents tend to have more academically successful children.

That doesn't mean doing it for them though....

@shockthemonkey as I posted upthread, DS is going to 10 open days altogether. That’s because I narrowed it down to 10 universities (as you suggest). It’s all his choice from hereon in! You mention drastic changes in the reference - the school reference I assume? Can you expand please as I was not aware of that?

@rollthewindowsdown that’s just nasty and unnecessary. Not to mention untrue. I work full time, have three DC, care for my elderly mum and coach a girl's football team at the weekend! Take a hike.

Thank you all for posting. Some comments have been very helpful. Over and out.

Why aren’t you going to the uni open days? They have specific talks for parents. Would have thought that was better use of your time than writing his PS and choosing which unis he visits. Being a sounding board is good, but doing all the legwork isn’t. It’s great that you have housetrained him but he needs to be able to do independent work too

Most students are accompanied by parents nowadays (not like when I went to university in the olden days when it would have seemed weird)

Touched a nerve

Sorry OP but this is batshit.

You narrowed it down to 10 unis Your poor son!

If he’s not motivated enough to do his own research and make his own choices, perhaps he doesn’t want to go to uni. It seems like you’re the one pushing him, and potentially setting him up to fail.

Unfortunately it sounds like it might be too late to take a step back.

That’s because I narrowed it down to 10 universities

He really needed to have done this himself.
I know you are reluctant to admit that you have overstepped the mark but you really have, and I say that as someone who has spent my entire career working on admissions and supporting young people making career decisions and choosing universities.
Without getting too bogged down in the theory of career decision making you've essentially taken away his opportunity to expand his horizons....if he had been involved in the whole research process he may have come across universities and courses he didn't know existed. That's a really important part of the process.

I'll echo an earlier point about you being better attending open days as they are often aimed at parents as well as students.

Yes, Wedded. The new reference asks teachers not to talk at all about the student, in any way, other than to state whether the student has any extenuating circumstances that have affected - and may continue to affect - their studies.

The new reference provides three spaces. In the first, teachers are asked to talk about the school with strictly no reference made to the student. In the second space they are asked whether there are any extenuating circumstances. Bereavement, serious illness with hospitalisation, accident, mental health issues, ADHD go in here. If no extenuating circs, this space is blank.

Third space is for talking about any accommodations the school has made for the extenuating circumstances - for instance, allowing the student to miss days, giving extra time for school work or in exams, providing materials in a different format etc.

As you will imagine, few students will have anything in section two and fewer still in section three.

Most references will consist of a long spiel about the school, and two blank sections. Referees cannot talk about how the student thinks and learns, nor mention any pertinent skills or awards that the student has achieved...

UCAS advice to students is to think about what would normally have gone into their reference in the old days, and to somehow cram this into their PS. This means that from 2024 entry onwards, if universities want qualitative information about the student that might help them appreciate how they learn and how their minds work, they can only get this from the PS.

The main aim with these new references is to level the playing field between students from schools where they know how to really promote their students, and those in schools where they don't. UCAS achieve this by not allowing schools to promote their students in any way. The changes came about after multiple focus groups with representation from several universities, but I can think of many highly selective universities that won't be thrilled with the new format.

but I can think of many highly selective universities that won't be thrilled with the new format.

Not just highly selective universities........

Isn’t the PS changing as well?

Yep.

Not sure is this link works but the changes are outlined on ucas

www.ucas.com/file/692816/download?token=LueoDrzn

10 open days? Blimey.

If he does not seem motivated to research a degree maybe he might be better off with an apprenticeship. Point him at this page and let him find out www.ucas.com/apprenticeships/degree-apprenticeships

If he lacks motivation then working professionally whilst also doing a degree doesn't sound like a sensible option?

I think the help given by different schools and college's varies enormously, when a school or college ask for the 6th or 7th redraft you have to ask the question how much is the student. Having said that writing it entirely for someone is much the same. In my view its what the student has to go in the statement that makes the difference which is the students own "work" and interests

The PS changes are simply proposals at this point, not ratified, and certainly not for this upcoming cycle, if they are adopted at all.

That is from my webinar with UCAS of 15th February, so pretty hot off the press.

So you wonder how widely UCAS consulted. They dropped just a few names during our webinar, so I have no idea quite how many unis were involved in deciding on the new format.