Oxford/Cambridge - current students support/chat thread 2022 - cont

[Panicmode1]

@petitebleu - so sorry to hear about your DS. I hope that some time out over Christmas may help to give him some space and time to think about his next steps.

Sorry but I had to laugh at this! It was the image of the wolf lurking at the bottom waiting for its meal to deliver itself into its eager jaws! 😁 I actually had to google "are there wolves in France" because I didn't realise there were. You live and learn.

CJB wolves are scary, especially with no back up. Respect to your DD. I was about ten years older than her when I was walking a toddler DD1 and pushing a tiny weeny DD2 in a pram and a coyote appeared from nowhere (we were living in the Mojave Desert) and snapped at my heels for at least quarter of a mile. I was panicking hugely inside, not feeling cool at all! Congrats on fully funded masters - exciting.

HewasH20 DD4 says she is almost certain that she was in D carriage. If you do actually happen to find yourself on that line in that area of the train it really would be incredibly interesting to hear if you see anything dodgy. Obviously you can't intervene. but any observations would be fab.

pantjog I reapplied to St Anthony today, just in case he was in a listening mood.

JulesJules that's very bad about the counselling and not great about missing items either.

* ...She was stuck on the mountain alone, it was almost dark and there was a wolf at the bottom. We were unsurprised.* ...

The way you recount that scary episode has got to win a prize for parental sangfroid!

@CinnamonJellyBeans congratulations to your DD on the Masters course offer.

Nothing much to report from me. DD has been really busy supervising, working in the lab, dancing, rowing & giving blood. We exchange the odd text or WhatsApp but that's it. She is dead keen to come away with us at Easter, but I'm not sure about going as I will have 25 EPQs to mark and another 80 to moderate...

I have some bookings for D. I will report back from my super sleuthing.

Perfect :)

...as for the wolf, we were kind of scared, but I was too busy googling "wolves val thorens", as the sheer novelty of seeing a real wolf was so exciting!. Her friends were texting her numbers to call and none of them worked. We also tried to contact her hotel in Val Thorens using their website and that number didn't work either. It took a while for her to get through to the right people. Anyone considering the varsity ski trip should put an emergency number in their phone before they ski. She is so rubbish at normal stuff, that my husband and I will plan and talk her through in advance, but we could not have predicted this, especially as I thought she'd spend the whole time on the nursery slopes. I did give her the "don't ski tired, you'll break something" advice, when I realised she was skiing long after everyone else had finished, but she insisted she didn't feel tired at all and nothing was hurting. I think she was also trying to get her money's worth.

@CinnamonJellyBeans Well she certainly got her money’s worth! This will be a story that will go down in family (and Mumsnet) history. I was also unaware of French wolves so she has taught me something.
I love the way some extremely academic people can be supremely impractical. One of mine is the same and provides much hilarity.

I'm so glad I didn't know there were wolves in VT whilst they were at Varsity - I was worrying about DS skiing alone (because he went with a group who were vastly differing in skill levels, so he ended up doing a bit alone - tho he didn't tell me that until afterwards...); I would have really worried if I'd known he could have been eaten by a wolf too 😂. So glad she got home safely @CinnamonJellyBeans - great story for her to tell!

@CinnamonJellyBeans I hope your DD can write an article about her experience with the wolf one day and she'll certainly have the best story to tell about her Varsity ski trip! Great news about her fully funded Master.

@JulesJules , what an appalling time your DD has had with the counselling service. It's also very upsetting that she's had some of her stuff go missing. How are things going for her now?

@SchrodingersKitty remembering the background challenges your DS (and you) have had, I'm really sorry to hear that your DS had such an overwhelming amount of work across the vac. and into his term too. I hope he's keeping on top of things but also finding some time to do activities for pleasure.

@goodbyestranger I keep checking back on the thread to see if your DDs suitcase and contents miraculously turned up but clearly not. I haven't given up hope and you never know, if may yet just be found dumped somewhere, even if the money's not with all her other possessions. I hope she's coped with the start of term nevertheless and I think you'd said up thread that she's also been applying for graduate related things too.

DD2 (O) has had a massive amount of day long or several hour long interviews to do for his career goal - many trips to London and lots of early starts. He's happy that he's progressed to interview stage but he's realistic about the competition which seems mostly to be post-grads and beyond. Thankfully, he's on top of this term's work which for him is easier than any other term - just a thesis. He's enjoying doing this as light relief from career-related applications.

DS1 (C), by contrast, has a really heavy term with 3 different supervisions/ topics, a dissertation to do, compulsory seminars and compulsory lectures. In between, he's also been busy with career-related applications but no luck yet getting to the interview stage. However, he remains happy and enjoys seeing his friends and singing in choir.

I hope others are having good terms and managing not to let work take over everything else. It'd be good to hear your news.

Thank you again mutterphore. I think the only thing that DD really cares about is getting her notes back - the money and clothes have been mentally written off. The police say that they've ruled out all stations except Birmingham International and Leamington Spa but nothing abandoned and found - so far.

You may not be inclined to say but I'd be interested to know what paths your respective DSs want to tread. Very best to them both. Things have a habit of working out on the career front I think.

Ds is seriously struggling with one topic. He stated off saying 'I'm not doing enough' in a very broad way, but breaking it down it's discrete maths he has hit a wall with. I can't even understand the Wikipedia page about it... I've sent him some brownies and encouraged him to talk to his supervision partners and the supervisor. Can't help worrying.

