Logistics of dropping freshers off

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Help me settle a debate. I had assumed that when DS1 moves into halls on 1st October, we would just drive him down there at his halls with all his stuff (about a 4 hour drive) and we (DH and I and DS2) would stay over a night in a hotel to break up the day a bit, while DS1 got on with settling in and meeting people etc. In my head my plan was to facetime DS1 next morning to ask if he wants to meet for a quick coffee or for us to pick anything up for him before we head back home. I am fully expecting him to say that no, he is too busy, and that will be absolutely fine, and we'll drive home and that will be that.

DH, however, has this grand plan to drive down on Friday night (bearing in mind I'm in work all day. He can work from home or take leave. I can't). And stay the night in a hotel, all 4 of us. I asked him does he expect to just leave all his stuff in the car overnight. I just think it's stressful and pointless doing it that way. We would be having to eat our evening meal on the way anyway rather than in his uni city. So we'd literally be just paying for a hotel to sleep in (and risking the car getting broken into, or having to drag it all into the hotel for the night!)

He came up with that idea after I'd told him that his first idea was a bit of a non starter (to drive down on the Saturday, settle him into his room, then invite him back out for a "last family meal" together somewhere later on). He never went to uni and doesn't seem to understand the "form", so to speak, and doesn't realise that he will just be busy and needs to settle in when we've dropped him off, not letting new friends down by saying he needs to meet mummy and daddy for tea.

In my head, we will have a nice family meal at home on the Friday, head down on Saturday, and drop him off and that will be probably be that till he comes home at the end of term. I am right, aren't I?

Dd only got her room number on Friday while on holiday by which time there were no slots left for Saturday next week. I teach so no flexibility with time off and her university is a good 5 hours away so she'll need to phone up and try to sort it on Monday.

With dds 1 and 2 (Bristol and Newcastle) we dropped off, helped load then went off to our hotel - I believe we took dd1 to Sainsbury's then came home and with dd2 we met her for lunch then left.

We are planning the same with dd3. Her bro and his girlfried plus dd's boyfriend will come here for dinner on Friday night then we'll head off on Saturday.

Oldest is 28 now. Will be weird not having any children at home after so long!

Do ypu have big car? To fit four people plus everything ? Or will you pick up things like duvet pillows etc there?

DS didn’t want us to hang around helping him unpack. It was “thanks for helping carry my stuff in, bye!”

He was all excited to start independent living. Harder on the parents (yes, I cried on the way home) but good for them to feel confident.

We dropped DS off went for a walk to let him settle in then took him out for dinner. Also took three randoms that he had picked up in the time we were walking and ended up paying for all of them of course. Chancers the lot of them!

Dropped and ran with both DS1 and DS2. We were coming from France so we had flights to catch and only the weekend as I was a teacher and so couldn't take time off. Better for them in the long run but I found it hard.

@Andromachehadabadday
Thank you, that’s so sweet that you’ve thought about my DS 🥰 And in all honesty everyone is going to turn up eventually, I guess.

Glad your DD’s flat is filling up. They’ll be living the ‘new normal’ before long. At least you are quite close if she fancies a trip home or a meet up with mum - because you’re missing her, NOT because she’s a bit homesick 😉

Yes I can imagine that will be her line. 😂

When I went to uni, my parents dropped me off with my stuff and said “we don’t want to get in your way, have fun meeting people!” And took themselves off for a posh meal out.

My accomodation was empty cos all the other teens were off at posh restaurants with their families. I sat in an empty building feeling pretty lonely and miserable while everyone else had a fab time. Dinner was bread and cheese after a trip to corner shop.

So whatever you do, please don’t do that.

Hi, how is your son getting on?

@Andromachehadabadday
Hello 👋
So far so good, thanks.
He’s been out on both Sunday and Monday nights! I think it’s safe to say that he’s ok.
How about your DD…?

@Saynotothefishtank
That’s not a nice way to start Uni. You poor thing 😞

Ah that’s great to hear.

She is fine. She said she felt a bit homesick on the first night, but has been ok since.

She is coming home this weekend, to see a friend off to Uni. So she will catch me up properly then

We had a specific 1hr timeslot for our parking space at halls to drop off, and student volunteers were there to help carry stuff upstairs. Then I had to leave for the next car's timeslot.
A doorstop to keep her door ajar so DS could chat to his flatmates and i left him with a large icebreaker banana cake to help with introductions and they all settled in pretty well.
idrove to the nearest coffee shop on the way back to the motorway for a sob and a latte!

@Andromachehadabadday
Sounds as tho she’s doing well. And she can share her experiences with her friend, and feel all knowledgeable and wise. Have a lovely time with her this weekend x

We have a one hour slot, dd is arguing with me saying I have to leave after a hour but I think I can just move the car and then help her sort her room?

My plan was to help her unpack half her things if not all (she has disabilities so can’t do it alone), have a spot of lunch with dd and do a supermarket trip, drop her back off and then leave. Dd thinks I won’t be allowed to do this? I have heard most parents doing similar.

That's more or less our plan@Lovemusic33
I've understood the "slot" to refer to the time we're allowed to park at the hall. We've got 11 -12 so after we've unloaded we're planning to move the car to a public carpark and go out for lunch with DS before we leave for home. I don't think anyone will be stopping us going back into his room afterwards - they're allowed visitors after all - they just don't want chaos on the roads with loads of parents all trying to park inntge dame place at the same time. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Just found out that Ds has booked an 8am moving in slot 😮

If his flatmates have moved in the day before I can’t imaging they will appreciate noise first thing after being out late!

@Decorhate big sympathy! We have it all to do again this year because DD is in halls for a second year due to disability, she's booked an 11 am slot for us but we're a massive long drive away so will still have to get up at 3am. At least I know the way now!

@pointythings I had assumed Ds would be moving in on Saturday so at least we have a hotel booked for that night so don’t have to get up at stupid o’clock to get there for 8 on Sunday. I will probably spend the whole night worrying about the car getting broken into though…

@Decorhate I did consider doing that last year, but DD has autism so can't share a room (also I snore like a monster) and it would be really expensive. So road trip it is. It's about 6 hours on the way out, 7 on the way back because more traffic. Frequent stops and lots of snacks, plus Dominos at home.

The joy this year is that we're only moving in her stuff, not her - she's off to South Africa on Sunday for field work. Then the following week I get to pick her up at 5.30 am from the airport to finally take her down, so I get to do the whole run twice in two weeks.

But light at the end of the tunnel: the plan for Christmas is that she goes up by train to Reading (where both her siblings are) and then I pick them all up from there, which is only a smidge over 2 hours. (Asking her to do the Tube in a wheelchair by herself would be too much).

@pointythings You deserve a medal for that! I’m going to encourage the use of storage in the summer to minimise trips

@Decorhate we actually have most her stuff in storage down there. But she doesn't drive, so still needs me to get it from storage to halls.
I actually don't mind any more, it's quite a scenic drive for about half of it and she's good company. It's the best uni for her course and she absolutely loves it down there.