DH is limiting Y12 DC to universities in the north due to ££££

[BatteredHonda]

DC is in Y12 and wants to apply to KCL, Bristol and Exeter - alongside other unis. DC will qualify for minimum maintenance loan and we are therefore expected to top up/pay the accommodation. We struggle to make ends meet as it is so DH has said DC canNOT apply to southern unis - let alone London ones. He is recommending Leicester, Newcastle, Swansea, Belfast etc instead. DC is furious but I do get where DH coming from. What are your thoughts?

@BatteredHonda
Do not be horrified. That price is ludicrous even for Bristol! You really should not research prices via Mumsnet! Or believe that’s a standard price. Bristol has catered accommodation for way less than that! Look at Stoke Bishop options and Clifton halls run by the university. Lots cheaper and self catering is plentiful. No one sharing a house in subsequent years would pay that either - over £250 a week! However some parents don’t filter what Dc choose or have conversations about money. Have the conversation but aim high for university.

We said no to any London applications for the same reason. DC understands completely.

DD is the south east (not London), her first year is halls costs similar to friends who are in cheaper northern cities- about £6.5k. The difference is next year DD is still paying similar and her friends rent will reduce.

We pay for accommodation and DD has the minimum loan for living expenses. That seems to be the same set up most of her friends have.

I think your DH is being very controlling.

your son is an adult. You can speak to him about debt, how choices now can affect what happens when you’re older. Etc

But you cannot stop him going where he wants to go!!

tell him what you’ll give him for living costs then spend an evening looking at shared uni accommodation in different cities. Show him the price difference.

then let him decide.

he is an adult now… sorry.

Oh shut it. I'm trying to say there's unis up north that are just as prestigious. Having a majority international student body is an issue, especially if this is a child that'll already be financially stretched coming down to London. Mixing with international students isn't a problem, until their social life is way out of touch with yours and you're lonely and broke in halls.

As someone who used to work in careers at a uni, his workshy attitude isn’t going to do him any favours when he graduates. If he is leaving uni with a basic degree and no work experience he is going to be miles behind his peers that out the graft in.

He also needs to understand that you won’t be funding his partying etc so if he’s struggling to even make accommodation work he’s in for a shock.

DS can go anywhere he wants, as he’s not doing a STEM or medical degree, there’s zero reason that he can’t get a part time job and fund himself, like a lot do.

Definitely look into accommodation costs at all the places he is interested in. I’m not convinced all northern uni cities will be less than all southern ones.

Also factor in travel costs back home, especially if they are likely to want to come home regularly.

He needs to look at the best places for his course, then the costs rather than just cheap places. He could easily work whilst there and still have time for sport and socialising.

@TizerorFizz the Bristol price I cited, isn't typical, but it is what was allocated (son applied on first day accommodation opened, already had his grades so firm offer). Issue is that in a situation where there is a major shortage, 200+ first years in his year are commuting in from Newport Wales, students have to take what they can find. Which pushes unfortunates into the hands of the £13K accommodation. All his choices were the cheap ones, but unfortunately, so too were they the choices of everyone else.

He has just found accommodation for his second year, with friends, £690/month excl bills. Again they are conscious it is too expensive, but this was the first one they had viewed where the agency got back to them. It is wild in Bristol accommdation, and we're only in February.

I think it is a reasonable suggestion. I better solution might be to sit down with DH and work out how much financial support you can offer your DC. Then once that is agreed sit down with DC and explain to them. Look at the different options and explain that if they choose a place with expensive accommodation they will need to work much more in paid work to help to pay for that.

Exactly what I was going to say. You can only top up what you can afford, and your DC should know that and factor that into their choice, but that doesn't mean that you get to decide where they go surely, it's their future, not yours.

I'd personally encourage wherever possible students to apply for the course that interests them the most, not the budget. Most students will be taking advantage of the graduate tax, sorry student loan system, and most courses will allow at least some opportunity for part-time work.

FWIW, A more realistic rate for a shared flat in Bristol is ~ £160-180p.w. which is still the best part of 10k a year, but 13k is significantly overpaying. Our eldest is there.

Why can’t your ds work? Dd is at Bristol doing a stem degree but works still for me evening a week. Worked through sixth form too as most of her friends did.

Doesn’t work for me!

And many of these 'cheap' universities are crap too! Let him go to the best Uni for whatever he's studying and help him find a part-time job.

I am assuming the reason the dh is trying to stop the child applying for Unis is because, the child won’t be able to afford it.

Then either they can’t go to Uni (as they only applied to one’s they can’t afford to attend) or the Op and her husband will end up in huge amounts of debt to subsidise the child going to Uni.

i would guess the dh knows the Op would want to give to the child rather than say ‘well get a job’

I’d advise sitting down with DS and looking at the cost of first year accommodation in his choices (and for other universities that have good History courses). It’s over ten years since my children went to university but at the time Sheffield was substantially cheaper than Birmingham for a similar standard of accommodation. For the second and third years the cost of private accommodation was comparable.