Sorry @PermanentTemporary for your DS, DD is in 1st year and has also found a module last term a challenge. (Maths though not comp Sci). In the end she spoke to some others on her course and found not alone, confidence to talk to supervisor. You've def encouraged him on the right direction, try not to worry

Thanks @mutterphore she's given up on the counselling for now. Her stuff did turn up though, her scout said that whoever was in the room in the vac had thrown it out into the corridor (Taken it out from the under bed box!) the scout had found it and kept it in her locked cleaning cupboard until D1's return. So that was a relief.

@JulesJules That's great news that your DD stuff has reappeared - Scouts can be brilliant.

@Genegenieee so glad talking to Supervisor helped. You can very much be left floating so brilliant your DD has found support from peers and their supervisor on discrete maths - what sounds like an impossibly challenging topic - I don't even have the confidence to google it!

My DC1 has had mixed experiences seeking support from his Tutors (O). One is awful - just tells DC to do more work and get a calendar but another this year has been brilliant and given DC1 clear guidance on "how" to study.

It is such a different way of working at Uni and O/C require the combination of intensity & regular output alongside limited guidance / timetabled hours. If you have Executive Disfunction like my DC1 it is a huge challenge. But he is learning such good skills for life so that is a big plus....DC1 is now 2nd Term 2nd Year and now seems to be finding his way. This term has tutorials with 3rd years for one of his options and he says they are v clever!

And in the world outside the ivory towers DC2 still much enjoying life in Marseille - passed their C1 French exam which hopefully will set them up well for O in October. They were so chuffed the other night - chatting at a party and someone expressed an interest in learning English; DD offered to assist . The French person asked DC2 if they knew English well. Over the moon to be mistaken for a French person. Wolves of a different sort in the streets of Marseille but she seems to be keeping safe so far..

I am still hoping for a miracle for @goodbyestranger's DD's notes and I'm glad your DD's possessions turned up @JulesJules. DS had the opposite problem at the start of term in that he found someone else's books and bedding in his room.
It's a very busy term academically for DS. I have learnt not to enquire too closely re progress as his approach to work is very different to mine and he tends to get distracted by endless extra curriculars. Fortunately he has accepted a job offer for September so there are no more job applications to complete.

Thanks ofteninaspin - a miracle would be great.

JulesJules what a cheek the temporary resident had. Good that your DD was re-united with her things - well done the scout.

Hello. DS has an offer for Sept at ChCh Oxford so lurking....

Can I ask how you handle or observe from other local parents reactions. It's been a bit weird here with one particular family whose son didn't get an interview and it's rather spoiling my enjoyment of their company.
I'm nervous about DS heading out the door to uni but ultimately know he'll be fine. My friend seems intent in highlighting all the bad bits, she did a lot of research last summer whilst we thought it was such a long shot we're still processing and googling.

It's all so pretty on Instagram! We didn't even go to the open day but have an offer holders day coming up. Any good ideas - my 'friend' has made it sound like a tourist, traffic choked hell hole.

As far as other people go, I'd just say let time pass and avoid talking about it. Everything will calm down as offers from other unis come in and the kids make their own plans. It can be raw in these early days and people are allowed to be a bit disorientated as things swing around.

Ds and I went to the C offer holders day and it was very good. We just went for the day. We had an appointment to tour the college with students so did that, then I let him pick where to go for lunch and he chose a familiar chain place which I think helped him feel a bit calmer, then went home. My advice would be - one step at a time. The offer holders day was just to help him understand a bit more of what the college offered and what he was taking on. No need for more at that stage.

Ignore your "friend's" sour grapes. Just say something nice about wherever their kid gets offers. My DD is over a year past graduation now, living and working in the Cambridge area and still loves it - her problem is housing costs but that isn't an issue for undergrads.

My perception is that tourism hasn't fully rebounded post covid. Traffic doesn't seem much worse to me than any other city. Parking can be a pain - one option is to stay on the outskirts and just get an Uber into town. Or maybe go by train and stay near one of the stations. But parking is also not an issue for undergrads as they can't have cars there anyway. The central part is very walkable.

Agree with advice above to avoid talking about it with disappointed friends. When DD applied to Oxford, three of her friends applied too. Of the four, three received offers which made it understandably very difficult for the one who was rejected. DD and the other offer holders kept their offers low key but it did affect the friendship group. In the end, DD and one friend went to Oxford and the other two went elsewhere. All four have flourished at university and happily the friendships have recovered. The parents are back on normal friendly terms too. Stuff gets digested over time and put into perspective.

Neither of my DC's colleges had official offer holder open days but both had in person interviews so perhaps they are a more recent thing at some colleges with the online interview format.

@WeatherWizard - I think just give it time. Their son will hopefully find success and happiness somewhere else which will help.

DS continues to be a minimalist with his approach to communication with us during term time, but seems to be enjoying the experimental work. We're hoping to see him for a brief visit in a couple of weeks.

@WeatherWizard Agree with all of the advice. DS's best friend was the only one in a group of 10 who didn't get an Oxbridge offer - when he was the one all of us had pegged as 'most likely to' from about Y7. His parents both went to C and his brother to O and his sister to C, so there was some pressure. We are very good friends with his parents too, so it was tricky, but once everyone got their offers, they all settled down and he's very very happily studying at another very prestigious uni and having a ball - has FAR more time than DS and the rest of his friends to do lots of fun stuff.

DS's college didn't have an offer holders day - he went up to C with a group of friends who all had offers and they mooched about and visited 'their' colleges, and chatted to the porters and any students that were around, but other than that there was nothing official until the day of departure - and the info imparted by DS to us at that point was VERY limited!

To be fair 'tourist and traffic hell hole' isn't entirely inaccurate about O 😁but it's not how I'd describe it. It's a great place to live and I'm sure it is to study too. It's not a big city though, at all.