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Higher education

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Original poster

DS wants to drop out of Oxford - and it's largely my fault

606 replies

Distressedstudent · 09/02/2023 20:33

My DS is a fresher at Oxford and not enjoying it one bit - the intensive work load, the lack of contact hours, the general 'nerdiness' of it. He had wanted to go to York but, as he was predicted (and got) 4 x A star, we urged him to apply to Oxford (where we went - he had no intention of applying) and then, when he got his offer, to firm it. He very reluctantly agreed after talking to his teachers who said he'd be nuts to turn down Oxford, even though his heart was set on York.

He sees his friends from school having a blast at other universities whereas he has his nose to the grind at Oxford. He is now planning to see his Director of Studies and to see if York will take him from September (to read the same humanities course). He is not interested in my advice as DH and I 'got it wrong' and gave him 'duff advice' (his words).

I am not sure if I am up to replying to anyone kind enough to offer their thoughts because I feel so miserable/disappointed/guilty on his behalf.

OP posts:
AnonyMenOhPee · 04/06/2023 21:54

BeverlyHa · 04/06/2023 10:14

You should let him go wherever he wants at his age.

You should check the date to make sure you aren’t commenting on an old thread.

Madeintheshade · 04/06/2023 22:05

LeapingCat · 09/02/2023 21:50

York is fantastic. But the students are fairly similar to Oxford (ie yeah, nerdy. It’s not Manchester) and there will be fewer contact hours than Oxford. Less work though, if that’s really the problem.

I hope he gets some good advice from somewhere. He’s missed the application deadline for standard entry, is he thinking of transferring into second year? I think that’s a bad plan. York students live in in first year and then out in second year. He’ll find it harder to get to know people when they’re all living in student houses.

It doesn’t sound like there’s much you can say to influence him, but you could be supportive and ask questions that prompt him to think things through more.

It’s a good point. If he wants fun as well as decent Uni name then York wouldn’t be the obvious choice. Leeds, Brum, Manchester, Sheffield, Bristol, Liverpool all deliver both in spades.

Madeintheshade · 04/06/2023 22:14

TizerorFizz · 14/02/2023 00:13

@ClimbingRoseBush
Private schools don’t give you extra brains. And northern comps are not all bad. Liz Truss fell into that particular hole. No one buys it. Just admit you are clever without rubbishing others.

It’s kind of hilaire though when you meet someone from an expensive private school and they don’t know something quite basic.

TizerorFizz · 04/06/2023 22:28

@Madeintheshade Most of us have gaps in knowledge and learning. I find it hilarious when poorly educated people have not bothered to find out something basic! Just avoid judging people - that’s an important part of basic good manners.

WoolacombeWomble · 04/06/2023 22:36

@TizerorFizz so you admit you are lacking basic good manners if you admit find it hilarious when poorly educated people have not bothered to find out something basic. Talk about nonsensical posts...

Nily4567 · 09/06/2023 16:05

We are parents, we do the wrong thing for the right reason (in my case frequently)

I’d I had my time again I’d have followed my heart and did what I wanted with my life, not what others thought was best for me.

He got fantastic grades, he was lived away from home - I reckon they are great indicators that he is mature enough to make the right choice for him

good luck 🤞

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