I’ve done the research, drafted the PS - is this normal?

[Weddedtomywashingmachine]

DS in year 12 asked me to help him research universities to apply to as his school was nagging at him to get the ball rolling. He knows what he wants to study and as it is quite niche, that narrowed it down.

I got obsessed with rather into it and have now spent many, many, many hours sifting through unis and drilling down into modules. I’ve given him a VERY detailed paper setting out the pros and cons of each course, of each uni that offers it, accommodation options and costs, travel time, graduate prospects, student satisfaction ratings and the like. I’ve also done a first draft of his personal statement and booked open days for us to go to. DS is very grateful and is looking over the paper over the course of the next few weeks.

When I mentioned this to a friend, she was horrified and said she just left her DS to it. Another friend thinks it’s wonderful and has asked me to help her DD.

Did I do the right thing? Uni is expensive and I want my DS to have the info he needs to make the right choice for him. I emphasise that where he applies to will be up to him but at least he has all the info he needs now without having to ferret around in the interstices of uni websites.

I do think you have overstepped here but am sure you are not alone. In fact I have had parents expecting to join their offsprings University interviews! Hopefully you will now step back.

”Your kid is now far more likely to end up somewhere he doesn't really like and drop out”

this really is nonsense. We’re been to three open days already and are going to six more. I dropped him at two of the open days and went shopping. Plan to do the same with the others. He said he was one of the few there without parents in tow!

@KikkisCat no plans to attend his interviews! Or stow away in a suitcase! I am not even attending open days - just dropping him. Whereas heaps of parents on here criticising will, I bet, go to open days with their DCs

dd is in her first year and did it all by herself. I was her sounding board and paid for the travel and Airbnb she booked when visiting cities. I really think you’ve done your child a disservice. Encouraging independence is all part of letting them grow up- mistakes are part of that. Was he laid back because he knew you would step in and do it for him? I assume that’s a pattern. Try to not have to be the one in control and give him a chance.

I never attended open days. I would have if dd asked but she was fine to do them herself.

No, you did not do the right thing.

The thought of having to teach young people who've been parented like this makes me look forward to retirement.

I think it depends on the personality of the child, the type of course and the input from the school. Some children like to discuss things through more than others, some courses just essentially go on the basis of grades so doing the PS is useless, some schools give a lot of support, others very little. I would encourage him to rewrite the personal statement himself, and check that it is covering what he needs to cover, although I don't think that you are cheating any more than many other applicants. Maybe suggest a few more unis to consider / research. You have given him a springboard but it has to be his decision.

I know from my experience I would have liked a little more discussion and interest in where I was going and what I was doing. My dc know that I am interested and will do some research, but that is so that I can discuss the choices when they come to me to ask my opinion rather than because I am pushing them in one direction or another.

What a strange approach. I'd say you should go to the open days rather than having done all the stuff you have done. Expecting a student of your son's age to conduct their own research and write their own PS is a basic expectation. They can take their time with it and go at their own pace.

However, an open day can be quite overwhelming in terms of the amount of information that is thrown at you in such a short space of time, and that's when it can be really useful having someone else there.

Totally agree.
Going to an open day would have been far more valuable, in fact universities expect parents to attend so often have specific information and talks aimed at parents.

The initial research should be instigated by the student and the PS should definitely be written by them!

Admissions tutors can spot parental input a mile off as well as those that are professionally written.

”I would encourage him to rewrite the personal statement himself, and check that it is covering what he needs to cover, although I don't think that you are cheating any more than many other applicants. Maybe suggest a few more unis to consider / research. You have given him a springboard but it has to be his decision.”

good advice @Unexpecteddrivinginstructor. Thank you.

“Admissions tutors can spot parental input a mile off as well as those that are professionally written.“

not necessarily. I read a thread on here about that recently. People were posting that their DC’s “friends” (obvs not their own DC - lol!!!) had got in after using freelance writers

I've worked in university admissions for years....

I didn't say it prevented them from getting a place as the PS is only one part of the application process and for some courses it's a very small part.

So you've posted a thread asking the question, "Did I do the right thing?". Most of us have said no, you're way too involved and you need to take a step back. But it's clear from your subsequent posts that you actually do think that you did the right thing and you don't really care what any of the rest of us think. So what was the point of asking?

Lots of courses don't even use the personal statement, so the fact that people have got in after using freelance writers means absolutely nothing. None of my dd's chosen universities used the personal statement as part of the selection process, though one did use it as a starting point for conversation in the interview.

I do appreciate the posts - particularly the constructive ones as to where to go from here. The unadulterated criticism not so much. Particularly when it’s coming from PPs who have DC in private schools who get oodles of help and go to every open day with their DCs. My DS’s school gives zero assistance

He needs to do the research, by doing it he might find something that really sparks his interest, which isn't going to happen with your spreadsheet/bullet point report because what you find interesting is going to be vastly different.

I think what you did is fine. You know your ds, and although you went way further than 'normal', there's nothing wrong with it. It will likely help him to make a good choice - one he will want to stick with - and he will have the information to ask good questions about the courses. He diea now need to follow up and carefully read what you have written.

Lots of dc do not write their own PS to a greater or lesser extent. Handing it to him without any input from him is not a great idea. That skill of knowing what to say about yourself and how to say it is essential in job hunting.

Do you want to go back to uni? You can you know . Dont let ds have all the fun.

Hope you at least teaching him indepedrnt living skilks like cooking laundry cleaning etc

Also, I have worked in private secondaries and you are right - the process is massively spoonfed. Some state schools give great support and some very little at all. You are asking an 18 year old to make a huge financial investment - it's not unreasonable to assist the research.

Gosh, a wee bit OTT. I have a DD currently in the UCAS system. We looked at a few websites together, I drove her to a couple of open days, I proofread her personal statement and helped her put her thoughts into words.

Because it's HER application, not mine.

nded up wasting some UCAS choices (as do many students on The Student Room if you follow their threads

Another massive red flag that Mum is spending her time on the Student Room! Seriously OP, back off. And get a hobby. I recommend cross stitch or baking.

I've only read your comment and I think you'll get loads of comments suggesting that you are being ridiculous and that your ds won't cope with uni as he hasn't done everything himself.

But I did similar for dd1 a few years ago now - we had a really nice time going to the open days, she picked a lovely uni, got a 2.1 and was student rep for three years. Now training as a medic and very independent and happy. So just to say as long as your dc is happy and works with you it's fine!

They can all use Chat gpt now anyway 😀

Pathetic comment.