Just sit him down and tell him the bare facts. His sport may have to take a back seat for a while so he can earn some money to put by to help him with living costs. That or he will not be able to have the sort of life many of his peers will have at uni. Big decisions he'll have to make and live with the consequences.

DS goes next year. Luckily we can afford to finance his studies but he's working every weekend when he comes home from school as he's a weekly boarder. He earns about £500 a month and puts £400 away. He won't need it, he doesn't know this and we want him to keep it as a deposit for a house after Uni but we felt it very important to install a good work ethic in him from a young age and an understanding that his choices now will have an impact on his future life experience.

Just be clear how much you will provide and make sure they know they will need to make up the difference if they want accomodation/ spends above the amount. I would strongly recommend topping up to full rather than saying you will pay the accommodation and they live off their loan - that doesn't motivate the DC to choose wisely.

We top up to full maintenance loan. DS chose catered, en suite accomodation knowing it took up almost all his £9.5k. Absolutely loves it, no regrets that he has about £40pw spends. It's his choice.

I'm slightly amused by your list of Universities in "the North" as my DC is in Leicester and we consider it the Deep South. 😂
But I don't think your DH is unreasonable to consider cost of living amongst the many factors in choosing a University. It does need to be weighed against the quality of the course etc it's true, but there are lots of very good Universities in different parts of the country and it's perfectly sensible to look into those in more affordable places. Realistically, the financial aspects are not at the forefront of the typical 17 year old's mind when they are considering courses and they sometimes need a bit of encouragement to think through the practicalities of their choices.
I'm sure we would all like our children to be able to choose the very best course for them but sometimes that isn't practical and you have to compromise. There is of course the option of the student working to make up the shortfall, but again, that is going to depend on whether they can practically manage to earn enough without impacting on their studies or indeed their quality of life. Is it really better to be at your "dream" University but having to work all hours behind a bar or in a takeaway to fund it, compared to being at a "good" University and being under less financial pressure so that you can actually enjoy the experience more?
I probably wouldn't forbid applications to any University but I would make it clear to your DS what the maximum financial contribution you will be making is, and how many hours a week he would need to do, probably in a minimum wage job, to make up the difference. Encouraging him to get a job in McDonald's or something now might concentrate his mind somewhat. Does he want to go to an expensive University in the South and spend a lot of his spare time cooking burgers, or go somewhere more affordable and be able to play his sports etc? Realistically, that sounds like the choice he has to make.

It's worth mentioning that some but not all universities offer "first come, first served" on accommodation choices. This is great for people who know where they want to go, make their firm choice early, and are confident of the grades. (Of course then people complain about that system too, you can't have it both ways.)

We top-up DD's minimum loan to maximum, plus one return train ticket per term. She has managed fine in her first year, although next year's rent will be pricier; she's currently in the very cheapest room that the uni offered. She's at ARU's Cambridge campus (and, yes, although the uni as a whole has a so-so reputation, it punches well above its weight for certain specialised vocational degrees and she is incredibly happy there).

Some Northern cities/unis are shockingly expensive; Durham springs to mind!

Your dh is right to share with your dc that he won't be able to afford to live there.

However, your ds is right that it needs to be his choice.

What you (as in all 3 of you) need to do is sit and look at all the options. Your ds can look at anyone of 100s of Universities that are going to be cheaper that the ones he has chosen, and then decide if he would rather do that (go somewhere more affordable) or rather take a gap year to work to earn the extra money he will need to live in the places with the most expensive cost of living.
Plus, very likely work during term time once there, and during the holidays when back at home. As many, many students do. Rather like many 6th form students do too.

He has all sorts of options - he just needs to understand that money isn't unlimited.

Remember not to just look at halls. Look at the cost of renting shared houses in Yrs 2 and 3 too.

We told DS we couldn't afford London and he decided nowhere south of London as the travel would be a hassle. He is at Durham where his first year s/c accom is about £6600. The property market has gone mad and he will be paying £10000 next year for 52 weeks in a flat that was the cheapest on the letting agents books. We couldn't have predicted that and he's going to have to get a decent summer job.

DB hired a new graduate a year or so ago who had managed to hold down a full time job in John Lewis for a year while studying for a humanities degree. Your DH needs to let your DS make the decision just ensuring he has his eyes wide open.

Private rents are going through roof in some uni cities as there have been accom shortages in recent years and landlord mortgages no doubt going up too. Ds says he’s glad to be leaving this year as some student houses have seen £40 week per room increase between this year and next year with no improvement in facilities. Bills also up. I’m not sure any list is going to reflect how quickly things are changing on the ground. Look at student room forum and Facebook accom pages to see how things were last year eg Manchester ran out of accom and bribed first years to live in nearby towns.

a colleague persuaded her offspring not to go to university more than 4 hours away.
think about the travelling home,
i would be very uncertain and worried if mine had gone to the other end of the country

My DS is not as work shy as you all seem to think! He works hard at competitive sports - rows for good club plus swims and plays cricket, both at county level. That training takes up most of his free time - and will realistically continue at uni. He will be too knackered to hold down a job too.