Oxford/Cambridge - current students support/chat thread 2022 - cont

[Panicmode1]

@petitebleu - so sorry to hear about your DS. I hope that some time out over Christmas may help to give him some space and time to think about his next steps.

I'm really sorry too petitebleu. Best of luck to your DS.

Very sorry @petitebleu.

Best wishes Petitebleu.

Mutterphore 2 per week is standard for PPE. DD also had to throw a stats and econ worksheet into the weekly mix in her first year as well.

I must admit that I think it is tough having her entire degree assessed through 8 exams next summer, but thinking back, I had only had 15% of my own degree based on my second year exams, so perhaps it's not that different.

@Panicmode1 thank you for starting a new thread. DS is coming home this weekend.

Thank you all. He's very happy to be home. I'm not sure which way this will go at all, given that he's talking about the work he needs to get done over the break. He had a very positive meeting with his DoS this morning and was told he has had a good term academically. Knowing him, that will have made a big difference.

I suppose he needs a bit of time to decompress and think about whether he really does want to start again. In the meantime, it's just wonderful to have him here.

Oh, @petitebleu you sound like you are approaching the situation really well. Calm and reasoned and without judgement, fully supportive in allowing him to come to his own decision without rushing anything. I have read lots of accounts of students who nearly dropped out after their first term but when they reflected over the Christmas vacation they realised that they had actually achieved a lot in just those first few weeks of the academic year and started to learn how to manage their time better and prioritise etc. Once they realised they can deal with the level of work, and the workload, and CAN get through a term, even if they have some struggles at times, it starts to give them confidence they can do it, and they find the rest of the year much easier. I'm sure that's not the case for all students and some must be satisfied that they made the right decision in leaving, but everyone's situation is so unique so it's only the student who can decided, ultimately.

I've got a daft trivial question. I've got a long drive to collect DS from Cambridge tomorrow, and back again. We have to empty his room. He can leave some things in a cupboard but most stuff he will bring home.

He didn't take his own duvet, he just used the one that was there. Does he just leave that there on the bed? He's not supposed to take that away or anything? Think I'm feeling a bit "yeuch" at the thought of someone else staying in his room and using the same duvet, leaving it smelly or something!

The items that came with the room need to be left in the room when the student vacates it. In DS's case this includes mattress topper, duvet, pillows, desk fan.

@petitebleu that sounds positive. If it is any help, ds hated his first term (complicated by the pandemic, he started in 2020) ended up not going back but studying at home for the remainder of 1st year and was then pretty negative about going back for 2nd year. He was helped by enjoying the academic work. I made frequent quick trips up for coffee/lunch to make sure things were OK and he did start to enjoy himself eventually.
Some students manage to throw themselves into university life, others like my ds take a lot longer. I'm sure when your ds has had some breathing space he will make a decision that is right for him.

@petitebleu I'm so sorry to read that your DS has struggled. However, as others have said, I admire the calm way in which you are dealing with it. A good report from his DoS is excellent news.

When DD came home after her first term, she met up with lots of school friends at a school prize giving event. Of course, they chatted about what they had been studying, especially those who had been in her Physics & Chemistry groups. DD was stunned to realise how much more she had covered in her shorter term than people studying eg Chemistry at a RG university, plus DD was also doing other subjects as part of her NatSci course. That sort of information might give your DS a much needed boost.

@CurlyhairedAssassin I would imagine the duvets and mattress toppers get laundered before being used by paying guests. DD's college never provided them so we always locked hers in her cupboard as she has a double bed at home.

Thank you for the new thread @Panicmode1.

Ds being at home has soothed a small nervous ache I didn't know was there. Just lovely to be watching the footie with him in our jimjams. He's mostly slept so far, at least when he's not eating extraordinary amounts.

We collected DS1 yesterday and enjoyed a carol service in the college chapel with him singing in the choir and also doing a reading. We have had an email from his tutor saying that he has had a positive term, unfortunate that he hasn't been able to hand in all essays but it is not the be all and end all! So now for a christmas where we try to have a nice calm time. |Yeah right!

I'm glad that your DS is doing so well in terms of mood in particular Cliff1975. But I'm absolutely astonished that a tutor has emailed you directly Is this the norm now, that if a parent has concerns the tutors will email parents direct, with a termly report? I do see the need for a parent to be able to flag up concerns and for those concerns to be investigated if there are serious mental health implications, but this seems a step or three on from that. Perhaps this is just a single tutor acting on his own initiative but it is just extraordinary.

DD4 told me last week that she and a few friends are going to Marrakesh to recover from the toils of the term. So a couple more days in Oxford then off to the sun.

DS1 (C) and DS2 (O) are both now happily back at home and it's lovely to have them both here again. They've had really enjoyable terms and we're all having a good time catching up on news with each other.

@Cliff1975 trust your DS1's tutor that he's doing fine, even if not able to hand in all essays. They wouldn't say this if they had major and continuing concerns. Hope you can all relax and recuperate over the vacation.

@petitebleu glad your DS is already relaxing at home and hopefully he can rejuvenate across the holidays.

Best wishes for restorative breaks all round and especially to @petitebleu and @Cliff1975.

@PermanentTemporary , ditto DS' sleep and food consumption. Term ended with the college winter ball which DS and the rest of the ball committee have been organising for eight months. DS is planning on a catch up of his academic work now that is over.

A few days in Marrakesh sounds like an excellent idea @goodbyestranger. DS and his friends had a week there to "recuperate" after the toils of their summer internships.

Is there any sun in the Cairngorms this week? If not, I don't think DD read the memo on the need for restorative sunshine.

I’m really surprised by that as well. As I said on the previous thread, DD has been diagnosed with, and is suffering from, a significant progressive condition affecting both physical and mental state.

I do not get, and do not expect, any info from any of the (many) academic and pastoral staff involved, any more than I expect information from her NHS medical staff. I do coach her on how to liaise with/get help from all the above as needed (supporting getting emergency medical assistance and treatment, most recently), but I would absolutely not expect any if them to give me information or accept information from me directly. She’s an adult?

We're west of the Cairngorms H20 but it was a lovely clear day today, no wind and is even now clear as a whistle with a big bright full moon.

We're west of the Cairngorms H20 but it was a lovely clear day today, no wind and is even now clear as a whistle with a big bright full moon.

😎

@ofteninaspin my DD reported that the college winter ball was excellent and she had a great time. She's not home until 20th. She's taking the time she would normally spend with her supervisees (if that's a word) to push ahead with her research. I can't wait to see her as I think the last time I saw her was late August when we went to a football match together.

We and he have had ongoing support and contact from his pastoral type tutor from college since he had problems in first year. She is very much there for him and only contacts us with his permission.

Ah, the lucky people who have them back already. DS went on the Varsity skiing trip in Val Thorens so we don't get the bronzed demi-god (getting carried away again - he will probably just be rather grubby and a bit whiffy after a night on a coach) back until Saturday. Have fun all.

Thanks to this thread, when ds mentioned his supervisor reports I didn't say they don't exist... Apparently they've been better than he feared.

@Clemenc0 - DS has been sending reports of his top speed achieved on runs 😮